Looking for the Lost: part 7

An AU Vagrant Story fic. All standard disclaimers apply. You know the drill. // … // are thoughts, "…" Is Kildean speech, and it ain't over until the little blonde sings. No, really, I'm not kidding.

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Each time on my leaving home
I run back to my mother's arms,
one last hold and then it's over.
Watching me, you know I cry,
you wave a kiss to say goodbye,
Feel the sky fall down upon me!

(Enya-Shepherd's Moon-'Evacuee')

In the darkness, a woman was crying.

The corridors stretched out around him in a vast labyrinth, twisting away into the darkness. Breathing hard he chose his direction on instinct, sprinting down hall after hall, trying to find the source of the sorrowful noise. If he had taken the time to look closely at the lavish ornaments and portraits on the walls, they might have reminded him of the stately design of his father's house. The Ducal manor however, had never possessed such an ominous feeling. Sydney tripped down a flight of stairs, catching himself on the banister. Fleshy knuckles scraped the wall painfully and he looked at the scratched skin in surprise. Somehow he had expected them to be invulnerable to such damage. The idea that his hands had once been metal whispered in the back of his mind but it made no sense. Shaking free of the confusion he got his bearings. The storeroom was dark and cluttered. Spotting a narrow wooden door ahead, he darted forwards driven to hurry without knowing why. It gave easily under the cultist's shoulder and he almost tumbled again on the uneven stones of the catacombs beyond.

// What a strange place this is... //

In the distance, the soft weeping continued unabated, no closer then it had been before. Biting off a curse, he jumped over the boulders blocking his path and took off again.

// Don't cry... please... //

There were stairs and then more stairs, each leading him further down, deeper into the bowels of the earth. He raced past dusty sarcophagi, underground rivers, sleeping dragons, even a small army of skeletons drilling in their rags and armor. The blonde ignored all of it. Wiping the cobwebs and sweat from his face, he leaped another broken area of stones, marveling at his stamina, and slammed through a fast succession of doors.

// I'm coming... mother... I'm coming! //

There was no sound in the strange place aside from the distant tears and his labored breathing.

*************************

"Mother?"

Sydney came awake with a lurch as the fragments of a nightmare dissolved into indecipherable garble. It left behind no memory of what exactly had troubled him, only a poignant feeling of a terrible impending loss. The taste of old socks in his mouth didn't improve the situation any. Grumbling bitterly at his disturbed sleep, he shoved the sheets away clumsily, and was surprised to feel the fabric disintegrate in his fist. The worn cloth tore easily when strained. He blinked and came fully awake. Sitting up slowly, the cultist couldn't help but feel sick and cold. His heartbeat was still irregular from the surge of adrenaline. His throat felt raw.

// ...mother...? //

It was strange to watch the fragments of decaying silk slowly fray between his clenching fingers. He studied the dust motes meticulously, trying to ground himself as he shook off the last of the dream.

// ... It... was only a dream...? // Disoriented, he looked around the ruins of his bedroom and waited for the world to start to make sense. He was all alone in the vast bed. The remains of the quilts still carefully tucked around him.

// ...alone...? Oh God.... no... Not this... not THIS... // Panic surged and roiled, awakened from its tenuous sleep with eager energy. For good or ill his voice was the first thing frozen by the chilling wave of terror. He was already curling into a ball as the second wave came, bringing with it muscle-locking anxiety and nausea. The mage closed his eyes tight against the impending tears.  // No... He was /here/... It wasn't a dream... it was...//

There was a certain appeal in the urge to just start screaming; at least then there would be /something/. Anything was better than listening to his own hitched breathing or the memory of the weeping-woman in the darkness. Had it been a dream? Or was /this/ the nightmare and /that/ the reality? Maybe neither was real, maybe there was someone else dreaming of /him/. The thoughts went around and around as he panted in the shadowy room, slowly tearing at his hard-won sanity. A small whimper found its way free of his tight-pressed lips.

// Ashley... I need you... //

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. He couldn't stop the tremors that wracked his body.

//… Ashley!? //

To his surprise, the answer was almost immediate.

*************************

Ashley came awake with the never-pleasant flavor of blood in his mouth. He gingerly checked where he had bitten his cheek; glad to see it was almost healed. The rest of him wasn't much better. He could feel almost every muscle in his arms and back as he moved to slowly upright himself.  It wasn't that remarkable, each fiber and tendon hurt with a new and distinct variety of pain. Joints popped as he straightened from his uncomfortable slouch.

"Remind me to never do this again..." The grumbled comment was spoken to the room at large. More than half expecting to be alone, he was surprised when someone began to laugh softly. He winced at how rough his voice sounded, and added a sore-throat to his list of physical complaints.

"I can't believe you're alive..." The voice was definitely Liet's.  Straining to crack a dry and gritty eye, he shot the older man an amused look.

"You'd be amazed how often I've heard that..."

Setting his book aside, the gunman happily abandoned his chair to kneel on the floor. At some point, someone had been kind enough to slip a sleeping-mat under the guardian. It took the edge off the cold floor, but was only marginally more comfortable. The metal bands on his wrists chafed when he shifted his weight. Amused in a way that only the chronically-tired could be, he rattled his chains doing a poor impersonation of Jacob and Robert Marley. The literary reference went completely over his Asian friend's head.

He shrugged. "So, who do you think I talk to in order to get these damn things off?"

"...You could always just /snap/ them..." The man grinned in amusement, remembering the first of many 'miracles' he had witnessed.

"What? And ruin my current 'nice guy' reputation? Besides... they're probably antiques."

"Ah, I forgot... Ash-Li is a refined foreign man who appreciates historic treasures..."

"Very funny, old man... Now why don't you go scare me up a monk... and maybe some food...?" He drew the last request into a plaintive whine, an obvious play for pity.

The assassin raised an eyebrow and preformed a mocking salute. "Yes sir, one grumpy old man, and a bowl of soup, coming right up."

"Ha ha..."

In spite of the general fatigue, the Riskbreaker felt surprisingly well; the fact that the love of his life was currently sleeping peacefully only a thought away probably had a lot to do with it.  A not so small, not so quiet part of him was eagerly suggesting that he could postpone facing the day and slip back into unconsciousness. The thought of spending more time watching the sleeping blonde had definite appeal.  He sighed, forcing the almost physical craving for the mage to be silent. As wonderful as it had been to hold the cultist in his arms again, he still yearned for more.

// Bah, no sense rushing into things... he needs time... it's been difficult for him... for both of us... // Mentally, emotionally, he was resigned to whatever his mage needed, even if other parts of him were a little more impatient.

// ...but Gods... he's still got it... so beautiful... // Ashley settled against the wall, trying to find an angle which wouldn't make his back complain. It was almost unnerving, after all this time, to have a dream come true.

//...even if it didn't go precisely as planned... //

He was distracted from his brooding by several new arrivals. The priests filed curiously into the room, watching him closely. For an inane moment, he had the urge to say 'boo' or something equally childish. The guardian firmly told his sense of humor to grow up.

"Good Afternoon, Bearer..."

"Yeah, hello, great... Can I get unlocked now?"

Several of the older men winced at the abrupt request. "That may not be such a good idea..."

The Riskbreaker rolled his eyes at their nervous fidgeting. It didn't take a psychic to see what they were thinking. "Don't worry, I'm still sane... but I've got no circulation in my arms, I could really do with a stretch... and frankly... nature /calls/..."

His encouraging smile met with mixed response. The monks gathered into a small huddle as they debated procedure. It took no effort to overhear the hushed whispers and while there were several vehement dissenters they were soon overruled. Master Shu Lao's long suffering sigh seemed to sum up the popular consensus. The old man fumbled through his keys with a disapproving frown.

"Much obliged!" Freedom was sweet relief. Ashley made a show of delightedly stretching his arms before finally standing up. The monks stared at him blankly as he happily staggered from the room.

"... strange boy..."

"He didn't /seem/ mad..."

"He's a foreigner, how could you tell?"

"Let's go inform the elder..." The apprentice master shrugged off the pointless conversation. He was perfectly willing to let someone else deal with the eccentric outlander.

Ashley was mid-way through his second bowl of radish stew when the first echoes of unease bled into the back of his mind.

// Well... that didn't take long... // He didn't even have time to finish swallowing his current mouthful before the discomfort bloomed into full fledged panic. The mental scream almost made him see stars. He had a somewhat alarming moment where he tried to clear his throat of a potato that seemed determined to go the wrong way.

// … Ashley!? //

// I'm right here, whelp, remember? The Waking? //

It took several painful seconds for the mage to digest the information. Giving up on his meal, the guardian closed his eyes, trying to concentrate on sending only cheerful, comforting thoughts to the disoriented cultist.  He silently weighed the option of just /going/, folding the smaller man into his arms until the tremors he knew were rattling him had faded. Falling asleep in his lunch would hardly set the monks at ease. Ashley wavered, but took heart when his lover pulled back before descending into a full-fledged panic attack. The blonde's mental voice was a far cry from its old smug self-assurance.

//... You're... It really happened... didn't it? //

// Yes. It really did. // He vaguely wished there was some way to soothe the reoccurring fears, but realized that time more than anything else would be the healing formula. He would prove it was real, because he had no intention of leaving again. The Riskbreaker tried to project some of that to the anxious cultist, but wasn't sure how successful it was.

Sydney took an almost audible breath, coming back stronger after the pause. // I thought you... you weren't here... and I... //

// It was no dream, love. Did you sleep well? //

// ...fine... but I feel weak... // There was something more, but the mage seemed unwilling, or unable to say it aloud. The guardian bit his lip in silent worry. The blonde was trying very hard to sound self-sufficient, but it was obvious that he was only barely coping. He listened carefully. It would only take a word, a thought, and he would gladly drop everything to return. Nothing was more important than his cultist's wellbeing. Ashley winced. On the one hand, he wanted to do anything to comfort his lover; on the other, he didn't want to step on the man's natural independence. He chose his words carefully, leaving the offer open, but not explicit.

// You're still recovering, these things take time... Do you need anything? //

The cultist hesitated again, plainly hearing the unasked question as well. // No... no I think I am alright... 'twas just a bad dream... 'tis gone now... //

// Want to talk about it? // He could feel the invisible shrug.

// Nothing to tell really... Now that I am awake, I can not honestly remember why it distressed me so... //

// ...Probably nothing then... //

// Yes, yes you're right... I'm sorry for causing such a fuss... // The cultist sounded calm and collected. Ashley knew better. Over protective instincts almost got the best of him again, but he knew that running to the mage's rescue wasn't what Sydney needed. He mustered a smile.

// Don't worry about it... Fuss all you like. //

// ... Idiot. //

The shaky humor in the insult took any ill meaning from the word leaving only the grateful murmur. Ashley took the hint and gently dropped the connection, allowing the mage some privacy in which to sort himself out. Opening his eyes, he sighed at how complex things had become, and tried to remember what he had been doing before he had been distracted. He stared mournfully down at his bowl.

The stew had grown cold.

*************************

It took a few tries, but Sydney was faintly proud to climb out of bed under his own power.  Disgust was a remarkable motivator.  He glared at the remains of his once opulent room and began what was certain to be a /long/ mental checklist. Shaky hands or not, he wasn't going to live in a /sty/. The cultist grumpily kicked a broken urn, and could only sneeze helplessly as the movement created a small eruption of dust. Sitting weakly on the side of the bed, he reprioritized his list.

