8. We Will Never Leave You.
A/N: I am only going to post an author's note at the end of each chapter, unless it's important to be mentioned first.
Note: This is rated M for the sake of Paul's tendency to have a temper, and the language. Contains M-Preg.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the recognizable characters, plots or conceptions of Twilight, as much as I wished I did, they belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Paul's POV
My eyes were deceiving me! I couldn't believe what I saw. Seth, My Seth, was in Jacob's bed, fucking him. I knew to expect it eventually, but why couldn't Jacob have the decency to own some Fucking curtains. It was like he was flaunting the whole goddamn thing.
I was running patrols with Jared. I seemed to be taking on more patrols, anything to take my mind off the heartbreak. But even that couldn't bring me back to reality, and make the throbbing pains in my chest from being away from my imprint go away. I admit. I am a stubborn asshole. But I won't admit it to anyone. I wanted so much to hold Seth in my arms, but I was far too pissed at him to even succumb to that. But there they were, in sight of everyone. I was running the borders and soon making my way back home to get a couple hours of rest before my next patrol. That was when I was caught by the sight I was witnessing through Jacob's window. Seth was on top of Jacob, thrusting lustfully on Jacob's lap, gripping his neck in pleasure. Jacob held him closely as they swayed and synced in motion between their sweaty bodies. I couldn't look away, and yet I couldn't stand it. That should be me with Seth. But it was my fault. I couldn't love Seth enough for that to be me. I wasn't fit to standard for him, or for his wolf, and I blamed the entire thing on him.
I raced back home, fuming in rage. I was mad at Seth and Jacob, but I was more pissed off with me for letting him slip through my fingers. I should've been more understanding with the situation, but he said it too that he didn't mean it. But just because he didn't mean it, doesn't exclude the fact that he said it. I feel so lost. I was never lost; I always knew what to do. I ran, I always ran.
I only had five hours to sleep before my next patrol, but I was only capable for an hour before I had to head out with Quil and Embry. Even though Nadia was dead, thanks to Seth, we still had to be on guard for the fact that the Cullens lived in Forks, the neighboring town. I ran the perimeters, constantly trying to sway my mind away from what I just witnessed more than five hours ago. I tried my hardest to focus on the patrol, but my heart was winning. I wanted to run to Seth and ask for forgiveness, and hope he would accept it.
'Paul?' Embry enter my thoughts, 'Are you okay?'
'No, but I don't want to talk about it. It hurts too fucking much.' I complained. I did want to talk about it, but not with them.
'Paul. I know this shit hurts, but you have to know that were here. We're your brothers and we will be here when you need us.' Quil now entered our thoughts, informing me that they would give comfort if necessary.
'Yeah. Thanks guys. But I just need to sit here and think.' I sat on my hind legs on the edge of the cliff as they nodded and set out to check the borderlines.
My eyes were seeping with tears. I wanted to run and see where my feet would take me, anywhere from here. I wasn't winning this battle. Maybe, just maybe I could break the imprint from Seth and find someone else that could make me happy. But the more I thought of it, the more it hurt. Who was I kidding? The bond was too strong. The bond was killing me, because I couldn't find it in me to give in and just hope for the best, because the best was never for me. I was never allowed to have the best. I never thought I deserved the best. Maybe this was that bitch Karma biting me back in the ass for treating people the way I did, using them for sex and lust. Maybe this was a way of saying "FUCK YOU PAUL!" in the kindest way. It had to be.
"PAUL?" I recognized the voice shouting as it was coming closer. Jacob. 'PAUL? Where are you?'
'What the hell do you want Jake?' I was trying my best not to be pissed off at him, but that was like asking a shark not to attack in a pool of blood with a bunch of struggling humans.
Before I could realize what I was doing, I was attacking my pack brother. My rage was overtaking my grip on sanity, and lunging into Jacob's russet colored fur, clenching my teeth into his throat as he screeched in pain. He pushed his weight down on me, forcing me to release where he pinned me down for a moment. 'Pa..' I pushed my hind legs under his stomach and shoved him off, sending him against the massive cedar tree. I made another attempt to bring him down, racing towards the wolf that was bigger than me. He stood up and stood still, awaiting my sick attempt to bring him down. Before I could go any further into the battle, Embry pushed me to the side, making me collapse to the forest floor.
