'Hey.' I knock on the stone wall, pretending it's a door. Four is sitting against the wall, hunched up with his head tipped back and his eyes closed. 'This is not quite the victory dance I was expecting,' I continue.
Four beat Eric. It's all over Dauntless by now - these things spread frighteningly fast. Everyone knows about it. But he barely seems to care.
It's strange. I lost all three fights, but I was so pleased to get a good hit in against Zeke. Four has become the only unbeaten initiate, transfers and Dauntless-borns, but he doesn't seem to know or acknowledge that.
How is he not happy?
I sit across from him, my back against the wall. It's a narrow corridor and our feet aren't very far apart. Why am I noticing that?
'Eric's in the hospital,' I say. 'They think you broke his nose. You definitely knocked out one of his teeth,' I add, trying to cheer him up.
Four winces and looks down, not meeting my eyes. He looks almost guilty. Maybe he didn't need to know that.
Okay. Now to do what I actually came here to do. I've been trying to psyche myself up to ask him, but it hasn't worked so far. 'I was…I was wondering if you could help me.' I nudge his shoe with my toe.
His head snaps up. 'Help you with what?'
'Fighting. I'm no good at it. I keep getting humiliated in the arena,' I admit. I shake my head. 'I have to face off with this girl in two days, her name's Ashley but she makes everyone call her Ash.' I can't help rolling my eyes. I refuse to call her Ash, instead going with Ashley. 'You know, Dauntless flames, ash, whatever. Anyway, she's one of the best people in our group.' She's only been beaten once. 'And I'm worried she's going to kill me. Like actually kill me.' I don't mention the fact that she hates me with a passion.
'Why do you want my help?' Four sounds suspicious. I feel a squeezing in my stomach. Maybe he isn't going to help me. 'Because you know I'm a Stiff and we're supposed to help people?'
'What? No, of course not. I want your help because you're the best in your group, obviously.'
Four laughs, almost derisively. 'No, I'm not.'
I roll my eyes. 'You and Eric were the only undefeated ones and you just beat him so yeah, you are. Listen, if you don't want to help me, all you have to do is-'
'I'll help,' he cuts in, then hesitates. 'I just don't really know how.'
'We'll figure it out,' I say. 'Tomorrow afternoon? Meet you in the arena?'
He nods, and I grin, get up, and start to leave. Zeke's waiting for me. Then I turn around, see him sitting in exactly the same position he was in before I came in. His knees drawn up to his shoulders, his arms round his legs, and his head tipped back. But his eyes are wide open.
'Quit sulking, Four,' I say. 'Everyone's impressed with you. Embrace it.'
Then I leave, and run to catch up with Zeke.
The next morning, at breakfast, Zeke waves Four over to our table. I'm too tired to take part in the conversation. I'm fine just listening.
Zeke is yawning too. Four, despite his late night yesterday, is bright and alert. Or at least as bright as I've seen him.
'So that's my little brother, Uriah. He's a right pain in the backside, but he's all right really,' says Zeke. Four cranes his head to follow Zeke's gesture.
'Who's the one with him? Do you know her?' Four asks.
'That's Lynn, Shauna's little sister. And her best friend Marlene.'
I don't know why Lynn and Marlene are such good friends. Lynn's so grumpy and Marlene's so cheerful. But they get on well enough, and I suppose that's all that really matters.
'And there's Hector, Shauna's younger brother. We call him Hec.'
'Does your mother live here?' asks Four curiously.
'Yep. She's called Hana. Over there, in the breakfast line,' Zeke says, gesturing. There's a faint tinkle of glass as Zeke knocks over a mug in his effort to point out Hana. 'Damn. Oh well, I'll get that in a minute.'
'Do you miss living at home?' Four asks. 'Not really. I mean, they're right there. Dauntless-born initiates aren't really supposed to talk to family until Visiting Day, but I know if I really needed something, they'd be there.'
I let the talking lull me into something like sleep. The next thing I know, my chin has slipped off my elbow and I've smashed my muffin with my face. Good wake-up call, but not one I needed right now. I watch as Zeke cries with laughter, and for the first time I see Four break into a smile.
In the afternoon, I walk over to the arena. Four isn't there yet, so I start punching the bag as hard as I can. Which, judging by what Ashley says, isn't that hard.
It could be minutes or hours later that I finally see him in the doorway, watching me. I jump, feeling like I've had an electric shock. It's quite unsettling to see Four standing there. 'Rule number one for not being creepy. Announce your presence in a room if another person doesn't see you come in,' I say, only half joking.
'Sorry,' he replies apologetically. 'I was coming up with some pointers for you.'