// Maybe I should just start from scratch... //

The amount of work was both daunting and strangely therapeutic. Focusing his will was a skill that returned easily enough, and the first object of his attentions quickly began to correct itself. The bed lost its distressing wobble as the legs and frame returned to their earlier strength. The few washed-out rags fluffed and flowed into new shapes, deep burgundy satin standing out dramatically in the gray room. The mage hugged one of the new throw pillows to his chest as he inspected the rest of the area around his little oasis of color. Grimly gathering his strength, fueling the spell more from stubbornness then any real reserves of energy, he snapped his fingers and watched the furniture around him dissolve into nothing. The wide open space was satisfying after looking at the constant clutter.

// A bit barren perhaps... // Recycling the meager energies, he coaxed the glass back into tall windows and stained the thick carpet a pale champagne gold. It was enough for now. Already tired, he burrowed under the new eiderdown and rested.

// Work... work is good... I can /do/ work... // Sydney closed his eyes feeling a tenuous sort of peace. So long as he didn't have to try and cope with all that had happened, he could pretend to function normally. The cynical voice of his conscience-- so prone to interrupting such thoughts-- was thankfully silent.

// ...later I ought to see what state I left the kitchen... I could really do with a cup of tea... //

*************************

Ashley wasn't sure which was more difficult, living his life or trying to explain it to others. The small group of priests would nod along with him as he spoke of the Shadows and the origins of the Dark, but every time he began to hope that they understood he found he had to double back and try again. Not for the first time that morning did he vehemently wish that his mage were the one doing the talking. The cultist always knew just how to phrase things to discourage questions.

// I think even at his best, he'd be lobbing fireballs by now... This... is annoying. //

Wishing for Sydney was pointless. As fragile as the man's moods were at the moment, subjecting him to the strain of a barrage of curiosity was out of the question.  He winced, already visualizing the deer-caught-in-headlight's expression that would probably flash across the narrow features. // No, he stays put.  Quiet, familiar things are what he needs right now... No surprises, no sudden shocks... nothing exciting... not until he's stronger. // It was a relief to know that the tower and the surrounding country were completely cut off from the rest of the Shadows.

// After all... what in the world can startle him if he stays in the tower...? Even damaged as it is, he knows every inch of it... Hell, it'll probably take him a month before everything is redecorated to taste... // Still, he had a feeling he had forgotten something. One of the more stubborn priests drew his attention back to the task at hand.

"But if the Dark, this magic we use... is in fact the /opposite/ of how everyone else does magic... then how did Müllencamp use /magic/ to tame the Dark...?"

He was deeply glad that he had been allowed time to eat and clean himself up before joining the impromptu council. Trying to talk to the old men and women was hard enough without an empty stomach.

"Well..."  He had no clue how to answer. "Müllencamp was a very gifted mage..."

Somehow he muddled his way through the majority of the questions, breathing a sigh of relief when they moved onto newer and hopefully easier topics. The guardian subtly tried to wiggle his toes to keep them from falling asleep. Kneeling had never been his forte.

"So you're saying that previous Rood Bearers can live in the Shadows? After they die?"

"Even Master Teo...?"

// ...Teo? // The guardian's eyes widened in sudden alarm. // Oh shit! I forgot about Teo. //

He smiled sickly at the small group. "Um... would you excuse me for a moment...?"

The second mental scream of the day came right on cue.

*************************

Humming softly to keep him company while he worked, the priest set about cleaning the assorted litter and trash from the countertop.  Exploring the ancient cupboards had proved fruitful. Stacks of delicate dishware were set out of the way on the table, as well of several large ceramic containers of what were unmistakably tea leaves.  It was useless to hope that there was a loaf of bread left anywhere in the dusty corners, but when he tried the pump next to the sink basin, he was pleasantly surprised that the water ran clean and fresh. Teo rinsed and filled a brass kettle, setting it on its hook in the fireplace.

// ...now to figure out how to light the damn thing... //

Picking through the pile of trash that Ashley had swept into a corner, he found a flint. An iron nail made for a workable striker. It only took a moment to find a collection of random burnables and with a prayer to anyone who was listening -- asking that the fireplace's vent wasn't obstructed or in immanent peril of collapse-- he started a cheery blaze. The small fire made the empty room a bit more lively, replacing the dull gray with shades of orange and yellow. With a sigh, Teo picked up his rag again and continued to clean.  There was little else to do while he waited for someone to return.

// That great oaf has probably forgotten about me... /idiot/. //

His grumblings were interrupted by a faint clatter over head and the priest looked up curiously. Someone was slowly making their way down the stairs. Setting down his polishing, he prepared to give the new Bearer a firm scolding. He had been left to his own devices for /far/ too long.

// And I want some answers, damnit. //

Still, the bare feet that came into view at the top of the stairs looked all together different from what he expected.

*************************

Sydney sighed in relief as he looked over the library.  Even as furious as he had been those long years ago, the books had remained sacrosanct. Well, almost sacrosanct. Several bookshelves had tilted over, or collapsed from old age, spilling their contents onto the floor. His old reading chair was split neatly in half, a mauled mess of stuffing and wooden supports. He carefully picked up one of the scattered leather-bound books, dusting it with a shirt-tail before setting it on the table. Another item was added to the list of repairs.

// What was I thinking... you'd suppose, with my usual neatness fetish... I'd have found a tidier way of going insane... // He smirked at the dark humor of the thought. // Then again... I was likely wagering that I'd never last long enough to want to clean up the mess. //

He hadn't actually managed to fall asleep a second time, rather he had burrowed under the new quilts for as long as he could bear to. Finally laying still became too frustrating. As tired as the cultist was, sleep refused to come. Laying in the large bed by himself was unnerving, even with the drastic changes made to the room. Every time he closed his eyes, strange and frightening possibilities would creep into his thoughts upsetting his hard won confidence. Sydney had an eerie feeling that if he /did/ succeed in falling asleep again, he would awake to find everything changed once more, or even worse, that nothing had changed at all. Telling himself that the Riskbreaker was real helped, but only a little. There was a distressing urge to reach out and check every five minutes. Hating himself for the weakness, he gingerly felt for the steady presence. Ashley's attention was turned elsewhere and the mage didn't have the heart to interrupt him again.

// Try and be a /little/ less pathetic, hmm? // He forced himself to focus on the library with a growl.  Resting in bed hadn't helped, so he had decided to try something else. The flash of green from the window had beckoned him closer, encouraging him to look beyond the familiar confines of the room for the first time in years. The forest was withered and gone, but the carpet of tall grass was unmistakable, as was the deeper green smudge that was most definitely an oak tree.  The sight had been almost painful. It was strange how such small things took on meaning.

 Logic primly pointed out that it was to be expected that the tree would return with its creator, but then logic had little to do with what he was feeling at the moment. The cultist grimaced at his shaky control and squared his shoulders.

// Right, time to get /out/ of this tower... before you really /do/ go crazy... // The tree was as good a destination as any. 

// A little exercise will help me get a grip on myself... and I'll probably be able to catch a nap... and then everything will be fine. //

Feeling marginally better, he padded his way down the last dusty staircase and blinked in surprise at the cheerful firelight.

// Did Ashley...? //

His eyes fixed on the startled man by the fire place and he paused, trying to place the face. To his alarm, he couldn't remember ever seeing the sour man before in his life. After a frantic double-check, he decided it wasn't a symptom of his potential madness. The man /was/ a stranger... a stranger who was currently setting-up home in /his/ kitchen. 

"Who the Hell are YOU?!" The cultist's voice cracked on the end of the shout, unused to such abuse, but the effect was still all that could be desired. His trespasser dropped a pot in surprise and rapidly scrambled away from the fire. The adrenaline rush couldn't last long enough to see him to the bottom of the stairs. Sydney gingerly sat down on the fifth step as his knees threatened to buckle.

// Calm... stay calm... don't ... // It was too late, he was already panicking. His traitorous body seemed perfectly content to react to any small shock by twisting him in knots. The blonde hugged himself to disguise his shaking arms. Forcing the tremors out of his voice, he glared at the smaller man again.

"What are you doing in my house...!?"

"...your... house?" Teo had relaxed slightly when the strange man had settled on the steps rather than charging him. On closer inspection he decided it wasn't a ghost at all, simply another alarming foreigner. It didn't change the fact that the man looked furious. "... I... Ash-Li said..."

The grey eyes blinked. "/Ashley/..? What about Ashley?!"

The monk's answer was interrupted by the door banging open. Sydney blinked again as the topic of their conversation burst in and paused, taking in the tense scene. The guardian winced. "... it seems... you've already found out about the houseguest."

// Houseguest? // He stared at his lover in confusion. 

"... this... thing... is yours?"

The Riskbreaker had the grace to look guilty as he grinned. "His name is Teo... he's one of the old Rood Bearers but he's rather confused about the whole thing." In his corner, the priest snorted quietly. "He needs to stay here for the moment. It's not safe for him out in the Shadows... I was going to tell you... but then I figured you wouldn't be doing much today..." The large man climbed a few steps to crouch next to his mage.

"You still look bloody tired."

"Couldn't sleep." The cultist frowned, trying to digest the new information. It was impossible not to relax as a gentle hand came up to stroke his hair away from his face. He continued to glare at the new guest on general principle but at least his stomach was no longer trying to turn inside out. 

"What's wrong?"

Sydney shook his head, unwilling to talk about his childish fears in front of a stranger. "Nothing... I just... thought I'd take a walk... and then I found him here..."

"I am sorry about that..."

"No, 'tis well, you can not always anticipate me... but where will he stay?"

The guardian looked at the monk in bemusement. "I have no idea... I guess we'll make him a house or something."

"How inconvenient."

"This isn't exactly easy for me either, you know." Finally mustering his frayed dignity, Teo returned to his bench and rescued the boiling water.

// But that's /my/ tea... //

The long sigh from his partner made him turn his glare in a new direction. "Well it is!"

"Just /try/ and put up with it for a few days, whelp... besides... you could probably use the company."

"... I don't like him..."

"Only because he startled you... He's really not a bad sort... more your type than mine though, I think."

The mage made an articulate face and subtly checked to see if his hands were still shaking. Finding himself to be steadier, he rose to his feet again. "Yes, well, as you like. 'Tis too late to change things now..."

"Where are you going?"

"Out."

The taller man was immediately at his side, a worried frown creasing his forehead. "I think I'd better come with you."

"I'm fine."

"Hmmm." Sydney was proven wrong the minute he stepped out the door. Frozen, he stared out at the empty white expanse that had once been water. "Maybe you'd better sit down again..."

Brushing off the helping hand, he resolutely turned his face away from the vast visual scar and picked his way down the path. "I... had forgotten, 'tis all... it can be repaired, /will/ be repaired..." He looked up, suddenly remembering something else. "Shouldn't you be... /doing/ something right now? I really don't need a nurse you know..." The guardian simply raised an eloquent eyebrow and refused to comment. They walked through the dead forest in silence but the mood lightened as the stumps gave way to rolling hills.

The warm wind was as soothing as ever, filling his lungs with the smell of new hay. Suddenly all the worries that had plagued him alone in his room seemed absurd, and he even smiled as the Riskbreaker produced a blanket to rest on beneath the awning of the large tree. He was obviously biting back further worried questions as he settled quietly back against the trunk and let his lover curl against him.

"It... 'tis odd... that I can so easily accept you here... when you're here... and then when..."

"Give it time..."

"I know, but..." There was no way to really explain how much it bothered him to still feel uncertain where dream ended and reality began. For an uncomfortable moment he wondered if this was what his partner had felt all those years ago as the spells unlocking his memories slowly eroded. A second blanket was produced and tucked around him and for a moment amusement overruled anxiety. "You're really liking this, aren't you... being able to mother me senseless..."

"...perhaps..." The hint of laughter was unmistakable. "Not that I don't wish you to feel better... but yes, it's nice to know you sometimes need me too."

