Ooh, the aftermath. Dun dun DUN
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Enjoy!
/Hold Fast and We Will/
The Company launched to their feet, woken by the awful sound of a scream that would make the dead weep, weapons drawn, everyone scanning their surroundings in the darkened house for the source of the scream, only to realize it was coming from Sam.
Their lass was thrashing and flailing wildly in her bedroll as she continued to scream and sob, tears trailing down her face, eyes open, but unseeing, trapped in whatever horrible vision that now haunted her. She was so entirely lost to her nightmare that she seemed unaware of the no doubt intense pain she was inflicting on herself as she flailed her injured wrists, hitting them on the floor, knocking her injured shoulder into the beam behind her.
Oin immediately dropped his staff and hurried over to Sam, crouching next to her, trying to calm her and wake her from her nightmare, the others followed suite, almost tripping over each other to get to Sam, though they knew to stay at least an arm's distance away lest they somehow make it worse by scaring Sam with their presence or their touch.
Oin tried talking to her, touching her face, taking hold of her flailing arms and putting her hands to his own face to show he was real and standing before her, but nothing worked, so he waved Bifur over, the only one who had been able to calm her when Sam had been in a similar state before, the night they heard the orc calls.
So Bifur wrapped her in his big, strong arms, pulled her to his chest and began to sing the same Khuzdul lullaby he had sang then, stroking her hair and rocking slightly, looking at her still open eyes, a pale, disturbing blue in the moonlight, so unlike the usually shimmering green they were in the day, especially when she was laughing, hoping to see a change, a sign that she was coming back to herself, that she was waking from whatever horrible nightmare had caused this when not even the goblins or the trolls had so disturbed her.
But nothing changed.
Everyone looked on as Bifur continued to rock the still struggling Sam, though her screams had been quieted to equally as distressed keening and more intense sobbing, like she was grieving. He sang the lullaby through two times before he looked back up at them, as completely at a loss at what to do for their lass as everyone else.
The sun was beginning to rise, it's light shinning through the windows of Beorn's house, allowing them to truly see how pale and utterly heartbroken their lass looked in the aftermath of this newest nightmare, tear tracks streaking down her face, terrible loss and grief reflected in her eyes.
The Company was at a loss. They didn't know what to do to wake Sam up, without doing something drastic, to deal with her in this terrified state.
"I will make her a drought that will calm her and help her wake."
Everyone jumped, even Gandalf, at the deep voice coming from behind them, turning to find a vary hairy, very tall man with big, sharp teeth and wild eyes.
This must be Beorn.
"Oh, Beorn, I had quite forgotten how quiet you could be." Gandalf held a hand to his chest as if to calm his racing heart, but smiled at the great man all the same, despite the scare, relief in his eyes," And, yes, if you would be so kind as to make one of your calming droughts it would be most appreciated, I fear we have no known way of calming our dear companion, Sam, in this state, none of her previous nightmares have been this...violent."
The skinchanger only nodded and turned towards the roaring fireplace, that he had stoked without any of them noticing, and put a kettle on to boil, walking away to grab the supplies needed to calm his only female guest.
The Company stared after the skinchanger, in awe of his size and surprised by his overall appearance, before their attention was once again drawn towards Sam, still in Bifur's arms, now curled up tightly, clutching the front of his shirt, her face buried in his beard and neck as she continued to bawl.
Bifur continued to rock and hold her as everyone took a turn talking to her, trying to see if their voice or something they said would draw her back to the waking world. Fili, Kili, and Thorin were very confused and dismayed, the brothers' faces looking utterly dejected, when Sam only cried harder when they spoke, beginning to keen again in a way that made their hearts break, her grief, because that is the only thing that could possibly produce such a despondent sound, distressing them, but they didn't know why she was grieving in her nightmares, who she was grieving.
Thorin, Fili, and Kili, nor anyone else, knew why their voices would draw that kind of reaction from Sam when everyone else's voices had calmed her, if only slightly, the reaction saddening to Fili and Kili, distressed by the fact that their friend drew no comfort from their voices, from their words, causing them to retreat to where Gandalf stood, watching the Company fuss over Sam, whereas Thorin took to watching the skinchanger work, ostensibly making sure he slipped nothing odd into the draught for Sam, but actually as bothered by Sam's reaction to his voice as his nephews were.
