Chapter 9: Invasion in Black

Yayy go me! Third update in three days! Hope you enjoy!


"Just close your eyes. It's more of a mental skill remember, so I'm not sure if your brain capacity can handle it." He opened one eye to glare at me silently. "Ok ok, now, imagine your body as a swimming pool, and the light inside you is the water. The dark is ink, which is slowly spreading through the water. All you gotta do is swim through until you find that water, and the glamour is... Um, just whatever you want, it can be a person, an object whatever. Once you find it, grab it and wrap it around you. It will hide you from the dark for a while, but once it runs out, you're closer to losing control, got it?" He smothered a smirk with his hand.

"Got it, but a swimming pool?!"

"What's wrong with a swimming pool? Its the only thing i could think of in a short amount of time! Now have you done it?"

"No i still can't find it." I rolled my eyes. I had been trying to teach Jonathan how to use the glamour for the past half hour, to no avail. "Look, how about you just show me how to use it and ill learn that way!"

"Oh for God's sake Jonathan, what part of mental do you not understand?! I can't just show you, you'd have to be..." I trailed off at the look on his face. "No, no, no way am i letting you inside my head, no way. It isn't possible anyway!" But it is, a voice in the back of my head whispered treacherously. My mind wandered back to two days ago, when Jonathan had been... Never mind.

"Who says it isn't possible? In all fairness, we weren't meant to be possible either." He caught a hold of my shoulders, shaking me slightly. "What if, because we both have similar blood, we have some sort of connection? Father's other experiments," his face screwed up at the word, "they might not have the same effect because it was the same blood! But me and you, we're different."

"I don't know..."

"Just trust me, I know what I'm doing."

I hesitated and asked the question that had been plaguing me since it happened. "Did you... I mean, when you were... You know, did you hear me?"

He deadpanned. "Yes. How did you know i heard?"

"It was almost like you were apologising..."

"Me, apologise?! Are you kidding?"

"That's what i thought at first, but i'm not sure anymore."

He shrugged. "So are you going to let me or what? Otherwise the job will never get done!" My eyes flicked up to his nervously.

"You'll be there to see how its done and that's it, then I'm kicking you out if i can." I waited for him to give some sort of response, but he just stared at me. "What?"

"Nothing. If you want to kick me out just block me out."

"Fine."

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to ignore the fact that Jonathan was about to enter my mind, and dove into myself. There was a strange pressure on my temple, and the sense of invasion, that was it before i continued. I searched for the light, following my normal procedure, until i came across a dark abyss. 'Now that definitely wasn't there before.' Although i had always had those dark parts of myself, slowly expanding and pushing away all the light, i had never had a part of me that swallowed up everything good about myself. I skirted around the deep hole in my being, keeping an eye out for anything else unusual. The search continued much like that, until i finally came across a small grouping of light. My heart almost stopped at the sight of it.

It was glowing gently, but dimly, wavering in the all-round black surrounding it. Smaller than last time, i shivered in fear. What would happen once it was gone? I floated over to it, careful not to disturb its beauty, and reached in. In my hand was my ring, sparkling brilliantly in the light. I let myself smile slightly. An image flew across my eyes just as i looked at it. My father, lying there broken as i collected the ring from the old drawer. Everyone dead around me. Another image joined the other. The neighbour's cat, strung up a tree by its tail, fur matted from the struggle. The images just kept coming, hitting me with a force that blew me away. The young girl hidden away in the forest covered with the brown autumn leaves, hair blowing softly in the wind. The baby boy in his white cot, blue in the face. Lionel. My half brother and sisters, lying on the soaked carpet, along with Shadowhunters of all ages. They could have had families. Most of them would have. And none of them would be going home. Their families could have still been waiting for them to walk through the door, unharmed, healthy, or at least hear some word from the authority telling them of their loss. But there was no one left to pass on the news. And that was my fault. I had torn apart too many families to count in my lifetime.

There was a sharp pulse and everything went dark. And then i remembered Jonathan. He had triggered all these memories somehow, probably looking through my subconscious as i was searching for a way to help him. A sudden rage filled me. It was his fault. My light was gone and i didn't know if i could find it again.

"JONATHAN! JONATHAN CHRISTOPHER MORGENSTERN GET YOUR ASS OUT OF MY HEAD NOW!" I shrieked at the top of my lungs, making sure that he heard it. The pressure disappeared, leaving me empty and cold inside. Then the realisation hit me. If my light was gone... So was my glamour. With renewed anger coursing through me, i stormed out of my head, bringing myself back to consciousness. I saw for a moment my body lying peacefully on the bed, Jonathan bent over it, demanding that i wake up. Well it's not gonna be like that for long.

I felt my body slowly come back to life, regaining all my senses and functions. It wasn't happening quick enough! I rushed it along until i was fully capable. The first thing i did was slam my closed fist into Jonathan's concerned but slightly annoyed face. I jumped up and he rolled away, hand covering his mouth.

"Do you know what you just DID?! You've wrecked EVERYTHING i've worked towards, tried to build up in my life!" I aimed a kick at him but he dodged out of the way, my aim going wild. "That was the one thing that i felt made me not that bad, and now it's GONE!" I looked down at my hand to try and calm myself down but all that did was make me panic even more. My ring was gone. I tried to even out my voice slightly to get a response out of him. "Jonathan. Jonathan, where's my ring?! Please say you know where it is. Jonathan. For God's sake answer me!" I knelt down beside him, grabbing at his shoulders and shaking him violently. He stared at me blankly, and i had had enough. I shoved him away and crawled to the corner of the room, crying quietly, the sobs racking me and making my muscles spasm and my back tremble. I stayed like that for a while, hugging my knees to my chest tightly in a foetal position, until i felt a hand on my shoulder. I flinched away from it, determined to never be so weak as to seek comfort in another. Warm, firm arms surrounded me, holding me in solace.

"Shh, it will be ok." His hands ran up and down my back, kneading a steady consoling rhythm. I turned into him, my arms winding around his neck. "My dad always said this helped during a bad time; he'd do it whenever i had nightmares," he added, his face buried in my black hair. I was reminded of what i had said to my father before he died. "You always tell them that everything will be just fine because mommy's here and she'll protect you from all the bad dreams; well, what about my bad dreams?! Do you know that i wake up sweating every night, feeling like there is a massive hole in my life, something missing, and it kills me! And who do i have to go to to tell me that everything will be alright?"

"How do you know?" I muttered into his chest. He smelled faintly of cinnamon. I needed a definite answer, something that would tell me everything would be ok.

"I don't. But i swear i'll help as much as i can. This is my fault."

"And how do i know i can trust you? You're part demon, same as me." A part of me wanted to trust him, but another was too stubborn to give in, to give enough of myself to someone else for that kind of thing.

"You can't. But i promise anyway." I leaned my head into his chest. I guess it was a good thing that he wasn't giving me any false hope.

"Ok, i trust you."