"... I always needed you, Riskbreaker..." Sydney's whispered comment effectively killed the brief light-hearted mood. The knight grimaced as he tucked the smaller man under his chin.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that. What's done is done." The mage made a half hearted attempt to pull away and glare but the effect was spoiled as he got tangled up in his quilt. Ashley manfully resisted the urge to tickle the exposed midriff as he helped sort the confusion out.

"Will you be alright for a while? I sort of left in the middle of things..."

"I'm /fine/, Ashley."  The blonde received a disbelieving look for his efforts. "I /am/..."

"Call if you need anything."

The cultist rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Go!" Shaking his head at his partner's fierce independence, the larger man faded from view. In the shade of the tree, it was almost possible to ignore that there was no proper sunlight beating down. The soft grass was just comfortable enough to sleep on if he curled between the roots, and feeling able to rest at last, he drifted off.

*************************

"So what are you saying? That you have another /world/ in your head?"  Liet was trying his hardest, but the guardian was describing things that made no sense. All he understood was that for all the sleep the tall man had been getting over the past weeks he still looked tired and remarkably grumpy. His young friend rubbed his face ruefully.

"I told you that you wouldn't believe me…"

"I don't… or rather I do believe you that I won't believe… I mean… I believe that you believe that I…" He received a smack to the back of the head as Pei silently joined them. She gave him the now familiar "you're babbling" glare. The gunman smiled sheepishly. "Well… yes…"

"…/Anyway/… so to answer the original question… /no/ I'm not sick… I'm just…"

"Not here." The demon woman finished primly, nodding her head in understanding. Her companion stared at her in confusion, and earned another glare. "/What/. He's spirit walking…"

The former assassin shook his head. "I have a feeling that all of this would make a lot more sense if I were drunk."

"There's no alcohol here, so too bad."

"You're a cruel woman Miss Pei."

Ashley shook his head as the two fell to squabbling once again. They didn't really need to know the details anyway, and now that they knew better, maybe they would stop trying to shake him awake at awkward moments. It was bad enough that he still walked on egg-shells around the recovering cultist, but to have one of the few romantic moments spoiled by an unwelcome wake-up call… was agonizing.

// Listen to them… going on like two old women… you'd think they were married… //

He had no more daily chores; Rood Bearers were generally exempt. The fact that he had lasted nearly a month now with no sign of losing his reasoning ability had set the temple in quiet uproar. The decision as to how to spend his afternoon was an easy one. The Riskbreaker found a quiet spot beneath one of the willow trees, and composed himself for sleep.

*************************

"Your move."

 Despite their bad start, things had settled into the beginnings of a friendly pattern between the cultist and the monk. The blonde rested his chin on his knee as he curled on the bench across the table from the frowning little man. At times Teo's grumpy moods reminded him of another old acquaintance, but there was no telling what had happened to Chang since they had last spoken. Sydney absently gazed out the window as his companion studied the checker board. He had not parted amicably with the older Bearer, something that he felt guilty about now.

// At the time it was amazing that I could feel anything at all… // It was still hard to look back at those frightening empty years. Most of the time after the guardian left had reduced to a hazy sort of nightmare. The cultist was morbidly glad that he couldn't recollect each day of his confinement uniquely. The parts that he /could/ remember were more than painful enough. He shook his head sharply pushing the thoughts away.

// Enough, leave it be. Focus on something else. //

It came easier now, the control he had been afraid he had lost. There were times when he could even go for hours in a row without a relapse of the old terror. It was better if he was distracted by something. The more he immersed himself in the here and now, the less likely he was to find himself brooding; testing those still-healing parts of his mind where hints of madness still wandered free. 'Time', he told himself, 'give it time.' Ashley's worried advice was sound, and had become something of a silent prayer. The mage raised an eyebrow as Teo finally slid one piece forward and collected his captured tile. Logical games with the saucy monk were as entertaining a way as any to pass the long hours between Ashley's appearances.

"Good move." It was his turn to frown at the little black and white chips, trying to determine if his strategy had been thwarted or not. Seeing the opening had shifted but was still available, he smirked and slid a piece forward. The Asian man sputtered in dismay as Sydney lazily claimed his kill.

"How are you feeling today?" Teo's mild question, much like their never ending game of checkers, had become a daily ritual. From Ashley such a question would have quickly become annoying, but it was different when the monk asked. Perhaps it was because they shared a common experience. They both had lost and regained themselves recently. The monk however seemed to take his sudden return to sanity far easier than he could manage. Or maybe it was just that the orange-clad man had less mental baggage from his time as a lunatic. It was hard to say.

"Surprisingly well." The answer too was traditional.

"Sleep well?"

"Well enough." He blandly matched the dark gaze until the doubting eyebrow went down. On a whim he leaned over and gave the shaved head a teasing polish. "'Tis true, no nightmares or anything of that sort… Want to inquire now if I brushed my teeth this morning? Or had problems tying my shoes?"

"No, and you don't /wear/ shoes…"

"Why bother? 'Tis not like I ever walk very far. Besides I like feeling sand between my toes."

"Point." The monk considered his own sandals placed neatly by the kitchen door. He still wore them when walking between his tiny cottage and the nearby tower, but it was more from habit than anything. In the month since his arrival in the strange sanctuary there had been vast improvements to the landscape and amenities of the walled-kingdom. Outside the window the sky was a pale clear blue, a glamour of sun and clouds that imitated time and also disguised the ever present barrier from view. The illusion wasn't perfect. He had once walked in a straight line as far as he could and came against a smooth wall. The distant horizon and sky were painted upon it with remarkable realism. Teo wondered what his curious host thought of the voluntary prison in which they lived. Only the Rood Bearer came and went as he pleased and he never spoke of what was happening outside their tiny world.

"You're distracted today… does the game bore you? We could do something else."

Drawn back to the game, Teo saw that he had been caught and moved to counter the eventual trap. He studied his odd friend carefully. The blonde was much improved from how he had been even a week before, with each day a little more energy and vitality seemed to return. He was still almost frighteningly fixated on his absent lover. As approachable as the mage was when they were left on their own, everything was dropped with the Rood Bearer's reappearance. Sydney's exclusive focus on the tall man was unnerving, but for now they could play their game in peace and pretend there was nothing to worry about. "You're trying to trick me into sacrificing my 'king'… it won't work you know… I see your strategies now…"

"Really? Tell me what my next move will be then…"

"You're going to take that fellow lurking in the corner and slide him out to frighten my piece into the space on the left!"

"…'lurking'…" The blonde laughed lightly, "You make it sound like they're alive or something."

"But I'm /right/ aren't I?"

"Yes actually… Funny, it took Ashley years to see through that trick…"

Teo snickered. "Forgive me for saying this, but your tall friend has some curious blind spots as far as you are concerned."

"I suppose so, but the same could be said for me… Over the years we've perhaps grown… too enmeshed… It's hard to break out of patterns as old as ours."

"But is it healthy? To take each other for granted so?"

Sydney blinked, and fixed his companion with a hard look. "I never take him for granted."

"I think perhaps that you used to."

"Why do you say that?"

"Just a feeling. That is all…" The blonde snorted in irritation at the comment and the rest of the game was played out in cautious silence. For once when the Riskbreaker returned, Teo was glad that he was once again unintentionally excluded. Taking his leave he sat on the rejuvenated shoreline and sighed in relief. Being the focus of the healing cultist's interest was one thing, being the focus of his anger was still a little alarming. There was amazing power sleeping behind the stormy grey eyes. It was dormant now, murky and almost hidden, but when the mage finally remembered himself completely Teo had no doubts that the blonde's anger would be dangerous indeed.

"And Ash-Li of course sees nothing… he is too used to seeing what he used to see… it would never occur to him that his little love is keeping a secret from him…" The monk sighed and played with a piece of beach grass. "Who knows, maybe Sydney even keeps it a secret from himself?" He idly watched the lights in the highest windows bloom into existence against the gradually darkening sky. His two strange neighbors had retreated to their room for the night. Their problems were their own, for the time being. It was hard to say if his intervention would help or hinder the healing process.

"Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow… We fade far away to the distant shore, so far that we even lose ourselves…" He remembered his old home with a touch of melancholy as he settled himself to watch the moon-lit sea.

*************************

Sydney allowed himself to be cuddled close despite the warmth of the blankets. The quilt could be kicked off later for all he cared. It was the knight he needed. He turned his face into muscled shoulder beneath his cheek and smiled at its freshly washed scent.

// I don't take you for granted… How could that be, when everything about you seems so new and wonderful… // They had spoken very little tonight, Ashley had confessed he was simply tired for a change and it had been easier just to retire to the bed. A lazy hand caressed his hair and back with slow strokes. The mage all but purred at the attention.

"You seemed a little… annoyed when I got home…" The murmur accused nothing, not even a question; it simply hung in the air as a possible conversation. Sydney responded with a negating noise and stretched himself out against his lover. Tanned arms readily tightened their hold to match, pressing him along the contour of the larger chest.

"'Twas nothing."

"You two seem to be getting along well…"

"You're pleased at the development?"

"It's… good that there's someone here with you when I can't be…" The blonde snorted in amusement at the soft worry and tilted his head to give the man an off-center kiss. His invitation was readily accepted and Ashley rolled them just enough to lean down and kiss him back with earnest intensity.

// I could never take you for granted… //

He closed his eyes, consciously and unconsciously responding to the larger man's heady desire. Only the soft material of the guardian's pants kept them from being completely exposed to one another. Not that the thin cotton allowed his lover any secrets. The mage smirked as he felt the tell-tale bulge pressed against his leg. For a moment it aroused him, setting light to the ember of need that had once burned so brightly. It didn't last. Even as he responded to another ardent kiss he felt the hollowness return.  It only made him feel worse when his knight silently picked up on the dying mood and began to pull away.

"I'm sorry…" It was a futile sort of anger he felt for his treacherous body. The need was so real, but then so was the fear. Frustrated he turned to glare at the pillow, unwilling to face the disappointment that would surely be in the other man's eyes this time. There was only adoration in the shadowy features when the large hand coaxed his chin back around again. It was always the same, that patient-worried-happiness that both comforted and forgave.

"Give it time… whelp… Give it time…"

"I want you…"

The guardian closed his eyes and smiled at the sad whisper. "I want you too… very much." His chagrined tone turned the vulnerable moment into a small joke. "But I can wait…"

"You shouldn't have to…"

"Shhh…"

// /Did/ I take you for granted…? // Sydney reached up to cup the chiseled face in wonder; surprised all over again at the man who was so central to his life.

"Sydney?"

"Nothing… just…" He hesitated, there were many things he suddenly wanted to ask, but it didn't seem the time. His worries were silly notions, nothing worth bothering the Riskbreaker about. The man had enough to deal with already. Determined to salvage their intimacy, the mage fluffed the short hair affectionately. "I love you."

The confession seemed to startle the quiet man, brown eyes widened in pleased curiosity. "And what brought /that/ on?"

"Do I need a reason?"

"No… I suppose not."

The cultist's smile turned coy. "And do you love me?"

"You know I do, you greedy thing." The kisses that followed were simply kisses, nothing more, but for a moment everything was right with the world once again. Content, Sydney pulled his partner close and stroked the feathery hair until the taller man fell asleep against him.

// I will never take you for granted again… //

*************************

The woods were full of their usual quiet noises as the two men lazily followed a wandering trail. Teo stared about in appreciation of the restored landscape as he followed the mage deep in to the shady depths of the pine forest. It was a strangely timeless place. He could almost forget his headache. The blonde had begun to introduce him to the simple tricks and skills that would make his stay in the Shadows more pleasant, but the drills were no easier than the ones he remembered as a child.  More often than not, the Dark would slip from his grasp and his creations would dissolve into nothing, or morph into something completely unexpected. Teo shook his head at the way his recent attempt at a lantern had grown legs and strolled away. Thankfully the cultist had sympathy enough to not laugh.

