Beyond The Walls
Chapter 9: Wishes
Gary was laying on his stomach on his bed with his head resting on his crossed arms, dozing lightly. His laptop was sitting before him, playing music softly, while his long hair fanned across the keyboard. Tracey was surprised when he peeked through the open door to even find the other boy in the quiet room. He knocked softly on the open door and Gary drowsily lifted his head, his hair obscuring most of his face.
"I didn't mean to wake you." Tracey said softly.
"It's ok," Gary said, yawning.
"How are you feeling?" Tracey asked.
"Tired," Gary admitted. "What's up?"
Tracey shrugged. "Absolutely nothing. Can I come in?"
Gary nodded, sitting up and stretching his arms over his head. Tracey stepped into the room, watching as the bottom of Gary's loose shirt lifted slightly, exposing his flat stomach. He leaned against one of the bed posts while Gary sat back against the black and gray pillows, his intense gaze resting comfortably on the older boy. Glancing at the computer screen, Tracey saw a background picture of the northern lights spreading over a lake and mountains.
"What were you doing on your computer?" Tracey asked curiously, noting the several minimized windows at the bottom of the screen.
"Looking at pictures from Sinnoh." Tracey was surprised that Gary hadn't said "nothing" in response as it seemed to be almost habit for him to do so.
"Did you have a lot of friends at your school?" Tracey asked as Gary pulled the computer into his lap.
"Mostly just my roommates. I had a lot of friends in Pastoria but I didn't like a lot of people in the school." Gary replied.
"You weren't popular?" Tracey asked, surprised.
Gary laughed, a short almost bitter laugh. "I was," he replied shortly. "That's why I didn't like so many people there."
Tracey smiled at the honest remark. "What were your friends like?"
"You're just full of questions today," Gary remarked casually, shaking his head and pulling up a window on the computer. "You really want to know?"
Tracey nodded, genuinely curious about Gary's life when he wasn't at the house. He sat next to Gary and peered at the computer screen; there was a picture of a pretty girl with brown hair wearing shorts and an Arch Enemy shirt, holding a shot glass in one hand and flipping off the camera with the other. "That's Chelsea, she was my lab partner. I told you about her."
"Was she one of your roommates?" Tracey asked, eyeing her pretty face and long legs. She looked the kind of girl that a guy like Gary would pursue, he thought sadly.
Gary nodded, switching to a new picture. Tracey was surprised to see Gary in the picture with a boy with long blonde hair. They were both laughing and holding shot glasses, Tracey heard Gary explain that the boy was another roommate named Andrew. Tracey barely heard him though, he was staring the picture. Gary's hair was much longer than it currently was, extending past the middle of his back. He was wearing baggy jeans and, much to Tracey's surprise, a black tank top. Looking at Gary's laughing face in the picture he could see many more differences, namely black eyeliner accentuating the dark eyes that Tracey could feel watching him and several piercings. Tracey had never cared for facial piercings and was surprised at how the piercings emphasized Gary's attractive features; the lip ring in the center of his lower lip making the lips look so kissable, the barbell in the right eyebrow drawing attention to those carefully lined blue eyes, the small ring in the left nostril.
Looking at the boy sitting next to him, Tracey saw none of those piercings, only Gary's smooth pale skin and attractive features, the light muscles visible in the picture obscured by the long sleeves of the black shirt.
"This wasn't very long ago," Gary said softly. "That was at a party the last day of finals week for our last semester."
'Only a few weeks before he came home,' Tracey thought to himself. "Do you still have those piercings?" He asked suddenly.
Gary nodded. "I usually only put them in at night just so the piercings don't close. My grandfather would be pissed if he found out about them; I'm surprised he hasn't said anything about the tongue ring yet."
The picture changed to another one of Gary and the blonde boy with Anna and May. They were somewhere outdoors and crowded, leaning against a barricade in front of a stage, holding drinks and looking laid back. Gary was wearing tattered looking jeans and a short-sleeved Iron Maiden shirt and had an arm around Anna, who was wearing shorts and a tank top.
"A concert?" Tracey asked, unable to picture Gary at one.
He nodded. "Last summer when May and Anna came up to Sinnoh for the break between semesters."
Tracey enjoyed sitting on Gary's bed, watching the pictures change. Gary's hair length seemed ever-changing in the photos, as were his piercings – sometimes there, sometimes not. Tracey was surprised to see how many photos showed Gary wearing something other than his typical long-sleeved shirts and wondered what it was that caused Gary to dress differently around his friends at school than he did at home.
