A Key To Nothing
by Juul
Chapter Nine: Children Learning the Secret Knock
Usually hot showers calmed Erin and helped her relieve stress. Either a nice, hot shower, chilling out and listening to some music, or watching a nice movie was usually the trick to getting her to calm down. The main thing that used to make her feel so secure and comfortable and actually took her stress away completely was Ian. And Erin knew that she could never have him back, and she knew that the terrible truth was that no one could ever replace him.
Erin put her arm against the wall in the shower and leaned forward a little. She looked down and watched the water droplets cling to her pale skin, then fall to the floor and go down the drain. The soothing feeling of the hot water pouring down on her back had helped relieve some of the tension in her muscles, but nothing could help erase the tension and pain in her heart and in her mind.
She had watched almost all of her friends die. She had seen some people, not necessarily friends, die twice. Once in the premontion, and for real. She didn't quite see Lewis, Ashley, or Ashlyn die, but she watched Frankie die. Even though she found him to be merely a sleazeball pervert, she felt bad about his death, and she tried everything to erase that image from her mind. More than anything, watching that rollercoaster car fly over the edge, with Ian in it, was what killed her hopes and dreams and sedated her emotions.
Erin turned the water off and pulled the shower curtain back, stepping out onto a towel and pulling a larger one off the shelf and wrapping it around her body. She ran a hand through her long, red hair and debated on whether or not she should dry it or not. Making her decision, she dried the rest of her body off and changed into a pair of AC/DC themed PJ pants and a Mudvayne tank top. She blow-dried her hair about halfway before walking across the hallway and into her room.
To her surprise, she saw Jason sitting on her bed. He looked up at her for a split second, but quickly turned his head away. Erin stood in the doorway, her hand resting on her hip, her other messing around with her hair. "What are you doing here?" she asked.
"Oh," said Jason, fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt for a minute, "I came by about a half hour ago to see if you wanted to go hang out or something... Your mom said you were in the shower and she told me to just wait in your room, and--" He paused and then laughed at the awkwardness of the situation. "Wow, I couldn't have picked a worse time to show up, huh?"
Erin smiled and then walked over to the bed and sat down next to him. "No," she said, "You're fine. It's cool."
Jason couldn't help but watch her closely. He had never really been as close to Erin as Wendy was; Ian was a good friend of his, though. Jason could smell the shampoo Erin had used and was immediately reminded of Wendy. Lavender was her favorite scent. Jason couldn't help but wonder if little things like this ever reminded Erin of Ian.
He watched Erin like a hawk as she sat there beside him. She wasn't that different from Wendy, and Jason now understood why they had been pretty close friends. She looks so sad... thought Jason, I know what you're going through, Erin... I'm here for you... He looked away from the girl for a few seconds and looked around her room at the many posters of hard rock and metal bands adorning the walls. Jason glanced back at Erin and couldn't help what he thought.
Wow, she is beautiful... Jason caught himself and wanted to knock himself out. What am I thinking?! Just because she acts a little... okay, a lot like Wendy, doesn't mean she IS Wendy! I can't be falling for her that way! Jason blushed a little after he noticed Erin giving him an odd look. "Sorry," he said. "It's just... I don't know..."
"It's okay," said Erin, still confused, but just brushing off the oddity of Jason's behavior.
"Kevin and Carrie are next," said Jason, trying to start a conversation and keep Erin from even getting the chance to think that he may have been checking her out.
"I know they're next," said Erin. She got up and walked towards her desk, returning seconds later with the stack of pictures; the stack of clues. She sat down next to Jason again and flipped through the photos. She accidently let go of them and they slid in a heap to the floor.
"Shit," mumbled Erin, bending over to pick them up. Jason helped.
Jason bent over and picked up a few pictures. He glanced at Erin and then to the picture he was holding. It was one of Wendy that Carrie had taken at the food court. Wendy was smiling and Jason knew that it was because of a couple secret jokes he had told her that night. Jason felt his heart break in two, knowing he'd never see that smile in person ever again.
Erin noticed what Jason was looking at and she quietly sat back down.
"You know I was going to ask her to marry me," said Jason. He looked forward, at nothing. "I was going to propose to her after graduation."
Erin wasn't sure what to say. She knew exactly how that felt. She nervously felt the metal of the ring on her left hand and looked away from Jason. "I'm sorry, Jay," said Erin, "I really am."
Jason nodded and handed Erin the pictures back. "Wendy was the first girl I've ever felt that way about," said Jason. "It kills me everyday knowing I'll never see her again. All I have now are memories and pictures."
"Thinking about Ian hurts me, too," said Erin. "I miss him so much that it takes everything I've got left to just not break down completely. I just want to give up somedays, you know? Ian was all that I've ever loved and all that I was living for. So now, it's like I'm not living for anything."
Another awkward silence. Once again, Jason couldn't keep his eyes off Erin. He wanted to comfort her, to just let her know that she wasn't alone in this. Jason knew that he had Kevin and Carrie, still, but he wanted his Wendy back. She was his. As weird as it sounded, Jason wanted to be with Erin, at least until all these tragic events cleared up. Jason saw a reflection of himself in Erin and he wanted to fix himself. He wanted to fix Erin, too.
There's no way this is happening, thought Jason, finding it harder and harder to not just pull Erin into an embrace and tell her that everything would be okay. He wanted to hold her and comfort her and he wanted her to return the favor. I'm falling for a girl who I hardly know. I'm falling for one of my girlfriend's closest friends. Jason knew that Erin would probably never be interested in him that way, but he still just wanted her to know how he was starting to feel.
She's beautiful. That one thought kept intruding into Jason's thoughts. Jason felt guilty because of it and pleaded for it to leave him alone. No! She's off limits! It's too soon to start anything anyway! Especially with Erin... she's always been a friend... just a friend... He took in Erin's scent, lavender, and Wendy's face kept popping up into his mind. She's not Wendy! She's not!
Jason stared straight ahead, focusing on nothing. He couldn't help but glance out of the corner of his eye at Erin, who was still sitting beside him. She was going through the stack of pictures, trying to find Kevin and Carrie's. I can't help it... thought Jason. I've never realized how gorgeous she is... behind that rough exterior... Jason couldn't help it. He reached out and gently grabbed Erin's wrist. Her skin was smooth and soft, and Jason was as careful as possible with her.
Erin looked at Jason, confusion all over her face. "Jason, what's up with you? You're acting weird."
"Nothing," lied Jason. She's not Wendy... "Did you find Kev and Carrie's pics?"
"Yeah," said Erin. "They're right here."
