Aggie: We've been locked up in this apartment for days.

Moolie: You see, there have been many cases of cooties around the apartment building lately.

Ginny: You two look ridiculous in those masks and rubber gloves.

Moolie: Precautions!

Aggie: Yeah, don't start whining when you catch cooties, Ginny. We warned you…

Moolie: They've also seemed to infect this chapter. Beware.

.........

Chapter Nine: The Longest Chapter Yet :D

After much debating, arguing, and tears, the rooming arrangements had been determined. It was decided that Gimli would be sleeping out in the barn with Bill, the only one who could stand his flatulence. To Boromir's dismay, he was forced to room with Aragorn, Gandalf, and Legolas. The hobbits got their own room and the girls were left to share a room with each other.

"This is gonna be great! Just like a sleepover!" Pippin exclaimed with joy.

Merry shot a questionable glance at Frodo. "I do enjoy sleepovers, don't you, Frodo?" he said, nodding conspicuously towards Fado. Frodo merely rolled his eyes at his cousin and set down his pack. The hobbits promptly started a pillow fight and began jumping on their beds.

Meanwhile, Bonnie showed the girls to their room. Inside were a chest of drawers, a pitcher and wash bowl, and an enormous bed situated in the corner. Azimah noted that there was a small space between the wall and the side of the bed. 'This could pose as a foreshadowed problem,' she thought.

Fado opened up what she thought was a closet. Instead there was a little hallway. "Where does this go, I wonder?" Fado said to herself.

In the hobbits' room, Frodo and Merry were tackling Pippin while Sam was putting their things away. He opened up the closet door. "Oh dear. What's Fado doing in our closet?"

"What are you doing in my closet?" Fado asked.

"Are you meaning to say that we have conjoining rooms?" said Frodo.

Merry shot Pippin a glance. "Pip, I think these mattresses have lost their spring. Shall we?"

"After you, cousin!"

With that, the hobbits grabbed their pillows and ran to the girls' room. Azimah had finally gotten to sit down on the nice, comfy bed when the hobbits came thundering in, pummeling Fado in the process. They then proceeded to jump onto the girls' bed and continue their pillow fight.

Azimah sat there with her face in her hands. "I need some me time." She quietly stepped out of the room and crept down the hallway. She heard shouting from the next room:

"Aragorn's hogging the sink!"

"Am not, Boromir! You don't even need to shave!"

"Neither do you!"

"That doesn't mean I can't shave right now!"

"That didn't even make sense! Stupid Aragorn. Stupid inn. Stupid mirror."

"Silence, you two! I'm in the middle of my yoga session!"

Just then, Legolas slipped out of the room. "It's getting pretty weird in there."

"You think it's weird in there?" Azimah said, smiling under her veil. The two walked down the stairs and found Bonnie feeding Gimli a piece of cake. Azimah's eye started to twitch. "We need to get out of here." Legolas nodded and led her out a door and onto a back porch.

"Crazy day, huh?" Legolas started.

"Yeah, crazy-" Azimah suddenly paused and spun her head around to face the window. "Did you hear that?"

"Are you hearing voices again, Azimah?"

"Nooo…" Azimah said quietly, glaring at the window. Behind the curtain Frodo, Merry, Pippin, Sam, Nora, and Fado all peeped, trying to catch a glimpse of what the elves were doing.

"I'm gonna kill them, I swear…" Azimah muttered.

"What was that?" Legolas asked, totally clueless.

"I'm going inside now," Azimah said. "I have…matters…to attend to."

***

That evening, the fellowship settled down to a delicious dinner of chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, potato salad, butter rolls, collard greens, baked beans, and four different flavors of pie. To no one's surprise, the whole bowl of baked beans was almost instantly devoured by Gimli.

"Well now what do we do?" said Boromir as they sat around the fireplace enjoying an after dinner brandy and cigar.

"Well," said Merry. "There's this old game we used to play in the Shire as kids. Do you lads remember 'Wink'?"

Sam gasped dramatically. "Yes, I remember! I used to play that game with Rosie! My old Gaffer would always give me a good thrashing if he saw us, but I didn't care!"

"Oh, Sam, you old rebel," Merry said, clearly not interested.

Aragorn had now gained a competitive gleam in his eyes. "And how does one play this Wink?"

"First, we have to have an odd number of players," Merry started.

"That leaves me out, then," Gandalf said quickly. "I'm off to get my beauty sleep."

"Okay," Merry continued. "There are eleven of us, correct? So, five of us will sit in a semicircle and another five will sit behind them. One person is in the middle facing away from the group. Everyone pair up!"

