1-8. Home Again
000
I've seen the horror, I've seen the wonders
Happening just in front of my eyes
Will I ever, will I never free myself
By making it right?
I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul
I'd turn it back, it's my fault
Your destiny is forlorn
Have to live till it's undone
Within Temptation - Jillian
000
She'd continued to try to recreate the result that had her so optimistic that first day for longer than she'd cared to admit before determining that it had just been a fluke reaction, through it was much harder to accept that instead of a huge breakthrough happening, she'd spent nearly three months finding absolutely nothing. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but one that she'd have to get used to. Finding nothing was how most of the time spent in this career field. She understood that being a scientist would mean that there would be failures and dry spells, and even though this didn't make any kind of sense to her, she eventually just accepted it. Win a little, lose a lot.
She'd instead focused on the effects long-term exposure the Jenova cells had to Mako. This didn't require a whole lot of daily time; she would look at them every day and notate the differences, which had never been drastic or dramatic. It was insignificant, for everyone already knew that there were long-term Mako effects... at least in human cells. The Jenova cells still had no reaction with the human cells when combined together in any fashion.
She'd kept busy anyway, for the most part. She'd explored the library and tried to learn as much as she could about the ancients. A closer look at the organized slides helped her familiarize herself with the differences and similarities of each specimen. There were some in there that she'd never even heard of, and certainly didn't learn in AP Cellular Biology.
She'd gone through most of the books in the library very quickly, which ended up working out. She hadn't actually needed to kill that much time.
A week ago, they had gotten a summons to a Midgar for a mandatory conference, followed by an exclusive Shinra formal. Lucrecia and Hojo actually agreed on the first thing since their arrival, and that was that the entire thing would likely be pretentious, superfluous, and an otherwise huge waste of time. At least it was the company's own time they were squandering. The traveling part alone would waste a day there and back, but not as brilliantly as the actual project had. It had a special knack for wasting vast amounts of time.
Gast would come to her with a binder full reports he'd readied, and she would have to convince Shinra that her findings were making any kind of progress. Gast was actually quite good at that part. He explained it was easy to get them lost in scientific terms that the board doesn't bother looking further into, or to even comprehend. She gathered he would throw some fancy words at them and they would grant an extension that half of herself wished they would just deny. Gast had still been unreasonably optimistic for someone who spent almost zero time actually studying the cells.
The slowness, despite her small tasks here and there still gave her too much time to think. Lately, thinking was never, ever a good thing.
What if they got back to Midgar and Vincent had a special someone waiting for him, and he'd lied to her this whole time? She'd heard about things like that happening to people who had military lovers. Vincent is not your lover... But he could be someone else's. Maybe she would get the wrong idea about Lucrecia and Vincent. She would tell Vincent's lover that they were just friends and they're relationship was strictly professional, but was it really? Could her heart stand to see Vincent love another woman?
No.
"What's wrong?" His voice behind her made her jump. She hadn't heard him come in.
She shook her head. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong. Just working."
His brows furrowed. "That's not your working face."
"I might be a little tired."
"Understandable..." He placed his hands on her shoulders and squeezed. She was grateful for the contact, as she was every time he touched her even in the slightest way, because his touch always sent tingles of electricity down her entire body. While he was behind her, she leaned back to rest her head against his abdomen. She looked up and gave him an upside-down smile.
It had only been three months since the project started, but it had felt like forever. She felt like she'd known Vincent for so much longer, and not only because time would stop completely when he wasn't around. It wasn't even a strange feeling going from preferring her own company to needing his, it just felt normal. Nothing has ever felt more right to her.
Nevermind, I do want the extension. I have to make this project last forever. I don't ever want to be without him.
As for the project... It was easy not to worry too much about putting the project on pause. It wasn't as if they were on some huge success streak and stopping would have jinxed something. It would be easy to pick up right where they had left off, which was effectively nowhere.
