Hello, fanfiction world. I don't really know what to put right now...ohhh, I'm soooo tired... Don't mind me-just read and enjoy.


The next morning was the lowest of the low for me. I woke up before dawn and couldn't go back to sleep even if I wanted to. My arms, hands, and even fingers burned. Even the thought of moving my arms hurt tremendously. When I finally made it out of bed after dawn broke, I discovered why. Looking in the mirror gave me a better angle than what I could see normally, and what I saw terrified me.

The bruising went deep. The dark, dark purple handprints were much defined with no extra bruising in between the healthy and damaged skin. With my sleeves down, the bruises almost blended perfectly (mind you, I'm wearing a black shirt in case you forgot), making my sleeves look about an inch and a half longer. I couldn't even touch it with out sending a jolt of pain up and down my arm and back again. I stared at the terrified girl in the mirror, trembling. He nearly broke my arms because I opened my big mouth. My fear dissipated. Why did I care so much? It was his choice-his life. What right did I have to stop him? I didn't even know him.

Really… I thought, leaning on the dresser top and looking in the mirror. …He already thinks I'm crazy and he hates me…I scrunched my eyebrows in anger at myself and pounded my fist on the dresser, driving spikes into my arm. "Why do I CARE?"

The door opened and Sanji poked his head in. "Janeen, you're awake." He came all the way in and closed the door after him. "I thought I heard something. It's just after dawn."

"I know…" I murmured, looking down at the dresser. "Sanji, I-"

"Up!" Sanji put up a hand to stop me. "If this is about yesterday, I understand."

My heart and arms throbbed. "You…do?" He knew what Zoro did?

"Yep. I've had time to think about what you said to me, but…I have to disagree with you."

My arms relaxed, but my heart didn't. In fact, it beat harder. I stared at him in the mirror. "What…do you mean? What did I say?"

He paused then took a step forward, his hands in his pockets. "If you don't remember, I'd rather not say it."

"Tell me," I said imperatively but quietly.

I saw him pause again in the mirror and then shake his head and pull out his box of cigarettes and put one in his mouth. "Just that you thought I didn't-don't-care about you." He put the box back in his pocket and lit the one in his mouth. I watched him take a long drag and let it back out slowly. He looked at my reflection and smiled. "It wasn't what I was trying to get from you but at least I got something."

I knew that that wasn't all I said by the way he said that but something distracted me. My eyes widened at the red mark on his face and I whipped around. I gently put one hand under his chin and the other behind his ear to look at his cheek better. "Oh…Sanji…I'm so sorry!" I kissed his cheek and he melted happily. I was about to hug him but paused and looked at him, puzzled. "What do you mean, "trying to get from me"? You knew I was…?"

He nodded with a pleased sigh and pulled my hands down (ignoring my flinching away from his own) and held them in his hands, rubbing the backs of them with his thumbs lovingly. "I saw you wave good-bye to Gin." He kissed them and looked at me, speaking softly. "Janeen…you can't stay here forever. Now's your chance to get out there and find yourself again…See the world…"

I broke away and turned back around, crossing my arms. "I don't want to go…"

Sanji reached for my shoulder. "Janeen…"

I jerked away, still not looking at him.

He dropped his arm and sighed, a stream of smoke shooting out his mouth. "Come on, I'll make us some breakfast."

"I…" My hands gripped my arms just below the bruising. "…I'll be down in a bit…I need to…wash my hair…"

He thought for a second and he brightened. I knew what he was going to suggest before he even opened his mouth.

"And no, I don't need help."

"Oh." His face fell and he slipped a hand into his pocket, going out. "Breakfast will be waiting for you in the kitchen."

I waited until he was gone before giving the mirror a tiny smile. It was just like Sanji to break tension between us with some sort of flirtatious wise crack like that. He would get over rejection like he always did. I sighed, the smile gone, and looked at myself in the mirror again. Sad blue-gray eyes…circles developing under them from lack of sleep and the nightmares when I did sleep…arms held defensively, hiding the bruises that not even Sanji saw…or did he? Why didn't he say anything if he did? That probably meant that he didn't see them…But…what about what he said? What I said? I didn't think he cared? He did, though, and still does…but he's pushing me away…Yeah, sure, to find myself again…What if I like it here? ...What if…

I stopped. I was at the top of the staircase, outside my door, with a comb in hand. I looked at the comb sadly. "What if I don't want to know what I was?" I whispered, looking up at the sun which was just above the horizon and fast rising.