Gandalf tried to comfort the royal trio, though he spoke to the princes, he knew Thorin was listening," Do not let her reaction bother you so, lads," Fili and Kili were looking up at him like kicked puppies, their eyes wide and bottom lips sticking out, forcing the old wizard to force down a chuckle," it may be that in her nightmares she fears for you, and hearing your voices only reminded her of whatever it was that caused her to fear for you in the first place."
Fili and Kili were comforted by that idea, slightly, because it meant that Sam's reaction to their voices was fueled by affection, but the idea that they were the cause of her distress still bothered them, what awful images did the darkest reaches of her mind come up with that involved Fili, Kili, and Thorin and evoked such a distraught reaction from their lass?
"But why would she fear for us? What could have caused this fear to begin with, to manifest in her nightmares?"
Gandalf gave Thorin a blank look," Thorin, not even three days ago all of you were faced with the possibility of death and torture in the goblin tunnels, were attacked by wargs and orcs, Azog among them, who threatened to kill you in particular,"Thorin cringed, realizing where this was going," and then proceeded to nearly do so when you foolishly attacked him head on, on a warg, without anyone else ready to back you up, all stuck and nearly falling from a tree as they were. You were bitten by a warg, nearly beheaded, you laid unconscious on the ground only to be protected by Bilbo, then, after we were saved by the eagles, you lay still upon the Carrock, unresponsive, until I was able to revive you. After all of that you don't see cause for her to worry for you?" Now Thorin looked truly chagrined, his nephews looking slightly aghast when they realized that had all happened in just two days, now understanding why Sam would fear for them, despite that fact they were not yet sure that this was the cause of her distress," As for why, I should hope, at this point, after all you have all been through, after the injuries she sustained trying to protect members of this Company, without thought to her own well being mind you, you would be able to see just how much she cares for all of you, how much she wants to keep you all safe, indeed, didn't what Dori, Nori, and Ori tell you about what happened on the cliffs and afterwards say as much? If you cannot see that, Thorin, then you are more blind then I thought."
Now Gandalf was annoyed with the king, but Thorin was not as blind as Gandalf thought him," You are right, Gandalf, I forgot, for a moment, that all of those things had only happened a few days ago, forgive me." Gandalf was inordinately pleased that Thorin was actually admitting fault, glad that he was finally learning a bit of humility, and he had a sneaking suspicion that Sam's outburst at Thorin, putting him in his place really, on Bilbo's behalf was what had encouraged the change, because it forced him to realize that he sometimes spoke harshly without thinking,"But, still, why would it scare her enough to cause such a horrible nightmare?"
Gandalf sighed, looking and acting his age, for once," You forget Thorin, Sam is still very young, and she has not seen the things you have seen, the things Fili, Kili, and Ori have seen, she has not lived a life where she has had to contend with such horrors as goblins and orcs and all but sure death, she has not had to kill before or deal with much death in general, she has only had to deal with these things in the amount of time she has known you all, and her lack of experience makes these happening much scarier and more traumatic for her than they are for you, because, for her, these are horrible things that she had never thought she would have to deal with, and rightly so, given her peaceful home and upbringing. So, you must understand Thorin, in those moments she was more scared than she had ever been in her entire life, and she dealt with it all remarkably well, but the fear remains, the fear of death, of loss, of not being quick enough, the next time, to catch someone when they fall, of not being able to help them, to save them, to comfort them, the fear that she will be the reason that someone dies or has to suffer, she fears that she will be the reason this quest fails, or that she will be the cause of other such unfortunate happenings. Sam has many more things to fear now than she did before, but she is brave, she is able to handle and do all of these things because she has all of you, she has all of you to teach her and guide her and support her, to give her confidence in herself and her abilities, to pick her up when she falls, to comfort her, to be there for her when things do go wrong. She depends on all of you to make her feel safe and help her stay safe, to give her companionship and friendship and a family and a home and to help her survive this quest. So she fears for you all, because she cares for you and because she needs you and she appreciates you and you have all become important people in her life, and the loss of any of you would hurt her deeply, so when she saw you lying on that Carrock, still as death, she feared for you, and for Fili and Kili, and that intense fear, as well as all of the fear she had already experienced, very well may have manifested into her nightmares."
