*TRIGGER WARNING* This particular chapter could be trigger for Eating Disorders! I'm sorry! I regret adding this aspect now but it's been mentioned previously so I sort of have to keep with it. .

Please don't read this if you are easily triggered!


'I hate him. He doesn't even know me, we've never had a conversation that wasn't one-sided and hostile. Why doesn't he like me? What did I do? Could my staring at him really have been so offensive? Is it really so offensive that he feels the need to be so mean to me?'

I probably didn't appear very approachable as I wiped the tables in the dining area of the cafe. Nameless, faceless, customers are seated randomly around me, but they pay me no heed as they continue their conversations.

I can't help but look over my shoulder at the register.

'He's smiling...'

A smile sat upon Claude's lips as he handed the customer her change. I can feel the warm blush spreading across my face as I try to take a mental picture of his smile, try to remember how.. how...

'How cute... he looks..'

My cheeks grow hotter as I quickly turn around and stare at the, now, clean table.

'Stop it! I don't like him.. I don't.. He's a bully. I don't like him.'

Clenching my teeth, I force myself to focus on my work as I continue to bus various tables

I can hear Claude talking to the customers, I can hear him laughing.

'Laughing?'

He's laughing at a something a customer said. Out of the corner of my eye I can see him opening the pastry case and extracting something. My body screams at me to look at him, to take a mental picture of him laughing, but I force it down.

'Focus, just focus on your work and go home.'

I place more coffee mugs and dishes into my bin before carrying the heavy load back through the swinging door and into the kitchen. The loud banging sounds of the chefs baking fills my ears as I carry the bin back to the sink where our dish washer ignores me.

'Like always..'

Regardless of being the owners niece, the rest of the staff didn't feel the need to pay me any mind unless my Aunt was around. Ciel often expressed his annoyances with this, but I always shrug it off.

'Being ignored, being bullied.. It's a way of life for me.'

But Ciel doesn't understand that. And I don't want him too.

'I enjoy his smile too much for that..'

A sigh escapes my lips as I turn away and head back towards the main area of the kitchen. Beside a storage closet sat my Aunt's office, I poke my head in and find her typing away on her computer. Noticing me, she looks away from her computer and smiles.

"Sebastian! What's up?"

Nervously, I slide the rest of my body into her office and clasp my hands behind my back.

"Would you mind if I went home? I just have some things I want to take care of."

"Not at all, we have more than enough help here today and we're not too busy. Go ahead."

"Thank you.."

I leave her office, shutting the door behind me, and head to the apron rack by the back door.

Reaching behind me, I begin fiddling with the strings of the apron-attempting to untie them as I try to keep my mind occupied and away from..

'Him..'

"Damn't!" The curse slips out before I can stop it. I don't often curse, but I suppose today I was feeling a little more stressed out than normal.

'Is it knotted? Why won't it untie!'

I yank at the strings of the apron, feeling no give as I practically dance in front of the apron rack.

"Let me help you."

Instantly I freeze. The sound of Claude's voice tears like ice through my body as the smell of his cologne infiltrate my nose.

Next, I feel his hand lingering near the small of my back. His hands toying with the apron strings.

"It's a dead knot." He mumbles as he continues to pull at it.

My heart is beating a thousand beats a minute, It takes me a second to realize I'm holding my breath.

'Why is he being nice to me?'

Is my next thought as we stand in front of the apron rack. His hands momentarily brush against my back; even through my shirt I can't help but shiver at his touch. The blush creeping across my face is unmistakable.

"There."

I can feel the apron loosen as the strings drop to my sides. Turning around to thank him, I find him hurrying back towards swinging door. Before disappearing through the door, he pauses and looks back for a brief moment, his eyes locking onto mine.

"I..."

Claude opens his mouth to speak, his eyebrows furrow as a frown crosses his lips. Closing his mouth, he seems to decide against whatever he was going to say, and instead, disappears into the dining area.

I simply stand there, frozen in stunned silence as I stare at the door he vanished through.

'What just happened?'


I lay on my bed with Stella on my stomach. Her soft purring is the background noise for my thoughts as the incident from the kitchen plays over in my head like a broken record.

'He helped me. Why? Doesn't he hate me?'

None of what happened made sense to me, which was troubling.

'I'm trying so hard to not like you.. And then you go and do this...'

I couldn't help being slightly frustrated. None of it was making any sense to me. How can you be so mean to somebody, and then be so nice? What changed?

I can't help but think back on the way he pushed me after school.

"Stella I don't understand..."

The small kitten opens one eye before yawning and falling asleep again.

I stare at my ceiling, my thoughts weighing heavily on my mind as I try to make sense of today.

"Sebastian! It's time to eat!"

Ciel's voice causes me to jump.

"I'm not hungry!" I call back, this particular lie was very common for me.

'Skipping dinner will make you thinner.'

