Keitaro Kaya is an OC.
Chapter Nine
In These Same Haunts…
Ichigo stared out at the sky outside his bedroom window. It was so long ago that Rukia floated into his room through this very window. He slid the window open and let the cool air hit his face.
"It's alright to admit you crave this normal life," he started talking to himself, "you'd probably say something like 'stop talking to yourself Ichigo you look ridiculous fool.' You said it I'm a fool…just give me a sign that you're out there and I'm not listening to myself talk."
The night was quiet. Of course she wasn't listening the only voice that responded was that of his father.
"You want to talk about this," Isshin asked from the other side of the room.
"No," Ichigo replied.
That's right the family was supposed to go out for dinner tonight.
"You can't stay stuck inside like this," Isshin said.
"I'll go then just give me a few minutes alone," Ichigo said.
Ichigo heard the chants of his baby sisters and his heart dropped. Regret instantly washed over him. Here he was drowning in his sorrows after another failed attempt to contact Rukia.
A small smile spread across his features betraying his emotional breakdown from earlier. Maybe that was the way to get through. As long as his friends and family were around he had no choice but to smile at times like this.
"That's my boy…err man," Isshin said as Ichigo passed him in the hall outside his room.
"Whatever," Ichigo replied.
If what Ichigo felt was love, how would he survive it. Just how his stupid acting father could bear the absence of their mother from day-to-day amazed him. These thoughts forced their way into his consciousness as he tried to enjoy the family outing.
"I noticed you sulking," Isshin said.
Ichigo looked up at his father but said nothing.
"Let me tell you something to hold onto. You found this way to be near her without being in the same place. Maybe not even the same time and space," Isshin said.
"So what," Ichigo shrugged.
"So it is significant. Maybe if you try you can communicate with her," Isshin smiled as realization spread across his son's features.
For the first time in a long time he felt something close to joy.
"Thank-
"But Ichigo give up on this sadness you've been carrying since she was taken. This is your last year in school. Enjoy it as much as you can," Isshin said and got up not waiting for a reply.
Senior year and he was torn. It wasn't like he was an ordinary teenager enjoying his last year in high school.
000
Squad three's training grounds were the perfect place to practice Kidô spells. Kira Izuru squad three's lieutenant was far more advanced than Renji at Kidô. Hinamori Momo squad five's lieutenant skills surpassed that of Izuru. Ever since they made lieutenants the friendships they had made in their academy days only strengthened.
Renji decided to take time to advance his skills with his friends and spend some normal time in the Soul Society.
Taking a break Izuru leaned back against a tree where Momo sat.
"Are you getting used to the Karakura assignment…regressing," Izuru asked.
"I've just been distracted not because of my assignments," Renji said sitting down in the grass.
"Renji's in love," Momo sang out twisting a wild flower in her hand.
"What makes you think that Momo," Izuru asked.
I'm still sitting here, Renji thought.
"He has that look you know," Momo said pretending to check Renji intently.
Izuru smiled at her. Renji wondered how it was that he was being teased when he always tormented Izuru about Momo.
"Just because you two are all coupled up doesn't mean that everyone else is," Renji said.
"We're not," Izuru said.
Renji was sure that Izuru would have several rounds of saké trying to recover from being called out like that. No mater it was time for him to get going anyway.
"Well I don't think we're accomplishing much today. I'm going to go check out what they have at Dragonfly," Renji said standing to his feet.
"All right see you later Renji," Momo called out as he strolled off.
They are an obvious item Izuru and Momo, Renji though as he walked away from the two. Perhaps the only reason Izuru had not to be candid was Tôshirô. Captain Hitsugaya of squad 10 still carried a torch for Momo.
All in all Renji thought that his training with former classmates helped him tremendously. Increasing his skills and improving them so that he would never let people who counted on him down.
At the same time his academy mates were quick to point out that his skills far exceed their own. Renji was the one to envy with all his battle tested experience. More important than experience was trust in those he considered comrades. He still had that bond with Izuru and Momo.