'PAUL! CALM DOWN.' Embry stood in front of me. I know he was doing right, but I couldn't control myself. I wanted to make Jacob feel what I felt.
'FUCK OFF EMBRY!' My reply was cold, but I just wanted it to end.
'Paul I know how you feel.' Jacob interrupted, still standing behind Embry and next to Quil and the mauled cedar tree trying to catch his breath. 'But as much as I know how much it hurts, we don't have time for this.'
'What makes you think I want stay here and listen to what you have to say Jake? You have him. What more do you want? If it pleases you to see me in pain, then end me right here.' I lay below the rightful alpha, exposing my neck for him to tear and snap.
'PAUL! I don't want to end you… I came here to get you…' I looked up at him; I wish he would just get this over with. 'It's Seth.'
'Yeah I know you two fucked. Did you come to rub it in?' I stood up and pushed his figure, hardly budging him.
'God! Would you fucking grow up, we didn't mean to hurt you that way, and you know Seth wouldn't do that to you purposely. He tried everything to make things right, but he needs us right now…'
'Why? He has you.' I implied; he was there for Seth. He picked him up before.
'Seth is hurt.'
'He's probably being over dramatic again…'
'He's in the hospital Paul. He was in a car accident trying to run from the pain.' He paused and shook his head. 'Why is it I'm the only one that isn't running. If you both keep this up, we won't survive this. Not only do I love Seth, I love you too.'
'Seth? How bad is it?' I began to worry of how bad it really was. If Jacob said he loved me, I would believe him, but he had to. If Seth loved me, then that means so did he, because if I was pushed away from Seth and he didn't want me, then Jacob wouldn't be here trying to convince me to smarten the hell up.
'I don't know, but we have to see him. NOW.' With that he bolted off into the direction of Forks, me soon following, and then Quil and Embry.
We phased before running the streets of Forks in our shirts and pants, barefoot. I had to get to Seth quick. The thoughts of treating Seth the way I did, made me regret my inexcusable act towards him. I could've been holding him, making him feel better. Then maybe this wouldn't be happening. And maybe we could've had our happily ever after, if that is what it could be.
We finally reached the hospital and ran through the parking lot and into the building. Fuck I hope Seth's okay. I don't want to lose him. The thought kept racing through my head. If Seth dies, that means I die, and that means Jacob dies, and that could put the pack into a high level of risk.
Emily was in Sam's arms crying while he rocked her back and forth, rubbing the top of her head. Jared was sitting next to them, no expression. They had a look on their faces that I didn't want to see. I would hate myself if what I'm thinking happened, was the end of my world too. I wouldn't get the chance to tell Seth I was sorry.
"Oh g-god…" I broke down in the waiting room. I couldn't hold it in anymore, I couldn't keep it together, and I didn't want to keep it in anymore. If Seth is dead, I lost my chance. "P-please… god please d-don't t-t-take him from me…. P-please don't t-take him…"
"Paul?" Jacob kneeled down and hugged me, trying not show that it didn't affect him, but I could see it. He was hurting just as much as me. "We don't know yet…"
"H-he's dead J-Ja…" I sobbed louder, "I-I didn't even g-get the c-ch-chance to tell h-him that I-I love him."
"I'm sure he knows Paul…" Jacob continued to rub my back, comforting me while tears fell upon his cheek. "Dr. Cullen?" Jacob stood up right away. I glanced up to see the pale doctor standing before us with his clipboard in one hand.
"He's unconscious right now. He took quite a bit of a blow to the head, and it could risk him slipping into a coma." I stood up quickly. Fuck! Why was shit getting worse? "But he is aware of his surroundings, and as long as he heals at the rate he is now, I don't see it getting worse." He paused, "is he a werewolf too?" Jacob nodded. "Why isn't he healing as swiftly as you guys?"
"What do you mean doc?" Sam stood up.
"Well… When I did help Jacob, he healed at the rate of a shifter, but Seth's body seems to be rejecting the morphine and other medications that I've been giving him. His leg, I assumed should've healed by now, but it's not, it's healing slowly, and the same as his fractured ribs and broken wrist." He looked at the rest of the pack now, "it's almost like his body doesn't want to heal."