A little ahead of him on the trail, Sydney stopped to investigate a large mossy boulder. In a fit of child-like energy he scrambled up the side. The cultist almost resembled a ghost in his plain cotton costume, a spot of white and gold in the midst of the shadowy greens and browns. He was unquestionably enjoying himself as he looked around from his high perch.

"Are you certain your mother wasn't some sort of fox spirit?" Teo crossed his arms in pretend seriousness but the mage's small smile was contagious.

"Are you certain your distant ancestor wasn't a fellow named Chang?"

"That is a rather common name… But no I don't think any of my ancestors were Mongolian…"

"As you like…" The blonde leaned forwards to study his amused companion. "But you two really are terribly similar."

"He sounds like a wonderfully sensible person…"

"He was a grumpy old fart."

Unwilling to laugh at the bland jibe, the small Asian kept his features carefully schooled into impassivity. It was pleasing to see his friend so cheerful; exercise seemed to have done the man good. Looking around briefly, he admired the detail of the forest floor. "It feels so real here… One could almost forget that everything is an illusion…"

"By /that/ definition… everything here is illusionary… this is a land of dreams after all… the Shadows have no substance except that which we impose on them."

"How long have you lived here, Sydney?"

The cultist's eyes went unfocused as he considered the question. "Quite a long time, I suppose…"

"And you've never felt… limited?"

"What a strange question."

"Maybe it is merely a weakness on my part. But lately I find that as beautiful as this place is, I rather miss being able to walk the mists…"

"What, go into the Shadows? I don't see any reason why we can't… Ashley is like that too, although I've never understood their appeal." The mage caught his companion's alarmed look and raised a curious eyebrow. "What is it?"

"We must not go out there…"

"…Must not? Why ever not? You shouldn't let the brawn bully you so easily… you won't get lost if I am with you." The words were meant to calm the monk but only seemed to make him more agitated.

"It's too dangerous! If anything were to happen to you Ash-Li would… He would be very angry with me…"

"…Dangerous? I don't understand." Teo found the gray stare to be uncomfortable. "What in the world could be dangerous in the Shadows?"

The smaller man fidgeted, realizing he was walking a narrow line. He had always just assumed that his friend knew of the world beyond their protective walls. "Surely… you know already… why else would you create such strong defenses…?"

Sydney sat up in confusion. "Defenses? You mean the wall? That was meant to keep unwelcome guest /out/… not trap us /in/… I'd take it down, but it'd be so much work…"

"NO! You must not take it down!"

"… I think you had better explain…"

"Maybe it would be better if Ash-Li did…" Teo had the definite feeling that he didn't want to get between his two powerful neighbors should they decide to have a spat. The mage however, didn't seem interested in his opinions one way or the other.

"Ashley told you not to tell me something?"

"He never said…"

"Ashley is keeping secrets…?"

"I'm sure it's…" He froze under the cold glare. "… for a good reason…?" His whisper trailed off into silence. Sydney slid off the rock with easy grace and stalked back down the trail, after a moment's hesitation the monk followed. "Where are we going…?"

"Out."

"But…"

The blonde turned long enough to flash a brief bitter smirk. "If I can't trust my friends to tell me what is going on… I'll just have to see for myself won't I…?"

"I'm coming too…" Wishing he knew some way to stop the stubborn mage, Teo trailed after him nervously. There was little doubt that his friend would return until he had seen the worst of it, and there was no telling what the shock would do to him.

// Ash-Li, now would be a really good time for you to come back…// Not for the first time he wished that the absent Rood Bearer could hear him even half as well as he seemed to be able to hear his lover. 

*************************

The Shadows were much like he remembered them. The ceaseless swirling of monochromatic mist was rather tiring on the eyes. Sydney turned to give his companion an 'I told you so' stare, but was put off by the way the monk was carefully studying the vacant landscape.

"There's nothing here… Come on, I'll show you around, shall I? See the sights?"

"We should go back…" Teo was loath to leave the edge of the smooth barrier and its implied safety.

"Will you tell me what is going on then?"

"If it will make you give up on this insanity? Yes, I'll tell you anything you want!"

"Start talking."

"It's /her/…"

"Her?"

"Don't say her name!"

"Who, Müllencamp?" The smaller man all but jumped out of his skin.

"Hush fool! You'll get her attention!"

"Watch who you are calling 'fool' little monk… I'm still older than you… besides, what is there to fear from the Lady? Her sense of humor is quirky at times, but hardly terrorizing…"

"It could be said that her ladyship is no longer quite herself…"

"Meaning?"

The words forming on his lips died as a dark shape stirred in the mist. He all but wrenched the blonde around, pointing wordlessly at the crawling creature in the distance. "Can we please go?" Something in his mood was finally bleeding over into his friend because the stubborn pose was immediately dropped. Sydney hesitated only a moment out of curiosity before the sense of impending danger was too strong to ignore. Uncertain what was happening, he opted for the strategic retreat. He admitted he wanted to /see/ this danger, not necessarily experience it first hand. With a word they were safely whisked to the other side of his smooth shield but he left the section of wall before them transparent. It took two tries for the nervous tug on his sleeve to get his attention.

"What?"

"Can she see us?"

"I don't think so… What /is/ that…?"

"It's /her/."

"Impossible!" The cultist finally tore his eyes away from the misshaped creature to glare in exasperation at his guest. "I think I would recognize my own goddess…"

"She's not a goddess anymore…" The monstrous woman was more than close enough now to make out the features, and Teo pointed grimly over his taller friend's shoulder, guiding him to look again. "Even Ash-Li recognized her… even he was wary…"

Sydney felt a chill run down his spine as he turned away from the green meadow and back to the wall. She was standing, or as close as she could come to the posture, close enough that if not for the shield he might have reached out and touched her.

// Oh… my… //

His first impression was of /hair/. Massive shaggy dirty locks of hair were everywhere, tumbling around the face and shoulders like rough ropes. The dark mop of fiber almost completely obscured the top half of the strange body which was a mixed blessing.  The mage felt his hands fist into the loose material of his pants as he forced himself to look closer at the horror. Elongated arms were painfully thin; each of the hands was easily large enough to encircle a barrel. The ragged crone-like fingernails reminded him morbidly of his own mechanical appendages. If her head had been covered in snakes instead of hair he would have instantly named her a Medusa, but there was something frighteningly familiar in the monstrous form. Sydney faintly noted that he was shaking as he forced his eyes off of the serpentine tail and forced himself to look the creature in the face. His breath sounded ragged in his ears.

// Oh no… Not like this… //

The face had lost its once beautiful curves. Grey skin stretched tightly over the hollow cheeks and fell into bruised-looking wrinkles under each of the pale glowing eyes. They in turn had grown huge, nearly lidless as they peered back at him from beneath the matted hair. A mammoth hand slowly came up to rest on the barrier as if trying to reach out to him, and he /knew/.

"…Müllencamp…?" Horrified at what had become of his once lovely mentor he took a hesitant step forward a hand slowly coming up to mimic her gesture. "My Lady…?"

// Funny… in all this time… I didn't think of her… not once… I was so caught up in having Ashley back again that I… Selfish… so selfish… oh dear God what have I done… //

"Stop!! You mustn't let her in!!" Teo latched onto the partly raised arm with desperate strength. The stunned cultist offered little resistance. "Come away… she can /see/ us!"

"Müllencamp…?" He could no more brake away from the milky gaze than if he was set in stone. Transfixed, they stared at one another in equal disbelief. Dry gray lips twitched and stretched back into a ghoulish smile.

"Ssssssssssssssssssssydnnnnnnnnneyyyyyyyyyyyy…" The rattling hiss easily penetrated the wall and despite the monk's increasingly anxious tugs, the cultist stood frozen as tears ran down his cheeks. A second rake-like hand was placed against the barrier, and unbelievably, began to push. The wall seemed to hold firm a moment, but under the focused pressure it began to bend inwards, two dimples forming beneath her palms. Still the mage did nothing.  Bound as they were on some impossible level goddess and servant communed for the first time in centuries. Sydney was lost in the chaotic wash of the demented woman's mind.

"Sydney, /please/?!" Shaking the man had no effect, his eyes remained fixed on the now straining barrier. Teo looked up to see the first hint that one of the sharp claws had succeeded in piercing the ancient spell. "Oh no…" The shoulders beneath his hands shuddered as the shields threatened to come apart. "Snap out of it boy!"

"SYDNEY!" The roar from behind them was nearly inhuman. It rebounded off the shivering barrier with ear-ringing intensity. Responding to his partner's unspoken stress; the guardian had rematerialized from beyond. His face was a mask of unshakable determination. As if sensing the shift in power, the pressure on the shield abated. The demented goddess hesitated to challenge the new arrival. The dark man stood tensely beside his wavering partner and looked coldly through the barrier.

"Go. This is not for you. Sydney is /mine/… I won't let you take him. /GO/."

Hissing angrily, the snake-like woman retreated little-by-little until the shield could once again take its customary shape. Free from the oppressive aura, the cultist whimpered in pain before crumpling to the grass. Teo gratefully copied the behavior; his knees had all but turned to water at the sight of the woman almost-breaching the wall. He watched in tired bemusement as the knight planted a rather wicked looking sword point-first into the soft soil and stooped to scoop up his comatose mage. Looking up he was caught by the dark eyes.

"We will discuss /your/ part in this later…"

"I…" Arguing with the furious man seemed more than a little suicidal. He pressed his lips together and nodded silently.

Ashley carried his burden as carefully as finest crystal as he made his way back towards the distant tower.

*************************

// What do I do? What do I do? WhatdoIdo? WhatdoIdoWhatdoIdoWhatdoIdo…? //

Sydney sat on the balcony, legs hanging through the railing to kick idly at the breeze. He was marginally watching the new waves beat their rhythm on the shore, but in reality his thoughts strayed further.  The cultist wondered if he'd ever shake off this feeling of shocked confusion. Whenever he began to think he had a grasp of things, he found that there was nothing in his hands but air.  Truths he had once thought as solid as the granite beneath him had become hazy, melting into the ever present mist beyond his barrier.

// But that's not right, is it… Mist… isn't the only thing out there… //

He was sorry he had looked, sorry to have been provoked by the visiting monk's idle comment. Sydney now found that he had preferred his ignorance. He glanced over his shoulder at the large form still sleeping in their bed. The man looked exhausted and worried, even at rest. The knight had good reason to be both.

// Why didn't Ashley tell me?! //

The mage laughed bitterly at himself. // Fool… he was protecting you… You haven't exactly been… stable… now have you. // It was too late now to pretend ignorance. It was too late now for a lot of things.  Feeling indescribably hollow, the blonde gazed out over the leaden surf and tried once again to gather the pieces of the life he used to know.

// But… what happens now…? //

The ocean continued in its eternal pattern. Dark green water rolled and folded over itself in a suicidal frenzy, slowly crushing the stony shore to sand. The pale froth and twisted seaweed reminded him unpleasantly of entrails.

*************************

After considering it carefully, Ashley found he couldn't truly be angry with the little monk. He had only himself to blame. The dark man watched his mage sit on the shore. Sydney had been uncommonly quiet since his encounter with the goddess; their conversations had become stilted and tense ordeals. The blonde was deliberately distancing himself from everything.