I continued my descent and went in the back door of the restaurant. It was this little hallway with the door to the dining hall on the other end and a door on either side-the ladies' room on the left and the men's room on the right. I went in the girls' side and went into the back room, locking it behind me. I looked at the bathtub. Finally…some time to myself.

The bath was as enjoyable as one could have it with cold water. It wasn't that we didn't have hot water because we did. It was more for alone time and washing my hair than warm relaxation. During that time, my mind strayed to thoughts of my former life. What was I? Being on a ship in the middle of nowhere right before it gets smashed to bits by a storm kind of limits the possibilities: tourist, traveler, Navy personnel…captured pirate…I didn't like the sound of the last one, but I couldn't rule it out. It was a possibility. I let the water drain out when I was done, dried off with a towel from the stack in the corner, and got ready for work. I didn't feel like doing anything special with my hair, so after I combed it, I just used my scrunchie for a low ponytail and left it. I put the towel in the hamper next to the stack of clean ones, put the comb in my pocket, made sure my sleeves were covering as much of the bruising as possible, and I went out. Sanji was just dishing out food when I made it in the kitchen.

Sanji's face brightened. "Right on time! Breakfast is done! Feeling better?"

"Umm…" I crossed my arms loosely, going over to him. "Mostly…" My mind was still befuddled, but I was feeling better.

"That's better than 'not at all'," Sanji smiled, holding out a fork for me.

I took it with a small nod and looked at the plate he pushed in front of me: two fried eggs and buttered shrimp over rice. Sanji poured two glasses of wine and placed one in front of me. I raised an eyebrow.

"Wine with breakfast?"

"Have anything better?" Sanji asked, taking a gulp of his with a smile. "Besides, it's good for you."

I rolled my eyes. "In moderation."

"It is in moderation: one with each meal."

I just shook my head with a small smile. It's called "tea," I thought, digging into my eggs.

The door bursting open nearly made me choke. It was Luffy with this blank, mechanical look on his face.

"I smell food."

Sanji didn't even welcome him. "What do you want?" he asked flatly.

Luffy came up to us. "I'm hungry. And I smell food." He eyed my plate. "Meat."

I looked between him and my plate. I pointed at my food, looking at him. "Shrimp."

Luffy shook his head. "Meat," he said again.

After an awkward silence of Luffy and me staring at each other, Sanji sighed. "Be right back," he told me with a gentle touch on my shoulder.

Luffy and I watched him go back outside and disappear from view. Once gone, Luffy looked back at me, and I, to avoid looking at him, ate in silence, staring at my plate. I could see him out of the corner of my eye, watching every bite. I just tried to ignore him.

"You've got funny marks on your arms."

"Hm?" I looked at him, swallowing some wine. "What are you talking about?"

He pointed. "Right there." He leaned closer to me. "It's on your other a—"

I batted his hand away, holding my arm defensively. Luffy just looked at me with that blank look of his.

"I…I don't like being touched…" I said quietly, excusing my strange behavior. My hand didn't let go of my arm even though I felt both of them shaking. I had been ignoring the burning sensation in my arms this whole time, but now that he brought it up, the pain intensified dramatically.

Luffy didn't say anything. He touched the top of his hat, looking down, and letting me eat the rest of my breakfast in silence. My hand shook slightly as I ate and I saw Luffy's eyes watching it from under the brim of his hat. Neither of us said anything when Sanji came back in with a small box. It wasn't until I was done and washing my plate when Luffy spoke again.

"What happened to you?"

I glanced over my shoulder. He was right behind me again, watching me with stony eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said, turning back to the sink.

He grabbed my arm roughly and whipped me around. I let out a shriek as millions of daggers embedded themselves over and over again in my arm. I dropped my plate on the floor, shattering it, and struggled with his fingers in a futile attempt to pry them off.

