- Chapter Eight -
As much as Joey was enjoying her time wrapped up in Pacey's arms, after the first time they made love, she knew Jen was waiting for them back at the cave. She also knew that if they weren't back soon, she would come looking for them and quite possibly with Dawson. That thought sent an icy quiver through her stomach, making her tense.
"Jo?" Pacey asked attentively, still completely intoxicated by her scent and the memories of what they had just done.
"Pace, we need to go back," she answered solemnly, sitting up and reaching for her clothes.
"Ahh, come on Jo. Relax. Enjoy this," he replied with a tell-tale smile, wrapping his arms around her stomach and pulling her back down to him.
"Pacey… Jen will come looking for us."
"We'll hear her coming long before she sees us."
As much as she wanted to believe what he was saying is true, she knew it wasn't. She didn't want to think about the possibility of someone else finding out what they had just done. It was private… sacred… Something that she didn't want to share with anyone else but him.
"Pacey… please?" she said softly, sitting back up again and reaching for her shirt.
He sighed and relented. How could he argue with an angel like that? Especially after the magic they had just experienced.
"Alright, alright," he complied, sitting up to grab his own clothes.
However, as he was putting on his shorts, he turned to see how she was doing and got a peak at the beautiful body that was his just moments ago.
"How do you do that?" he asked in amazement, unable to take his eyes off of her.
Joey finished dressing and smoothed out the wrinkles on her tank top and looked at him quizzically. "What?"
"How do you glow like that?" he replied, letting his hands fall to her hips. It was impossible not to touch her after what they had just experienced.
Joey blushed, only emphasizing the 'glow' Pacey was talking about.
"I don't know… Maybe it's the water?" she teased.
"Right…" he responded sarcastically. "It's the water that's making you shimmer and not my mind-blowing kisses…"
Joey smiled and squirmed as he leaned in to kiss her neck, waking previous sensations that were not so new anymore.
"Pacey…" she said warningly.
"Alright, alright…" he murmured against her skin, releasing her from his grasp. "I'll behave."
"Thank you."
Pacey lifted her hand and kissed it gently, "I would do anything for you, Potter."
Joey smiled and looked away as the blood tinted her cheeks crimson with embarrassment.
"Well would you stop looking at me like that?!"
"Like what?" he asked innocently.
She didn't answer and looked down. He got the picture.
"Oh… You mean like we've just had sex?"
She looked up and hit his shoulder.
"What Potter? It's true. I saw you naked… It's impossible for me to look at you the same way as I did before."
"Pacey!" she shouted, unable to look at him for the embarrassment of what he had just said (and the truth behind it) made her feel dizzy.
"Potter, you've never looked more beautiful than you do right now… So you're just going to have to deal with my ogling."
He moved to wrap his arms around her stomach possessively and she instantly relaxed.
"Besides, you have no idea how irresistible you are right now," he murmured against her neck, trailing slow kisses down the length.
Joey smiled and leaned back against his chest. She hated how vulnerable she felt in his arms like this, but also loved how safe and content he made her feel as well. It was completely new and exhilarating. She wanted it to last forever.
Why did Dawson and Jen have to get on the boat? Why did they have to ruin their romantic three month cruise? What was the point? She could only imagine what she would be doing with Pacey right now if Dawson and Jen hadn't showed up on the dock several nights ago. Suddenly, something occurred to Joey.
"You said you'd do anything for me, Pacey… Now does that mean anything?"
"I'm not going to stop looking at you Potter," he answered matter-of-factly, assuming that's what she was referring to. "I couldn't stop even if I wanted to… But yes… anything else."
"Anything, Witter?"
"Why don't I like that tone?" he asked suspiciously, taking her hand as they started walking back through the trees.
"Because it implies that I'm going to ask you something you don't want to do."
"And that is?"
She sighed and stopped walking, turning to face him. "Let's not make this any harder on Dawson than it already is, so let's just try to keep our relationship more… private."
"What do you mean?" he asked questioningly, as his heart began to beat faster in fear.
"I just mean that maybe we could act more like friends than lovers while we're all stuck here on this island."
Pacey's face turned pale. She couldn't be telling him what he thought she was telling him.
"Pacey," she said softly, recognizing the look of anguish that spread across his face. "I just don't want to see, once inseparable best friends, hurt each other again over something as special as our relationship. He just needs time to accept it. This is the only way he'll do it."
He tensed. She was saying what he was afraid of and it did hurt as badly as he thought it would.
