Chapter 9:

There are days long past he dreams of.

Days with the warmth of sun upon his cold and broken face.

He would smile, and reach his small hands towards it, and wonder as the light seared against his eyes and made spring forth from them salty thick tears, if this was what it was, to be in the sun. To be of the sun. As Thor. As Mother… As Father.

There was no place he loved finer then, to be in his Mother's gardens, where Asgard's suns shone brightest and longest through the day.

And in his dreams, as he sits there and basks in the warmth, and pretends he knows for a moment what it is to belong, there always is to reach his ears the sound of silken fabric, brushing delicate and soft against the stone ground.

And his eyes turn from the sky, and search towards the sound, and there he finds his Mother.

She is standing there, smiling kindly at him. Smiling in a way which sends his heart to soaring. Such kindness, it would undo him to tears, and he would weep to know such kindness. Rise and stumble towards her, weeping, and throw his arms about her sure and strong legs, clutching her close. And she would bend and take him up against her breast, hold his head to her shoulder and sooth him in gentle tones, and tell him he is loved. He is loved.

"My son, you are so, so loved."

And he would beg her promise, because only from her could he ever believe. Only from her, did he ever trust no deceit…

Loki wakes with a gasp.

For a moment, there is only panicked confusion.

Spiraling fast into unfettered fear, as rapidly he becomes aware of his magic suppressed within him, its failure, its refusal to respond to his call, and brutally memories of time spent in utter darkness floods his mind, the falsely soothing tones of the voice of the mad titian, whispering against his ear, thick, cruel fingers pushing through his hair in some twisted mockery of comfort.

"Hush… hush, my little godling… what have you to fear from me? If you would but do my bidding, submit yourself to my will, this suffering would cease. Do you not wish that? Do you not wish freedom from this agony? Little godling, why do you struggle so against your fate? Why do you do this to yourself?"

His eyes snap wide, and he flails, struggling against he knows not what, only overcome by the need to get away.

He doesn't even realize he's falling until he hits the ground, hard, and he continues to fight, rolling from his back and trying desperately to make it to his knees.

"Loki!"

"No!" He cries, voice broken and wretched. "No, s-stay… stay away. GET AWAY!"

"Loki, calm yourself!" He hears again, but the voice is unknown. He doesn't know it. And then there are hands, strong hands, stronger than him, gripping his arms, forcing him down, and Loki screams.

He fights, the utter certainty that he has to get away wrapped unyielding about his heart. Only he can't! He can't! He isn't strong enough! He isn't… he doesn't…

"Brother, please!"

And everything stops.

He stops, and he sees. Not the white nothing of before, the blinding confusion of terror. His sight clears, and he blinks rapidly against his vision, the form of Thor the Thunderer before him. The form of his… his…

Only this too had Thanos used against him. Manipulated him with unrelenting cruelty, the false hope of rescue from his protector, his guardian, his… his champion. His only champion…

And he knows he should not hope. He knows he should not. For hope leads to misery. Leads only to hated, bitter disappointment.

Only then Thor smiles. He smiles at him, and Loki feels the warm press of a hard and calloused palm to his cheek. And he stares. He can only stare, feeling the drag of a thumb over thin skin, moisture there, wet warm, and he realizes with a start he is crying.

"Please brother," Thor says, voice strangely soft. "peace. You are safe. You are safe now."

Only that's a lie. That is a lie.

For his magic is still denied him, and without his magic, without…

He startles back, and for the first, he feels the weight of uru upon his wrists, and worse still, the suffocating pressure of the runes carved therein, his hands bound too close together, unable to move. Unable…

His eyes sink to his cuffed wrists, and his heart stutters sickeningly in his chest, gaze lifting back and moving with frantic, dawning disbelief over the familiarity of the rooms.

His rooms.

Like a crushing blow, he understands where he is, and what has happened, and dismay blooms within, and closes in on him like the dark.

"No…" he whines pathetically, voice pitching high and broken. "No, no…"

"Loki…" Thor starts towards him, face creasing in abrupt concern.

"No, no." Loki only repeats, voice wavering, breaking into naught more than a whisper. "No, Thor… Thor, what have you done? What have you done?"

"Loki, I…" Thor starts, then stops, uncertain, a kind of horrible dread working up through the pit of his stomach. "brother, I had to bring you back. I could not leave you to yourself on Midgard. I had to bring you home…"

"… Home?" Loki asks, voice still near soundless, eyes lifting to the older god, and there Thor sees the sheen of yet more unshed tears. "You bring me back a prisoner." He says, trembling and weak. "You bring me back less than a slave."

