Karm: Sorry for forgetting the review thank-yous in the last chapter. Anyway, thanks to any and all who reviewed and/or voted. Speaking of voting, it was unanimous to make DTLLMETY one giant story. So, here's the first part of The Two Towers! Using the book's starting point, anyway. If you're going by movieverse it's the end of FotR. For plot reasons, Boromir will die. Sorry. :(

DOES THIS LOOK LIKE MIDDLE-EARTH TO YOU?

By Karm Starkiller and Turquoise

Chapter 9: The Departure of Boromir

Karm dashed into a clearing full of dead Uruk-hai, completely out of breath. "Came – fast – as – could," she panted. "Too late?"

Aragorn knelt beside the limp form of Boromir. "I will not let the White City fall," he was saying.

Boromir gasped for breath. "My brother, my captain, my king!"

Karm rolled her eyes. "Couldn't PJ have kept the dialogue from the book? Tolkien knew what he was writing." She joined Aragorn at Boromir's side, performing a mental Author's Command – a special talent of hers that she rarely used. "Yes, Boromir? What is it?"

"They took the Halflings. I think they were not dead – Orcs bound them." Boromir lay still and shut his eyes, then jerked awake again. He grasped Aragorn's arm. "Aunt Belle, Aunt Belle, say it don't matter!"

"Say it, to make him happy," urged Karm.

"It doesn't matter," said a confused Aragorn. Boromir stared at him. "Er…it don't matter."

Boromir leaned back with a peaceful smile on his face. Karm solemnly placed a metal pail at his feet. A moment later, the man of Gondor's legs jerked convulsively and knocked the pail down the hillside. It continued to clatter until it reached the lakeshore, half a mile away.

"That's it then," Karm sobbed. "He's gone. He kicked the bucket." She blew her nose loudly into a large tissue. "And I thought I cried hard during the movie. Which is weird, because I'm not much of a crier."

Legolas and Gimli skidded to a halt in the clearing just in time to hear the last echoes as the bucket splashed into the water. Aragorn stood slowly.

Legolas took in the situation at a glance. "We have no time to bury him fitly. A cairn we might build." He bowed his head, blue hair falling over his face.

"There are no stones we could use nearer than the shore," Gimli said gruffly.

"Then we will lay him in a boat with his weapons and the weapons of his enemies and give him to the Falls," Aragorn said. "The river of Gondor at least will see that no evil creature dishonors his bones."

"Did it cross your mind that it's half a mile to the lake, and we'd have to carry this inert lump of manflesh the whole way?" sniffed Karm, pulling out another tissue. "Fine, ignore the voice of common sense or of the authoress. Just like a bunch of guys."

After bringing Boromir's body back to the boats on a makeshift stretcher, the males cleaned up the corpse and laid it in one of the Elven-boats. Karm heaped the swords of the slain Orcs at Boromir's feet and shoved the boat into the current. It drifted to the Falls of Rauros and slipped over the edge, out of sight.

Karm pulled a sheet of paper out of her pocket and started reading.

"From the Gate of Kings the North Wind rides, and

past the roaring falls;

And clear and cold about the tower its loud horn calls.

'What news from the North, O might wind, do you

bring to me today?

What news of Boromir the Bold? For he is long away.'

'Beneath Ammon Hen I heard his cry. There many foes he

fought.

His cloven shield, his broken sword, they to the water

brought.

His head so proud, his face so fair, his limbs they laid

to rest;

And Rauros, golden Rauros-falls bore him upon its

breast.

'O Boromir! The Tower of Guard shall ever

northward gaze

To Rauros, golden Rauros-falls, until the end of days.'"

"Did you write that?" asked Aragorn.

"No. In the book, you did, but they completely left it out of the movie. I thought someone should say at least part of the Lament for Boromir. Leave it to me to make what I should have made a funny scene into a serious scene. The question now is, What do we do? I vote for tracking the Uruk-hai who captured Merry and Pippin. Turquoise went with Frodo and Sam; they'll be fine. I hope."

"What are we to do now?" asked Legolas.

"Didn't I just ask that?" Karm remarked to the air. "Oh well, nobody ever listens to me."

"I will not abandon Merry and Pippin to torment and death. Leave all that can be spared behind," ordered Aragorn. "We travel light. Let us make such a chase as will be counted a marvel among the Three Kindreds – Men, Elves, and Dwarves. Forth the Three Hunters!"

"Hello, four hunters," said Karm "I'm coming with you."

"This will be no journey for a maiden such as yourself," Gimli said.

"What have I said about calling me 'maiden'? 'Girl' I don't mind, but I can't stand 'maiden'. That is so Third Age."

"This is the Third Age," said Legolas.

"I'm from the Seventh. Deal with it, Leggy."

Aragorn shook his head. "Legolas, Gimli, there is no use in arguing. If she wants to come, nothing will stop her."

"I don't like it, but I suppose it must be so," sighed the Elf. "Forth the Four Hunters, then."

"Hooah!" shouted Karm. "Let's hunt some Orc!" She tore off into the forest.

"Karm!" Aragorn called after her.

"What?"

"Wrong way."

"Oops." Karm reappeared through the shrubbery. "Lead the way, Aragorn son of Arathorn."

"Forth the Four Hunters!" Like a deer, Aragorn sprang away. Through the trees he sped. On and on he led them, tireless and swift, now that his mind was at last made up. The woods about the lake they left behind. Karm started to have second thoughts.

"Go on," she said, stumbling to a halt. "I'll catch up." Waving the others on, she raised her hands, and using her Spell of Command voice, called forth a speeder bike from Return of the Jedi. "If stormtroopers could ride them, I should be able to, right? Okay. Helmet, check. I'm sitting on the bike, check. Um…how do you start this thing? If I've learned anything from other fanfiction writers it's this: when in doubt, press random buttons. This one looks important. AAAAAHHHHH!"

The speeder bike shot off at roughly 122 miles per hour. Karm didn't. The bike smashed into a tree trunk and burst into a spectacular fireball. Karm sat on the ground, wondering what part of her body caused the most pain. "I knew I was forgetting something," she groaned. "Get a good grip on the handlebars, UNcheck."

Karm: Trust me, it's no joke having a speeder come out from under you.

Aragorn: I thought you always had the Hobbits do the notes.

Karm: Well, the Hobbits are gone. *sniffs loudly* So is Turquoise. By the way, she told me to ask you to mention in your review whether you'd prefer a Karm chapter alternating with a Turquoise chapter, or do about half-and-half in each chapter.

Aragorn, in a whisper: I'm rather glad Turquoise is gone. She can be rather…disturbing.

Legolas: Heard that. Don't run down the Elves, even if they're only part-time Elves. Hey, I'm in the note too!

Aragorn: I was raised by Elves. I don't have anything against Elves. It's just that part-time Elves are outside the normal—

Karm, after clamping a hand over Aragorn's mouth: I think we'd better go before this gets ugly. And you wonder why this is a shortish chapter. Leave a review before you run for your life, though.