"What the hell?" Sanji exclaimed, leaving the sizzling meat running over.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Luffy said, still holding onto my arm. There was bitterness and anger in his eyes and, even though not as powerful as Zoro's emotions, it was still hard to look away. "Who did this to you?"

"S-stop!" I pleaded, tearing my eyes away and tugging helplessly at his grip. "Luffy, please!"

He finally let go and I fell back a few steps before regaining my balance, leaning against the countertop and holding my arm. The pain didn't die, in fact, whenever I even moved a finger of either hand, the pain spiked incredibly. I couldn't stop shaking; it hurt so badly.

Sanji had gripped Luffy's vest and glared at him. "What the hell did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" Luffy broke his grip, glaring back. "If anything, you should ask her what I'm talking about!" He said, pointing at me without breaking eye contact with Sanji.

I slowly looked up at them with wide eyes, still shaking uncontrollably. What can I tell them…? ...That Zoro did this…? I…I can't…What about the crew…? I… I was caught. I had to tell them something, but what could I say?

Both of them turned and looked at me.

"Show him," Luffy commanded quietly.

I swallowed slowly and raised my sleeve, exposing the entirety of the bruising on that arm. Luffy remained expressionless and touched the top of his hat again. Sanji, on the other hand, was shocked. That meant that he had no idea that they were there and that made me kind of sad.

"Neen…what…?"

I shook my head, standing straight again and pulling my sleeve back down. "I'm fine," I said, struggling to keep my voice from cracking with pain. "Nothing to worry—"

"What do you mean, 'NOTHING'?" Sanji exploded, nearly grabbing me but stopped when I took two frightened steps back, hugging my arms to my chest and staring at him with huge eyes. He had never snapped at me like that before. It was like he was possessive of me but I hadn't noticed it until now. He clenched his hands into fists and clamped his eyes shut. "You can't be…This whole time you've been…" He relaxed slightly and looked at me softly again, taking the edge out of his voice. "What happened?"

"It…" I swallowed the lump in my throat, thinking fast. "It was a drunk," I said, maybe a little too quickly. I took the few steps forward again, trying to stop my body from shaking. "…a drunk sailor trying to…" I really didn't want to finish the lie so I trailed off and looked down, hugging my arms and hoping I looked pathetic enough to fool them.

Luffy was about to say something but bolted to the pan with his meat because it was starting to smoke. Sanji stayed where he was, looking at me with sad eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I shook my head after a moment of thought. "I didn't want you to worry, and besides," I knelt down and started picking up the bigger pieces of the plate, stacking them in my hand, "I took care of it. There's nothing to worry about." My arms stung with every movement, but at least he seemed satisfied with my lie. I just hoped he didn't want a name.

Sanji knelt down next to me and took my wrists in his hands. "If anything like this happens again," he said slowly, looking into my eyes, "you tell me, okay?"

"Why?" I asked with a small smile, remembering Fullbody. "So you can tear their heads off?"

He smiled, too. "Something like that."

"AAH! SANJI!" Luffy cried, the meat now catching fire. "HELP!"

Sanji gave my wrists a loving squeeze. "Just be careful." He stood and went over to Luffy. "What did you do?" He shoved him out of the way and regained control over the food as I finished picking up the manageable pieces. "You're still eating it!"

"Why am I eating it? It's all burnt!"

"That's your fault! And it's not going to waste!"

"Fine! If I eat this, you're going to be my cook!"

"That's blackmail, crap-hat! Never!"

"That's it! I warned you about making fun of this hat! YAA!"

"YO!" I yelled over the top of them, my empty hand on my hip.

They both froze and looked at me. Luffy had one arm around Sanji's neck and the other poised, ready to clobber him. Sanji was just about to whack him with the pan the meat was in and had a knee in Luffy's gut. It looked like a wrestling match gone wild and I had to try really hard not to break down and laugh.