// He's angry because he feels he's been lied to… //

The Riskbreaker conceded that the cultist had every right to the emotion. Still he couldn't help but worry. Things had been going so well for the mage, for both of them. It had been futile to attempt to postpone the truth from being known, but he had had to try. If only there had been a little more time. If only he had been able to cushion the shock. He gritted his teeth in frustration. The Dark was never something to play by the rules, nor to give any quarter when it could exploit a weakness. And Sydney was still so very weak. As much as the mage had recovered, it was a false sort of durability. There were flaws in the prophet's once impeccable armor, no matter how rested he was, how fore-armed, how prepared, it would only take one well-placed blow to shatter the man completely.

// I won't let that happen…//

"…Sydney…" He crouched next to the curled figure, blinking as the strong wind threatened to blow grit into his eyes. At first he was afraid he would be ignored completely, but after a moment the narrow face tilted to look at him. When it became apparent that the cultist wouldn't speak, the knight sighed and slowly settled next to him. "Not talking to me, hmmm? Alright, I guess I deserve that." He placed a light kiss on the pale forehead. "I'm sorry."

"…That's it…?" Ashley frowned at the tired whisper. "… You're sorry…"

"I should have told you…"

"Yes." The sad blonde returned to his study of the water. "Yes you should have…"

"I was only…"

"I know…"

"Forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive… you did what you thought you had to…"

Ashley gave his companion a confused look. "Then you're not angry?"

"Maybe, but not with you…" Sydney blinked as they were caught in a burst of spray. "This isn't your fault after all… it's /mine/…"

"I don't understand…"

"No, you weren't here… You were long gone by then…Chang… he tried to warn me… that something might happen…"

"Chang?" The Riskbreaker was hopelessly lost.

"'Tis no matter… what's done is done… now there is only the question of how to repair the damage…"

"Surely there is something we can do…"

The mage turned to watch him once again, his expression haunted. "Is there? I wonder…I have been thinking all this time…"

"…and?"

"… and there is nothing… I can think of nothing at all…"

"Oh." Feeling more than a little useless, Ashley pulled the smaller man into his lap. The sky was overcast and grey with the mage's mood and the sea breeze was chilling. Using his arms and body as a make-shift shelter, the knight cradled his partner against his chest. There had to be /something/…where there was life, was there not hope? His blonde slowly relaxed against his warmth; head tilted back a little to rest in the hollow beneath his chin.

"She's in such pain… Ashley… So lonely… I thought I could… I don't know… /help/… but it wasn't enough… She's too far gone to understand."

"It's hard to say if she even recognized you…"

The resting head shook slightly. "No, she did, right before you came… she said my name…"

"She spoke?" The guardian unconsciously tightened his protective grip. Sydney murmured appreciatively at the gesture, curling his hands around one of the muscled forearms.

"I'm afraid…"

"Of her…?"

"… for her, perhaps." The cultist slouched backwards a little more, leaning into the steady presence of his lover. "I… I think I know what I have to do, Ashley…" His head dipped forward in a familiar curl. He was hiding his face in the cloud of pale hair as he only did when deeply distressed. The knight leaned forwards a little as well, resting his cheek against the silky mass in a gesture of support.

"I think I have to kill her… I think I will have to kill the only mother I have ever known…"

They sat in silence on the beach long after the sun sank down. The Riskbreaker gently cradling his mage as the smaller man wordlessly wept comfortless tears.

*************************

Yet another evening was passing in its quiet way in the small temple guest house. Pei was calmly brewing tea out on the porch, while he methodically went through the ritual of disassembling and oiling his guns. The grey metal parts were laid out in their traditional pattern on the worn cloth as he picked them up one by one to wipe them reverently with the slick rag. In a way it was an unorthodox form of meditation. Liet looked up as a steaming cup was placed delicately at his elbow.

"Thank you."

"It amazes me that you can do that so often, and yet not lose any of those little pieces?" The demoness smirked in amusement as she picked up one of the pins. "I mean… what would happen if I were to take this little thing and… throw it in the well for instance…?"

"You had better believe that I'd be tossing you in after it, my girl."

The forest woman laughed and set the piece back in its place on the blanket. "In that case I shall forbear on the thought."

"I rather wish you would." Hands moving quickly now, he began snapping the array of pieces back together, starting with the barrel and working his way towards the stock. He gave the completed gun a celebratory twirl on his finger before tucking it carefully away. Without ammunition it was truly only so much useless dead weight, but he kept the pair in the bottom of his bag anyway. When he returned to civilization, they might come in handy; if he ever returned. He settled himself next to the quiet woman with a sigh. Although neither of them had much reason to stay in the religious sanctuary, they never spoke of leaving, either individually or together. It seemed that Pei was content to wait on the faint hope of a reunion with some distant relative. At least her motivations were more understandable then his own. "Do you think you'll ever see them? Your long-lost family?"

"… I don't know… but it seems foolish to pass up such a chance…"

"And you'll stay here until all hope is gone?"

"I believe in Ash-Li… He will not forget about me…"

"I wonder…"

"What of you, old man…? What are /you/ waiting for?"

Liet smiled cheerfully at the russet colored sunset. "Who knows… a miracle perhaps…?" He sipped his tea. "…Or maybe I'm waiting for you…"

Even without looking at her he could see her incredulous stare. "Me? Whatever for?"

"It would hardly be gentlemanly to leave a young lady abandoned… Even if I wanted to go, which I can't say I do… it would be poor taste to leave before seeing you safely into the arms of your family."

Pei snorted in amusement. "I see, so it is a matter of honor then?"

"Among other things…" Finally the weight of her stare got to be too much to ignore and he turned to look at her. She really was remarkably pretty, maybe even more so than the woman she had been intended to resemble. "Why do you still wear your glamour? I doubt anyone here cares what you look like one way or the other…"

"Oh, /that/ is a /fine/ compliment!"

He blinked, clueless. "What? What's the matter with that… I mean they're monks after all… most of them are supposed to have foresworn pretty girls along with any number of other pleasant things…"

"And what about you?"

Liet tried not to squirm under the direct gaze. "Look however you please, woman. I'm not your father to tell you how to dress…" He was grimly thankful that the tangerine sunlight would likely disguise any hint of blush on his cheeks.

"I see…" His companion displayed a maturity beyond her years in letting the subject gracefully drop. "I wonder though… What if Ash can't find my family…? What if they are all gone? What then…"

"Surely there will be /someone/…"

"Surely…"

"You could… always come with me… when I go back west…" She looked over to find the man was once more studiously watching the paving stones. Pei allowed herself a small smile.

"What, and live in a big city? I wouldn't know the first thing about it…"

"It's no so hard really… just like a village really, but louder, and less polite… and with more traffic."

"What a tempting picture you paint." He shrugged at her teasing drawl. "And what sort of employment would we pursue? A return to the criminal society?"

"Maybe… or I could get a real job… It wouldn't be so hard to fake some papers and start over in a new city… Hong Kong maybe."

"…maybe… we'll just have to wait and see, won't we…"

"Why not." They sat on the porch nodding to the passing monks and novices until it was time for bed.

*************************

Sydney took his time combing the last tangles out of his hair before blowing out the lamp and sliding into bed. The warm body beside him immediately shifted and drew him close, pulling the blankets around him.  So ingrained was the pattern that they barely had to work at all to settle themselves together in a comfortable sprawl. The mage fitted himself against the larger man's side without even thinking about it; only amused at how easily the pose came to him after his head was resting in its customary place beneath the smooth chin and against the well-padded shoulder.

// You would think we were made for each other… // The sardonic thought almost made him laugh.  Despite the feeling of comfort that the knight's presence invariably brought, he couldn't help but remain a little on edge. Things had been strained between them for days after his encounter with the goddess, and now that his plans were finalized and out in the open, it had only gotten worse.  The Riskbreaker didn't understand, but how could he? What he was asking the man to do went against everything the knight stood for. Sydney placed a consoling kiss against the larger man's neck, sensing the tension beneath the smooth skin.

// Any time now, Ashley… You're anything if not predictable at times like this… //

"Why won't you let me help you…?"

"Because this isn't your fight."

"You've stuck your nose in any number of /my/ fights and I never once begrudged you…"

"No, but then you never definitively wanted me to /not/ participate… except that one time, and then you /lied/ to me… At least I am being honest. I don't want you to fight with me…"

"I didn't lie…"

"Deliberately concealing the truth is the same as lying, beloved… 'sins of omission' I believe is the term? Don't you think I'd have much rather have discussed it with you than to have found out about your untimely end /after/ the fact?"

"Am I just to stand idly by as you face this alone then?"

"You can't help me, Ashley. If I thought for a minute that letting you take my place in this would be to my advantage… don't you think I'd be considering it?" The blonde nuzzled the warm flesh beneath his cheek. "Do you think I am /that/ enamored with playing 'hero'? I'd much rather leave such things to you… you're the one who had the undisputed corner on that market." The small joke sat uneasily in the tense room.

"I won't let you face her alone… I can't."

"Ashley…"

"/Please/ Sydney…" The Riskbreaker had given up all pretence of preparing for sleep as he sat up.  There was no hiding the frightened edge to the deep voice. "If something were to happen…"

// This must be your idea of hell, isn't it… to be forced to the sidelines as I face some impossible task? Funny, I never thought a day like this would ever come… //

"Have you ever considered, Riskbreaker… That this is going to be a 'lose-lose' battle no matter what we do?"

"Better that we face it together then…?"

"No Ashley."

"I don't understand." Sydney took a moment to appreciate the way the artificial-moonlight highlighted the sharply defined muscles of the knight's arms and back before sitting up and wrapping himself around the stiff body. Captured from behind, the larger man remained inflexible as feathery kisses were applied to the back of his neck.

"Think a minute then… What happens if I face her tomorrow… and fail?"

"We all die… and the world probably comes to an end."

The mage smiled at how mundane the worst case outcome sounded. If there was anyone for whom such horrors had become commonplace over the years, it was Ashley. "Very well, and now… let's say that by some outrageous stroke of fortune… I win tomorrow… I defeat her… when then?"

He felt the dark man shift slightly as he bent his mind to the alternatives. "If Müllencamp dies? I… don't know… We don't get eaten I suppose…?" The Riskbreaker relaxed enough to turn his head and look curiously at his mage. "What does happen?" He frowned. "If I die… The Rood breaks and 'very bad things' happen to the world, right? Wouldn't it be worse if she dies?"

The cultist shrugged. "I have no idea. Maybe it will be that I can not kill her… maybe she will rise from her own ashes like Teo did, and thus will be remade… maybe… maybe the world will come to an end anyway… maybe when she dies, the Dark will die with her… It's rather hard to say."

"If the Dark ceases to be… what happens to you?"

"I will likely be unmade… and you will doubtlessly be severely injured or even killed by the shock of separation from the Rood…"

"Unacceptable."

"Would you rather I lost then?"

"I would rather you survived."

Sydney tightened his awkward grip on the muscled shoulders. "Believe me, so would I." His fervent agreement seemed to do the trick, and he smiled as he was swept up into a tight embrace. "Besides, you're not going to be doing /nothing/… without you, I wouldn't even dream of pulling this off."

"What do you need me to do…?"

"You're going to put me on almost even footing with a god." He smirked at the startled look. "So surprised? You went toe-to-toe with an angel once, do you remember? The power of the Rood is nothing to sniff at, I should know, I used to wear it…"

"It's yours for the asking."

"No Ashley, I like it just fine where it is… besides, your being in the material world will provide you with valuable shelter. You will be my unshakable anchor…" The blonde hesitated. "It will not be easy…"

"That's why I can't stay? You think I will be safer if I'm outside the Shadows?"

"I don't know what is going to happen to this place should she and I fight in earnest, Riskbreaker, but I do know that I won't be able to protect you and myself at the same time… I'm not that good. I'll likely be barely capable of keeping track of my own mind… It… would be far easier for me if I knew you were beyond her reach." With his ear pressed against the large chest the man's grumble of acceptance sounded almost like an angry bear's complaint.