He felt a fleeting burst of jealousy when he saw a picture from another concert; Gary and Andrew were shirtless with their skin slick with sweat, their black eyeliner smudged under their eyes. Gary was leaning against another barricade before a stage, this time with his arm across the shoulders of a pretty girl with long and curly black hair wearing only a pair of shorts and a black sports bra. Her hair was frizzy and damp while her skin was as moist as Gary's and Andrew's. He wished he was in her place.
"Was she your girlfriend or something?" Tracey asked, trying to sound casual.
Gary glanced at him, giving him a look that he couldn't quite read but felt that, somehow, Gary sensed his jealousy of the girl, before laughing. "No. That's Ashley, she's a lesbian. Interesting story behind how I found that out actually…" he added as an afterthought.
"Oh? Do tell."
Gary laughed again. "I know my reputation here precedes me so I don't have to explain in too great detail. Anyway, we were at a party and Andrew told me I should hook up with her because she's hot and fun, completely leaving out the fact that she's not even into guys. I think you can figure out the rest."
Tracey laughed easily, taking the picture as evidence that their relationship hadn't been hurt by the incident. He wondered whether or not he should say what he was thinking, but decided to go for it. "Something similar to that happened for May to find out that I'm gay," he admitted, Gary raised his eyebrows slightly. "We weren't at a party and no one encouraged anyone but you get the idea. May and Bella are the only ones here that know about it, I think."
Gary nodded, with a slightly distant look in his eyes. "I don't how my grandfather would react to things like that if he found out," he said quietly.
"Speaking of Professor Oak, I'll be glad when he's back from that convention and done with those damn reports," Tracey said. "I've been so bored with nothing to do in the lab."
Gary rolled his eyes and groaned. "I won't," he said, Tracey could hear a sad undertone to the words.
Tracey looked quizzically at Gary while he snapped the laptop shut and placed it on his desk. Leaning against the desk Gary sighed, running his hands through his hair dejectedly. He wondered momentarily if he should explain or not.
'To hell with it, he saw what happened this morning, what difference does telling him make?' he thought.
"As soon as he comes back, he's going to be on my case about school," Gary explained, distractedly gazing at the piano across the room. "He's disappointed that I came home when I did."
"Why is that?" Tracey asked.
Gary didn't answer for several minutes and Tracey wondered if he was simply ignoring the question. "I was supposed to start on my master's degree at school this semester. I left to come home the day that the semester started."
"You dropped out?" Tracey asked.
Gary shook his head almost imperceptibly. "I withdrew."
"Why?"
Gary heaved a sigh and sat down at the desk. "I just got overwhelmed. I mean, I had just spent two years working my ass off non-stop at the hardest school there is. I'm only seventeen; most people my age are still in high school or are doing something with pokemon – some sort of internship like you or training somewhere – but no, here I am, about to start working towards a masters degree!
"College is hard enough for most people, but try being thrown into it when you're only fifteen and on top of that, you're taking five or six hard as hell science classes! It never stops until you finish the degree, six back-to-back semesters of twenty credit hours. And on top of that, you have to keep your grades and GPA up or else…" Gary trailed off suddenly, realizing how shrill his voice sounded.
Taking a calm breath, he continued in a flat voice. "It's enough to drive anyone crazy; it's enough to overwhelm anyone. That's why I came home, I needed a break. I just wish he could realize that I can't – I'm not ready to go back."
"Why don't you talk to him about it?" Tracey asked, watching Gary as the walls suddenly slid back into place.
Gary scoffed. "He has a habit of not listening," he said bitterly, turning back to the computer.
May suddenly appeared in the doorway. "Dinner's ready," she said simply.
Tracey stood up and walked to the door, glancing behind him as Gary sighed wearily and remained seated. May quietly told Tracey she would be downstairs in a minute.
"What's wrong?" She asked Gary as she walked over to the desk.
"Nothing. My arm just hurts."
May nodded and carefully rolled up the left sleeve of the black shirt, examining the stitches. "It was a bit of a shallow cut for stitches," May admitted, "I might even be able to take them out sometime tomorrow night."
Gary nodded. "You're not going to tell Grandpa about this, are you?"
May sighed, looking down into Gary's worried eyes. "No, I won't. But you should tell him about this one day."
"About the stitches or – "
"About everything, Gary," May cut him off, tousling his hair.
Gary groaned in response as May dragged him to his feet. "Dinner," she said shortly.
