Chapter 9 - Victories and Defeats
The steady and monotonous tick-tock of the clock in Thomas' room was interrupted by the six o'clock cry outside his door; but Thomas had been awake for hours. He lay in his bed motionless, staring up at the cracked ceiling he had stared at so many times before. He knew anyday the police would be coming to Downton Abbey and he was unable to escape the oppressive feeling that weighed down upon him. Whether it was good news or bad, everyone would find out what had happened.
He got up and slowly he washed and dressed himself. He walked down the servant's stairs in a sort of trance. He skipped breakfast - he couldn't eat - and started on the mundane chores that had become an integral part of his life.
Mrs Hughes asked him several times if he was alright, but how could he tell her? His job was surely under threat. He hadn't even let on to Jimmy how much it was worrying him. Truth was, it terrified him to even think about it.
...
At eleven o'clock, a small number of servants lined up outside the front of the house along with the family to welcome guests that were coming to stay for a few days. Lord and Lady Grantham had invited them as company to cheer up Lady Mary. Jimmy stood next to Thomas.
"How are you?" Jimmy whispered as quietly as he could.
Thomas didn't answer. He just stared down at the ground.
"We'll talk after" Jimmy tried, but still no response.
Jimmy looked over at Lady Rose. She seemed to have done a good job concealing the mark on her leg.
Although he had started to like Lady Rose, he had never even dared to hope; but after yesterday, after she had defended him so heroically, and ever since that kiss...he closed his eyes, reliving the moment...
"Uhhmm." Mr Carson cleared his throat loudly, glaring at Jimmy as he did so. Jimmy's eyes shot open and he was met by Mr Carson's death stare.
"Are you alright Carson?" Lord Grantham inquired.
It was Mr Carson's turn to look embarrassed. "I am Milord. Thank you" he replied. He glared back at Jimmy with crimson cheeks.
Jimmy smirked. How did he like being humiliated in front of everyone?
The family murmured in anticipation as the chauffeured car drove towards the house. It turned in the drive and Alfred and Jimmy walked up to it as it stopped and opened the doors for its passengers to alight.
Two tall, rather fine looking gentlemen stepped out of the car. The first had a shock of dark wavy hair, the second a blond, slightly younger man followed him, both of them heroically handsome.
Lord Grantham stepped forward to shake their hands. "Tony, John, good to see you both again." He introduced them to the family and they chatted together briefly in the fresh morning air.
Jimmy weighed them up. Lord Gillingham seemed a pleasant enough fellow, but he didn't care for Sir John Bullock much. He was stood very close to Lady Rose as they spoke and he even appeared to be flirting with her. Surely that wasn't the behaviour of a gentleman. What was worse though, Lady Rose didn't even seem to mind. She kept smiling at him and giggling. Jimmy was relieved when they all trundled inside and Sir John Bullock, or "Bullock" as he nick-named him, was approached by Lady Grantham and they started conversing.
Jimmy stood with Mr Carson in the drawing room ready to serve drinks to the guests.
Mr Carson looked at Jimmy's face. "What's this?" he remarked sharply under his breath, noticing the blackening bruise on Jimmy's face. "Have you been in a fight?"
"I..." Jimmy began.
"What will the guests think?" Mr Carson continued in dismay. "I'll see you about this later."
Thanks for your concern! Jimmy thought, a little annoyed.
The family and the guests came up to the table for refreshments. Jimmy averted his eyes as Bullock stood in front of him and picked up a cup of tea and walked back to his seat.
"You're supposed to hand them the cup and saucer!" Mr Carson scolded him.
"Sorry Mr Carson" Jimmy responded, a clear lack of repentance in his voice. He watched Bullock take his seat by Lady Rose again. Jimmy was glad he hadn't handed him the cup, Bullock wasn't deserving!
Lord Gillingham walked up to him and Jimmy handed him some tea.
"Thank you" Lord Gillingham said, a sincere smile on his face.
Jimmy smiled back politely. Yes, Lord Gillingham was a gentleman. That was more than could be said for Bullock!
Jimmy began to twitch as Bullock and Lady Rose started laughing together.
"Can't you keep still?!" Mr Carson asked with a glare.
Jimmy was highly perturbed. "Do you still need me Mr Carson?" he asked, annoyance in his voice.
"Yes! What's wrong with you? Stand still will you?"
Jimmy's eyes averted back to the laughing pair. He wanted to sock Bullock one!
"Now I need to go downstairs to sort out a few things" Mr Carson informed him. "Can I trust you to look after things up here?"