"Brother, no…"

"Did I not say…" Loki interrupts him. "did I not tell you above this I would wish for death? Did I not tell you?"

"Brother, Loki, you…"

"And again did your ears turn deaf to me? Why would you… why would you bring me here Thor? Why, when I told you? Are you truly cruel as that? Have you so taken after your Father then? Or does my voice truly hold no volume for you? Do you not hear me, truly?"

"Loki, I could not kill you." Thor tries desperately to explain, his own voice thick with anguish at seeing his little brother's own. "I could not take your life. You must understand that."

For a long moment, Loki does nothing but stare back at him, a look of such utter despair upon his features. Never has Thor seen him appear more forlorn. Only then slowly does the sadness melt away, and the thunder god watches as those features twist and contort into plain, uncompromising rage.

"I understand NOT!" Loki suddenly spits, voice turning to a sharp, venomous hiss. "I UNDERSTAND NOT!"

At once, he is on his feet, backing away from Thor as though he were some vicious, unthinking beast.

"You would do this to me Thor?! You would condemn me to this?! When then will they come to force me into my cage? When will Odin decree me banished once more to the dungeons? Why do you bring me here, to my chambers, when I am to be denied such comfort for millennia upon millennia? Why do you…"

"Loki, please, it is not thus. I have struck a bargain with Father. He will allow you to remain free of your cell, so long as I keep you in my stead and hold you under my guardianship." Thor explains frantically, hands held up, as though Loki is some skittish horse, approachable only with great care.

Loki freezes, staring at Thor with distrustful, hurt eyes, and Thor feels his own heart ache at such wariness in the one he had sworn since boyhood to protect.

He tries smiling, tries to reassure through the expression.

"You… you will not be allowed outside the palace proper, but… but I will be there to protect you Loki. I will make sure you are…"

He is cut abruptly short by a bark of harsh, sharp laughter, so in conflict with the fragile and stricken form of his brother.

"Then you are prisoner with me?" Loki says cuttingly.

Thor blinks, for a moment, his mind going blank.

Loki sneers, taking another step back.

"Or did you not think it through?" He asks, sarcasm dripping like poison from his voice. "More I the fool to find surprise in it. And what of when you have need to of leaving, Thor? What then?"

Thor stares blankly back for long seconds, words lost to him as realization dawns, heart sinking with it.

"I…" he begins dumbly.

"You cannot stay with me Thor!" Loki snaps, again cutting him off. "You cannot serve as my keeper! And would you say this a better fate for me?! For surely when you leave me from your sight, and I am deemed as prisoner and criminal and enemy of Asgard, will not her citizens who roam these halls find sport in reminding me my position beneath them!? Oh, you fool. You utter, utter fool Thor. You condemn me to a fate worse than before, in all your well meaning and sentimental intention. You cannot make yourself prisoner with me Thor. You cannot. And here I am lowlier than the lowliest of class. Odin has used your sentiment against you as only a master can. Do you not see this is his vengeance?"

Thor shakes his head, and unthinkingly, he shambles on his knees towards his brother, hands outreached, desperate, tears burning against the backs of his eyes.

"No, Loki." He pleads. "No, listen, Father will… if he sees you are better, if… if he sees you recovered from the madness that had taken you, he will let you go! He will pardon you, I… I am sure. He need only see you acted out in grief and despair. That you were not yourself when…"

Another, sharp peel of laughter cuts the thunderer short, and Loki stares at Thor with baleful, disbelieving eyes.

"Is that what you think?" He asks, voice thick with disgust and sorrow. "That Odin seeks to find my redemption?! Is that why he banished me to over four thousand years of solitude without a singular inquiry or attempt to understand? Oh Thor, you are a fool. Such a misguided, ignorant fool. Odin cares not for me! I am to him a tool, now broken and dangerous and so without its use. He has no plan, no desire to let me go. To ever let me go. That he should find a way to keep you here and force you into a Kingship which you no longer desire is but a sweet happenstance to an unloaded burden."

And Loki turns then. He turns away, and impossibly, Thor feels his heart heavier with it, the warmth of tears at last escaping his eyes, slipping down his face.

"Loki…" he says, voice broken. "Loki, I am sorry. I am…"

"Go away Thor." Loki tells him, flat and dead, his arms coming up around himself. "Go away and leave me alone."

AN: As always, massive thanks to all my readers and reviewers! Your support is more appreciated than you know! Hope you enjoyed the chapter!