"Look," I said, struggling to keep a straight face, "I don't care what you two do, just—" I sighed and threw away the plate bits. "Just settle it peacefully, okay? We don't want Zeff breathing down our necks for wrecking his kitchen." I got a broom out of the closet while they untangled themselves, murmuring to each other. "Here," I tossed a broom to Luffy which he caught, the blank look back on his face except for the occasional look he gave Sanji (which he returned). "Could you clean the rest of that up, please?" I motioned to the little bits still on the floor that I couldn't pick up with my bare hands. "I'm going to get the dining hall ready." I left them and couldn't help but smile. I could still hear them bickering through the door. At least they weren't fighting…Zeff would really have kittens if they wrecked the kitchen…

I gently flipped all the chairs off the tables and back on the floor. I spread a clean tablecloth on each one, making sure they were on evenly. The center pieces came next, then I had to get the wine out of storage on the second level (The other half of the second level is the employee dining hall.), and bring it down to the kitchen. There were also glasses, plates, silverware, and a few other things to worry about, but that wasn't until later. Prep work was easier with two or more people, but I liked my alone time. Music also came to me easier when I was alone. It wasn't until I thought about it when I realized I was humming.

It wasn't a bad tune, in fact, I liked it. I didn't know if I was making it up on the spot or if I had actually known it, but it was good. It made me smile and I even did a little spin with the centerpiece I was holding. I looked around. Counting the bouquet I was holding, I only had four more tables to go and then I could go get the wine.

"I KNEW IT! YOU'RE PERFECT!"

I nearly jumped out of my skin. Whipping around, Luffy was standing about two tables away, beaming at me and his arms up in the air in some kind of victory pose.

"This is so AWESOME! I get TWO crew members when looking for ONE!"

"STOP COUNTING ME!" Sanji yelled from the kitchen.

Luffy ran up to me like a madman causing me to recoil slightly, holding the centerpiece as a shield. He stopped right in front of me and looked at me with sparkling eyes.

"You're my new musician," he declared.

"Ha-hang on," I started, putting the bouquet down on its table. "I don't even get a say in this?"

"You're my new musician," Luffy repeated, folding his arms. It was as if he was reaffirming an official statement.

I shook my head. "No, I can't—I just—" I stopped and sighed, rubbing my forehead and eyes. "How can I put this?" I muttered to myself then looked at him. "I don't think I'd get along with your crew."

"What? How would you know? You haven't even met them yet."

"Well, Luffy, I've—"

He stopped me by grabbing my wrist and leading me outside. "Come on! You have to meet them before you decide if you like them!"

I staggered behind him reluctantly, trying to go back inside. I couldn't stop him without my arm hurting again; it was stinging already. "Luffy, please! You don't—I've—" GET OUT OF THERE! My head was screaming.

He stopped, looking up at the bow of a ship with what looked like a goat's head on it. He was still holding my wrist so I couldn't escape. I had noticed the ship yesterday but I hadn't really looked at it until now. It wasn't all that impressive-looking, just medium sized and moderately painted. There was a small black flag at the top of the main mast with a grinning skull and crossbones wearing a straw hat.

"Nami! Usopp! Zoro! Come on out here!"

I froze and my heart thudded noisily against my ribcage. "I-i-it's okay…Luffy…I don't have to meet them right now…" I tugged against his grip, glancing up at the ship occasionally.

Luffy frowned slightly at me. "Aw, come on. Now you're just being shy." He turned back to the ship. "Where are they? Usopp! Nami! Zoro!"

"Lu—ffy—" I tugged with each syllable. Oh, no…no, no, no… please don't do this to me…

A big yawn from the other side of the bow made me freeze again. A guy with a long nose and curly black hair covered by a bandana leaned over the edge of the bow. "What's going on, Luffy? It's so early." He stopped, looking at me. "Who's this?"

"Usopp, this is Janeen," Luffy said with a grin. "She's our musician."

Usopp brightened. "Hey, cool." He pointed at himself proudly. "I'm Usopp, the sharpest sharpshooter in the world."

I smiled uncomfortably, hoping he was the only one awake. "Pleasure…"

"What do you play?"

"I—"

"She sings," Luffy announced.

Luffy loosened his hold and I finally tugged my arm away, holding the outside of my arms to keep them from shaking. "Luffy, I never said—"

"Nami!" Usopp called. "Luffy's found our musician!"

"What?" came a female voice in reply. "I thought we were here for a cook." A girl with bright orange hair and brown eyes appeared next to Usopp.