"Yes Mr Carson" Jimmy replied, trying his best to sound calm.
Mr Carson was unconvinced. "I hope I can" he warned, as he walked off.
Moments later Bullock came up to the table again. Jimmy had no choice but to look at him.
"I'll take two cups" he said. "One for me and one for Rosie."
"Rosie?!" thought Jimmy. That was it! He poured out two cups of tea, making sure he chose the cooler of the two teapots and as he passed one cup to Bullock, he sort of accidently spilled it all down Bullock's trousers.
"Watch it!" Bullock exclaimed jumping back. "Oh you clumsy oaf!"
"I'm so sorry!" Jimmy exclaimed.
"What's happened?" Lady Grantham asked.
"Your man has spilt tea all down my trousers!" Bullock exclaimed, shaking each leg from the uncomfortable wet sensation.
Lady Violet chuckled, mischievous glee on her face. "Looks like he's doing a new kind of dance" she said quietly to those sat around her. "It will probably be all the rage soon!"
Lady Rose had to stifle a couple of laughs. Even Lady Mary and Lord Gillingham had to smile, after seeing Bullock was alright.
Jimmy's face burned as he felt everyones eyes upon him. He sort of felt guilty after he had done it, but part of him felt Bullock deserved it as well. He came around the table and approached Bullock with a cloth. Bullock snatched the cloth out of his hand angrily and began to wipe himself down.
"James, go and fetch Bates" Lord Grantham ordered. "He can sort out some more trousers for John."
Jimmy glanced across at Lady Rose as he left the room. She gave him a smile and Jimmy smiled in return; both of them not unnoticed by Lady Violet.
...
Jimmy sat down to lunch in the servants hall. Serving the family's lunch had been exasperating for him, especially as Bullock had sat next to Lady Rose...but his mind was now on Thomas. He hadn't gotten a word out of Thomas all morning and Jimmy was really starting to worry about him. He had saved a seat for Thomas next to himself, but Thomas was mysteriously absent.
"Mrs Hughes, do you know where Mr Barrow is?" Jimmy asked across the table.
"He's finished serving lunch has he?" she inquired.
"Yes."
"Sorry, I don't" she replied.
Mr Carson entered and looked at Jimmy with a dissaproving stare as he sat down. He had heard about the spilt tea incident.
"In my room after, James" he said, keeping his tone down for the sake of the other staff, but Jimmy could tell he was very angry.
Jimmy gulped.
"What's this about Mr Barrow?" Mr Carson asked, turning to Mrs Hughes.
"James was wondering where he was. He's usually down here by now."
"Yes, he should be here! I'll have to have words with him too!" Mr Carson exclaimed, rapidly losing his patience. "I tell you, today is just one catastrophe after another!"
Mrs Hughes sighed at his usual over-dramatized display. "Well it is Mr Barrow's lunch break" she said, defending him. "If he doesn't eat, that's his concern."
"Nevertheless, he should be here, just in case one of the guests needs something!"
"Alfred and James can attend to them!" Mrs Hughes retorted. "Besides, you can give him some leeway can't you? You know he's a changed man...and he seems particularly bothered about something today."
"Did you ask him what it was?" Mr Carson asked, his eyebrows conveying his alarm.
"Of course I did!" Mrs Hughes replied "but he didn't want to tell me. I'm very concerned about him actually...and don't be too hard on James when you speak to him either" she added. "The poor boy's half scared to death of you as it is!"
"He will only get what he deserves" Mr Carson replied defensively.
"And you can say it with leniency and understanding" Mrs Hughes replied with a determined stare.
...
"Mr Barrow?" came Mr Bates surprised inquiry as he opened the door of his cottage.
"I..I'm sorry to trouble you Mr Bates, on your half day" Thomas began.
"Is there a problem at the house?" Mr Bates inquired.
"Uh...no" Thomas answered slowly.
"What is it then?"
Thomas looked at the ground. Face to face with Mr Bates, his words escaped him. He looked up at him again, hiding behind an embarrassed grin.
"Do you want to come in?" Mr Bates offered, his face still serious.
Thomas nodded and followed him in through the door.
"Sit down" Mr Bates offered, after taking his hat and coat. "Would you like a drink?"
"Thank you" Thomas replied, his voice weak.
Mr Bates walked into the kitchen, where Anna was cooking the lunch. He approached her and kissed her tenderly on the neck.
She smiled. "Who was it?" she asked.
"It's Thomas."
"Oh?" Anna replied in surprise. "Have you offered him something to drink?"