I had read that online somewhere, it seemed like a fair rule to live by so I had started skipping dinner.

"Auntie says you have to eat! Come on! We're waiting on you!"

I let out a quiet groan of protest as I lift the sleepy kitten off of me.

"I'm sorry, I'll be right back."

The kitten prances over to my pillow and curls up, falling straight asleep once more. I can't help but smile at how easily satisfied she is.

'Cat's are perfect..'

I shut my door quietly before heading to the dining room. Aunt Angie and Ciel are seated around the glass table. Three plates sit around the table, serving dishes filled with random, fattening foods fill the middle.

"There you are! It's getting cold so you guys help yourselves."

I eye the food nervously. Cheesy mashed potatoes with heaps of sour cream and bacon bits, pork chops, broccoli covered in fatty cheese. It all smelled so good, but I couldn't help the fear which welled in my chest as I try to calculate the calories and fat content of it all.

'Too much..'

My anxiety begins peaking as I stare at the food, I don't know what to do.

Aunt Angie begins eyeing me, watching me stare at the food while Ciel helps himself to king sized portions.

"Sebastian do you want me to make your plate?"

My eyes snap over to our Aunt, before I shake my head.

"No.. I'll do it."

When Ciel finishes piling onto his mound, I grab the serving utensil.

'Just get a small amount of everything..'

I lift my plate and carefully add a small amount of everything, deciding I would eat half the pork chop then claim I was full.

Aunt Angie never takes her eyes off me, watching as I fill my plate with minuscule amounts.

But she doesn't breath a word.


After dinner, Ciel and I clean up before heading off to our rooms. Our Aunt had gone back down to the Cafe to monitor closing procedures leaving Ciel and I to do whatever we wanted.

The sound of car horns fills my ears as I stare out my window at the busy city streets below. It was only Wednesday, but I was already ready for Friday.

'And I have to see him tomorrow..'

My thoughts slide back to Claude, instantly I find my mood plummeting from bad to worse.

His rapid mood swings were becoming too much for me to handle. Just would could I expect tomorrow? Happy? Angry? Sad? I wasn't sure anymore.

Dropping onto my butt, I lay on my floor, letting my hand drape over my stomach.

"Too much.." I mutter thinking about all the food I had stuffed myself with.

I ended up eating the entire pork chop and even getting a second serving of the mashed potatoes which seemed to make my Aunt happy.

'I shouldn't have.'

I can feel the soft roundness of food in my belly as I begin rubbing my stomach with my hand.

My thoughts flash to the bathroom, to my secret.

'Just get rid of it.. Get rid of it before you gain weight.'

I contemplate the idea for a moment.

I didn't often purge, I would only do it when I was upset or if I had really eaten far too much food and felt nauseous anyway.

This is the first time I've wanted to do it just because I ate a little more than I wanted to.

Rolling over onto my stomach, I crawl to my knees and head to my door.

Opening it a crack, I look over to Ciel's room down the hall only to find his door shut completely, the sound of rock music can be heard softly through the closed door.

'Perfect.'

Slipping out of my room, I head towards the bathroom next door to my room. Both Ciel and I share a bathroom, so I had to be very careful about how I did this because leaving any traces behind could be dangerous.

'And Ciel can't know.'

Shutting the bathroom door, I lock it and immediately turn on both faucets full blast. The sound of heavy water running drowns out all sound as I drop to my knees in-front of the toilet.

My heart races, doing this was always nerve-wracking for me.

'Because it's wrong.'

Lifting both the lid and the toilet seat, I stare down at my reflection in the water.

'You deserve this.'

It only takes me twenty minutes to get it all out. But I keep going, I keep begging the endorphins to take away my pain.

Over, and over, and over, and over.


Shutting the faucets off, I exit the bathroom only to find Ciel leaning against the wall across from the bathroom door.

My heart drops.

His arms are crossed, his eyes cast down to the floor as I notice a stream of tears leaking from his good eye.

Looking up, he meets my gaze. His large blue eyes are blood shot from crying, his face is swollen.

"Sebby..." He whispers as he begins to sob.

I drop to my knees again, wrapping my arms around him I bury my face in his chest.

"Stop it, Stop it.. Please.. I hear you.. I hear you every time... Stop it."

I want to cry, I want to rewind time and take it back.

I never knew he could hear me. I never knew that he knew.

Why does he know?

"I'm sorry."

That's all I can say.

"It's okay, Ciel. Please stop crying. It'll be okay. I won't do it again. I promise. I promise."

Even as I consoled my brother, I felt like I was also consoling myself.

'It will be okay.'

"It will be okay."


Sorry for ending on bad feels! I'm still trying to get some character building out of the way but hopefully I'll be able to start ending on good feels too! I feel like this story is already written and I'm just writing it. O.o

Claude what is up with you? You make no sense! MAKE SENSE FOR ONCE!