"Nami, this is Janeen," Usopp introduced us. "Janeen, this is Nami, our navigator."

I gripped my elbows, feeling them shake even more, and faced Luffy. "I never agreed to—"

"What's going on?" The familiar and dreaded voice froze me and I watched him come into view. "Are we leav—" Zoro stopped when he saw me and our eyes locked. He stiffened, staring harshly at me. It wasn't quite a glare, but I still felt really cold under his gaze. I didn't move even though my brain was still screaming at me to get the heck out of there.

"This is Zoro," Luffy told me and then turned to him. "Zoro, Janeen's our new musician."

Neither of us said anything, our eyes still locked together. I gripped my arms, just barely touching the bruises. My arms were being jabbed with millions of daggers, but they felt dull compared to the memory of the hatred in his eyes and the feeling of my arms nearly breaking. I looked away first, shifting my gaze down to the deck and then turning away. I could still feel his eyes on me, trying to penetrate my inner defenses to tear me apart from the inside out.

"Zoro?" Nami asked, unsure of our silent exchange.

"We don't need a musician," he replied darkly.

The other three were in shock. I glanced around briefly before returning my eyes downward. I just wanted to leave. My cheeks were burning, whether from anger, fright, or something else, I had no idea.

"But…Zoro…" Luffy said, confused. "You agreed with me yesterday that –"

"We can go somewhere else for a musician," Zoro said. I was amazed at how calm he was keeping himself. "Leave her here."

I looked up again and found him still scowling at me. It was time to go. Luffy let me walk past him back towards the dining hall door. I kept my arms wrapped about myself as I went.

"If you were looking for an apology…"

I stopped and looked back over my shoulder. All of us were looking at Zoro again and he at me.

"You won't get one," he finished.

I knew exactly what he was referring to and my arms ached more than ever. I watched him walk past his confused shipmates and back across the deck of the Merry-Go. I turned back around as he opened one of the doors, clenching my fists in anger. My eyes and cheeks burned.

"If anything, I'm sorry!" I yelled, making him pause. "I'm sorry for even CARING!"

I whipped back around and raced up the stairs and into the storage room, slamming the door behind me. I leaned back against it, breathing hard and blinking back tears.

I hate him…I hate him so much…

I swiped at my eyes and went to the door on the other side, past all the boxes of the food items that didn't have to be kept cold. I went into the cooler and to the wine cases. Normally, I could carry two cases, but then, I was having trouble with just one. My arms ached, my hands shook, and my fingers were numb. I tugged and tugged, but I could only get it a few inches off the ground before I had to let it go. I tried over and over again but I just couldn't do it. I fell to my knees, sitting in front of the crate, and I watched my hands tremble. I gave one of those little coughs you hear girls make before they bawl their eyes out and wrapped my arms around my chest. I didn't cry, though—I refused. I was just taking a break…I would try again in a minute.

Then, I was aware of someone else in the room. I glanced over my shoulder at the door and then looked back at the container in front of me. I sniffed and wiped my eyes to make sure I wasn't crying.

"What do you want?" I asked, getting up again.

Luffy came up behind me quietly. "You're a good liar."

I didn't look at him. "About what?" I knew what.

"…the sailor…"

I picked up the container again. "What makes you think I'm—" I nearly dropped it but Luffy caught it, his hand on top of mine. "—lying?" Our eyes met and I slipped my hand out from under his. I touched my fingers to my mouth and gripped that arm's elbow to steady it, closing my eyes.

He knew. He didn't have to say any more. I just hoped he would keep it between us.

Luffy's face was solemn as he held the case. He turned to the other ones. "How many do you need?"

I looked at him silently then murmured between my fingers. "Two of each kind…They're all marked…"

He grabbed another of that kind, stacked them on top of two others of a different flavor, and grabbed the bottom of the stack of four with no more than a small grunt for effort. I held the door open for him and, after he went through, closed it and slipped around him to get the outside door.

"I don't care what Zoro says," Luffy said from behind the stack, walking past then pausing to grin at me. "You're still joining my crew."

I let him pass me then smiled. I wasn't going to argue. I had already learned that arguing with the ship's captain was pointless, and besides—I wasn't going to change his mind.


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