"I'll talk to the council." Sam kissed Emily and made way for the exit. "They have to know what's going on."
"Thanks doc." Jacob shook his hand. I followed so did the rest of the pack.
"Can we see him?" I asked. Hopeful he would agree. He nodded.
"Just two at a time though." I looked back at Jared, Embry and Quil.
"You two should go. We have to tell his grams and the rest of his family anyways." Jared signaled the guys to leave while Jacob and I walked into the hospital room where Seth laid.
He was still beautiful. Even though he was in bandages and unconscious, he still looked peaceful. I realized I hated it though. It could mean that he might be trapped there for a while. I never wanted to see him lying peaceful, it reminded me of death, and I didn't want that fate for him.
Jacob pulled up a chair next to him and held his hand. I sat on the opposite side and held his other hand, making sure not to grip too tight on his broken wrist. Why wasn't he healing? It's part of the wolf's gene, and it was one of the traits that all of us were capable of. I looked over at Jake; his face was buried into Seth's hand, crying softly. I reached over and rubbed Jake's hand.
"This is all my fault." Jacob rubbed his face into Seth's hands, "I should've been awake when he left, and I should've stopped him. I should've told him no when he wanted to make love."
"Why?" I interrupted his rant, "if that's what Seth wanted, why are you blaming yourself for making our imprint happy?"
He leaned back and dug in his pocket, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper and handing it to me. "Read it."
-Jake-
-Please know this, I love you with all of my heart and I would never do anything to hurt you or Paul. But the guilt still lingers, and I can't handle that I'm hurting you and Paul. I'm going back home to figure things out. I hope to return soon, but I want to help myself first. Please tell Paul that I love him just as much as I love you, and I hope one day he finds it himself to love me back again. One-day right? Please don't be mad, but this is what I have to do, and I hope you understand. –
-Love hopefully forever-
-Seth-
Seth was leaving? I broke down again. He was leaving to make things right again? That would make it a lot worse, and it was my fault. If I just loved him back, then maybe he would realize that he didn't need to go through this pain.
"He was leaving." Jacob spoke again. "Why couldn't I just tell him that no matter what he had to deal with, we would deal with it together?"
"Jake." I wiped a tear from my cheek, "whether you did or not, I should be the one to blame. I'm the one who made him miserable."
"Paul. It's not your fault. Nor mine, as much as I blame myself, I don't blame you or Seth. We were just being tested to see if this could last, and from what I can see, were failing majorly." Jacob kissed Seth's hand.
"I just hope he's going to be okay. I still want to tell him that I love him and there is nothing to forgive him for." I kissed his other hand. Feeling his warm skin being pressed with my lips. The same warmth I felt from him when I held him for the first time. But not the same scent, some of his was still there, but his blood is all that burned my nose. "Do you think praying would help?"
"Maybe… I've been praying since I heard." Jacob began rubbing Seth's arm.
Even though I was the eldest out of us three, Jake seemed to be the brightest; no offense to Seth, but Jake seemed to always know what to say. I envied him for that, even though he was dealing with as much pain as I was, he still managed to tend to my feelings first. He really did deserve Seth more than me.
"You deserve Seth Jake." He lifted his head out of Seth's hands to look at me. "You treat everyone around you better than I would ever."
"Paul you deserve him as…"
"I know Jake, what I'm trying to say is that I'm not mad about you and Seth having sex. I'm actually okay with it, not happy about it, but I'm okay with. I love Seth and I would do anything to make him happy, and if you're the one who could do that for him, than I'm glad you were there when I wasn't."
"Paul? No matter what the circumstances are, we both make him happy. I mean, you read the note, he loves you just as much as he loves me." He stood up and walked over to sit by me. "Seth is going to be okay." He wrapped an arm around my shoulder while placing his other on top of ours. Normally I wouldn't let anyone hold me, but I was going to make an exception.
I stood up and leaned into kiss Seth on the forehead. "I love you Seth. You and Jake, and I hope you can hear this. Please don't leave us, you will always be loved, I promise."