"Please… You have to understand," she pleaded, wrapping her arms around his neck, trying to keep his eyes focused on her. "If Dawson knew what we just did a little while ago… It could… It would kill him. And I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have."
Pacey felt cold. The fire between them was now officially extinguished. She didn't want him anymore. She was going to go back to Dawson, just as he had always feared.
"Do you understand, Pace? Would you do that for me?"
How could he say no? They had just shared the most intimate thing a man and woman could possibly give to each other… and now this is what she wanted?
"Okay Potter," he agreed painfully, feeling his heart constrict in his chest. "If that's what you want…"
"Thank you, Pacey," she replied before leaning in and placing a soft kiss on his lips.
When they parted, he took her hand rather stiffly and started walking back towards the cave. For the most part they walked in silence. Each lost in their own thoughts of what had just happened between them and what it would mean for their future. Was it okay to do it again? If so, how soon? And when is the right time to talk about it again?
When they finally reached the cave, they found Dawson by an open fire. The sun was tinting the sky a deep peach in the horizon, letting them know that it was close to six o'clock. Dawson had a few fish cooking over the flames and Jen peeked her head out through the thick, white sail covering the cave's entrance.
"There you guys are!" she exclaimed with relief. "I thought we were going to have to come looking for you guys!"
Dawson looked up at them, when he heard Jen's voice, only to turn white and look back down at the flames in front of him. Joey immediately released Pacey's hand in an effort to ease the awkward tension, but it went completely unnoticed by Dawson.
Pacey flexed his hand, adjusting to the sudden emptiness he felt when she let go of him. He wasn't sure what to do with them, so he shoved both hands into his pockets.
Jen came out with a large beach bag that Joey used to store her toiletries in and quickly took Joey's hand. "Come on, Joey. You're coming with me. I'm dying to get cleaned up here and I'm not going by myself."
Joey looked back at Pacey before answering. "Sure… I need to get cleaned up too."
Pacey looked from Joey to Dawson and realized he was going to be alone with him for the first time since their fight.
Dawson looked up at the same time Pacey was looking down at him and grumbled, "Witter."
"Leery." Pacey replied just as unenthusiastically.
"Oh come on!" Jen shouted, clearly disgusted. "Can't you two be decent for at least an hour? Just one hour while Joey and I get cleaned up and then you can go back to your silly grunts and stupid monosyllables."
Joey looked from Pacey to Dawson optimistically, but found no ray of hope. "Please guys? Would you do it for me?"
There was no response, just Pacey's uncomfortable shift in the sand and Dawson turning the fish over with his stick.
Joey sighed, "Would you at least do it out of respect for the two best friends you used to be and the history you guys shared? That has to mean something."
"It means nothing," Dawson answered uncompassionate, as Pacey nodded in agreement.
"Absolutely forgettable," Pacey added.
Jen rolled her eyes and took Joey's arm. "Come on, Joey. I'll never get cleaned up if we wait for these two to sign a peace treaty."
Joey hesitated, looking back at Pacey for reassurance, before she followed Jen through the trees to the water.
Pacey's eyes followed Joey's retreating form until he couldn't see her anymore. He sighed, looking back at Dawson, and made a decision: he wasn't going to stay. As far as he was concerned the only reason he hadn't started another fight with Dawson was because of Joey. He would keep his word to her, no matter how difficult it was.
He gingerly entered the cave and found the stuff he was looking for, before going back out. He starting walking off, into the woods, in the same direction Jen and Joey had just gone in with the assortment of items he had just picked up.
"Hey!" Dawson shouted irritably. "Where do you think you're going?!"
A cross between a groan and a growl filled the bottom of Pacey's throat as he stopped walking. He turned to face the golden boy who was making his life miserable and said simply: "Remind me why it's any of your business again... I seem to be drawing a blank."
"It's my business if you're going to spy on Joey while she's bathing…"
Pacey chuckled, wanting nothing more than to say, 'Who cares… It's nothing I haven't seen before,' but refrained from doing so. That comment would only hurt Joey and confirm what they had done earlier that morning. Something he promised he wouldn't do.
"Just forget it Dawson," he muttered quickly before turning around to resume walking on the path he intended to take.
"I'm not letting you spy on her!" he shouted, trying to sound noble.
"Would you just STOP, Dawson!" Pacey yelled, losing his temper again. "I'm not going to SPY on MY girlfriend! I don't need to spy! I can guarantee you that…"
Immediately after he said it, he regretted it. Did he say too much? Would Dawson figure it out? He had to change the subject and fast.
