Chapter 9

Alex felt like a veil was being lifted off her eyes. She could see the window, and through that the grass and trees and buildings of London, but it seemed as though it was covered. Slowly though, the haze that impeded her vision dissipated and the outdoors became clear in her sight. She hadn't been able to move when her eyes were hazed over, but now, she felt something in her fingers and lifted one off the arm of the chair. She smiled, before returning her face to its normally vacant expression.

Alex stared out the window for a moment, taking in her surroundings silently. She knew exactly where she was, and she knew exactly what kind of commotion it would cause for her to move.

Alex merely stared for a while, enjoying the silence of the hospital, soaking in the late afternoon sun. It was shining directly on her, and the blanket that covered her legs made it way too hot. She had to take it off, but she didn't want to incite the pandemonium. Slowly, she turned her head around. There was no one at the nurse's station, or anywhere in her sight. Smirking to herself, she stood, folding the blanket nicely, and walked down the hallway. She had no idea where her room was, but she assumed she could find it easily. As she passed the doors, she realized that it would be much easier than she had originally thought. There were names on the doors. She continued down the corridor, looking left and right until she finally saw a sign that said 'Drake, A."

She went into the room, and knew immediately that it was hers. There were some photos on the walls of over four years past, with Chris, Ray, Shaz and Gene. Some of the things from her flat were there, and in the corner, sitting in a chair used for visitors, was Mr. Tiddles.

"My god," she said, stunned. "I didn't know you'd come with me."

She stared at it a moment, thinking back to when she woke up in the ladies locker room, convinced it was another day in hell. She remembered Gene telling her about the time spent when she thought she was five and being thoroughly embarrassed.

I suppose this is more embarrassing though, she thought to herself. Spending four years staring at a wall with drool hanging out of your mouth and having people feed you, bathe you...

She didn't finish the thought. She couldn't. It was too demeaning to think about. Alex sighed, staring at the clock. She supposed it was time to go face the nurses. She looked out her window for a moment, basking in the sun before turning around. She opened the door and walked back down the corridor, wondering at the emptiness of it. She could hear voices in the distance and turned, walking towards them. The voices were coming from the end of the corridor, behind double doors. Someone was standing on the opposite side, facing the other way. The person was speaking.

"I'm just gonna get Alex, yeah? And then I'll be back." The woman turned and pulled the door open walking through and running into Alex. "Sorry Alex," the woman said and brushed past before stopping dead in the middle of the hallway. "Oh my god," she whispered.

Alex smiled softly. "Hi Ruth," she said, unsure of what else to do.

"Er...Hi," Ruth responded, dumbstruck. "Er...you can talk. Erm...Amy!" Ruth walked right past Alex and back through the double doors.

Alex tried not to grin. This had to be surprising. After all, only a few days ago they were talking about how she wasn't going to come back. They didn't know that she had been half awake for days, able to hear what was going on around her, to see it slightly, but unable to do anything else. A few moments later, Ruth came out followed by another nurse. Amy looked just as surprised as Ruth, and they both stood staring at Alex with their mouths open for a moment. Finally, Ruth spoke.

"Do you know where you are?"

"The psychiatric hospital I woke up in last time. You're Ruth, and you're Amy." Alex almost grinned. The other woman was supplying the memories just like she had promised.

"Do you know what happened?" Amy asked.

"I watched the video of what happened to Gene. And then I regressed."

Both the nurses seemed unsure of what to say. Alex knew why. They hadn't expected her to recover, and if she had, they expected the screaming, terrified version from before. They hadn't expected her to be fully cognitive.

"I'll ring the psychologist. And then I'll ring Gene," Ruth said.

Alex held up her hand. "Please, not Gene."

Ruth frowned. "But he's in charge of your care."

"Ruth, I've got my memories, I know who I am and where I am. If you don't believe me and really want to ring Gene, please wait until the psychologist comes and gives you report. I believe I'm able to decide for myself."

Ruth nodded. "We'll talk to the psychologist when he comes."

"Thank you."

"While she rings him, do you want to eat anything?" Amy asked. "We were just getting ready to get you for dinner."

"Yes, please. I'm ravenous."

She followed Amy into the canteen, where people were eating quietly. Most of the chatter, Alex found, came from the employees. She got into line behind Amy. "I'm not eating, of course," Amy said to Alex. "If you excuse me, I still feel like I need to lead you everywhere."

Alex gave a small smile and turned to the man serving the food. He looked stunned to see her walking about, just like most of the employees in the canteen. "Alex! What do you want tonight?"

"I suppose you don't have veal scaloppini. So whatever you're serving is great."

The man nodded and gave her a plate of food. She followed Amy to a table and sat down, joined shortly by Ruth.

"The psychologist will be here in a little bit. Probably half an hour after dinner is over."

Alex nodded and started to eat, though the meal had nothing on a plate of Luigi's pasta. Even the sea scallops with pineapple rings tasted better than this. And she didn't like sea scallops.

Twenty minutes later, she was done eating, and Ruth and Amy were still glancing at her as though they didn't believe their eyes.

"I'll go wait in my room, shall I?" Alex asked, standing from the table, uncomfortable with all the attention.

"We'll send the psychologist in as soon as he gets here."

Alex nodded and walked down the hallway, leaving the two to gossip about her.

"So?" Ruth asked. "What do you think about her request not to tell Gene?"

"Oh God! What if she heard our conversation the other day?" Amy asked.

"How? She was completely catatonic that day."

"But she was coming back for days the last time."

"But she had spent much longer in the catatonia."

"I think we should respect what she wants," Amy said, finally answering the question. "She's much more in control than last time."

"But like it or not, Gene's in charge of her care. Even if we do switch it back over to her, he's going to have to find out."