… … …
It was the early hours of the morning and Gary was lying on his bed, gazing at the ceiling, unable to sleep. He had been lying like this, wearing only boxers and a loose long-sleeved shirt, listening to calming classical music and thinking of many different things, since midnight and it was now going on four. He hated to admit it, but he wished his grandfather would stay out of town for awhile longer. It had been a long week and part of him was grateful that the professor was off at a convention; the other part of him was saddened and wished that his grandfather had been there to see what a wreck he was.
Licking his lips, deep in thought, he felt his tongue strike against the cool metal of his lip ring – he hadn't lied when he told Tracey about his piercings that afternoon. Thinking of what May had said that afternoon, he sighed. He knew that his grandfather would eventually find out about everything, including the cutting, whether Gary told him outright or did something careless like wearing something that revealed his forearms around his grandfather. The last thing he wanted to do was tell the old man, he could almost see the disappointment in his eyes just thinking of telling him.
He wished like hell that his parents were still alive. If only they were around, he would probably have the strength to continue school. He probably wouldn't have to hide his forearms, with flesh laced by scars. Things would be so different.
Gary knew the past couldn't be changed, no matter how fervently he wished it could be.
He sighed again, remembering why it was that he was here, in Pallet, rather than in Sinnoh.
The past two weeks had passed quickly and the next semester was fast approaching. Gary could feel the stressful time looming ahead forebodingly and he wished that he didn't have to go ahead with the next few semesters.
He hadn't been himself recently, he knew, since midterms of the final semester, he had been withdrawn, lashing out at people who disturbed him while he was studying or brooding. He rarely even acknowledged the sexual advances of girls at parties, only turning to Andrew under the heavy influence of alcohol. The end of finals week had caused him to snap out of the morose mood he had perpetually been in but now he was sliding back into it.
He was overwhelmed. His world felt like it was coming undone.
That's what had driven him to do what he had done.
They – Gary, Chelsea, Andrew, and Chris – had been drinking a lot that night, they were having fun but Gary felt lost, alone, unable to find a foothold in the oncoming avalanche that was the future. He had waited until everyone else had gone to bed, then he found the bottle of painkillers, they were from earlier that year when Gary had gotten appendicitis and had to have surgery – fortunately at the beginning of the semester, before the work load increased dramatically. There were still many pills left.
He took them all and lay on his bed. Tears slowly, steadily, made their way down his pale cheeks; he didn't bother wiping them away.
He thought of how he gotten to this point: exhausted, jaded, lonely. He missed May and Anna – the two people who had always been beacons of light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.
He would miss them terribly. He felt terrible that they wouldn't get a proper explanation. He thought of his grandfather, the professor would be disappointed of course.
Finally feeling the pills take effect, he thought of how this would affect Anna. Anna, his angel of sin, the fiery beauty that constantly held him back from the edge of the abyss.
He couldn't do it. He couldn't possibly go through with it, he realized.
Forcefully pushing himself from his bed, he rushed to the bathroom. He had forced himself to vomit continuously, until there was a knock at the door.
"Gary? Are you ok?" It was Andrew. "Answer me, Gary."
It took every ounce of willpower in his being to answer. "No," he admitted, just barely loud enough for Andrew to hear.
Andrew had pushed the bathroom door open just as Gary could feel himself slipping into unconsciousness.
He had awakened in the hospital the next day, his roommates in the room with him. They had told him what had happened, confirming that this was no dream that he would wake from. He left the hospital a few days later and withdrew from the school. He called May that day and told her he was coming home, he didn't say why or for how long.
He closed his eyes and sighed softly, feeling ashamed of what he had done. He had often felt like telling May or Anna the truth of why he had suddenly come home but he was scared. He didn't want to admit to himself that it had truly happened.
Several moments passed before Gary suddenly stood up, waking up Umbreon, who was sleeping at the edge of the bed. The black pokemon watched as her trainer pulled on a pair of gym shorts and running shoes. Gary pulled his hair back tightly and grabbed his mp3 player off of the desk.
He gave Umbreon a questioning look. "Do you want to come or do you want to sleep?"
Umbreon stretched and jumped off of the bed, walking haughtily to the door before her trainer. "I take it you're coming." Gary said, opening the door and turning off the light.
They walked silently down the stairs and out the backdoor in the kitchen. Gary leaned against the outside wall, slipping on his headphones and turning the mp3 player onto the shuffle setting. The two set off into the early morning, Umbreon staying only a few paces ahead of her trainer, her yellow rings lighting the path ahead.
The sky was the deep gray of early morning, with dawn only a few hours away, clouds obscured the stars and the distant finger-nail moon. The air was cool but it felt relieving as it struck Gary's face as he ran.
