A/N: Yadda yadda yadda. Disclaimers are boring. I hate having to write them, but I know we need to confirm that we don't own whatever we're writing Fanfics for.
Lila: You know, this is the one place where you managed to write something cute.
Me: You're too kind. Besides, you're really saying you love it. Why else would you use one of my jokes from this chapter?
Lila: No comment.
Me: You practically admitted it.
Lila: If I make a comment after saying no comment, then I'll look like a complete arse, won't I?
Me: Yeah.
Lila: Then, no comment.
******
Edward was channel surfing when he heard the singing. With inhuman strength, he yanked open the locked door. "Get back, you bastard! She's mine now!" The two lovebirds whirled around. Erik slid Charlotte behind him to shield her from Edward's rage.
"Erik, it's okay. Let me talk to him." Charlotte slipped back in front and jerked the ring off her finger. "Our 'engagement' is over. Go find some slut who would actually want you, okay?" With amazing accuracy for someone who hated sports, she threw the ring at him, and it landed three centimeters below his right eye.
"Ow! Lottie, that hurt!"
"Oh, really? I'm so sorry. Let me kiss it and make it better." She simpered sarcastically.
"That's more like it." Edward closed his eyes, expecting a kiss. "Come on, Lottie. Make it better." Erik and Charlotte exchanged a grin and she nodded. He struck Edward squarely in the jaw, knocking his rival to the ground.
"Whoa, that felt good. Do you want a turn, Charlotte?" He pulled Edward up and pinned his arm behind his back. She made a fist and hit right on the nose. "Nice."
"Thanks. Well, I guess we've learned our lesson, haven't we, Erik? And I suppose you have too, Edward. Now, if you'll excuse us, we're going to go have some private time. See ya." They left Edward and shut the door behind them. When he was alone, Edward raised a hand to his smarting face.
"Now," he hissed, "let it be war upon you both."
***December 15, 2009***
For some reason, Edward was not in rehearsal that day. So, they ran all the numbers that didn't include Raoul several times, since there weren't very many of them. At lunch, Charlotte met Erik in Box Five.
"I missed you, Angel." He kissed her.
"Not as much as I missed you. I told you what happened to me. Now you tell your story."
"Okay, let's see. I got stuffed into the first Phantom's cage, whipped, and underfed on greasy food. The only good parts were Emma and the one break where they let me out and let me sing."
"Who's Emma?"
"She was the owner's daughter, and the circus contortionist. Overly cheerful, but really friendly." He noticed Charlotte's sullen face. "Oh, come on! Don't tell me you're jealous! I only liked her as a friend. I promise."
"Oh. Well, I guess we were both miserable without each other."
"I don't know. I mean, countless voice cracks within one day? God knows I don't want to be associated with that!"
PAUSE
Lila: And there's the one cute moment.
Me: STFU!
RESUME
"Jerk."
"Shrieker."
"Apparition!"
"Hypocrite!"
"Murderer!"
"Idiot!"
"Carcass!" She kissed him. "Beat that!"
"The insult or the kiss?"
"Yes." She said teasingly.
"Viper!" He gave her a warm, tender kiss, like hot chocolate with a blanket on a cold day.
"Gargoyle!"
"Demon!"
"Monster!"
"Delilah!" The kissing was getting to the point where most people try to break a world record.
"Oh, that reminds me." She rummaged through her worn leather satchel and pulled out his mask. "Here. I used it like a teddy bear while you were gone. Do you mind?"
"Not at all." He refastened the mask for the first time in eight days. "That only improves it. Wait a second." He sniffed it. "Why does it smell like lavender and vanilla with a hint of cinnamon?"
Charlotte blushed. "I, um, washed it a couple of times with my favorite soap. It got kind of dirty when those thugs dropped it in the stables. You don't want to stick your face in horse shit, am I right?"
"How'd you guess?" He laughed. "It smells like you now."
"I smell?"
"Oh. Um, good smell. Like flowers… and other good-smelling stuff?"
"You get an A for effort, Erik, but an epic fail for a convincing performance. You're going to have to try harder."
"You want me to lie to you?"
"If you're going to be a successful Phantom when we open, then yes."
"How'd you know I was going to play the Phantom?"
"Marie told me to practice 'our' numbers together."
"Oh. Crap. Well, the lair is a good place for some of those numbers."
"Unless you can make it seem like we're in a cemetery, singing 'Wandering Child,' I don't think so. I repeat, fail."
"Maybe you'd like to go back to Edward, then. He's a believable liar, isn't he?"
"Too believable. I'd rather have a sweet, sucky liar like you than a jerk like him. What I meant was that I need to believe you're upset, or in pain, or throwing a fit of rage. Make your eyes do that weird, cold, solidifying thing."
"What are you talking about?"
"When you're mad, your eyes go cold, dark and solid. Like when you caught me looking at your face for the first time, or when you hit Edward."
"Okay, now let me give you an example. Down Once More. You need to make me believe that you're upset enough to kidnap me, force me into a wedding dress, almost rape me, attempt to murder my lover, and force me to choose between the two of you. Make me feel that I don't know you. Become the shunned, deluded, despised man who would do anything for love." She seductively pulled him closer, then pushed him away.