I sat back on chair. "Well we should try to sleep, if Seth was awake he would be giving us both a lecture." Jake giggled.
"Jake?"
"Yeah?" He kissed Seth's forehead and looked back at me.
"I don't want to sound all weird, but I was hoping…"
"What?" He sat down next to me.
"If I could hold you, seeing how I'm not able to hold Seth right now. I just want to be close to someone…"
"It's not weird Paul." He laid his head into my arms while I held him then holding Seth's hand again. I wanted both Seth and Jacob in my life, and as soon as Seth woke up, I was going to make sure that I would tell them every moment of every day.
"I love you guys." Jake responded by moving in closer while I caressed Seth's palm with my thumb.
Jacob fell asleep in my arms, and I soon followed with a dreamless sleep.
Seth's POV
[Before the car accident.]
Jake was lying next to me. Actually spooning me, softly snoring. I was trying to embrace this whole relationship. But I couldn't. I still wanted Paul here. Was that being selfish?
They both loved me. I was sure of it. But I can't keep doing this; it's hurting them both. I have to get out of here. I have to figure this out.
"Seth? Is everything okay?"
I nodded.
"Something is bothering you," Jacob pressed his lips against my neck, softly caressing them up and down, "I can tell."
"It's nothing." I lied. But I knew he could see right through me.
The worse part is, I slept with Jake, and now I wanted to leave. I didn't want him to feel like this was his fault. But I have to figure this out.
'I have to get out of here.' I thought to myself. 'I can't keep doing this to them.'
Jake's arms were still wrapped around me, now softly snoring by my side. I carefully pulled his arm from around me and sat up. I slipped on my pants and pulled on my shirt, grabbed my shoes and shamefully walked out of his life- out of his and Paul's life.
This is the only way.
I left a note before I left Jacob's, hoping that he would understand why I had to leave. Not only him, but also I hoped that Paul would forgive me. I missed his arms wrapped around me, I missed his touch, and I missed everything about him.
I entered the house to see my grams cooking breakfast, setting down the spatula down and walking over to me with a smile hugging me, "I missed you sweety. After you became a part of the pack and fell in love, I never get to see you. Sit."
"I can't grams." I began walking towards the stairs, "I have to get out of here."
"Seth?" She stopped me with the 'you don't walk away from me' tone. "Come. Talk!"
I sat down on the chair she pulled out, and then she sat next to me in the other chair. "Grams I messed up."
"How so?"
"I pushed Paul away, and I feel like I'm using Jake. I don't know what to do."
"Oh that." She paused, "Sam told me about your predicament. Seth? Running never helps. I know imprinting, and if you're grandfather phased, I think that's how we would've ended up. But Seth, we didn't need an imprint to show how much we loved each other, because I fell for him for the fact that he wanted to take care of me, and I wanted to take care of him. So if the bond between you three is ten times stronger than what we had, I know things will turn out for the best and you guys will find your way around it and face each obstacle thrown your way."
"So you know that they both imprinted on me?" I looked at her confused. She nodded. "So it doesn't bother you that I might end up with both of them. I know how you feel about infidelity."
"Seth, that is not infidelity. It's a love that binds the three of you. I know I don't like the fact that you will have to be with them both. How can I explain this?" She moved closer to me. "Usually when you find someone, they are your other half. They fill in the blanks that you can't seem to. So the way I see it, they both have something to make all three of you whole."
"Yeah I guess." I tried my best to see it her way.
"Seth, if you run, that makes things a lot worse than they already are, and it could be dangerous for all of you."
"Fine." I agreed, "I won't run, but I just need to free my mind. I need to go for a drive."
"Okay," she nodded her head, "maybe go see Bella, she's been asking for you. I know she's your friend, and maybe she can help you by listening."
I nodded and gave her a kiss on the cheek and thanked her.
I walked out to my car and got in, revving the engine and shifting in reverse. I figure I would go and see Bella and figure this out. She would listen, and give me the advice I usually needed. She always did before.
I was on the highway towards Forks, when I noticed a police car behind me. The lights weren't flashing, nor was the siren wailing. But I did stick to the speed limit. The highway was slick with rain, and my windshield wipers couldn't seem to keep up to the waterfalls of rain that fell on my windshield. I could barely see, but I was determined to get to Bella's house.