The royals could only nod their heads in agreement with Gandalf, having not thought of everything they had done up until that point in the manner Gandalf had put it.
Thorin, Fili, and Kili, as well as everyone who was listening, which was the entire Company besides Sam, were struck by the truth in Gandalf's words, realizing they had managed to weave themselves, however unknowingly, as much into Sam's life as she had weaved herself, equally as unknowingly, for the most part, into all of theirs, again struck by just how integral they had all become to each other's lives, how much they had started acting like a family long before they realized that a family is exactly what they were becoming, how they had all taken Sam under their wings, in their own ways, and taken care of her, and Sam, in turn, endeared herself to them all by being kind and curious and funny and caring, by trying to return the favor and take care of them.
The entire Company had fallen into familial roles so easily, so naturally, that none of them had even noticed they were doing it.
Like how they had all ran to Sam's side to try and comfort her and fix whatever was wrong, just like a family would, like a family would run to one another's aide, no questions asked.
And like a family would try to take care of it's members, whether they liked it or not, just as Oin was doing now, pouring the draught that Beorn had given him down her throat while Ori held her nose to ensure she would swallow, although she really wasn't fighting them much, still ensconced in Bifur's arms and a little calmer than she had been, but definitely still in need of a calming draught that would hopefully help her wake up.
/Watch the Flames Burn Auburn on the Mountainside!/
It had been about an hour since Sam had been force fed the calming drought and now she was sitting quietly and unmoving in front of the fire, wrapped in a blanket, because Oin thought she was acting oddly like she was in shock, holding a cup of tea that Bilbo had given her, drinking it automatically, staring into space, her eyes still wide, pale, and glassy, unfocused on what was going on around her, still not quite woken from her nightmare.
The Company did not know what to do now that Sam wasn't screaming and flailing and crying, her just sitting there was more disturbing than anything else. Oin had tended to her shoulder and her wrists, as she had aggravated them in the throws of her nightmare, wrapping them and applying more salve, but was relieved to find that they were not sufficiently aggravated to impede healing. Bombur had left a plate of food in front of her, laden with the good food that Beorn had provided his guests (the dwarves' reaction to Sam's distress had quelled his dislike of dwarves, and made him a much more hospitable host than he would have otherwise been), hoping she would eat, that the smell would rouse her, but she hadn't so much as glanced at the food, further distressing the Company, because they all knew she enjoyed a good meal as much as they did, and the fact that she didn't even notice the food meant she was still lost to them, for now.
The Broadbeams, Bofur and Bombur in particular, were more distressed by Sam's lack of responsiveness than anyone else, memories of a time long ago haunting them. They remembered when Bifur had been brought back to their home from a raid of an orc den when Bofur and Bombur had been around Fili and Kili's ages (Bifur had been watching over the two since their parents had died, never quite parenting them, as he wasn't that much older than them, but still providing them guidance and support, having more of an older and younger brothers sort of dynamic) with the axe imbedded in his skull, still alive, but bleeding heavily from the head wound, and completely unresponsive. The healers had swarmed their house for days, as Bifur had been the only one badly wounded in the raid, changing his bandages, giving him medicine, trying to prevent infection from taking hold from the dirty orc blade, trying to prevent blood poisoning from the metal contaminating the wound, basically doing everything they could for Bifur.
In the end the healers had said that Bifur might never wake up from the comatose state he had fallen into, lying stiff and unmoving on his bed, and, if by some miracle he did wake up, he would never be the same dwarf again. The healers taught the brothers how to take care of Bifur, change his dressings, get food into him, give him medicine, and the like, and then they left.
