CHAPTER NINE: Disappearance
Note: I was in a bit of a rush and didn't proofread this. I apologize in advance for incoherency! On the flip side, this is the second to last chapter. The last chapter is being worked on right at this moment.
Thank you, all, for sticking with me if you are still reading this! (And welcome, if you're a new reader!)
I would like to point out I uploaded two chapters at once, so please be careful to read chapter eight as well!
"Sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I blew up and I shouldn't have," he said.
"But you're not going to confront your father," I said, not afraid to put it in words as I held up the torn photo pieces.
"Never," he replied.
"Then I can't accept your apology," I said, spinning around and leaving him in the dust.
The house was quiet and empty.
This is what I wanted, wasn't it? Peace and quiet? Sanctuary? But I found no comfort in the silence of the cold house. My mom was out. Ms. Akiyama was at work. Ryo had disappeared this morning and hadn't come back.
Even with my socks on, the tiled floor felt freezing.
I poured myself out a bowl of cereal. The pattering of the small cereal flakes sounded loud, echoing in the kitchen. I clanked the spoon against the bowl, just for the sake of sound.
My muscles were sore from working yesterday. I stretched them out, listening to the crackle of my bones as I did. Breakfast slid on. The bowl of cereal seemed to be endless. I just kept on eating spoonful after spoonful as I listened to the slow ticking of the clock.
Absence was a scary thing.
Being along was a scary thing.
I washed my bowl. I let the water splash all over, making a big mess. I mopped it up, watching my fingers turn wrinkly under the running water. I ran around the house, thumping loudly as I went. I opened and closed doors. I kicked baskets and walls. I turned on the radio up high.
This is what I wanted, wasn't it?
This way I would win the bet.
I would win…
But it didn't feel like a victory at all.
…
Juri stormed in a little after lunch.
"Why didn't you answer my phone calls!" she exclaimed when I answered the door. I gave a shrug as I sat down on the living room couch.
"You want some tea?"
"No, I do not want tea Ruki Makino!" she snapped, sitting down across from me. "I want to know why you're being so depressed… over a guy no less."
"I am not…" I began, but Juri cut me off.
"Takato saw Ryo today. He looked pretty bad too," she said, playing the guilt card. And it worked.
I looked down at my socks. "Not my fault," I said, refusing to admit it.
"You two make me want to bang my head against a wall repeatedly," Juri mumbled under her breath. "C'mon!" she said, tugging at my arm. "Let's go hang out. Girls day out. I'll call up Alice. You need to get out of the house."
"I'm fine," I said.
"I know you better than that," Juri nagged. "You are not fine. If I left you here now, I wouldn't be a very good friend would I? Whom do you take me for?"
I couldn't help but break into a smile.
…
Three stores, thirty-two dresses, and six pairs of shoes later, Juri skipped down the street – arms laden with purchases. Alice looked pretty happy with her own bags, though not nearly as excessive as Juri's.
Juri pouted at me.
"I don't understand how you can buy so little."
"I practice practicality," I said, not bothering to tone down my sarcasm. "I don't buy things I don't need."
"So says the girl who bought only a bag of jellybeans," Alice criticized as I chomped down on another one.
"Jellybeans are a necessity."
"Clothes are too!" Juri protested. "Would you rather I go around naked?"
"Your choice," I said, shrugging. Alice laughed as Juri started whining about how little I cared about her.
I remembered this street we were on. If we kept walking down, we'd run into Mika's café.
"You guys want to get something to eat?" I asked.
"You're already eating."
"But you haven't," I pointed out. We rounded the corner, and I saw Mika's café coming into sight.
"Oh, this is the place that catered for us!" Juri said excitedly. "I really liked their cakes. They were really tasty."
"Okay, sure. Let's go in," Alice said with a bit of reluctance.
I reached my hand out to pull out the door, then paused. Every single muscle in my body froze, and I felt my feet anchor to the ground. I couldn't move.
Through the glass, I saw Mika smiling happily as she chatted with someone.
Ryo.
He smiled his trademark smile as he replied to something he said. The two of them laughed, like a picture perfect couple.
I dropped my bag of jellybeans.
"Ruki?" I heard Juri ask. Right at that moment, Ryo and Mika turned to face me. Ryo and I locked eyes for a brief moment. I narrowed my eyes and looked away.
"I'm not hungry anymore," I said.
…
"I don't understand," Juri said, shaking her head. We had returned to my house now.
"Mika told me that she was going to ask Ryo out. I guess they're an item now," I said, giving a nonchalant shrug.
"But… you love him. You know you do," Alice said.
I laughed bitterly. Please? Love wasn't in my vocabulary. I was above such frivolous feelings… wasn't I?
"You have to fight for him," Juri said, deciding for me. "You have to."
I was about to argue – to tell her that I couldn't possibly love. That someone like me couldn't love, that I didn't deserve to love or be loved. It was impossible. Unlikely. But I swallowed my retorts back, as if I didn't have the courage to voice them.
Me? Being afraid of speaking my mind?
Imagine that.
I was stronger than that. Or at least, I used to be… what happened to that girl? Could ten days really change somebody? The answer sounded somewhere in the back of my mind, but I refused to listen to it.
"Can you guys go?" I said, my voice sounding harsher than I intended. "I really and truly need to be alone. To think."
"I don't think that's a good idea…" Juri said.
"Got it," Alice interrupted, looping her arm around Juri's to drag her out the door for me.
"Thanks," I said, trying to make it sound as genuine as I possibly could.
