Nine

Things are changing here. Hell isn't supposed to change. For three years I lived in silent monotony. Then Peter shows up. Now I can watch the sun set over the dunes while it rises in the city and a full moon glows in the distance. I can sit under palm trees and visit Peter Pan.

Oh, and the wall. That's still here too despite Peter's efforts of breaking it down.

I sit close by to keep him company. I remember how it felt all those years I was alone and Peter can't be alone like I can.

"I started a new book," I tell him as I settle down. "The Pillars of the Earth."

"You read it before," he grunts as he swings the sledgehammer. He still thinks this place is just a prison of the mind. But he hasn't seen the libraries full of books I couldn't possibly have read, or the hotels I've never been inside, or any number of things existing in this world.

I don't think he's bothered moving ten feet from the wall since he discovered it. I bet he even sleeps next to it.

"Isn't the ground uncomfortable?" I ask him when this thought crosses my mind.

"It doesn't seem to bother you," he says, shrugging.

"I meant to sleep on."

"You sleep on the ground?" he asks. He actually stops working on the wall to stare at me. Now that I have his attention I want to keep it. I worry about him putting so much focus on that wall.

"Sometimes. Grass can be surprisingly comfortable."

"What are you doing sleeping at all?" Peter wonders.

"I get tired," I answer flatly. D'uh, Peter. "Don't you get tired?"

"No," he huffs out, turning back to the wall. My lie detector ability doesn't always work here but in this case, I think he's lying. I think he works himself so hard so that when he does sleep he won't have to dream.

I can understand that.

Days later he's still at the wall. All this time and I don't think he's taken a break. Not even to get a drink of water. He's working too hard.

"That won't work," I tell him.

"What?" Peter turns to me, gasping for breath. I can see the sweat gleaming on his face.

"You're trying to kill yourself with all this work." I stand up so I can look him in the eye. "It's not going to work. We can't die here."

"You think I'm trying to kill myself?" Peter frowns at me.

"It wouldn't be the first time." In an instant he has me by the collar, shoving me hard against the wall. It winds me but I don't fight back. I know he wants me to. He doesn't get yet that I don't do that anymore.

"I never meant to kill myself! When I jumped, I thought I would fly! And that's Nathan's memory," he adds with another rough shove.

"Actually, I was thinking of when we first met," I correct him coldly. "I have memories of my own, Peter. Not everything is about Nathan." Peter stares at me, and takes a step away so I have breathing room. I half expect him to pick up his sledgehammer again but he doesn't.

He sits down to stare at the wall. After some hesitation I sit next to him.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. He looks at me. Doesn't say a word. Oh, well. It's a start.