Bofur and Bombur took turns watching Bifur for the next six months after that, alternating between who got night shift and day shift in the mines so neither of them would always be watching Bifur at the same time everyday, to break up the routine and give them some variety, so they wouldn't get too depressed. The two brothers did different things when they were watching their cousin to try and wake him up, to get him back.
Bofur would sing and play instruments, and carve toys and just talk to Bifur about his day, what had happened since he had left with the raiding party, anything big that happened, his opinions on things, how Bombur was doing (because he feared for his little brother, because he wasn't smiling as much, he wasn't cooking as much, he wasn't eating as much as he used to, and he just wasn't acting like their Bombur, he was more quiet than usual, his laughs weren't strong enough to make his belly jiggle, and he didn't hum while he cooked anymore), and often in the dead of night, when things always seemed bleakest, he would sit at Bifur's bedside and hold his hand in his or press it to his face, crying, begging Bifur to wake up because they loved him and they needed him and they didn't want to watch him waste away like this and life wasn't the same without him, without him to guide them, to help them, to teach them, to make them laugh, and tell them stories and just be there with them, they missed talking to him, they missed his gravelly deep voice, the songs he used to sing, watching him make toys by the fire every night, they just missed him and loved him so much. Bofur would do that all night, begging Bifur to come back to them, until morning, then he would wipe his tears away, kiss Bifur on the forehead, right next to the axe that had taken him from them, that would never change how much they loved him, and went about his day.
Bombur would talk to Bifur, in that soft, quiet way of his, telling him how they were both doing, how they were getting by, what he had cooked lately, what he was feeding him and hoping he enjoyed it, he would fix his braids just the way Bifur liked them, how Bofur was (because he worried his older brother was depressed because he was eating less and drinking more and, just not acting like their Bofur, his smile not nearly as wide, eyes as bright, laugh as merry, he wasn't carving as much, singing as much, playing with the children of Ered Luin as much as he used to), telling him about the children that were asking after him, how they were almost out of the toys he had made for them all, and that he needed to wake up soon or else there would be a lot of unhappy children around, and he knew Bifur would not stand for that. Bombur would, just like those mornings he came home to find his brother wiping his face of tears after an all night vigil, sit by Bifur's bed, his head bowed, holding his cousin's hand to his lips, praying and hoping that Bifur would wake up, believing he would because he couldn't imagine him not waking up, never talking to Bifur again, seeing him smile, hearing him laugh again, he couldn't imagine a life without Bifur, so he had to believe he would wake up because he couldn't imagine such a kind, loving, good dwarf being taken from his family in such a way, couldn't understand what they could have done to deserve such a fate, what Bifur could have done, so Bombur prayed and stayed by Bifur's side until morning, then wiped his tears, gave his cousin a kiss on the forehead, gave Bofur a hug and a forehead touch, like he always had and always would, and went to work.
One night, six months after Bifur had been injured, Bofur was sitting at Bifur's bedside, his head on the bed as he slowly drifted off to sleep, tired from a long day's work and the emotional turmoil that always overtook him on nights like that one, only to feel a hand on his head, his initial thought had been, why was Bombur home so early? And then he realized, he hadn't heard the door open or close, he hadn't heard any of Bombur's characteristic shuffling, he hadn't heard an 'I'm home' in his brother's voice, he had heard absolutely nothing to indicate Bombur was home, and he wasn't that near falling asleep to have missed all the signs, so he looked up, and suddenly life seemed so much brighter and happier than it had been a second ago.
Because there was Bifur, his hand upon Bofur's head, his eyes open, sitting up in bed, and he was awake, he was alive, Bifur was back and Bofur didn't think he had ever been as happy as he had been in that moment in his life.
But when Bofur tried to talk to Bifur, his cousin said nothing, he didn't even seem to comprehend what he was saying, their was just recognition and warmth in his eyes, but nothing else, no trace of the intelligent, sharp dwarf he had been before.
When Bombur got home that morning he was overjoyed that Bifur had woken, but he was just as dismayed as Bofur had been when he realized that the healers had been right, he wan't the same dwarf he had been.