The group did as told. Aragorn and Boromir paired up for some unknown reason. Merry got stuck with Gimli. Legolas tried to pair up with Azimah, who instead quickly grabbed Fado, forcing Legolas to partner with Frodo. That left Pippin and Nora together.

Sam was the only one left.

"Congratulations, Samwise," Merry said with a smile. "You are now the Wink!"

"Yay..?" Sam said.

"Right," said Merry. "Now, Sam's gonna face the wall. At Sam's signal, the inner circle (that's Nora, Boromir, Gimli, Fado, and Frodo) is gonna try to kiss Sam somewhere on his face. Meanwhile, the outer circle (that's Pip, Aragorn, me, Azimah, and Legolas) are gonna use whatever means necessary to stop them."

"Wait," Boromir said, a slightly disgusted look on his face. "We have to kiss that?!"

Merry avoided Boromir and clapped his hands. "Let's begin! Whenever you're ready, Sam."

Everyone waited. "Sam…you can go now…"

"Oh, okay…GO!"

Aragorn tackled Boromir and put him in a headlock. Azimah began to tickle Fado, who started laughing uncontrollably. Frodo was off to a good start, but Legolas soon grabbed his ankle and was holding on quite easily. At first, Merry had tried to keep Gimli seated, but soon figured out that the dwarf could launch himself using high-powered fart blasts. Soon Aragorn and Boromir's fight had turned into a full-out brawl and they quickly rolled into Legolas and Frodo.

Pippin was having a bit of trouble keeping Nora seated. In moments, she had escaped his grasp and was sitting next to Sam. She then reluctantly kissed his fat cheek.

"Ew!" Nora yelled, drawing her face from Sam's.

"Nora's the winner!" Merry exclaimed. "She is now the next Wink. Everyone switch partners."

"And shut up!" added Gandalf from the stairwell. "I'm trying to sleep here. Can't afford any bags under my eyes!"

The partners switched. Sam was now partnered with Pippin, Merry with Fado, Azimah with Gimli, Legolas with Boromir, and Frodo left with Aragorn.

Nora turned around and waited until it was quiet. "GO!"

Boromir glared at Aragorn and tackled him. Legolas and Frodo just sat there quite confused. Merry locked Fado in a bear hug, shooting snide glances at Frodo. Azimah grabbed Gimli by the beard, rendering him helpless. "Not the beard! That's my lady magnet!" Bonnie, who was watching with a cup of coffee in her hands, laughed.

Pippin managed to escape Sam's tiny, chubby hands and sprinted towards Nora, but tripped. By now, Fado had escaped Merry's bear hug and tripped Pippin as he tried to get up again. She soon reached Nora and quickly kissed her atop her head.

"We have another winner!" Merry exclaimed. "Fado, sit!"

Fado did as she was told and waited for the partners to switch. Teams: Boromir and Frodo, Gimli and Sam, Pippin and Legolas, Nora and Azimah, and Aragorn and Merry. Fado shouted "GO!"

Yet again, even though Boromir and Aragorn were not partners and were on completely different sides of the semicircle, they managed to leap over everyone and start another brutal fight. Pippin began to pull viciously on Legolas's hair. Nora and Azimah began hitting each other lazily. Gimli body slammed Sam to the ground.

Seeing that his partner Boromir was occupied, Frodo dashed to the center. Merry, however, was left without a partner too and decided to stop Frodo. The two hobbits tumbled to the floor and started a fight of such epic proportions that the authors cannot even begin to explain (we got lazy). Finally after much effort, Frodo managed to break free of Merry's grasp long enough to lean over and peck Fado on the cheek.

Merry sighed. "We have a winner."

***

After that riveting game of Wink, the fellowship headed off to their separate rooms. Nora dove onto the giant bed, rolling around in glee. "No more damned rocks in my back in the middle of the night."

"I hate sharing rooms," grumbled Azimah as she settled on the side of the bed closest to the wall. Azimah and Nora were just drifting off to sleep when "WHEEEEEEEE!" Fado dove into the space between them and snuggled up against Azimah.

"Get off me!" Azimah said, pushing the Sprite away from her. Fado curled tightly into a ball and immediately went to sleep.

"Someone's angsty, aren't we?" Nora said, rolling over on the bed.

"Get your feet away from me, they're cold!" Azimah complained. "I hate feet…"

Azimah went on grumbling and mumbling, angsty elf that she was. Suddenly, Nora quieted her. "I think Fado's talking in her sleep," she said. Both turned and listened intently as the Sprite tossed, mumbling.

"No, Frodo, I don't want pancakes. They're too illogical…"

Azimah and Nora looked at each other in amusement. Nora then yawned and purposely stretched her arms to hit Azimah in the face. "Well then! I think we should hit the hay."

Azimah frowned but was too tired to hit back or question her silly human colloquialism.