"I still don't like this…"

"I know."

"Is there no other way?"

"None that I can think of…" The quiet statement had an unspoken question to it, but Ashley had no alternatives to offer. The mage was right, it wasn't his fight. He tensed his hold on the slender man. Sighing in contentment, the blonde curled closer. "I'm scared, Ashley…"

"Of her?"

"… Of everything… of losing you… What if I am wrong…?"

"You're not…"

"But what if I /am/…"

"Then we'll deal with it when we get there… Have faith, whelp. I do."

"In what…?"

"In you, of course." The warm chuckle was amazingly soothing in the darkness. Settling back into the bed, they moved against each other more out of need for comfort than from any real desire. All too soon the hands stroking the mage's sides slowed then stopped in favor of pulling him close again. There were no worries left to share, everything that could be known was known; the rest was out of their control. Sydney tangled his fingers in the soft hair of the Riskbreaker's tails and pulled him down for a kiss before returning to his favorite sleeping spot. His thoughts buzzed around with frightened energy and he doubted he would get any sleep at all. Somehow the steady heartbeat beneath his ear caught his attention however, and little by little the low sound lulled him into a peaceful doze. Ashley stared for long hours at the smooth arched ceiling, and silently waited for morning to come.

*************************

Anton's breath steamed the air as he quickly jogged down the street to the post office.  Even with the layer of sand and salt on the sidewalk he found his feet had a distressing tendency to not stay beneath him as they should. At least he had a warm jacket this year. The fleecy wool was heavy, but very appreciated once the winds started to blow. Usually Maryland wasn't this cold. There was something strange in the air. Panting for breath he leaned against the wooden door and all but fell into the cheery room.

"Wait… I'm here…"

"Took you long enough…"

"You didn't have to come all the way out here, Ant… It's freezing!"

Moimoi scoffed at the bard's worried comment; she boasted proudly and often that she had once been someplace so cold that her spit had frozen before it hit the ground. There was no repetition of the story today. She and one of her gang were wearing their uniform coats even in the small office's warmth, and looked rather menacing. One girl slouched on either side of the door. "You were almost too late."

"I'm sorry, I came as fast as I could… hello… Val…"

"Hey there!" The dark haired boy had shed his jacket and gloves in order to sit comfortably as he hunched over a last-minute letter. He spared a moment to look up and smile at his worried friends. "You all look so grim! Relax… the worst has already happened! What /else/ could go wrong…" His grin faltered and he quickly turned back to hastily scrawling a long note.

"Who are you writing to?"

"Mason, or at least Mason's house." Valor pressed too hard for a moment and accidentally broke his pencil. He silently stood to sharpen it, very carefully not swearing. "I don't want him to worry… when he gets back, if he gets back…"

"… A storm is coming." They all stopped and stared at the soft comment. Az had seemed almost invisible before he spoke, his lanky body blending all-too-easily into the background as he stared out a frosted window. The familiar, dressed in his customary black turned slowly to study his mage with his strange monochromatic stare. "We should go."

"The train will be here any minute, Val…"

"I know, Moimoi…" The thin boy somehow managed to stuff the wad of paper into the envelope and licked it shut. The elderly postman behind the counter woke up just long enough to sell him the stamps before shuffling back to his chair in the storeroom.

"I can't believe you're leaving…"

"That's life for you…"

"But you /didn't/ do it!"

"Ah, but since when has /my/ opinion mattered… They /think/ I did it… And so off I go."

Anton stuffed his hands deeper into his pockets to somehow relieve his anxious guilt. Nothing had been the same after their missing friend's departure. It was as if Mason had provided some vital anchor to their fellowship. After he left things had gotten complicated, and frightening, and now /this/. He wondered when they had all stopped being children together; when had life started to get so serious. "… Nelson did it…" After the initial difficult words, it came easier, pouring out of him in a miserable rush. "He didn't tell me, of course… but I… found out, but when I cornered him about it he wouldn't say WHY… I thought… I thought he was our friend… I thought I knew him…"

"He probably had his reasons. His family probably put him up to it."

"Yes, well, he can keep them."

"… Ant?"

"Nelly and I… we've decided that perhaps we made a mistake… I'm too much of a /risk/ for him… and well… he's not who I thought he was anyway…"

"He /dumped you/?!"

The usually mild-mannered mage trainee smiled in an unfriendly way. "No Val… I dumped him."

"Way to go Mage!" Moimoi thumped her boot appreciatively. "I always knew there was something fishy about that jerk!"

"But you two…" The bard gave up as his friend mutely shook his head.

"How could I stay with him… there are some things you can't forgive a person."

"So much for 'love conquers all'… huh?"

Anton simply shrugged, the last thing he wanted to do was burden his friend with another worry. "I'll be fine… but I think I'd like to speak to Az for a moment." The quiet boy in the corner gave him a curious stare before following him outside. They watched as the rest of the group helped Val into his coat and trundled him and his bags down the street to the train station. "Do you guys even know where you're going?"

"He has an idea or two… forgive me if I don't share them with you."

"No, no I understand… the less we know the better right…? This is insane, like some bad comic-book plot! What the hell was the dean thinking, expelling Val in the middle of winter… He /knows/ Val is a special case student… He /knows/ that there's no family to challenge the decision… How could he…"

"Valor would say, 'money speaks louder than reason'."

"Val's got to learn to take that 'kick me' sign off his ass." His uncharacteristically bitter comment earned him another curious stare. "Well he does! But enough of that…" The mage pulled off his glove with his teeth and fumbled a hand into the pocket of his pants. "I have… something. Here." He held out a parting gift. Anyone who didn't know Anton's family might have been amazed at the solid wad of bills that the boy produced at such short notice. The dusky-skinned mage pressed the bundle into Az's startled fingers. The familiar gingerly unfolded and thumbed through the stack.

"There has to be close to three hundred dollars here…"(**)

"Birthday, Christmas, and New Year's present… as well as some general savings… and whatever the pawnshop could give me for Nelson's trash…It was all I could come up with." The Nigerian looked sad. "I wish it had been more…"

"I see you kept the jacket."

"Believe me I would have hocked it too… except for the fact that I got rid of my old one…"

"Valor would say… the he couldn't accept a gift like this."

"Yeah well, that's why I gave it to /you/… Something tells me that you're either smarter or more pragmatic than our little romantic musician over there." The black-clad boy smiled humorlessly.

"And what am I to tell him?"

"Tell him whatever you want, say I slipped it into your pocket, say I threatened you with it, say it fell from the sky. Just promise me that you'll /use/ it! I don't need it, my parents can always give me more… and I keep having these nightmares of him sleeping in a bus-station or something… so please… please take it." Az watched the trainee struggle to put his glove back on over chilled fingers before tucking the gift away and moving to assist. He seemed to be considering something carefully, and after a silent moment produced a small feather from inside his sleeve and tucked it into the mage's pocket.

"We shall call it an exchange, I think; a gift for a gift. Keep it safe mageling, keep it hidden. If you should ever be in need, simply break it in two, and I shall know. I will help if I can."

"… thankyou."

The familiar looked up at the leaden sky again, seeming preoccupied with something intangible. "… I should like to get Val to shelter before the storm hits… but the train will have to do... It will be a dangerous one, I think."

Anton looked up as well, and had to admit, he felt something shifting in the air around them. "Somehow, I think you're right."

Together they walked over to the snowy platform where the others waited. He waived goodbye long after the bard's train was gone. Moimoi sighed and accepted the illicit cigarette that her friend had lit, taking a drag and then passing it to the mage.

"And that's that. The old group is gone. Funny really, Val was the most useless guy to have in a fight that I've ever met… and still… I'll miss the pretty bastard."

"He was a good friend." Anton tried not to cough as the unfamiliar taste of tobacco filled his mouth. "Uggh, remind me to not do that again." The other two simply laughed.

"So what happens now, oh last-of-the-sane mages? Want me to kick your Ex in the nuts for you? Just to share /my/ sentiments on the little Judas' recent behavior?"

"Do as you like, Moi… I just plan on finishing this last semester… and getting out of here.  Somehow, I've gotten sort of tired of this place."

"No kidding." The trio slogged their way back to the dorms before splitting off into boy's and girl's buildings. The mage felt strangely old as he climbed the last flight of stairs to his room, the lounge at the top had only one occupant. Blonde hair was highlighted by the cheery fire as the last member of their old group sat waiting.

"Ant… I…"

It was easy --frighteningly easy-- to ignore both the distressed voice and out-stretched hand. He moved down the hall steadily, self-sufficiently. Had he looked back, he might have been amazed at the stricken look on the other mage's face. For once Anton understood Val's strange bravery. It wasn't a strength that allowed a person to beat down their enemies or march in protests, or take things to court. The bard was too gentle for such aggressive emotions. It was a strength that came from knowing, that even if things got worse, it didn't matter anymore. There was only so much 'bad' anyone could process before 'worse' became indistinguishable from the day-to-day. He had reached his limit for what he could feel for the year. Any further shocks would just have to wait their turn. With shaking hands he shut and locked his door.

*************************

"That's it?"

Sydney looked up at the grim question, glancing around for the first time since he had started his meditation. Outside the work room's window was a strange blank white. All of the work they had put into their beloved home over the last month had been cleanly, efficiently wiped away. The tower was all there was. He closed his eyes and tested the well of power that had once been rocks and trees and water and sky. It made an impressive bundle, when reduced to its pure form. He would be adding to it soon enough, but the upcoming battle would need more than just pure strength. It was a worry he kept to himself. The Riskbreaker looked anxious enough already, obviously fighting with himself for every minute that passed by without some protest being uttered.

"Almost… only the barrier is left… and the tower itself… but those will have to come last." He sighed and let the knight help him to his feet. "Now… where is Teo?"

"I'll get him."

It was hard not to fidget as he waited. Determined to focus his nervous energy on something productive, the blonde compulsively checked and rechecked the curving lines carved into the floor. The magic circle was as strong as it could get. There was nothing more to add. It would either work, or not. Hesitant footsteps on the stairs up from the library reminded him of why the wards were so important.

"Come in, Teo."

"Is it supposed to be glowing like that?"

"Yes." The mage looked up and caught Ashley's eye. "I think perhaps, it is time for you to go… make sure the temple is ready, and then settle yourself… I'll wait for your signal."

Lips pressed tight against any last minute doubts, the guardian moved forward and gathered him up in an almost bone-crushing embrace. "You can do this."

"Aren't you supposed to be trying to talk me out of my insanity?"

The dark eyes were filled with quiet fears. "It's too late for that, isn't it…"

"Yes, I suppose it is."

// I love you. // The thought bled formlessly into the mage's mind as he leaned into a last kiss, threatening to make his eyes prickle with tears for the thousandth time since his return to the living. It seemed that crying was all he was good for any more. He pushed the stupid thought away, reaching out with whatever comfort he could muster.

// I know. // In a flicker, the large man was gone. Sydney nervously wiped his palms on his leather pants before turning to face the one last problem at hand. The monk was trying very hard to look small and unobtrusive as he studied the curling lines on the floor. The cultist rolled his eyes at the man's attempt to give them some privacy.

"Teo." Suddenly aware that he was the only other person left in the room, the short Asian looked around with a start.

Not for the first time, Sydney felt rather guilty that the poor monk had to be involved with the whole mess. "It's time to decide Teo…" He gestured around the room.

"Things are going to get… very… dangerous here for a while. I can make you no guarantees as to what will happen if you stay."

"So I can either choose to die now… or let death find me later?"

The cultist shrugged. "If things go badly… there is no telling what will happen to either of us… Death isn't the worst by any stretch of the imagination."