000
The airship ride was a little less than six hours. Vincent and Lucrecia spent most of the time on the top balcony enjoying the views together. They'd past over the Gold Saucer and the mountains of Corel, and the endless ocean that was between the two continents. The day was beautiful, and the airship had provided a pleasant breeze. When they were tired of looking down at the water, they laid on the wooden deck and watched the clouds, talking and giggling. It was nice to not have to worry about Cetras or Jenovas or the project. It wasn't exactly the farthest thing from her mind, but there was something much closer that kept the frustrating things mostly at bay.
It was an airship ride she'd never wanted to end, so naturally it ended way too quickly. She'd have been happy with staying on that deck for forever during the flight, though when she'd seen the first sign of the metal plate that was Midgar, she'd felt suddenly excited to see Sille for the first time in three months. She'd been interested in finding out how she was doing on her own, though it was very strange to think of her as grown up and living on her own now.
Upon their arrival, Gast and Hojo went into the Shinra Headquarters, but there was still a couple hours before the conference started. Vincent had borrowed one of the slick black cars for the trip back to her house in Sector 5. She'd never been inside of a vehicle before, and the ride was exciting. It would be the shiniest thing that the slums had ever seen during her residence there, and though it was prideful, it was still exhilarating.
"It's this one, right here." The car stopped in front of her shabby white house and she got out almost before it was finished moving. She ran up the familiar pathway to the porch and swung the door open. Lucille was there, her eyes widening in excitement upon seeing her big sister. Sille ran into Lucrecia's arms and they tightened lovingly around her.
After the sisters exchanged their high-pitched greetings, the screen door opened. Lucrecia crossed the room and grabbed Vincent's arm. "Sille, this is Vincent. Vincent... this is my baby sister, Lucille."
Vincent nodded to the young girl. "Lucille, it's a pleasure. I've heard so much about you."
Sille squealed and shook his head. "Nice to meet you too, Vince!" Lucrecia winced at the nickname, but Vincent didn't seem to mind it. He just gave the young girl a warm smile. Sille's smile grew, and she elbowed Lucrecia in the rib. "Wow Cresh, your 'friend' sure is cute!"
She glared at her younger sibling.
"Cresh?" Vincent inquired, smiling.
She was grateful he decided to ignore that second part. "Uh, yeah... When she was little, she couldn't say my name very well. It sort of stuck."
Vincent chuckled. "I like it."
Sille was still smiling hugely. "So, Vincent... do you have any single friends?"
Lucrecia's eyes went wide and she gave a sarcastic laugh. "Absolutely not happening, Silly-Sille."
The younger just shrugged. "Worth a shot."
Vincent turned to her, taking both of her hands in his, with a smile that melted her heart. "I hope you'll excuse me, I have some business to attend to. I will see you after the meeting. At the formal. I'm looking forward to it. I will send someone back to pick you up for the meeting. Please enjoy your time with your lovely sister." He released one hand to capture the other with both of his. He brought it up to his lips and kissed it tenderly before turning back to Sille. "It was truly a pleasure meeting you." The handsome Turk turned to leave.
She watched him go. He climbed into the black car gave her another smile as he drove off. She rubbed the spot on her hand where he had kissed and the black car disappeared into the distance. A hand waved in front of her face and she eyed it back to its source. Sille was giggling. "Your 'friend' is nice. I hope you invite your 'friend' over much more often."
Lucrecia's brow furrowed in confusion at her young sibling. "What's the matter with you? His name is Vincent. Why do you keep saying 'friend'?"
"Because maybe I'm waiting for you to correct me!" Sille exclaimed loudly, as if it should have been obvious.
Lucrecia sighed. "It's not like that."
Sille's jaw dropped. "What do you mean?! That doesn't seem like just a friendship. You are so gone in love with that man! I can tell. Not that I can blame you. He's way intense." Sille idly ran her hands through her own long golden hair. It was the same shade as their mother's had been. Lucrecia had always admired it, and maybe even been a bit jealous.