They stopped at the top of a hill at the edges of Pallet, looking down at Route One sprawling before them among vast fields accented with small patches of forest. The sky had lightened considerably and Gary was finally beginning to feel tired. Umbreon looked up at Gary, her red eyes questioning.
Understanding, Gary nodded. "Yeah, we'll go home now," he said, turning in the direction they had just come.
The sun was just beginning to rise as Gary and Umbreon reached the house. Looking at the clock in the kitchen as he filled a bowl with water for Umbreon, Gary saw that it was nearly six. They had been gone for about two hours and he wondered how it was possible that they had run that far and yet he was hardly out of breath.
Gary was slowly drinking a glass of water when Tracey walked in wearing only boxers, his hair sleep-tousled. Tracey stopped when he saw Gary leaning casually against the counter, his cheeks flushed and hair pulled away from his face revealing the piercings he had seen in the photo earlier. Gary raised his eyebrows at Tracey's sudden appearance in the kitchen as the boy took a glass out of the cabinet next to Gary.
"What are you doing up so early?" Tracey asked with a yawn as he poured a glass of water.
"Early?" Gary asked. "I haven't even slept yet."
"You went for a walk?" Tracey asked, eyeing Gary through sleepy eyes.
"No, I went running because I couldn't sleep."
Gary placed his empty glass in the sink and stretched as he eyed Tracey's bare torso. The older boy was more stocky than Gary was and lacking in the muscle definition that the younger boy had. Nonetheless, he was attractive and Gary found his thoughts drifting as he watched Tracey drain the glass of water.
Tracey sighed, as he placed his glass in the sink next to Gary's. "I'm going back to bed," he said simply. "I woke up practically dying of thirst and couldn't go back to sleep," he explained.
Nodding, Gary followed him out of the kitchen has he stifled a yawn. Once in his bedroom, Gary slowly stripped off his sweaty clothes and stepped into the shower and let the warm water soothe his tense muscles. The run had cleared his head and left him slightly exhausted and the sensation of the warm water flowing over his body made him drowsy. He quickly washed his hair and rinsed the sweat off with vanilla scented soap – something that his roommate Chris had always picked on him for; not that he cared though, the scent was soothing to him. After changing into clean boxers and a fresh shirt, Gary quickly wrote a note explaining to May that he hadn't slept until seven and asking her not to bother him until at least two and taped it to his door.
Lying down as the sun rose steadily outside the windows with their closed curtains, Gary finally felt sleep take over him as Umbreon curled up next to her trainer.
… … …
May had invited all five of the girls over to welcome her grandfather back home from the convention he had been at in the Hoenn region for the past week. She sat in the living room chatting with Bella and Michelle while Kate looked bored, slightly disappointed when she found out that Gary was sleeping. Rachael and Anna hadn't arrived yet, May figured Rachael was waiting on Anna to get up since she often slept until noon and it was now one. Tracey had left to pick up the professor from the airport nearly a half hour ago, something May would've had Gary do if it wasn't for his inability to do the speed limit or listen to music at a reasonable volume. Not that it mattered, considering her little brother was currently dead asleep in his room.
Anna and Rachael walked into the room close to two-thirty, looking as though they had been arguing. May explained to Anna that Gary was still sleeping, knowing she would soon seek him out to complain about whatever she and her sister had been arguing about. Glancing at the clock and realizing her grandfather would soon be home, May told Anna she could wake him up.
… … …
Gary woke to a pair of lips pressing against his, long hair smelling like strawberries tickling his face. He didn't have to open his eyes, or even taste the sweet watermelon lip gloss to know who the girl straddling him was. Only one person would wake him like that.
Opening his eyes, he gazed into Anna's hazel eyes. "I wish I could wake up to this every day," he said with a grin, suddenly feeling wide awake.
"May told me to wake you up," Anna explained as she lowered her lips to his once more, pulling the drapes around the bed closed around them.
"I am up." Gary sighed as Anna ran her hands along his chest under his shirt.
"In more ways than one." Anna giggled, sliding her hand into his boxers, smiling at the groan the move elicited.
… … …
May was wondering where Anna and her brother were as Tracey pulled into the driveway with her grandfather in the passenger seat. She happily greeted her grandfather as he walked into the room. Her smile disappeared when he asked where Gary was.
"Last I checked, sleeping. I'll go get him." She said, turning on her heel and marching up the stairs, opening Gary's bedroom door roughly and glaring at the pulled curtains around the bed.
… … …
Gary froze mid-thrust above Anna as he heard his sister open the door angrily.
"Gary!" She nearly shouted.