"Maybe not. If he thinks she's catatonic, there's nothing he has to know about."

"Yes, but what about when he comes to visit on Christmas?" Ruth asked flatly.

"What a Christmas present!"

Ruth laughed. "Yeah, Merry Christmas. Alex has been awake for a month but we've been keeping it from you."

"I'm sure he'd take it fine," Amy said jokingly.

Ruth just cocked an eyebrow. "I'm going to go see if Doctor Stevens is here. You plot."

"Fine!" Amy called after her. "I'll work it out."

~(*)~

"I just don't know how we can do this without telling Gene that you've recovered Alex," the psychologist said. "Besides, what do you want to do on Christmas when he comes to visit?"

"Tell him I have the flu or something."

The psychologist had come soon after dinner and after a long conversation had confirmed her to be mentally fit. He had already told her, however, that she was going to stay under close supervision for two months or so before he would consider letting her go out into the world again.

"Alex, you've got too high of a cognitive function to stay on this unit. You'll be moved upstairs, where people are more alert."

"That doesn't matter. Put the nurses in masks and they can say the whole unit is on quarantine."

"And what about when he tries to come back at a later date?"

Alex sighed. "I don't know. I just...I don't want him to know."

"Why don't you want Gene to know that you're better?"

"Because, what if I go back again? He's thought I was dead for six months and then found me when I thought I was five, had me for a month and then I went catatonic for four years. Then he spent eight months thinking that I was recovering, that I'd get my memories when I regressed back into catatonia. I've destroyed him. He visited me every day for over a year. I've ruined his life, and it'd be better if I just stayed away from him, from all of CID."

The psychologist pressed his fingers against the bridge of his nose. "We have to tell Gene, Alex. You do have the right to refuse visitors though. And if the next few months go well, we'll see about putting you in charge of your own care."

Alex frowned, annoyed. "Fine."

"I know it's not what you want..."

"No, it's not. I know Gene. As soon as he finds out that I'm okay, he'll be showing up every day, possibly more than once if I refuse to see him. He doesn't take no for an answer. He's going to get angry at the nurses on the unit for refusing him access and verbally abuse them. That's Gene in a nutshell."

"But Alex, you haven't known Gene for nearly five years."

"No. I didn't know him for four years. These past seven months or so I remember. And he's the same Gene at heart."

"Alex, I've been meeting with the man every month for nearly five years..."

"For an hour or so, right?" She waited until the psychologist nodded. "For seven months, I spent up to four hours a day with him. I do know him."

Doctor Stevens stared at her for a moment before giving a small smile. "It was a lot easier arguing with you before, do you know that?"

"I've been told on many occasions that I'm a stubborn cow," Alex smiled back.

"Well, I wouldn't call you a cow, but stubborn, very."

Alex laughed. "So I'll spend until February upstairs and then I'm free?"

"If nothing significant has happened, then yes."

"I honestly don't think it will. I can remember everything, excluding that four or five months that I thought I was five. And what sent me over was Gene. He's alive and well."

The psychologist stared at her a moment. "Alex, do you think that this need to separate yourself from Gene has to do with the fact you think he's in danger around you?"

Alex frowned. "Why would he be in danger around me?"

"Well, the same man that kidnapped and tortured you kidnapped and tortured Gene just to watch your reaction."

"But that was just one time. I mean, if he nearly died every time I got into trouble, maybe I'd think so but..."

"There's been more than one occasion like this?" the psychologist asked sharply.

Alex cursed herself inwardly, knowing she had said too much. "Erm...Yeah."

"What happened?"

Alex looked down. She really didn't want to pour out her heart and soul to this man. Most of it was that she was a psychologist. She should be able to deal with this on her own.

If you could deal with this on your own, a voice said inside her head, you wouldn't be sitting in a psychiatric hospital.

"Alex, will you tell me what happened?"

The repeated question with the name to sound more inviting trick. She knew them all. However, she responded.

"My first ten months after I moved to CID was...eventful. A few weeks after I joined, one of the suspects we had in a death threat case blew up the street with World War Two era dynamite. I was too close. Gene pulled me back and I passed out. A few months later we broke in to a government facility and got locked in a vault. We were almost out of oxygen when Ray and Chris opened it up. Then, we were investigating a robbery on a post office. I figured it out, went in alone and the man's wife hit me over the head with something and subdued me enough to get me locked in a cold store. I nearly died, but Gene rescued me. Then, a few months before the Burrows case, I was kidnapped in the middle of the street near a crime scene. He chloroformed me, strapped me down to a hospital bed and began to torture me. I nearly died then as well, but again, Gene saved me."

The psychologist was staring at her with his mouth slightly open. "Good God. You were just a ticking time bomb. I think when you get out you need to consider a change of careers."

"I was already thinking about that. Something mundane."

"Exactly." He looked at his watch. "Well, Alex. I'm going to have Ruth ring Gene. Remember that you have the right to refuse visitors if you don't want to see him."

"Is it alright if I walk out with you? I just want to talk to Ruth before she rings him."

The psychologist nodded and they walked down the corridor to the nurse's station together. "Ruth, I'm going to have you ring Gene. He's still in charge of Alex's care for the moment but after a few months we'll reassess. Also, let's see about moving her upstairs."

Ruth nodded as the psychologist walked out and looked back to Alex. "Do you need something Alex?"

"When you ring Gene, could you just say that I don't want visitors today or tomorrow? That I'm getting adjusted?"

Ruth nodded. "Sure, Alex. It's definitely a plausible story."

"Thank you." With that, Alex turned and went back to her room to lie on her bed and think about what she was now going to do. All she had ever wanted was to be a copper. Now, it was time to find something new. And whatever it was, she would make damn sure that it was enjoyable, even if it was mundane.