She ignored the observation. "Are... you sure you don't want to go to the formal with me?" Please come. Please come... I need you to be there.
The teenager scoffed, still projecting her playful grin. "I would rather eat night crawlers than hang out with a bunch of suits and Shinra flunkies."
Lucrecia frowned. "Hey now, that's not nice."
Sille giggled. "You know I didn't mean you."
But it does fit me so perfectly well, doesn't it? If the shoe fits...
She decided to let the comment go, afraid that if she were to let her mind tread there again, the obsession would rear its ugly head and send her mind spiraling back to the project frustration. There was absolutely no coming back from that. Now is not the time for obsessing. She pouted at her sister. "Please go. Please, please go with me. Please. Don't make me beg; it won't be pretty."
"Yeah, answer is still no. Besides. I'm letting you wear my favorite dress. Everyone else's dresses are probably from that scrubby shop in the Wall Market, but you're going to shine like a star. Maybe you'll even be able to get your pretty Turk alone."
Her head swam with the notion. She'd been alone with Vincent plenty of times before, but there was something about being alone with him with him while dressed so formally made her chest tight heart skip.
She felt the heat on her face, and hoped the blush didn't show enough for Sille to notice. "For the last time, he's not my Turk. He's just... my friend."
She mentally protested the 'just'. Not used to having real friends, the 'just a friend' was so morbidly underrated. He was actually her best and only friend, and the only person in the world she felt like she could completely be herself around and still be accepted. Surely, that was something to her, at least.
"I can't believe you're going to friend-zone a guy like that."
Lucrecia's brow furrowed. "Going to what?"
Sille smiled. "Well, if he's single and you're not interested... I wonder if he's into blondes."
Her eyes turned to ice and her teeth gritted together. It was clear that Sille was just trying to prove her point, but that scenario wasn't even okay hypothetically. "I will kill you so very slowly."
Sille grinned. "Yeah, that's what I thought."
She relaxed slightly. "Alright, so I'm crazy about him. Happy? It doesn't change anything."
Sille's jaw dropped at her older sister in disbelief. "Were we not in the same room just now? I hope one day, a guy looks at me that way."
Lucrecia blushed harder. "I don't know what you're talking about; that's just the way he normally looks at me."
Sille grinned wider. "I'll just bet it is."
Lucrecia let out an exasperated sigh. "Vincent wouldn't want a boring person like me... even if we were in a different universe on a different planet in a different era and I was a different person, I just don't have the time to be thinking about anyone that way what with the project and all. And, he's my best friend... I can't ruin that. I lov- I... need it too much."
Sille's smirk was starting to get on her nerves. "You were about to say you love him too much. You love him too much to love him. Does that make sense to you?"
Yes, it actually did. She loved him too much, and the power that love had over her was intimidating. No one should ever hold this kind of influence over another person. He could break her with almost no effort if he ever wanted to. She never wanted to give him a reason to want to. Maybe it really didn't make sense, but it didn't matter. In that defense, there were plenty of things that made sense to just her and no one else. She was fine with that.
"I don't need any more grief about this, okay?"
Sille sighed. "You're the smartest person I know, but sometimes you're so stupid."
000
The auditorium was humongous. It looked like an airplane hangar with many, many different balconies of audience. She'd counted six stacked, but some of the stacked balconies had balconies of their own. It seemed almost like there was no ceiling and the entire room was a double-mirror trick and the balconies were infinite. Only there was a ceiling... it was just dizzying to spot it.
It was amazing how many people actually worked for Shinra, Inc. She hadn't tried to figure out the number before, but she never would have guessed this high. It was amazing, and a little frightening. The auditorium seemed huge when she'd first entered into the half-empty room, but now it seemed to just barely fit all the people even with some having to sit in the aisles and some standing in the back. So many employees... a company this large could easily take over the Planet.
Is that not what they're trying to do, in a grand sense?