"HAY?!" a voice came from outside the window. "There's too much hay in here!"

"Is that Gimli?" Nora asked.

Azimah shook her head. "Just go to bed."

Once the girls had finally drifted off to sleep, four small shadows crept through the door.

"Shh, be quiet. They'll hear us!"

"Merry, what are we doing?"

"I don't know…Sam!"

BOOM!

Azimah immediately sat up. "Huh? What was that?" She promptly plopped back down and fell back to sleep.

"Geez, Sam! Go ahead and trip over the nightstand, why don't you!"

"I…I'm sorry, Merry…I don't even know why I'm here."

"Yeah, Merry, what's this genius plan you got us all into?"

"Well, Frodo…I don't know. It seemed like a good idea 20 seconds ago."

Meanwhile, Pippin was sideling over to where Nora was sleeping. "She really is pretty. I wonder…"

As he reached out to touch Nora's hair, Sam tripped again.

"What was that!?" Azimah said, once again sitting up in the bed.

"Deploy! Go, go, go!" Merry yelled, rushing the hobbits out of the room.

"Wait, where's Pippin?" Frodo asked.

"Who cares? Run!"

They slammed the door and Azimah grumbled back to sleep. Suddenly there was a loud boom from her side of the bed.

"Dammit, I'm stuck…" And she was. Apparently, Fado kicks a lot in her sleep.

***

The next morning:

"Has anyone seen the shampoo?" Gandalf said as he burst into the room. "...oooh…"

The scene before him was quite puzzling. First of all, Azimah had completely disappeared between the wall and the bed. In the center of the bed was a giant cocoon of blankets, coverings, and sheets. And finally, most disturbing, was Pippin…

"Pippin?" Gandalf mumbled.

Legolas burst in with shampoo covering his head, a loofah in his hand, and a towel around his waist. "Sorry, Gandalf, I needed the shampoo…oooh…"

Boromir and Aragorn then burst in after Legolas, their faces covered in shaving cream. "Legolas, you have to judge our shaving contest…oooh…"

The window then flew open and in climbed Gimli with straw in his beard. "Morning, all…oooh…"

Pippin and Nora lay snuggled close together on the far side of the bed.

The hobbits peeked their heads around the corner.

"Oh, so that's where he went," Sam stated quietly.

"Lucky duck," Merry said.

"Wait a minute," Frodo said. "Where's Fado?"

All of a sudden, the cocoon unraveled, revealing a still curled up Fado. She yawned and stretched her arms. "Good morning…oooh…"

"Rough night, eh?" Aragorn said, smiling beneath all the shaving cream.

"You have no idea," said a muffled voice from in between the wall and the bed.

"Azimah?" Legolas muttered, loofah still in hand.

"Finally, someone notices me," the voice said. She sounded as if her face was squashed against the wall.

"How did you get there, Azimah?" Fado asked.

"You kicked me, you idiot," Azimah mumbled.

Nora eyes fluttered open then widened as she noticed Pippin's face only inches from hers.

"Gaaaaaah!" she shrieked as she pushed him away from her. Pippin yelped and fell off the bed. "Out, out, OUT!" Nora shouted as she ran everyone out of the room. "That includes you!" she said, closing the window on Gimli's face. He fell backward into the large hay pile below the window. "No, the hay!"

"…I still need someone to help me up."

***

Back in the hallway, Merry turned to Pippin. "Well, Pip, I must say I'm awful proud. Though I never thought you had it in you."

"It's really not like that," Pippin said.

(Flashback…

Aggie: Moolie! Where are the dancing girls that were supposed to announce this flashback?

Moolie: I don't know. Just go on without them!)

Merry slammed the door behind him, leaving Pippin all alone in the girls' room. He checked the doors. They were locked. He then heard an ominous thump.

"Dammit, I'm stuck!"

Pippin yawned. He really was quite sleepy. He crept over to Nora's side of the bed. There was a space next to her. He lay down, careful not to disturb her. Nora then garbled something in Norse and sleepily wrapped her arms around the hobbit.

Pippin found himself in a predicament. On one hand, he didn't want to wake Nora up. On the other hand, she would probably kill him the next morning. Eventually, he simply snuggled closer and went to sleep.

(End flashback dammit).

"So you see, it wasn't really my fault," Pippin said.

"I couldn't tell, Pip. It was your flashback, not mine."

………

Ginny: We apologize for that strange chapter. We were listening to a bunch of New Kids on the Block and Rick Astley.

Aggie: Moolie, you never did get those dancing girls.

Moolie: Here they come!

*In enters Donald the Yellow Whale with a top hat and cane followed by a bunch of showgirls doing the Japan-can.*

Ginny: Again, we apologize.