Chapter 9: The Same?

Still unable to walk well and being much weaker than she wished she were, Andrea couldn't leave her apartment and it frustrated her. She wanted to get the ball rolling and finally get Gabriel Kent the punishment he deserved. She wasn't one to just sit around all day and her boredom was getting the better of her. Being clever, her mind liked something to focus on but the walls of her home gave her little interesting to do. She couldn't take much more daytime television.

She still hadn't heard from Neil since he said he would help. She wondered if Neil had managed to gain Smithy's support. Although she understood Sergeant Smith's reservations, particularly as it could look bad for any police officer if they were caught with the now shameful undercover journalist, she just hoped that his love for Kerry would be enough to persuade him to help.

Sighing, Andrea thought of how different things could have been if Bruce hadn't have revealed her secret. She had half-believed her boss and her were friends; she had been his star reporter once but his unwillingness to let her leave the paper and join the Met had shown her otherwise. She had given up so much for Bruce over the years and all she had wanted in return was to move to the career that she had grown to love. At the very least she had wanted to stop the truth about her true job from being revealed to spare Neil's feelings. She was pleased he was talking to her again but her heart ached for him to love her though she knew it was too late. She couldn't and more significantly wouldn't expect him to give up his career for her as she knew how important it was to him. Additionally, for now she was still a reporter as Bruce hadn't fired her and she knew that Neil wouldn't approve.

Thinking of Neil, Andrea decided to give him a call to ask if there were any progress with Smithy as she was desperate for something to take her mind off her own sorry state of affairs. To her dismay there was no answer and she hung up just as the door buzzer of her apartment rang, making her jump.

Placing her phone on the table she hobbled out into the hallway and enquired who was there through the speaker. She had expected it to be Neil which made her surprise greater when she heard who it was.

"Andrea, it's Gabriel. Don't hang up. I just want to talk. I'm sorry for everything."

"I don't think you mean that," sighed Andrea as she spoke calmly into the receiver despite her heart beating rapidly. "Even if you do, does that change anything? You threatened me in the hospital."

"I'm sorry. I panicked. Please just let me up so we can talk. I never got to talk to you fully the day of the explosion."

Andrea agreed to let Gabriel up to her apartment; a surprise even to her own ears. She was nervous. She knew Gabriel was dangerous. So why was she letting him come into her home?

Just as she granted Gabriel access to her building her phone buzzed with a text from Neil.

Can't speak. At home. Will call later.

Upon reading this, Andrea's heart pounded harder as she realised just how alone she would be with Gabriel. She was about to text Neil back to let him know Gabriel was there in case anything happened but suddenly hearing Gabriel's footsteps she placed her phone back down on the table.

As Gabriel entered he was looking around suspiciously.

"Now you haven't set up any cameras or recorders around here, have you?" Gabriel asked, lifting up cushions and moving photo frames, searching behind them. Noticing her phone on the table he picked it up checking that she wasn't recording with it.

"Gabriel, I didn't know you were coming and I'm hardly in a state where I would be able to rush around and set up a camera. I can hardly walk."

Appeased by Andrea's words, Gabriel paced up and down a few times before perching on the edge of the red and cream sofa as Andrea sat in the matching armchair, unable to stand for too long on her ankle. For a few seconds there was a tense silence, neither of them knowing if they should say something.

"So, why are you here?" Andrea prompted Gabriel to speak.

"I need to explain more. Everything I did got out of hand and I didn't know how to get out of it but I want to change. No, I have changed. I've learnt from it all and I want to do good. The successes I had on reducing crime on the Cole Lane estate showed me just how much difference the Met can make; how many people can be helped."

Gabriel paused when he heard Andrea laugh before she chimed in, "Gabriel, you and I both know that your methods on the Cole Lane estate we're hardly amicable. You just went by your own rule book. "

"I don't think you can talk, can you?" Gabriel snapped. "Always playing the superstar cop. CID's favourite assistant, when all along it was a lie. You were just trying to get a story. You betrayed your colleagues so don't say I have been a bad cop without looking at yourself first."

"We are hardly comparable Gabriel!" Scoffed Andrea in shock. "I may have broken a few rules which I deeply regret but I never used violence, let alone murder as a way of 'dealing' with people. I actually used evidence to put criminals away."

"You really act like you're so innocent Andrea but we're the same you and I. We both lived a lie. We both betrayed our colleagues."

"And I'm now accepting and living with the consequences of my actions. I am taking full responsibility. I'm not brushing them under the carpet and continuing like nothing happened."

"Oh come on, Andrea," Gabriel smirked. "We both know you're only dealing with it because your boss revealed your secret as front page news. I won't ever believe you would have willingly told the world that you weren't a real copper."

Gabriel's words stung Andrea slightly. He was right of course. She had promised Neil she'd resign from the Met when he had first discovered she was a journalist but never would she have owned up to it to all of her colleagues. Truly she wished no one had found out the truth so that she could have stayed in the Police. She really had loved that job and put her heart and soul into it, even on cases where it wouldn't help her get a story. However, she tried to shake this new feeling of unease aside as she knew that however many times she may have deceived her colleagues she never harmed anyone and so her own deception couldn't be comparable, could it?

"Struck a nerve did I?" Gabriel smiled smugly.

"No," Andrea replied managing to keep calm but wishing that Gabriel would just leave. She knew she shouldn't have let him in.

"You understand me more than you care to admit, Andrea. I understand that. I was in denial for a long time to but you'll learn how wrong your actions were eventually. Regret them. Even hurt a little."

"I know I was wrong Gabriel," Andrea snapped back, rising unsteadily to her feet. "But all the stories I gave to the newspaper were true. I didn't make things up to hurt people. We may have both become police officers on false pretences but that's as far as our similarity goes. I didn't I harm anyone, let alone Kerry. She was my friend and she was yours for a time."

"I couldn't have anyone find out about me. If I could have avoided killing Kerry I would have."

"No you wouldn't Gabriel," Andrea winced as her ankle began to ache. "If you had been this guy who, as you claimed yourself, had changed by then and wanted to stop all the wrongdoing, you would have let Kerry reveal your true self and accepted the consequences. "

"I couldn't have her ruin everything for me!" Gabriel yelled, now also rising to his feet. "I can't continue to make a difference behind bars. I only came here to apologise, Andrea. To help you to understand. but you're not listening."

"I am listening Gabriel. I just can't understand. I'm not sure I ever will."

"What are you going to do?" Gabriel tried to keep his composure but Andrea could see he was scared.

"Do?" Laughed Andrea, knowing she needed to throw him off the scent that she was planning something. "I can't do anything Gabriel. I'm no longer police officer, remember? Even if I wanted to, which I'm not sure whether I do, no one would listen to me anyway as you must know. I'm sure I'm station gossip and the station disgrace right now so if you think anyone there would listen to me then you are much mistaken. I just want to forget the whole thing happened now. Forget you even exist. I need to move on as there is no way for me to go back."

"I hope you mean that," Gabriel said whilst walking towards the door. "But I will be watching you."

As he left her apartment Andrea felt relief rush over her though she also laughed knowing that his threat just proved that even if he didn't realise it, he hadn't changed at all.