The scientists ended up standing near the wall on the ground floor. Gast was to speak on behalf of the science department, so they'd stood close to allow him easy access when his turn came. They were also relatively close to the ground floor exit, which made her feel significantly less agoraphobic.
While the president spoke, Lucrecia let her mind wander. What did Sille mean earlier? Had Vincent really looked at her in a special way? Sometimes she would catch him looking at her when she was working, but to figure the look held any significance would have likely been wishful thinking on her part.
Vincent was nothing short of amazing, and amazing people didn't end up with dull, boring scientists. It was just a very simple fact.
She wrung her hands anxiously. She missed him so much already, and he hardly left her a full hour ago. She scanned the crowd, able to see a few groups of Turks here and there, including the one that had drove her back to the building, but she couldn't find Vincent anywhere.
The President, after a few more bouts of applause from the audience, called Professor Gast to the stage. Gast begun to introduce himself and share some of his past work along with his enthusiasm for his most recent discovery, but also being careful to not mention too much about the current project.
As if there were anything worth mentioning, really.
She listened to her mentor give his amazing speech, and found herself admiring how charismatic she never really noticed he was. He made the audience laugh and react the way the President hadn't, and no one in the room seemed bored to have to listen to his science lingual. Well... No one who wasn't Hojo, anyway.
He stood beside her, leaning against the wall with a scowl plastered on his face. Hojo grumbled under his breath while Gast spoke. "They're all just eating it up like the fools that they are. I've never seen such massively synchronized incompetence."
Lucrecia sighed. "Can you stifle this confusing adversative spite you have for five minutes while he's talking? You'll get your turn one day, I'm sure."
One very, very hypothetical day.
He turned to her in a huff. "You were expecting me to be jealous?"
Lucrecia chuckled once. "Oh no. I knew you'd be jealous. What I expected was for you to be less obvious about showing it."
Hojo glared at her poisonously, and she rolled her eyes. This constant feud was juvenile and she knew it, but Hojo brought out a very bratty side of her. She resented him for it. Attempting to ignore him and regain focus of Gast's speech was difficult. It made her annoyed with herself that she couldn't just let this childish nonsense go. Hojo cleared his throat beside her and muttered low. "At least I am among the individuals that belong here. Most people earned their way here through their efforts and sweat."
She gritted her teeth and sighed. "Alrighty then. As always, it was interesting talking to you." She turned to move away from him, but the space was already overcrowded as it was, and there wasn't much room to get away from him quickly enough.
"Not so fast, Doctor Crescent. I've noticed something rather interesting I would like to share with you."
She turned back around, stuck. "I'm bored enough, I guess. Please, enlighten me."
Hojo smirked. "Mandatory Shinra meeting; everyone is here. They've even spared no expense transporting the humble scientists back for this specific occasion. You'll notice that the SOLDIER MPs are lined up in the crowd down there, the Turks the second row down, but the Turks assigned to our 'protection' are nowhere to be found?"
She frowned. Where was he getting at? "Yeah, so?"
Hojo shrugged. "I'm glad to see that this isn't concerning for you."
"So they're... probably outside or something. Why are you acting like this?"
"No reason. At least they know for certain where we are." The tall scientist shrugged. "That one you've been spending the majority of your hours with?"
"What about him?" She felt herself getting defensive, and she wasn't even sure why.
"Grimoire's son, yes?"
She paled, for those several seconds she could feel the blood leaving her face. "So he is..." It was almost a fact that she'd completely forgotten. How in the world she could have forgotten something so horrible was astonishing. Forgetting was unforgivable. Letting Vincent believe anything other than that she was his father's murderer in a sense was just evil.
Not forgetting. Ignoring.
Her vision tunneled and Hojo's voice around her was just distant deep humming. Her stomach turned violently. She didn't hear the words he was speaking now, but she saw that his lips were moving and she didn't have to hear him to know what he was saying. The humming slowly died and all she heard for a time was her own thudding pulse. How could she forget this? How did she let herself fall in love with the son of the man whose death was on her hands? Her breath came in shallow heaves.