He knew working on his own his development as a Shinigami centered more on controlling the tremendous potential he already held. Potential that was acknowledged and respected here in the Soul Society.
Training also took his mind off Tatsuki. He found it difficult to get her out of his thoughts. Noticing things he never would look twice at before became his new normal; things like couples holding hands.
It was now late in the day and the only assignments the captain would likely have would be paperwork or research. However he knew he was an open book and anyone would be able to see immediately what he felt. He couldn't give Captain Kuchiki any motivation to keep him from further assignments in Karakura.
Fully exhausted from his training he settled in his bathing routine. The waters settled his emotions and relaxed his tired muscles. The brightness of the moon in the sky calmed his turbulent thoughts.
000
Renji put on his robe and sat on the patio watching the night sky. The sound of footsteps behind him was of no consequence to him it would only be one person.
"Kaya you don't need to bother to come here any longer," he said without turning eyes still admiring the sky.
"Assistant Captain Sir," Kaya questioned her small voice a bit shaky.
"Why do you still bother to come here when I've been able to take care of myself for some time now," Renji asked.
"I-I thought…Renji would you like me to fix your hair," she said and he felt her hand upon his hair.
She was the gentle one who blushed and smiled for him. He took her wrist gently and stopped her.
"I can do this myself…I'd like to be alone now," he said.
She ignored the request and waited for him to remove his hand from her wrist. He knew he was in a world of trouble but he just didn't know how he'd gotten there.
When he was injured she quickly went from a shy attendant to the Kuchiki's, to his caretaker and finally something more intimate. She became as sounding board for his various ideas. She talked with him for hours about books she read and places she hoped to go.
He genuinely liked being cared for but there was never anything romantic behind his intentions. Perhaps he was ignorant assuming there was nothing romantic behind her intentions.
"I like looking after you. I'm sorry I tried to push you into something you clearly do not want," she said.
"If I did anything to give you the impression that we could be an item I'm the one who's sorry," he said.
"Renji don't do this you need me-
"This needs to be said. Don't waste your life fussing over me or anyone else for that matter. You don't have to stay here with the Kuchiki's looking after them. You told me your dreams and that resort that you wanted to build. You could do that," he said.
"Always so practical even in your dreams…I'm such a pushover," she said as his hair slipped from her hand.
"I should have realized that I was the one giving you mixed messages," he said.
"You leave and suddenly you are no longer interested in me. Day after day I would wait for you to return and when you did you shut me out. Today is the closest I could get to you in months. I would talk to you and sometimes you wouldn't even respond like you were somewhere else," she said holding back the tears that she feared to show him.
He said nothing.
"Look at me acting like a crazy woman. It was all one-sided all along and I tried to twist things. I feel horrible…you're such a nice guy. I never should have come here," she said and was crying now.
Renji felt a combination of horrible and uncomfortable. The emotional display behind him could have been avoided if he never let her in. Never let her into his life. Never let her share her dreams with him. That closeness had no place in his life now.
"No one wants to be alone. You cared for me out of more than a sense of duty and I never deserved that. All I can say now is thank you," he said.
"I'm happy I came back to resolve my own feelings. Please forgive my actions. If Kuchiki-sama knew that I behaved in such a way I would be sent away for sure. I do still need to work here I can't go back," she said.
He understood the life of poverty and the hard life she came from.
"Forgotten," Renji said.
"Can I ask you something," Kaya asked sitting beside him.
"Go ahead," Renji urged.
"I was afraid to ask before but I had my suspicions ever since that day you were hurt. There is someone in your heart now even as we speak isn't there," she asked.
"There is," he said simply.
"She better treat you well," she said.
"Yes," he said.
It felt good to speak of his feelings in a simple uncomplicated way. Hopeful for a future of any kind he didn't bother to bring up his reservations.
"Goodnight Abarai-san," she said standing again.
"Goodnight," he said knowing it was likely the last time they would speak again.
If ever there were a woman he could see himself settling with outside the obvious it would be Kaya. He just never wanted to settle. Something about the power that was love made him want to wait to find the right one. Knowing that he already found her made it impossible for him to want anything else.
