Chapter 9
"Kari." Her name sounded like a hymn on his lips after so long. He looked over her; she had not changed, yet looked entirely different all at once. He grimaced as his looked at Thor's red draped all over her and the large choker, which declared to all who she was wed to. "I should not have come." He sighed, realising the torture seeing her again was.
"You should never have left." Her eyes were glazed over as she looked at him. "You left me here, to suffer alone."
"I suffered too."
"Did you have to stand every day beside another, forced to pretend to both the realm and yourself that you were happy? Did you even think of me once in a century? One hundred years Loki, I have suffered here, smothering in this world, while you got to run, you were not forced to suffer as I have suffered."
"I suffered!" Loki snarled. "Do you think I rested easy the night that was supposed to be our wedding night, knowing that you were here, under him, being filled by him? That over the time since I left it was only a matter of time before you carried his child. And to see you there, standing by his side, sitting with him, you think that was easy for me. The way he looks at you, it's clear for all to see, he loves you, I always knew he did, but he never was man enough to admit it; and the way you looked back, you have not missed me, you were too busy loving him."
"I do not love him." Kari startled herself with the declaration. Loki stood staring at her. "I do love him." She was forced to acknowledge. "But not like that. Not as I love you."
"Words." Loki spat. "Nothing more."
"If I truly loved him, why am I here declaring I still love you and not back with him, by his side?" Loki could not answer. "I love you still Loki."
"You are his now."
"I am not an object, I am a living being. I am no ones but my own."
"You are his wife."
"And? That does not mean I am his."
"You cannot love another while…"
"Bullshit Loki, I loved you from near the start. Yes we had a terrible beginning to our courtship, but that was due to you being a pigheaded ass, the same as you are being right now. Accept it. I love you, Thor was always going to be second to you, and I can assure you, he is nowhere near you in my eyes."
"It was a horrific beginning to our courtship in all fairness." Loki chuckled, recalling that first time you met on the terrace.
Kari could not help but laugh either. "You were so up your own ass."
"And you so rude."
"Calling you up on your behaviour was not being ride."
"I beg to differ." Loki smiled. He took a few steps forward so that he was standing in front of Kari. "My beautiful dove, I thought leaving for some time would mean we could grow apart, that we could some day be near one another and not feel as we did."
"It is not possible is it?"
"I do not think it so." Loki extended his hand and placed a stray section of hair behind her ear again.
"What are we to do?" As Loki brought his hand to her cheek, she leant into it. "I cannot bear you leaving again."
"I do not think I can make myself leave." Loki smiled sadly. "But I cannot love you as I wish to, and from so close is only torture."
"I know." Kari's eyes filled with tears.
"Do not weep my darling." He used his thumb to wipe away a tear that fell. "I cannot bear it."
"Please, Loki, please don't leave me again." She held onto the cloak that he donned, fearing he would be an illusion if she left go.
"What can we do?" His voice seemed lost. He looked down to see Kari staring into his eyes, her own filled with pleading. "Kari?"
Before he could say anymore, Kari pulled him down so that his lips connected with hers. The spark she always knew was lacking from her kisses with Thor, ignited immediately again with Loki. Even after a century of Thor's lips, which always felt wrong, the thin line of Loki's still felt right. It only took a moment for Loki to reciprocate, his hands making their way to the base of her back and the back of her head as they always had. "Please Loki." She pleaded as she pulled back. "I beg you, don't leave me again. If you do, I fear I will not know happiness ever again."
"I cannot neglect the world of such a gift as you smile." He grinned. "But how can we have one another?"
"We will find a way."
"What of him?" Loki could not bring himself to say Thor's name, his anger at his brother's now blatant love for Kari was too raw.
"We will find a way." Kari repeated, kissing him again. "We cannot remain here, we will be seen."
Loki and Kari began to walk towards the private quarters. "Should you not go back to your husband?" Kari glared at him. "I am sure you are expected there."
"I will return when I see fit, but for now I want to spend as much time as possible away from there as is possible."
"What was said?" She looked to Loki. "You seem to be very much avoiding something. Since you knew the warrior's and Sif for so long it is not them you must be avoiding, but something said by them."
"Fandral asked when Thor and I plan on having children." Loki stumbled slightly at that particular revelation. "I do not wish to discuss that topic."
"It was always something you knew would be expected." He clenched his teeth and jaw as he spoke.
"I don't wish to discuss it." Kari lengthened her strides to try and walk ahead of him.