"Look Dawson, I'm going to go clean up and I'm not going anywhere near Joey or Jen, and for the life of me, I can't figure out why I'm telling you this. But I am, so I suggest you accept it and stay out of my way. I'm not going to explain myself again."
Dawson just stared at Pacey with his jaw clenched. Pacey held his eye contact and refused to look away first. If Dawson wanted to fight again, then a fight is what he would get.
Dawson finally took a deep breath and backed off. He went back to his fish by the fire and refused to acknowledge Pacey was even there.
Pacey sighed angrily and left, muttering words like, 'coward,' under his breath. He disappeared into the trees, never looking back.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
"Joey? What's up with you?" Jen asked as she was rinsing out her hair in the small stream of water coming in from the ocean.
Joey looked up from her place by a rock and shrugged. She was brushing her wet hair after taking a quick "bath" in the water surrounding them. She was finally feeling refreshed and enjoyed the lavender scent that lingered in her hair from the shampoo and conditioner. The scent wasn't strong enough to completely eliminate the salty smell that was left on her body, but invigorating nonetheless.
Jen grabbed the towel hanging from a tree branch and wrapped it around her body as she explained, "You look different, somehow, Joey. I just can't quite put my finger on it. It's like your skin is brighter or something."
Joey tensed and looked away. She thought Pacey was only teasing her about 'glowing,' but apparently she was wrong.
"Well I've received a lot of sun on this castaway trip, so maybe that's what you're noticing."
"Yeah, maybe…" Jen replied suspiciously, grabbing her tooth brush and the bottle of water. "So how long do you think it will be before someone finds us?"
"I'm not sure. I mean, we haven't been stranded here for very long. I think maybe three or four days at the most."
Jen nodded in response since the toothbrush was currently in her mouth.
"I hope they send someone to look for us soon, because I'm not sure how much longer I can take the awkwardness of being around Pacey AND Dawson at the same time."
Again, Jen nodded. Joey brought her knees up to her chest and hugged them tightly. She was feeling confused and insecure. She just wanted to curl up in a ball and become 9 again, where Pacey would wrestle with her and Dawson would try to protect her. The times when she could just be one of the guys without worrying about sex getting in the way.
Joey sighed and brushed back a few brown tresses behind her ear. "Do you think Dawson will ever accept Pacey and I as a couple, Jen? Do you think it's possible?"
Jen looked up and frowned. "Why do you care so much about what Dawson thinks?"
"I don't know… I just don't want to hurt him. He's like my family. We grew up together - all three of us - and now, because of me, Dawson and Pacey aren't friends anymore. I feel like I need to correct it somehow, but I'm afraid the only way I could ever do that, in Dawson's mind, is to break up with Pacey."
"Are you going to?"
"NO!" she answered loudly, almost flustered. "I love him Jen! I don't why or how, but for some reason I could never let him go."
"Not even for Dawson?" Jen pressed.
Joey shook her head. "Not even for Dawson."
"Well then it sounds like to me, you're gonna have to let Dawson go."
Joey tensed. "Why? Why does he make me have to do stuff like this? Why can't he just be happy for me and happy for his best friend? Why do I have to choose? I mean I thought I had already made my decision before we left, but apparently it wasn't clear enough."
"Because unfortunately Joey, he loves you. He considers you his soul-mate. And for Dawson, the word 'soul-mate' is right up there with words like 'forever' and 'eternity'. You know that… It's not something that's ever gonna go away for him."
Joey groaned and hugged her knees tighter. She wished Pacey was there in that moment. He could always make her feel better during times of uncertainty – even despite the fact that he was part of the problem.
"I wish I could tell you this is going to get easier, but I would be lying to you. Maybe this is a good thing we're all trapped on this island. Maybe Pacey and Dawson can finally work through this thing once and for all."
"Yeah that is if they don't kill each other first." Joey looked down at the sand, under her feet, and groaned. Her stomach was starting to twist uncomfortably, like she hadn't eaten in a few days.
"Do you know where I found Dawson, Joey?" Jen asked gingerly, now fully clothed in a white tank top, jean shorts, and blue flip-flops.
"Where?"
"By the water, catching fish for you."
Joey groaned again.
"I'm not telling you this to hurt you Joey. I'm telling you this so you'll realize why Dawson jumped on Pacey's boat and why he's been moping in his room ever since you left Capeside. He's not ready to let you go. You have to be the one to do it for him."
Joey closed her eyes and knew Jen was right. It would be impossible for Dawson to accept her relationship with Pacey unless she completely let him go. What that meant exactly, she wasn't sure, but she was ready to find out.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