It was several minutes before she was able to speak again. Her own voice sounded foreign and heavy with unadulterated remorse. "How did you know about that?"
Hojo smiled, absolutely noticing the effect the subject was having on her and completely satisfied with himself. "Such a forgiving young fool."
She tried her best to dismiss the comment and made another effort to pay attention, but it was a darkness that loomed over her for the majority of Gast's speech. A voice behind them caused them both to turn around, and breaking her from her guilty trance. "Professor Hojo. May I have a moment, please? The President is finishing up this presentation, and then he would like to have a word with you." The man's eyes were oddly on Lucrecia while he spoke, giving her a strange look that would have made her think he was talking about her if she hadn't heard everything he'd just said. Something about that look made Lucrecia deeply uncomfortable.
Hojo just nodded and followed the man out of the auditorium.
The coldness of the man's eyes stayed with her, even over her lurking guilt that was still very much present. She dismissed the lingering strangeness by figuring that it likely wasn't personal; most of the time when strangers were put off by her, it had to do with either her age or her gender, or both. Being a young female in this business meant constantly being underestimated in no small amounts. It was something that would take a little getting used to.
Lucrecia tried to focus on the rest of Gast's presentation, but her mind had other plans. The one thing she'd managed to fend off for months has resurfaced with a certain vengeance.
Amazing men never love the people who murder their parents, and they especially don't end up with the people who kill their parents and then hide it from them for months. Vincent would never want to be my friend if he knew the truth.
I should tell him. I should tell him that his father is no longer around because of me. He deserves to know. It's inexcusable that I've let it go for this long.
But why did I even let it go?
Because I need him. I need him to not hate me, because I can't stand to be away from him...
Selfish. Tell him.
A few minutes later, Gast returned and the people in the audience around where he was standing were congratulating him and patting him on the back. Lucrecia had given her own congratulations, and he gave her a smile and a wink. She turned her face back toward the stage. As each minute ticked the meeting away, she grew increasingly more anxious about the reception.
Not all of the employees were invited to the formal part; there was hardly space for them in the biggest room in the world. They'd be in trouble if they all started dancing, and adding alcohol would be a horrendous ridicule. Instead, they'd invited the board and department members, and whoever they decided was relevant and worthy at the time.
When the crowd was dismissed, she had the advantage of being one of the first out. She'd for certain be standing in the isle every single meeting she decided, for it probably took nearly an hour to get everyone evacuated. It gave her more time to spend with her sister before the party started that evening. It'll probably take extra long to make this mess look good anyway.
000
"You should tell him you like him, or I just might have to do it for you," Sille squealed while finishing her sister's hair. Her sister had ridden the train up to the Shinra Building so that Lucrecia wouldn't have to bother trying to travel in formal wear. It was very thoughtful. Sille prepared her sister for the big party in a hotel room that the president had rented for the duration of her stay.
Sille had endless patience. If Lucrecia were doing her own hair, it would have ended up in a messy bun or possibly even chopped off if she'd gotten frustrated enough. Sille would never forgive her for cutting it... It was impossible to put it all up, so instead she'd settled with a half-ponytail and curls down her back. Pins with rhinestones kept a sweep of her hair out of her face and held it off to the side. Lucrecia normally protested anything in her hair that wasn't a single band, but she was too anxious and distracted to complain.
"You'll do no such thing," she said in a monotone.
"I don't see what the big deal is. The worst thing he could say is 'no'."
That's the worst thing?
"He's Doctor Valentine's son..." Lucrecia stares at herself in the mirror. Sille had done her make-up, and if she'd given her sister complete control, she figured she wouldn't have recognized herself. The applications she did allow were tasteful and modest.
Sille was stricken silent, which had to have been a first for her. The lack of a retort told her that even Sille understood the complication. After several seconds, Lucrecia just heard, "oh."
Thank you again for reading! Reviews and criticism appreciated.