"Delightful." The monk scratched his chin thoughtfully. "One the one hand… I really don't feel ready to die quite yet… On the other… I don't want to be the burden on you that makes this whole exercise a waste of time…"

"Somehow, I doubt the magic it will take to try and protect you will really matter in the long run… With all the energy that's going to be tossed around I'm more worried about whether or not it's even worth the attempt."

"I think it is… but then it's /my/ life -or rather my afterlife- that we're discussing here…"

"I thought you might look at it that way…" The blonde smiled in amusement. "Very well Master Teo, if you will kindly position yourself in the center… I shall begin."

"Is there anything I should know?"

Sydney considered the question as he sealed the ring. The former Rood Bearer was now wrapped in more protections than even the tower itself, but there was always risk. "Yes. No matter what, do not move, and do not touch the boundaries…" He smirked. "Also, do not be surprised if the tower dissolves at some point, all it means is that I can't afford to waste the energy to maintain it."

"Very well…" Teo settled himself on the small piece of floor available to him. "… Good luck, Sydney."

"You too."

*************************

Given the limited notice, the temple had mobilized with remarkable efficiency. Ancient texts and scrolls were loaded into trunks and onto the backs of willing monks who stretched down the long stair case in a quickly moving line. For many of the marchers this was their second or even third trip down the mountain. It seemed they were taking his warning to heart, stripping all that was of any value from the ancient buildings. Ashley came awake to the sound of hushed exodus.

"Ah, you've come back then… Everything is happening as you instructed, we have set up a camp inside the forest village, and they have most generously offered us their protection."

"As it should be, you have looked after /them/ for the better part of five centuries…" He blinked the last of the sleep from his eyes as he sat up. "What do the signs say?"

Master Shu Lao smiled grimly. "Utter nonsense, some point to a great cataclysm, others point to a great blessing, still others say that tomorrow it will rain rice-bran or that the sun will burn at midnight or… that the forecaster will get a hang-nail… take your pick. Never in my life have I seen such muddled readings."

"Makes sense I suppose, the Dark is getting anxious."

"Speaking of that… We had to double bar the doors to the catacombs… there were things… that we though would be better off not seeing the light of day."

"What sort of things…"

"It is wrong to speak ill of the dead, Bearer."

"Ah, /those/ sorts of things."

"Indeed. Should the buildings remain intact after this ordeal of yours… someone is going to have a hell of a time sorting all the crypts out."

"It can't be helped."

Liet poked his head in the door. "Master, your elder would like a word… oh! Ash! You're up? Good, I'll tell the others to come here instead." He ducked back out into the slow moving crowd of evacuees only to reappear minutes later with several other monks and the forest woman in tow.

"How do you feel Ash…" The demoness knelt next to him carefully. "You've been sleeping for some time."

"Things could be better…" He gave her a supportive smile before turning to look at the unofficial council that had gathered in front of him. "How much longer?"

"The packing is done. Tt probably won't take more than another hour to get the last of the stragglers on their way."

"That's good," Ashley gave the elder a guilty bow. "I'm sorry I've caused all this trouble."

"Sometimes bad things happen, child. We've learned to take it in stride."

"You're staying here…?" The gunman chewed his lip unconsciously.

"Yes."

"Should someone stay with you?"

"It would be dangerous."

"Screw that, I didn't ask if it was dangerous, I asked if it would help."

The guardian shrugged. "Yes, probably… I don't know how much I'll be able to pay attention to 'here' with what will be happening 'there'… and things are probably going to get… lively."

"Fine then, I'll stay." Decision made, the assassin didn't wait to see who would disagree. He ducked into the side room only to return with Ashley's old shotgun and a box of shells. The Riskbreaker raised an eyebrow at the unlikely find. "What, I paid dearly for these… took /forever/ to get them too."

"Have you ever /used/ a gun that big?"

"Hush."

"I'm staying too." Peilei shrugged as the rest of the room stared at her. "The old man needs /someone/ to watch his back."

"My talents may also be of some use…" Shu Lao's face had its usual grumpy resolve but his tone was almost cheerful.

"My my, it seems all that is needed is one more priest, just to give the group a rounded feel… Five is a good number, isn't it Bearer? A lucky number perhaps… And it's been a long time since I've had a good adventure…"

"Master Sougi?!" The monks stared at their elder in shock.

"What, you think I'm unfit? Bah I say! I can still take on any of you young ones!"

"It's too dangerous!"

"You didn't say that when Shu volunteered!" He rounded on the protesters with good humor. "I'm staying! That's final!"

Ashley could only chuckle at the old man's antics. "If that is your wish, then I am glad to have you with me." 

"It's settled then!" The group stared at each other for a silent moment as they realized what they had just volunteered for. The old monk chuckled nervously and waived for his followers to hasten the pace a little. "Well… shall we adjourn to the temple?"

*************************

There was nothing else to be done.  The simple door clicked shut behind him with a whisper of wood on stone. Sydney smoothed the front of the dark jacket nervously before picking his way down the path.  He had considered dressing differently, but really, what sort of apparel was customary when you are going out to kill a loved one? The mage shook his head at the idiotic thought. Armor was useless, he might as well go naked for all the help an added layer of cloth or steel would help in the upcoming struggle. In the end he wore black. It was customary after all.

// You can never go wrong with black… always makes a statement… and besides… it hides the blood stains. //

The cultist winced as his thoughts got away from him again. He was nervous, there was no denying it. Squaring his shoulders he walked quickly through the empty spaces where his woods and Ashley's meadow had once coexisted. The simple structural beauty of the smooth rolling hills made him pause, taking in one last long look at the world in the light of its shimmering barrier. Over a month of careful painstaking labor had gone into even the sparse interpretation of their once lush paradise. It was criminal to have laid waste to the area a second time. The blonde smiled grimly, knowing full well that it was going to get worse..

// It can be rebuilt… // He closed his eyes. // When this is all over… it /will/ be rebuilt… Just like before…/better/ even… //  It wasn't a particularly cheerful thought, but it was hopeful and at the moment it was the best he could manage.

"Don't dawdle, Sydney…" The mage shook his head in agreement with his murmur. "Yes, get on with it… shouldn't keep a lady waiting…"

Reaching the end of his tiny domain he turned back one final time, and held out a hand. There was no particular trick to it, to find a loose thread in the tightly woven enchantments of the bare landscape. It took only a gentle tug to set the whole process in motion. His arm tingled painfully as he called the energy home. All around him the world became hazy and indistinct, and then gradually became nothing at all. Only two specks of color remained in the vast white space inside the pearly shields. The lush green of Ashley's oak would only fade with the death of its maker, and the distant tower remained because it was necessary for it to do so.  The cultist considered the problem, and gently poked the floating island that contained the last of the meadow a little closer to the one holding his tower. The two cores easily reknit themselves into a single island of rock and dirt, marble and oak. He shrugged at the little kidney-bean shaped landmass. There was an odd symmetry to it, with the tree on one end and the tower on the other. It was strange to look at such an odd collection of objects and still feel a powerful sense of /home/. 

// I wonder… if this place hasn't become more of a home to me than any I had in the Waking world… Would I go back if I could? Or have I become too enmeshed with it all…? No way of knowing is there… Doesn't matter… //

With a sigh, he repeated the lengthily process on the shields themselves. They were already damaged, and would likely not sustain another direct assault from the over-eager goddess. He tugged at the frayed spells and then deeper at the reservoirs fueling them, bundling the energies deep inside him. When the last of the barriers dissolved, the remains of his little world would have to defend themselves. Sydney grimly hoped that something of the oak tree's invulnerability would provide and additional barrier for his tower, and for Teo. They would all have to fend for themselves now. The blonde watched as the unceasing mists of the Shadows quickly filled up the void where his world had been, obscuring his view of the green and white blotch in the distance. After the clear skies inside the shields, he felt almost blinded as the fog enveloped him.

// … Yes, just as cold and damp as I remembered… disgusting stuff. And is it just me… or has it gotten /worse/… //

He could barely see two feet in front of his face, much less any dangers lurking in the distance. Luckily there were other ways of tracking something in the vast misty spaces. The cultist could feel Müllencamp's presence every time he closed his eyes and he wondered for a moment if she felt him as well.

// She must have… or else why would she have come so quickly… Maybe… maybe she was just lonely… // He turned the idea over carefully. // She would have seen the barriers as an enemy then, something keeping us apart… taking me away… that is why she attacked them… I would be angry too… after so long… to be tempted with a promise of something and have it taken away…// 

The blonde could intimately relate to that hollow feeling. Even with his Riskbreaker as a flicker at the edge of his thoughts, sometimes it still threatened to overwhelm him. Ashley had never stopped moving, even in death he had fought and searched and worked his hardest to return… he had never had periods of long empty time to really brood on what it was to be alone.

It occurred to the mage that he too /could/ have kept busy.

He bit his lip, and buried his thoughts carefully before reaching for his absent lover. Opening up the idea of Müllencamp as a victim in this whole affair would probably only lead to an argument. Ashley could only see her as a threat now; he wouldn't understand.

//… Ashley… // There was a moment when he could feel the larger man's distraction, but soon enough the distant mind focused on him. The knight was like the warmth of mellow firelight on his face, a thousand familiar and comforting sounds, and tastes and smells. The blonde didn't realize he had fallen silent until the Riskbreaker prodded him gently.

// Oi. What's happening down there, I felt something …/weird/… a few minutes ago… //

// That was me… I think… I'm ready. What about you? //

// They decided to not sacrifice the goat, but aside from that, I'm as protected as I can get from things /here/… Frankly I'm more worried about what will happen when the Dark starts getting riled… //

// It will start looking for weak points… It will try to escape wherever possible… //

// …weak points… like me? // The dark humor in the comment plainly told what the guardian thought of the idea.

// You and all the other Well Springs… but I think perhaps it will be the worst for you… because you, through me, will be at the core of the problem… //

// I always wanted to see ground-zero… Sorta make me wish I could call and warn some people… I'm betting they're going to get a nasty shock. //

The cultist smiled wickedly, // Oh but it gets better, darling… since the last remnants of that 'curse' of yours will probably be the first thing to collapse… when this is all over… /somebody/ is going to have a lot of cleaning up to do… //

// Flaring Well Springs… and curious mages tampering with things they've never seen before… Oh fun. //

// You brought it on yourself… //

//You're really enjoying this, aren't you whelp. //

// You have no idea… // Sydney felt a shifting in the mists around him and stopped to listen. The amusement of his partner's thoughts faded into steady anticipation. Suddenly serious, they prepared themselves for the task at hand.

// What are you planning… frontal assault might work… the less she expects it the better. //

// I don't know yet… I think this will have to be done by feel… //

// Sydney, don't underestimate her! // The mage cringed at his angry yell. He knew why the knight was afraid, but there was nothing he could do to help the man.

// I'm not you, Ashley… I have to do things my own way. // He smiled a little, surprised at the truth in the words even as he said them. // Besides, I trust you to keep me out of any /real/ danger… //

// Don't even joke about that… There's little I can do from here… and you bloody well won't let me join you there. //

// It will be alright, love… somehow… you'll see. Now go and ground yourself, you'll do me no good if you get overloaded in the first two minutes. // He sighed in relief as the older man's grumbles faded. After a moment's hesitation he blocked the link as well. The less the man knew, the less he could protest.

It was hard to keep up an optimistic front for his lover, and he didn't want to take the chance of him seeing through it. Sydney picked his way through the mist carefully. He had to see her again, try and /speak/ with her. It seemed certain that her actions back at the barrier were more /reactions/. She had only responded to his fear… his rejection. If he could face her honestly, tell her that he still loved and needed her, surely she would listen. Even if she couldn't understand the words… she would know she wasn't alone.