'What are they?' I ask.
Four explains how I stand with my knees locked, and I don't have a hand up to protect my jaw. I also punch from my elbow, but I'd get a better punch if I put my body weight behind it.
We begin by squaring off. After a half hour of training, I'm moving better than before. He keeps having to remind me to protect my jaw, and to dodge punches instead of just taking them. 'This girl you have to fight tomorrow. A good uppercut should do it. Let's practise those.'
We face off yet again. I aim a punch at him, pulling back so I don't hurt him. He blocks it, then starts to go for my jaw, stopping at the last moment. Damn, I left a hole in my guard again.
I straighten up. 'You know, maybe I would learn my lesson if you actually hit me,' I say.
'I would really rather not,' he replies. His expression is unreadable.
'What you think is some kind of lingering Abnegation chivalry is really kind of insulting. I can take care of myself. I can take a little pain,' I say. I almost want him to hit me. How else am I supposed to learn?
'It's not that,' he says. 'It's not because you're a girl. I just…I'm not really into violence for no reason.'
I'm a little confused. 'Some kind of Stiff thing, huh?'
'Not really,' Four answers. 'Stiffs aren't into violence, period. Put a Stiff into Dauntless and they just let themselves get punched a lot.' He smiles, and I do too. That's exactly the sort of thing a Dauntless would say. 'It just doesn't feel like a game to me, that's all,' he continues.
I see the almost haunted look in his eyes, and search my mind for a change of subject. Nothing comes, so I just say, 'All right, let's go again.'
We keep going for ages. It takes me a while to master the uppercut, but I get there eventually. When we leave, I thank him and wrap an arm round him. I laugh at how tense it makes him. He probably didn't get hugged in Abnegation a lot. 'How to be Dauntless - An Introductory Course. It's okay to hug your friends here,' I say.
'We're friends?' he says.
I laugh. 'Oh, shut up.'
I wake up feeling both excited and terrified. Peering at Ashley's bed, I see she's still asleep. There's a squeezing feeling in my stomach but I try to put it down to hunger rather than dread. Who am I kidding? I know I'm dreading this, even though I know what to do. I know exactly what to do, which is a big change from two days ago.
I ignore the small voice in my head that tells me knowing how to fight and actually fighting are two different things.
I eat my breakfast as fast as I can, and then run to the arena. I remember Four's pointers. Don't get too arrogant, but remember that you can win this. Concentrate on fighting, not talking. His voice sounds in my head.
After a while, I zone out, rhythmically punching the bag. I jump a little when I turn around and see the arena crowded with initiates ready to fight. Ashley is in the middle of the group, cracking her knuckles threateningly. The arena's emptier, but not by much. Four already mentioned that the transfers, because there are less of them, have finished their first phase of initiation. It's taking us longer to get to the second phase.
'Shauna and Ash,' calls Lauren. Her voice sounds far away, like I'm underwater. There's a ringing sound, and I wonder why no one acknowledges it until I realise it's in my ears.
We face off, shuffling around each other for a few seconds. I remember Four again. Get in the first hit. An uppercut to her jaw. Exactly like the one Four showed me, but I'm not pulling back on this one. She stumbles back, holding her face. I know that she isn't nearly beaten yet. But it's thrown her off her game enough for me to get a good hit into her collarbone.
Ashley aims for my jaw. Too late, I realise that there was a hole in my guard. I try to twist away, but she hits my eye instead. I feel a sensation like touching a livewire, spreading through my face. I suddenly think that I'm going to lose again, I'm going to finish initiation without winning any fights at all.
Suddenly the adrenaline kicks in and I feel a rush through my body. My eye would hurt, and I know it will later, but right now I'm too focused on Ashley to think. Each move, practised thousands of times with Four. I can almost see him guiding me through each step, hit and kick. Another uppercut, aiming for her jaw but getting her nose. Blood blossoms there, spilling out from beneath her fingers. Then a final punch, throwing my full body weight behind the hit, and she's down. I step back, allowing her space to get up.
I won.
I can't wait to tell Four.
A/N: Hello! Me again :) What did you think of this chapter? I really like Shauna, and this was really interesting to write. The chapter got its name because of the growing friendship (completely platonic, of course) between Shauna and Four. My other fave character is Amar, if I haven't mentioned that a few million times before :) It's strange, I didn't think that there were so many other people here who liked Amar. None of my friends are fangirls for anything, unlike me :D
Also, check out my profile page: there's a poll on my page where you can vote for your 3 fave characters. I'd be really interested to know who you like!
EDIT: Thanks so much for boekenworm for noticing the mistake in the first sentence. You're awesome :)