"I have" Mr Bates replied, looking pleased with himself.
Anna raised an eyebrow. "Bully for you" she teased. "I'll bring in some tea."
Mr Bates re-entered the sitting-room and came and sat down in the armchair opposite Thomas.
"It's, it's very pleasant here" Thomas said, trying to break the ice.
"Thank you" Mr Bates replied politely. "Of course, you've never been here before."
Thomas smiled nervously.
"So, you have something to ask me?" Mr Bates inquired after a brief awkward silence.
Thomas looked around the room distractedly, his mind running over his prepared words. He took a deep breath.
"I, I can't pretend that you and me have ever really been friends Mr Bates" he began, rubbing his hands together nervously.
"That's an understatement" Mr Bates interjected with a wry smile.
Thomas paused. Not such a good start. He lowered his head, "but, believe me or not...I am...quite ashamed of my behaviour towards you, over the years" he said slowly, his throat feeling very dry all of a sudden. Although he had thought these words through, he found it very difficult and very humiliating to actually say them. He looked up to see if his words caused in Mr Bates any glimmer of forgiveness.
Mr Bates' expression was guarded. "I appreciate the sentiment" he replied slowly, "but I suspect that's not why you're here."
Thomas' lips twitched. He did find Mr Bates irritatingly smug at times, even over-righteous.
"Well that's where you're wrong Mr Bates" Thomas replied patiently. "I came here for no other reason."
Mr Bates thought. "Well then, I am truly sorry for my presumption."
Thomas wasn't sure if Mr Bates actually meant this, but of course, he had every right not to trust Thomas. Something Mr Bates had said to him once, now rang in his ears... "You never fail to disappoint."
Thomas bowed his head, his pride at rock-bottom. His guard had been up ever since he arrived at the cottage, but now it lay on the floor in pieces. "No...no...I'm the one who is sorry."
Mr Bates studied Thomas' face. He had never seen his expression so open, so honest. It was most bizarre. Disconcerting even...and yet heartwarming. "Would you care to stay for lunch?" he offered.
...
Jimmy left Mr Carson's room, still smarting from his telling off. It seemed like the whole world was against him at the moment. He just couldn't seem to do right for doing wrong!
He turned the corner of the corridor and ran straight into Alfred.
"Watch it Jimmy!" Alfred exclaimed, smoothing out the now crumpled pile of clothes in his arms.
"Oh, get out the way then!" Jimmy retorted sharply, extremely short on patience.
"What's wrong with you?" Alfred protested in dismay.
"Mr Carson, that's what! He's always had it in for me!"
"I don't think he has" Alfred replied thoughtful.
"Oh, what would you know?" Jimmy grumbled.
"Listen Jimmy, I need you to give Mr Barrow his livery here. It's just come back from the laundry."
"Why don't you give it to him?" Jimmy asked.
Alfred didn't answer. He stared blankly at Jimmy.
"What is it?" Jimmy asked.
"He...he looks at me funny" Alfred replied.
"What?"
"He keeps smiling at me. It makes me nervous."
Jimmy sighed. "Give 'em here" he said, taking the clothes into his arms. He thought. "You know, you've got to give 'im a chance Alfred, he told me he apologized to you."
Alfred shook his head. "I don't know if I can trust 'im" he replied. "Not yet."
"I didn't know we paid footmen to talk!" Mr Carson declared, suddenly appearing around the corner. He looked at Jimmy. "I might have known you were involved" he said condescendingly. "What have you got there?"
"Thom, Mr Barrow's livery!" Jimmy squeaked in his anxiety.
"Where is Mr Barrow? He was due to start work an hour ago!"
"Uhh..he's in his room" Jimmy said thinking quickly, covering for him.
"Well then you'd better take them to him, hadn't you? And tell him to come down and see me immediately!"
Jimmy left quickly, quite upset. He'd had a horrendous day...and he'd had enough of Mr Carson! It was tantamount to bullying and he was completely fed up with it!
He ran up the servant's stairs quickly to the men's quarters and stood outside Thomas' door. He knocked loudly, hoping Thomas was there...no answer. Where was Thomas?
"Thomas!" he called loudly, as he turned the door handle and entered his room. Thomas wasn't there but his room was an absolute mess! Every drawer was open and clothes and items were strewn all over the floor.
Jimmy looked around the room, taking it all in. He approached the fireplace. Ashes still glowed red. Papers had been burnt. Lots of papers. He picked one piece up but it was too badly scorched to be read. It was still hot and he quickly dropped it in the fireplace again. That's when he caught sight of the half-burned photograph. Perhaps he shouldn't look at it? But his curiosity was too strong.