"May, do you have any idea how bad your timing is?" Gary replied, his eyes wide.
Hearing her march across the room to the bed, Gary anticipated her next move and grabbed the slight part in the curtains just as she did.
Feeling her brother's hand holding the curtains closed only irritated May more.
"Gary," she hissed.
"May, ten minutes," replied his calm voice.
"Gary," she hissed with even more venom, trying to pull open the curtains that were gripped in Gary's hand.
"May, ten minutes!" He said impatiently, knowing his sister was furious with him.
May's hand dropped from the curtain as she spun around and stormed out of the room.
"He'll be down in a few minutes," May announced through clenched teeth as she walked back into the living room.
Wondering what could have made her so angry, Tracey frowned. Rachael shook her head in disbelief and disgust while Bella and Michelle smirked knowingly. Kate's saddened look didn't escape Tracey's notice. After fifteen minutes, May sent Tracey to get her brother, claiming she was too annoyed with him to do it herself.
Tracey was about to knock on the bedroom door when Gary suddenly emerged, pulling a shirt on. Gary froze, startled at coming face-to-face with Tracey.
"May told me to see what was taking you so long," Tracey explained lamely as he saw Anna pulling on her jeans behind Gary.
Pulling the door shut behind him, Gary pushed past Tracey in the narrow hallway and walked quickly down the stairs, tying his hair back in a desperate attempt to look presentable for his grandfather, knowing all too well that Anna's scent was clinging to him.
He had just finished greeting his grandfather when suddenly – "Gary, I need to talk to you."
Surprised at the harshly-spoken words that had just escaped Kate's mouth, he turned to her confused. Feeling several pairs of eyes on them, Gary shrugged and replied calmly. "Let's go outside."
Kate all but dragged him outside, clearly angry with him but Gary had no idea why.
"What's wrong?" Gary asked with concern in his voice once they were standing beneath the tree that they usually hung out under.
Kate glared up at him. "As if you don't know," she shot at him derisively, so out of character for her.
Gary remained calm as he felt the waves of anger rolling off of the girl before him. "No, Kate, I don't know."
Kate turned away from him, shaking her head. Suddenly she turned back to Gary, looking far angrier than before. "You and Anna!" She suddenly exclaimed. "What is it with you two? Every time I turn around, you're showing up having just screwed her – "
"Kate, stop," Gary interrupted, understanding where the conversation was going.
"No! What the hell, Gary? You can sleep with her, but not with me. Not even when we were going out, you screwed around with her and then went on dates with me."
"Kate, be reasonable," Gary sighed, not meeting her eyes.
"I'm the only one in the group you refuse to do anything with, with the exception of May but sometimes I wonder about – "
"Leave May out of this," Gary snapped, his eyes narrowing at the mention of his elder sister.
Kate stared at the ground, saddened by what she knew went on between Gary and Anna. "Why?" She asked softly. "Out of all of the girls you've been with, why is Anna the one you keep running back to?"
Hearing the sadness in her voice, Gary reached out and tilted her chin up so he could see her eyes. "Kate, I don't have an answer to that. I don't know why you're suddenly so angry over this; we broke up over two years ago, we only dated for a few weeks." Kate merely sighed and glared at him. "Don't give me that look," Gary said, sounding weary. "Look, I wish I could tell you that I'm sorry about everything between me and Anna, but I can't because that would be a lie and you don't deserve to be lied to."
Kate snorted at his words. "And you've never lied to me before, huh?"
Gary sighed and chose his words carefully. "Kate, I've lied to everyone, including myself. I wish like hell I could take back everything I did with Anna when I was going out with you, but I can't. I wish I could give you what you want, but I can't. I can't even figure out what it is I want, how can you expect me to fulfill everyone else's wishes before I can even fulfill my own?"
Kate met his eyes. "Why Anna?" She asked again.
"Because she's the person that keeps me alive," Gary said softly, surprising himself.
'What the hell are you thinking?' Gary's mind screamed at him as he turned suddenly and walked back to the house.
He walked past the four girls, his grandfather, and Tracey, who all pretended that they hadn't been watching, and disappeared up the stairs.
… … …
::Author's Notes::
In the scene with Tracey and Gary looking at pictures, the whole part between Gary telling Tracey about his piercings and Tracey complaining about being bored with nothing to do in the lab before Gary explains that he quit school was added in after the original posting. I introduced a new minor character here (Ashley) who will eventually turn up again later in the story but not for quite awhile. I originally intended on introducing her later but when I decided that the photo scene needed more to it, I decided to bring her in briefly.