"We're having another tamers gathering in a few of days. You'll come, right?"
I nodded.
…
I did my homework. Or at least, I tried to do my homework. Every time I got the slightest bit distracted, the image of Mika and Ryo laughing with each other came to mind. I cursed at myself as my pencil snapped again.
A day had passed since then. I hadn't seen Ryo at all, except for when I heard the door open and close last night… but even then, I wondered if I imagined the sound because I'd wanted to hear it.
I wondered if I also imagined him creeping through the door and stroking my hair.
This time I accidentally bored a hole into my paper. More images of Mika and Ryo together flashed through my mind.
I will not fall apart. I commanded myself.
The phone rang at that moment.
I got up from my desk and crossed my room, out to the kitchen to answer it.
"Hello?"
"Hi Ruki sweetie," Mom's voice echoed over the speaker. "Miss Akiyama and I are busy and we won't be able to come home. You'll be okay with Ryo?"
Like I had a choice.
"Yeah," I replied distractedly. "But he isn't home."
There was a pause.
"He told his mother he was going home an hour ago," Mom said cautiously. "Can you check if…"
The phone slipped from my hands, dangling off the table top. The only thing that kept it from crashing to the floor was the cord. I spun towards Ryo's room and pushed open the door – half expecting to see his lazing figure on his bed.
But, of course, he wasn't there.
Only his unmade bed.
Something didn't feel right about this.
I walked in further into the room, glancing around. I still couldn't figure out what was off...
It didn't come into place until I reached the closet.
It was half empty, clothes thrown around everywhere. A good chunk of his clothes seemed missing, and there were open suitcases strewn around. He had been packing to go somewhere. Or he had packed. He was long gone by now. I immediately began racking through his shelves, searching for something…
I remembered seeing it whenever I cleaned his room the other day. I was frantic in my search, overturning every single document and feeling my heart sink when I didn't find the right one. I was getting paper cuts in my rush, to which I ignored.
Finally, I went through the last shelf and concluded it was gone.
The letter from his father.
…
Miss Akiyama was surprisingly calm with the situation.
"I knew that he would cave in," she told me whenever I reported the news to her over the phone moments later. "I wanted to. The boy needs to see his father and get some answers."
"Answers?"
"Haven't you ever wondered?" she asked me. "About your own dad. Why he left? Things of that nature…"
It was true. I had thought of those once upon a time, but I put it way past me. I didn't need to know, but it wasn't like I could anyway. My old man was long gone. I couldn't demand answers from a corpse.
But Ryo had been so adamant in not wanting to see his father. What brought about this sudden change?
An unsettling feeling pulsed through me. I didn't like this new outcome. I couldn't just sit and wait for him to return, all the while wondering how he was doing.
"Miss Akiyama?" I questioned. "Where does your ex-husband live?"
…
Tokyo. I was headed to Tokyo.
All I had with me was a backpack full of essentials. I watched the buildings outside the window as I rode the taxi. I consulted the map once more, making sure I knew the route. I'd gone through it so many times before I had it memorized, but I still felt the need to be cautious.
Technically, the address indicated that Ryo's dad lived in the outskirts of town. I would have to be careful. Outskirts usually meant dangerous and gang-ridden. Oh joy.
The taxi came to a sudden stop. I slammed into the seat in front of me.
"Hey!" I began.
"I don't go any farther than here," the driver said, cutting me off. He pulled out an open palm towards me. I slapped some money into his greedy hands and got out. He zoomed away, not feeling guilty about leaving a young girl in the middle of nowhere.
Well. He didn't notice that I didn't tip him.
If I was right, I had to head down straight this road.
So I began walking.
…and walking…
…and walking…
I slid a hand over my forehead, wiping off my sweat. The hot sun was high in the sky today, beating down on me. I contemplated on stopping by an inn, but realized that there were none around here. Ahead of me there was nothing but forest.
I ventured forward. Even if there were an inn, they probably wouldn't let me in.
The gravel road transformed into a dirt path. I glanced around. None of my surroundings seemed to correspond with the map and the direction I had had memorized.
Oh god.
Was I lost?
…
My cell phone was out of service.
I was tempted to throw the thing at a nearby tree, but forced myself to be calm and put it back in my pocket instead. I breathed in and out to control my frustration. I had to stay clear-headed. I'd gotten into worse situations before. If I could get out of those, I could get out of this one.
In this case, it was simple. I just had to backtrack.
I turned a 180 and went straight back from the way I came…
But which way did I come from?
Well, great.
Okay. Plan number 2. Every wild forest has an end. If I kept walking straight, I would reach it. I tried not to think of pessimistic things like – it may be a while before I reached that end.
I decided to turn back in the direction I was going and walked straight on.
I wondered when it was that I had become so impulsive, because it was an impulse that led me here on a wild goose chase to find Ryo. Wasn't I the rational one? Maybe I wasn't nearly as smart and calculative as Jenrya, but I wasn't flighty like Takato. I knew that acting on your emotions could lead to bad decisions. That's why I didn't let myself have emotions, because they led you to do stupid things.
But here I was, acting on a feeling…
A feeling of…
Of…
I lost my footing. I felt the ground disappear behind me as I tumbled down, down, down. I inhaled sharply in my tumult. There was nothing under to hold me steady. Panic flooded my veins.
I closed my eyes, ready for impact…
And then it came.
I landed, landed hard on my back. I groaned, testing out my limbs to see if I could move them. Okay. It didn't seem like I'd injured anything. I gingerly sat up and opened my eyes.
All I could see was darkness.