"Kari." He reached for her arm, but the way she looked at him when she turned to face him again left him silent. The heartache on her face told him not to press the matter further, and he elected not to. "You still need to head back."
"I will do as I see fit have you not heard; I am the Allmother now."
"I know." He smiled sadly. "I wish you were not though."
"I wish I was the wife of the second prince, and who knows, perhaps I would even be mother to your child."
"Don't." Loki bit back his own tears. "I cannot bear to think such a thing at present."
"That bastard ruined all our lives. Yours, mine, Hel, even Thor's."
"How has it ruined his, he seems as happy as a pig in mud."
"Because he loves a woman that cannot love him."
"This is insane Kari."
"Then walk away." He remained standing in beside her. "That is what I thought." She turned and walked towards his rooms.
"You sleep with him I assume?"
"I have to, I'm his wife, remember." There was pain in her words.
"I am not sure how we are to do this."
"Tonight, you will stay in your quarters, in the morning; you walk in for breakfast like you own the place, as you always have. Thor has missed you, he will be glad of your return, you mother has aged endlessly since your departure, and Odin, well hopefully your homecoming will give the old fool such a shock he will go into Odinsleep."
"There is viciousness in you that was not there before." Loki commented, grinning slyly. "It is very appealing."
"I hate that man with all of my being, he did this to us."
"Kari." Loki's eyes were as filled with longing as his words. Inside his chambers, away from any chance of prying eyes, Kari attacked his lips with feral passion, tearing at the cloak around him before attempting to get at his clothes beneath. "No." He warned pulling her from him. "He will go in search of you."
"And you think him likely to search here?" She asked sceptically.
"When he finds you, I do not wish for him to notice you dishevelled and such, he may act witless, but he is not as stupid as I have accused him of being in the past. And if I turn up at breakfast tomorrow, he will quickly put two and two together." Loki argued. Kari reluctantly pulled back. She knew he was right, she was letting her emotions and lust get the better of her. "Go my dove. And I shall see you in the morning." He kissed her gently on the bridge of her nose, something he used do to reassure her constantly, something she adored.
"Promise."
"I swear it." Taking her hand, he brushed it to his lips. "Until the morn my darling."
"Until then my love."
Kari walked to her and Thor's rooms, her head swirling with all that had happened. Just that afternoon, she had accepted she would have to embrace Thor as her husband fully, to love him as she knew he loved her, and she had planned to, but on seeing Loki, she knew it was hopeless, he had her heart, even after a century, he held it still. She was conflicted. If he were to stay, she knew there was no good could come of it, but she could not have him leave either. It really was a case of no winning as far as she could see.
She began to take off the necklace that Thor had given her. Loki glare at it confirmed what she herself was thinking, it was like a big collar, claiming her as Thor's, the piece itself was beautiful, but she despised it. Everything about it was not her, loud, big, and red, she preferred smaller trinkets, and the worst part was Thor knew that.
Kari was so preoccupied with the necklace she failed to see the door open. "There you are." She jumped out of the seat and to her feet, turning to see a just as startled Thor staring back at her.
"Thor, you scared the daylights out of me." She scolded.
"I'm sorry."
"No it is I that should apologise, I should not get angry at you over my not paying any attention."
"You never came back to the hall."
"I felt unwell."
"Kari?"
"I was not expecting anyone to broach the topic in that manner. I knew someone would say something, but not like that, it makes it all the harder."
"Kari." Thor came to her and pulled her in close. "There is no reason for you to feel bad. It actually caused Hogun and Volstagg to admit they had similar issues with their wives at the beginning."
"Volstagg, had issues, with getting his wife to bear child?" Kari stared at Thor in disbelief. "They have eight children under five hundred."
"Exactly, that is why we need not fret." He leant in and kissed her. Kari wanted to pull away, but knew better than to. "My love, the way you kissed me earlier."
"I got a little carried away didn't I?"
"It has had me yearning for you all day." Thor took the bodice of the dress she was wearing, and with his considerable strength, tore it down the centre. He bit gently on her lip as one of his hands began to make its way down her body, and the other one untied his pants as he prepared her. It was the first time that Kari had to force her pleasure with Thor, knowing that if she were to not want to copulate, then for Loki to turn up, he would wonder. When he was finished, Thor pulled her to his side, their torn clothes and some of his armour still on. "Wait and see my love, soon we will be as lucky as Volstagg with our brood." The idea made Kari feel queasy.