// If I can just keep her calm… she didn't really mean to attack me… I just got overwhelmed, that's all. //

This time, the mage knew what to expect.

 // I was too weak before… too unprepared… It will be different this time, I just know it. She /remembers/ me… If I can make her remember herself… we wouldn't need to fight at all… //

*************************

// What is he thinking…? // 

The answer was of course that his blonde was thinking any number of things. What he should have asked was 'is he thinking what I think he is?', and that wasn't an appealing thought at all.  Ashley sighed and rattled his chains once for old-time's sake. His companions did their level best to not nervously jump at the sound. The abandoned temple had an uncanny energy about it, not surprising for a building built right above of one of the largest Well Spring in Asia. The guardian could almost hear Things stirring in the floors beneath him. The creatures were still newly awakened and groggy, contentedly wandering behind barred doors. That probably wouldn't last long. If things were to get as exciting as he anticipated them getting, there was no telling what those sleepy litches and skeletons would do. He hoped the little village down the mountain had repainted the wards on their walls. They would probably need them before the night was over.  The last orange glow of sunset was creeping through paper screens in the windows. Ashley watched the tinted light hit the curls of smoke from the incense and turn them into plumes of orange and pink. 

// I should send them away… this entire place could be reduced to smoke and splinters… //

It was too uncomfortable to sit up with the chains tacking down his wrists and ankles. He had protested them at first, but the old monks had brought up a good point. At the very least they would keep him stationary should he lose memory of where he was. It would ruin several hours of careful work if he smeared one of the hundreds of looping lines circling his camping bed.  A person sat at each of the ordinal corners of his make-shift shelter/prison. Pei was closest to the altar as she perched on the eastern corner. She had shed her customary illusions for fear they would weaken the spells in the room. The candlelight made her appear almost metallic as the scales on her elongated face flashed and gleamed when she shifted. She had procured one of his swords for her duties and Widowmaker was leaning quietly against her shoulder. He had worried that the blade would be too heavy for her, but she had simply given him a long look and swung it hard enough to destroy a fencepost. The argument had pretty much ended there. Turning his head to the other side, he smiled at Liet's mask of calm concentration. The gunman was having an easier time of it than he had expected, but then in times of crisis some people just found it easier to /act/ rather than stand idly by. Providing the second half of his physical defense, the assassin was also sporting a long piece of steel, but his was in the form of the well used shot-gun. Dark eyes caught his for a moment, and the small man smirked.

"Getting cold feet?"

"Bah."

Shu Lao simply snorted at the comment, prayer beads a tidy pile in his lap. His master was far more relaxed. Perched in the north corner and behind Ashley's head, the old man was quietly humming a farming song while toying with a nearby stick of incense.

"It seems to be time… shall we begin?" The guardian craned his head to look back at the oldest monk at the mild question.

"Might as well…" He tried to settle himself comfortably as the two monks began to chant. Closing his eyes, the Riskbreaker focused on his breathing, willing himself into a mid-level meditation. Ashley gave the Rood now burning on his back an experimental tug, and was gratified to find the flow of power was still smooth. It probably wouldn't stay that way but for the moment, he was ready. Now there was nothing to do but to wait, and pray.

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'Here' and 'There' really made no sense as descriptive words when one walked in the Shadows. It wasn't that surprising, given what the dreamy world was spawned from. Sydney mused as he walked, knowing without need for signs that he was almost at his destination. Strangely, he felt no fear at the idea of meeting the ragged creature again. Now that he knew she and the goddess were one, there was only determination and maybe a little pity.  He didn't know what had happened to drive her to this, but he would do whatever it took to put things back together again. His loyalty was unshakable; he owed her that much for all she had done for him.

// I almost can't remember a time before Müllencamp… she was /always/ there… even when I didn't know her yet… // He batted at the clinging vapor as he moved. // From my first day of training… or maybe even before…? She was there… when they left me behind to go to the funeral… but before that? When mother was alive…? I can't remember. // His first real memory of the laughing presence in his head had been on that empty day. The nurse had fallen asleep in her chair at the sound of the rain, and he had been left alone with his misery.  For a moment he could still feel the sharp sting on his once childishly-plump cheek. The bruise from his father's slap had remained long after the man himself was gone.

// Not that I can blame him… the last thing he had probably needed was a screaming child that night… //

Still, it had hurt. Not just the physical pain, but the rejection it implied. Sydney had never doubted he was his mother's child, and with the beautiful woman gone he had known he would be next. The mourning Duke had loved too deep and too well to serenely cope with her young doppelganger wandering around the house after his nanny. Or so he had thought. It wasn't until years later that he began to wonder what fate would have intended had the pale woman not died.

// She was from Leá Monde too, after all… another escaped-heretic-posing-as-a-respectable-lady… she had to know the family secrets… his plans… would she have sent me off to learn from the cult just the same? Would they have waited? // Such questions were futile, and he didn't need any more reminders of past pain. His current troubles were sufficient.

// But Müllencamp was there… she kept me company when I cried… and on the long trip to the secret city… I couldn't see her, but I heard… she sang to me… all through the night. //

It hadn't been until later -- until the eve of his sixteenth birthday-- that he finally saw her with his own eyes. The cultist smirked, thinking how much it had probably cost his father for the woman to project through him into the Waking world for that critical moment. The older Barbadora hadn't half the stamina of his stubborn Riskbreaker, and the effort had all but floored Ashley on the one occasion she had tried it. But on that birthday, she had come to him not as a warning or a threat; she had simply wanted to /see/ him. She had wanted to welcome him with her own voice into the world he was about to enter. She hadn't wanted him to be afraid. Most Rood Bearers he spoke to over the years mentioned their ascension as an ordeal, but he had never really considered it in that light. There had been pain, undoubtedly, the Rood had worked its changes both physically and mentally all in the span of a heart beat. Pain was to be expected. What he remembered best from the whole ordeal however was the overwhelming feeling of /love/, her love. She had been waiting a long time to welcome him home.

// There was never any doubt that I was hers… Her servant… her child… //

The mage stepped through another curtain of mist, close enough now to hear the sound of another's breathing. Something brushed the hem of his long jacket, gently tugging on the heavy wool. Surprised, he looked down to see a long finger nail had hooked playfully through the decorative hem. Following the boney appendage back into the fog he soon discovered the rest of the withered, grayish arm and so found his lurking goddess. She was curled on the ground folded around and over herself in a cozy bundle as she continued to poke at the gold trim. Amused, Sydney drew closer and crouched next to the lounging crone. Her face and chest were still all but lost beneath the confused mass of hair but he was certain he could see the milky-white eyes watching him carefully.

" Greetings great lady… "

 The noise she made was something between a chuckle and a purr. He smiled as he poked her extended hand seeing what she would allow in her childish mood.  The goddess gave her hissing laugh again and tucked her hands back underneath the shelter of her hair. Müllencamp's happy sound was infectious, and the cultist found himself laughing with it. " Oh how I've missed you, Lady… Won't you speak with me? Like we used to? "

At first it seemed the woman didn't understand, but slowly she propped herself on her elbows and let the hair fall away from her gaunt face. " Ssssssssssssssssssssssydoneeeeeeeeeeeeeeey… "

" Yes… That's right, I'm Sydney. " He studied the area around them thoughtfully. " It's a bit dull, really… Wouldn't you like someplace a little more… comfortable? " Moving slowly so as to not startle his companion, he willed the mist back and rearranged the Shadows so that they were sitting in a little park. The blonde plumped his pillow for a moment to hide his observation of the medusa-like woman's reaction. His goddess was completely engrossed in studying the grass tickling her hands. He ducked slightly to accommodate her uncoiling as she rolled to study her new landscape. The vast expanse of leathery-tale reminded him of nothing so much as dragon hide, but there were no scales to add sparkle or luster. The skin was old and dry looking, a dingy worn-out sort of brown color that was mottled with occasional olive overtones. It looked unhealthy, malnourished. /She/ looked unhealthy.

" You haven't been taking care of yourself… don't worry Lady, we will soon put you to rights… " He 'tisk'ed slightly as she began to energetically tear up the grass and patted her arm to get her attention. " First thing I think is to deal with those /claws/ of yours… they make you look positively savage! " Even though he kept his voice light and cheerful she seemed to pause at his touch; one of her boney hands released the clod of dirt in favor of catching a hold of his upper arm. The woman's expression was almost of pain as she pushed herself off the grass, inadvertently hauling her smaller companion up with her. Startled, Sydney tried to shake his arm a little --implying she could let go-- but the grip stayed firm. The goddess was watching him as if seeing him for the first time producing a haunting sort of 'hoot'ing noise as she toyed with his hair. The claws on the free hand came disturbingly close to his eyes but the blonde tried not to flinch.

" Müllencamp? … Lady you seem to have me captive… is there something amiss? " 

When the other giant hand secured itself around his free arm, he couldn't help but feel a little nervous. She was doing nothing deliberately cruel; it was hard to tell if she was even aware that her actions were uncomfortable. The goddess was now eagerly sniffing his jacket. The close proximity with her hair forced him to get a closer impression of her own less-civilized odors.

"Lady… You're hurting me… "

Careful to not seem distressed, he worked to slowly free himself from her unwitting prison. Her hands clenched tighter holding him fast as she sensed his intent. He wasn't aware of when she had gathered her bulk beneath her, but when she stretched herself up to her 'standing' height he was very aware of the sensation of being lifted like a feather. Somewhere, several feet below his dangling shoes, the ground beckoned. The blood was struggling to get to his fingertips, causing pins-and-needles to tickle everything below his elbow. Resisting at this point was next to impossible without doing the simple-minded goddess serious harm. The cultist grimaced as his more survival-driven instincts were screamed for him to do /something/.

// She doesn't mean it… she doesn't understand that it hurts… be calm… she'll put you down… be calm… //

" Ssssssssssssssssssssssssdoonnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey… " The large eyes blinked slowly. Her smile was nothing but brown and jagged looking teeth. " … huuuuuuuuunnggrryyyyyyyyy… Ssssssssyydoonnnnnnnneeeeeyy… "

Looking into the maddened eyes, Sydney suddenly got the impression of others caught in his same pose; priests, wandering ghosts, even a terrified and frantically screaming Mole. The panicked mewling of the once familiar Shadow denizen was nearly unrecognizable. Horrified, he sensed how she had consumed his old neighbor; how she had consumed them /all/. He gasped realizing what the Dark was showing him.

"No! No that can't be… she would never…"

// She /did/… I can hear them… oh by the Dark… Ashley was right… Teo was Right!  She eats /people/ … She doesn't care! She'll eat /me/! //

Determined to get out of the uncomfortable position after all, the blonde focused and tried to summon the strength to push the over eager woman away. His spell was weak at best. The energy struck her full in the face but it only served to tighten the already painful grip on his arms.  She hissed again and in the white emptiness of her eyes a spark flickered and came to life. The cultist's smiled sickly as her crude spell washed over him, sending his smaller body into rigid shock. He was encased within a living bolt of lightening. Blinding red energy flashed over, around, and through his spasming muscles. It was impossible to not cry out. He screamed and hated himself as he did; knowing his wail of pain would only excite her further. Unable to move, unable to think, he clenched his teeth mercilessly against a second outcry and prayed for the goddess to lose interest in the game.

In the daze of agony arcing through his body he could almost swear he heard Ashley screaming his name.

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(**) Ok, now think…. 300$ in 1955… was a hefty wad of cash. Don't laugh. Remember money appreciates over the years!

Notes: see the ending of CH8, won't you? Thanks, you're a doll. :)

--Lunar

http://www.roodinverse.dreamhost.com