Before I could catch on what was in front of me, I collided with a semi truck pulling out of a side road. The front end of my car slammed and became crushed from the force, sending my head to slam against the steering wheel, knocking me out. I faded with the sound of a horn blaring and a siren wailing.
I came in and out to a cold hand placing pressure on my head, and voices surrounding me, and a beeping noise to my side. I was in a hospital, but I wasn't sure what was going on. Then I faded again.
I could hear more voices again, one I recognized. Jake. But I didn't know the other one. It sounded familiar. Paul? Could Paul be here? I hope. I couldn't catch onto the conversation, but all I could catch was 'it's my fault.' And Jake saying 'read.' Then I faded again.
I then felt lips pressed against my forehead. I knew who that was. Paul. He really was here. I was sure of it. Then he spoke. "I love you Seth. You and Jake, and I hope you can hear this. Please don't leave us, you will always be loved, I promise." Was I dreaming? Was Paul actually here telling me that he loved me? Then I felt another kiss, but it was Jacob. They were both here.
I had to make sure to get through this, for all of us. I just felt so distant from them. So I tried anything to move.
No luck.
Paul's POV
I awoke to a twitch, but not from me, it was Seth. He moved his finger. I jumped not realizing Jake was still rested on my chest. I startled him, but I had to call the doctor. This had to mean something. Then his hand twitched again.
I raced to the door. "Doctor Cullen?" I shouted to see a nurse at the reception desk, and Dr. Cullen racing around the corner. "His hand moved."
"Sorry, but you guys have to go. I have to check his condition." I nodded and Jacob followed while he called for the nurse. She closed the door behind us. We stood next to the door, hoping that Seth would come to soon.
Sam walked behind us and held my shoulder, "Paul, I'm sure he's okay, but you and Jake need to hear this."
"What?" Jake looked at Sam hopeful, "what did the council say?"
"Well… They believe the reason why Seth is rejecting to heal is because he's not fully happy, he needs to know that you love him Paul, and you both have to stay next to him and let him know that. Then he should start accepting it, and he should start healing quicker." Sam gave us both a hug.
"Thanks Sam, we will make sure he knows." I wrapped my arm around Jake and held him.
Everyone was in the waiting room now. Seth's grams, his mom, Leah, Bella, Emily, Quil, Embry, Jared, and Billy were all patiently waiting to hear from Dr. Cullen.
"When did they get here?" I looked at Jake.
"Who?" Jake looked back at the waiting room.
"His mom and Leah?" I didn't realize it was still dark outside too.
"Earlier today. While you guys were still sleeping." Sam looked at us confused, "You guys slept all night and all day next to Seth."
"Really?" We both said in unison. He nodded before Dr. Cullen came back out of the room.
"Good news." He pulled off the latex gloves, "Seth's responding, but still in and out of consciousness, but he his healing a little quicker, and hopefully he will come around within a week."
"Thanks Doc," I hugged Jacob in relief, "can we go back into see him?"
He nodded.
I raced to his bed, and held his face in my hands and leaned into kiss him, "I will always love you Seth, and I will tell you everyday. Please hurry back to us."
I sat next to him while Jake gave him a kiss and sat next to me, both of us holding his hand.
"We will never leave your side again." I kissed his hand.
"Ever!" Jake added and kissed his hand after me.
"I love you guys too much to let you go again."
"We know Paul," Jake leaned on my shoulder again.
"We love you too."
A/N: You guys make this fun to write, and I hope I'm not disappointing you guys with the turnout. But if there were more reviews, than maybe it could give me an idea on adding things to the plot. But I want to thank the reviewers who never fail to review. LuvnmyEdward and Demon2Angel, it helps me continue, and the others who just joined, thanks for giving this story a chance. So please review, I would greatly appreciate it.
As for the one-shot I'm writing, I am still working on that too. So if you haven't checked the song it's going to be based on called "Through The Pain" by the late Lisa "Left-eye" Lopes, you should, it's one of my favorites.
As for the next chapter, it will be kind of slower to post. Sorry but I want to post the next one the same time as the one-shot. So until next time….
Much Love,
TurnItUp03
