Ch. 9: How to Crash a Party

So it seems I was to wear the fancy elven helmet that Rowan traded a ring for. Apparently it had magic – dispelling properties, and given the fact that I, Alistair the Templar, was often the target of malicious magic attacks for being the nail in the party, the Cousland intended it for me as a birthday gift.

"The Tevinter Dales have a strange sense of fashion," Rowan commented as I put on the unusually lightweight helmet.

Great. Now I look like a fish.

"It's got fins and all. How charming," Leliana poked.

"Alright then, shall we proceed with chasing werewolves?"

Off we went into the ruins; with each battle that came, Leliana sang the captivating stories of the epic Wardens' glory and might. Her 'inspiring' performances served to our advantage for the most part, if she had only left out her version of 'the Brave Almighty Cousland'…

"Bravely bold Sir Rowan rode forth from Highever, he was not afraid to die; oh, brave Sir Rowan, he was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways – "

It was only a matter of time before we encountered a werewolf gang's ambush deep in the underground chambers.

"Could you at least stab a werewolf in the back for me when you say that, Leli?" I responded after bashing another werewolf with my shield. "The lyrics are rather distracting…"

"He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken, and his kneecaps split, and his body burned away – "

"That's enough music for now," Rowan commanded after ten minutes, getting up slowly from being floored by a werewolf in stealth.

"Yes, that it is. We'd all be deafened if you continued…"

"Do continue, Leliana, I find your version of the story very much entertaining," Wynne remarked. "It lessens the drabness of this hideout."

"Oh, certainly. Sorry for my delayed rescue, I'll try not to get too carried away next time," Leliana replied shyly.

The innumerable traps set up for us in the vast rooms of the ruins weren't any more welcoming, even if they did provide an opportunity for us to disarm and learn trap-making mechanics. Blasted mechanics; I was glad to be a templar and not an engineer.

"Maker, did I just lose an eyebrow?" I said abruptly, feeling my forehead. "I didn't step on another pressure plate, did I?"

"Keep that helmet on and you won't get flamed," Rowan responded from across the room.

"There," Leliana said from the middle of the trap room. "Disarmed."

"You could use a crossbow, you know. Saves you the trouble of walking across the room just to avenge a darkspawn archer," Rowan added.

"Of course! I know how to use a crossbow…I think…"

All was well as we plundered the ruins of any remaining treasures (and spirits), up until the point we met the Lady of the Ruins…er, Forest, and discovered Zathrian's betrayal. Long story short, we went into the werewolves' hideout, tried to reach a compromise for the attacks on the Dalish, and realized that Zathrian was playing ugly blood magic for revenge. Everyone had a massive spaz attack after that; the trees came alive, the werewolves became mysteriously paralyzed in their places, and shades emerged out of the walls.

"There will be no end to this curse! I will not allow it!" Zathrian announced.

"Deranged Dalish Keeper trying to make a point, fails, curses own clan, blames talking werewolves for being vicious as werewolves take revenge to prove their point, fail, and now try to compromise," Rowan said as he rubbed his brow irritatingly, moments before being surrounded. "What is the point of being a Grey Warden, so we can solve other people's problems? Blasted acorns! Nevermind. Our strategy, everyone: pummel Zathrian!"

"Trololololololol, Tralalalala – " Leliana progressed epically.

"Shut up, you fools! Get out of my way!" Zathrian ordered as he prepared to cast a blizzard.

"So you can bring down the ceiling on us? Surely you're joking," said Rowan, firing a scattershot.

"Oh no you don't - !" I tackled the suicidal maniac to the ground, ignoring the stupid gnarled roots from another one of those murderous sylvanwood trees trying to ensnare me.

The ensuing chaos left us with little choice but to side with the werewolves; Rowan demanded that we receive compensation for the trouble, and got a spell – resistant shield from Swiftrunner the human in return. Siding with what's right always seems to come at great costs, as Duncan would say, but given how things could have been, I'm glad we did. As the hermit would say, it's a fair trade…for once.