He couldn't make out much but it looked like an older man. Maybe in his fourties? He stood tall, dressed smartly in a suit, an almost arrogant smile on his face. Who was it? He bore no resemblance to Thomas, so he guessed it wasn't a relative.
Jimmy suddenly felt guilty for prying and decided to leave. He took Thomas' livery back to his own room...he thought it best that Thomas didn't know he had seen his room like this.
Jimmy walked back downstairs. What was he going to tell Mr Carson? Mr Carson would know he had lied.
He entered the servants corridor and stopped almost immediately. At the other end of the corridor Thomas was stood in the open doorway of the servant's back door entrance and he was with Mr Carson.
"Where have you been?" Jimmy heard Mr Carson ask, or rather shout at him.
Jimmy couldn't quite make out Thomas' reply...but his voice seemed calm.
"Go and get yourself ready for work! I need you upstairs now!" Mr Carson barked, shutting the door and leaving for the servants hall in a huff.
Jimmy stood motionless as Thomas walked towards him down the long corridor. He appeared to have something wrapped in a newspaper, tucked under his arm, but he was doing his best to conceal it. He stopped, right in front of Jimmy, a smile on his face. Not a grin, not a smirk. A genuine contented smile.
Thomas noticed his friends concerned face. "Don't worry Jimmy" he said, his voice steady, "everything is going to be alright...I'd better go. Talk to you later."
He passed Jimmy and Jimmy watched as he bounded the servant's stairs two at a time.
Jimmy sighed. Had he worried for nothing? At least Thomas seemed ok.
...
After serving dinner, Jimmy was walking the corridor towards the drawing room to serve drinks to the ladies, when he heard hurried footsteps behind him. He turned...it was Lady Rose. She caught up to him and looked around her, making sure no one was around.
"Jimmy! I wondered how Thomas was doing?"
Jimmy took a second to consider her question.
"Um...well he's a bit quiet today...but I'm sure he'll be ok" he replied. He didn't want to worry her.
She nodded. "And you?"
Jimmy looked down at his feet, suddenly overcome with emotion.
She placed a hand on his and smiled sympathetically. "You took quite a beating...and you seem to have a black eye."
"I'm fine" he said smiling with embarrassment. "Your leg?"
"Bit sore, I'm ok though" she shrugged. A smile grew on her face. "You were a bit clumsy today with the tea. It was quite funny actually."
Jimmy grimaced. "He's ok is he? I mean, I was worried I might have burnt him."
Lady Rose chuckled. "Yes, he's fine. Poor John" she sighed. "He is quite amusing you know."
Jimmy's heart sank a little. "I wanted to ask you something, actually" Jimmy said slowly.
"Yes? Oh, here come the men! Speak to you soon."
Jimmy stood to attention as Lord Grantham, Tom Branson, Lord Gillingham and John Bullock headed towards the drawing room.
Lady Rose's face lit up as Bullock approached her, a childish grin on his face. He offered his arm and she took it.
"Now, I want you to tell me all the things you plan to do tomorrow" he said excitedly, as they walked towards the drawing room.
Jimmy felt a pain in his heart as he watched them together; tears forced their way into his eyes. The drawing room door shut behind them and he was once more alone in the corridor. It was as if life had passed him by and then shut the door on him, barring him from the happiness he so desperately needed.
The door opened again sharply and Mr Carson stood in the doorway, holding the door open. He didn't say anything, he didn't need to. The look on his face was enough.
Jimmy hung his head and walked with heavy footsteps towards the drawing room.
...
After supper, Thomas sat reading his newspaper in the servants hall. Alfred and Daisy were sat opposite him, talking and laughing.
Mrs Patmore walked into the hall, folding her apron, her work done for the day.
"Don't be too late Daisy" she tried. "Early start tomorrow remember."
"Yes Mrs Patmore" Daisy grinned, rolling her eyes. "I won't be long."
"Right, I'm off. Oh Mr Barrow, while I remember, on your day off, would you mind picking up those herbs I mentioned?"
"Of course Mrs Patmore" Thomas replied with a polite smile.
Mrs Patmore nodded her thanks and left to join Mrs Hughes in her sitting room.
"So, how 'bout it?" Alfred asked Daisy.
"You're asking me?" she replied in surprise. "Aren't you going to ask Ivy?"
Alfred sighed. "She's not interested in me. She likes Jimmy."