He wrapped his arms around her. "I can do the shunned, despised and love parts, but I'm not sure about deluded."
"We can watch the 2004 movie, if you want. Gerard Butler did an amazing job." She snuggled into him into his chest and he gasped in pain. "Oh, God, I'm sorry! Are you okay?"
"That's where they whipped me. It still hurts, but I'll be fine. Look, you should go. You need to eat lunch before Marie calls you back. Besides, I need to meet with her to go over some business stuff."
***December 18, 2009: The First Dress Rehearsal***
They were a week away from opening night. The entire cast now knew that Charlotte had dumped Edward, and wondered why. That was one of two questions. The other was 'Who is playing the Phantom?' Charlotte was changing into her Hannibal slave costume in the dressing room. Erik was setting up backstage for his big entrance. They'd be going public in about twenty minutes. Once that happened, there was no going back. This was the true point of no return.
******
"All right, everyone, circle up." Marie ordered. The cast and crew formed a circle holding each other's hands. Charlotte was next to Maggie and Marie, although she was only holding Maggie's hand. "Now, I want to tell you all how proud I am of you. You are the best young singers, dancers, actors, and actresses of this world. You have all worked extremely hard, and you all deserve this. You are all ready. We have a beautiful and talented Christine, a charming Raoul, a sweet Meg, a glorious Carlotta, two lovable managers, a perfect Piangi…." Marie gave everyone a compliment in turn, even the stage hands. "As you all know, there is still a Phantom in the Opera House. And he has graciously agreed to become our Phantom in this production." The lights went off with a loud bang! When they came back on, Erik stood in the center of the circle, holding onto a Punjab lasso from the center of the ceiling.
"Why so silent, mes amis? Do you honestly believe it was I who killed our Monsieur Wosten?" Charlotte giggled and stepped out of the circle to take his hand and kiss his cheek. "As you can see, Mam'selle Charlotte trusts me, and I know her to be an excellent judge of character." He gave Edward a look that said, 'ha-ha, she likes me better.'
"Everyone, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Erik Mulheim VI. He's the descendant of the real Phantom."
******
Edward called up a few of his friends for some extra muscle and confronted Erik head-on. "Hey. New guy." Erik turned.
"I have a name, you know, Monsieur Finalman. I suppose you want to talk about Charlotte?"
"Yeah, that's exactly it. I want to know exactly what you've put my girlfriend on!"
"Your girlfriend? Last time I checked, she dumped you last year, during Jesus Christ Superstar. Right after 'I Don't Know How To Love Him,' wasn't it?"
"Oh-hhhh. Sauced!" Jakkob, one of the stagehands, snapped his fingers. Edward gave his friend an evil look. He knew Jakkob was Dutch and loved American terms of dissing, but now was not the time
"It means nothing! She's my girl! She has been since we were in the kids' ensemble of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor© Dreamcoat!" Edward snarled.
"Ay, Dios, what do these Andrew Lloyd Webber shows do to relationships these days?" Andre asked. The other guys laughed, but Erik kept eye contact with Edward.
"Why aren't you over her by now? You look like Robert Pattinson, for crying out loud! You could have almost any girl here! Maggie, Kate, Isa ... no, wait, Isabella's with Sandro, but that's not the point."
"Then what is, gargoyle?"
"I'm gonna let that slide for four reasons. One, I promised Charlotte I wouldn't kill anyone. Two, I know you're just trying to annoy me. Three, Marie will kill me if I mess up that pretty-boy face of yours, although the girly hair extensions do nothing for you. And, four, you're jealous that Charlotte loves me and not you. That is my point. You need to get over her and move on, like she has. So, adieu, Monsieur le Viscomte. Enjoy your time as Christine's lover, because once this production is over, Charlotte and I are moving in together. And, once she's done with college…" He broke off and hummed a few bars of the Wedding March. "Got it? As far as she's concerned, you're just a memory, a fling of the past, etc."
"Don't you think you're getting a little ahead of yourself there, Mulheim?"
"Nope. In fact, Charlotte's the one who suggested that plan."
"Funny, I didn't see a ring on Lottie's finger."
"Yeah. I'm still trying to find the ring that the first Phantom gave Christine." Edward gave him a blank stare. "What? I thought it seemed fitting."
"Oh, yeah, like a piece of jewelry's gonna make up for the fact that you're practically imprisoning her in the Opera House with you for the rest of her life. How delusional can you get?"
"I'd rather be delusional and in love, than bitter and sensible. Au revoir." Erik sauntered off.
"Dude, do you know how badly he just pwned you?" Jakkob asked.
"Shut up!" Edward ordered. "It's not over yet."
******
A/N: Oooh, that was probably the best argument I've ever written.
Lila (Twirling a Punjab lasso): Why did you take my girly-hair comment?
Me: I thought you'd appreciate it. After all, imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.
Lila: Well, then, I'm really flattering the Phantom. (She throws the lasso around my neck and cackles maniacally.)
Me (Choking): Someone save me!