Daisy considered his question. "Yes. I'd love to go" she said smiling at him shyly. "Only, we shouldn't go alone. Why don't we all go?" she suggested. "It would be nice to go as a group. We haven't done that in a long time."
She looked across at Thomas. "What about you Mr Barrow?"
Thomas looked up from his newspaper.
"We're thinking about going to see a late showing at the village hall Saturday night. Would you come?"
Thomas looked at them both. Alfred didn't seem too keen on that suggestion.
"I don't know" he replied hesitantly. "I wouldn't want to get in the way."
"What do you mean?" Daisy asked perplexed. "We're all going. No one will be in the way."
"Maybe" Thomas replied.
"What have you got there Mr Barrow?" Daisy asked, catching sight of the parcel on the table just in front of him.
Thomas shook his head, trying to dismiss the question.
"Hmm. Some dark secret" Alfred scoffed. "Mr Barrow's full of secrets."
Thomas' defences went up.
"Go on Mr Barrow, you can tell us" Daisy tried.
"He won't tell" Alfred remarked.
Daisy tried again. "Oh go on, tell us!"
"Mind your own business!" Thomas shouted in a sudden outburst.
Alfred and Daisy both stared at him and the chatter in the room stopped.
Thomas suddenly felt paralyzed with shame. He looked at Daisy; she seemed to have tears in her eyes. He tried to speak to her but he couldn't.
Daisy's face suddenly crumpled. She burst into tears and ran into the kitchen.
"Well done Mr Barrow!" Alfred retorted sarcastically, following her out of the room.
Thomas couldn't look up from the table - everyone's eyes seemed to stab him. He just couldn't let the day end like this.
He left the hall and found them both in a corner of the kitchen.
"What do you want!?" Alfred challenged him. "Come to upset her some more?"
Thomas shook his head. "No" he said under his breath. "I...I..." He gulped, her sadness almost crippling him. "I'm sorry Daisy!" he tried, his arm outstretched towards her anxiously. "I never meant to..."
"She doesn't believe you" Alfred cut in uncharitably.
Daisy looked up at Thomas with her large eyes.
"Daisy...honestly!" Thomas begged. He began to feel faint.
Daisy wiped her eyes. "It's alright Alfred, you can leave us" she said softly. "I want to talk to Mr Barrow."
Alfred glared at him. "If you upset her again..." he warned as he walked off.
Daisy approached Thomas. "You're shaking" she said taking his hand.
"Daisy...I, I never meant to upset you...you must believe me" he implored.
"I do believe you" she replied kindly.
"Oh thank you Daisy...that's such a relief...you've no idea!" Thomas exclaimed, seeming to gasp for air. He found the nearest chair and almost fell onto it.
"Oh Mr Barrow" Daisy empathized. "You've been through so much lately...it wasn't fair of me to press you."
"Are we friends then?" he stuttered, almost desperate.
Daisy paused before she spoke. "I've always wanted to be your friend Thomas" she said slowly, an element of hurt in her voice. As she gazed into Thomas' blue eyes, the pain in them seemed to reflect her own. She took hold of his hand once more and spoke kindly. "Of course we're friends."
Thomas felt truly indebted. "I am trying to change, Daisy. Honestly."
"I know...and I'm so pleased...and I'd love it if you would come with us on Saturday."
Thomas mustered a smile. "Yes...I will come."
...
Jimmy couldn't wait to finish work that day. He missed supper and headed straight to bed, his heart full of despair. He got changed and was about to turn his light off when a knock suddenly came at the door.
He groaned. Couldn't he be left in peace, not for one minute? He put on his house coat and opened the door slowly and just enough to see who was on the other side...it was Thomas. He was stood in the partially lit corridor.
"I was hoping to talk you" he said quietly. "I've got some news for you."
"I..I'm sorry Thomas, I need to sleep...I'll see you in the morning, yes?"
"Are you ok? I didn't see you at supper."
"...I...wasn't in the mood" Jimmy said despondently.
"Have you been crying?" Thomas asked concerned.
"No" Jimmy replied, but with no persuasion in his voice. Damn! He should have wiped his face!
"Jimmy...let me talk to you...what's going on?"
"...I really need to sleep Thomas."
"You can tell me. You can tell me anything."
"...I..I'll talk to you tomorrow Thomas. I promise..." Jimmy said, closing the door.
Thomas stood alone on the landing. He didn't like seeing Jimmy upset. He looked down at the neatly wrapped parcel in his hands and sighed.
"Tomorrow" he said to himself.