So they went on with their lives, Bifur staying at home, staring off into space, doing nothing, saying nothing, always needing direction, looking after, and that hurt Bofur and Bombur more than anything else, because when Bifur had been comatose they could hope, hope that things would go back to the way they had been, that Bifur would be alright, that the axe in his head would not change their precious cousin, but now they were faced with a reality in which all of their hopes had been dashed, because Bifur was not the same, he was nothing like the dwarf they had known all of their lives, and it tore their hearts apart.
Bofur and Bombur had believed that they would spend the rest of their lives looking after the shell of their cousin, when, one night, a year after Bifur had been brought home with an axe in his head, on the rare occasion when they were all home at the same time and were about to have dinner together, Bifur spoke.
Bofur and Bombur had gone rigid at the sound of his voice, saying their names no less, something he had not done for a year, and the brothers slowly turned to look at their cousin, hoping against hope that something was different, that maybe, just maybe, they would get Bifur back, and what they saw when they turned around took their breath away.
Because there Bifur stood, arms outstretched, beckoning them to him, looking at them with recognition and warmth in his eyes, the two things that had always been there even when he was lost to them, accompanied by the familiar, and dearly missed, spark of intelligence and mischief and kindness and utter awareness in Bifur's eyes.
Bifur was back.
Bofur and Bombur had run into his outstretched arms, so grateful that they had him back, that Bifur was alright, that the cousin they loved so much was, for the most part, whole again.
They found, however, that Bifur had trouble speaking, finding the words to say what he wanted, because when he started thanking them for taking care of him, asking what had happened while his mind had been away, it came out in garbled Khuzdul, not the common tongue as he had intended, and without any of his, previously, characteristic eloquence, but, while this slightly bothered the brothers, they were still grateful to just have Bifur back, and he was grateful to be back.
They took Bifur to the healers' house just to be safe, the healer as surprised by Bifur's sudden coherence as they were, deciding that he had just needed time and care to heal. They later discovered that Bifur was still prone to staring off into space, which had initially scared Bofur and Bombur, because they had feared he was relapsing into his previous state of waking unresponsiveness, but he always came back to them, always regained himself, always came back with a little more of his previous self. His, at times, erratic behavior also bothered them, but the healer told them it was just a symptom of his injury, brain injuries always had odd affects on behavior, so they would just need to deal with it. Soon Bifur was able to work in the mines again, carve toys for the little ones, his cousins and what friends they had helping him to speak in Iglishmek and Khuzdul again, though he never spoke the common tongue again, something they learned to live around.
They had asked Bifur, at one point, what exactly had happened to him in the orc den, but he had only mumbled something about children and would say no more on the subject.
So they continued to live as they had always lived, for years, the three of them working in the mines, taking care of each other, enjoying their lives, for the most part, then they answered Thorin's call, and the rest was history.
But those dark memories haunted Bofur and Bombur, haunted Bifur, though more because he had seen the effect of his mental absence on his cousins and he never wanted them to have to go through that again, never wanted to have to see them like they were when he woke up again, so they were all terribly worried for Sam, worried about the state she was in as she sat by the fire, the similarity to times long past scaring them, making them keep a close eye on her as everyone began to eat the bounty on Beorn's table, not knowing what else to do, but still worried about their lass, manifested in the lack of noise that came from the eating dwarves, something distressing in and of itself.
However, despite the watchful eyes of the Broadbeams and the worry of the Company, no one saw Sam slip out the door into Beorn's enclosed yard.
Kili was the first to notice, when he had turned to see if she had eaten anything," Where did Sam go?!"
The youngest heir of Durin's exclamation had the entire Company looking around frantically, worried that Sam would hurt herself in her state, wandering around the house, calling for her, the fact that they found no trace of her only making their worry increase, until Fili ran in from the yard, telling them that Kili had found her sitting in the willow tree.
/Desolation Comes Upon the Sky!/
Kili stood a ways away from the willow tree, watching Sam, just looking at her, not moving to do anything, mostly because he was not sure what his presence would do.
She was sitting in the crook created by the lowest, largest branches and the trunk of the tree, leaning against another branch, the collar of her tunic pulled wide so that most of her shoulders and her collarbone were exposed, some bruising visible, her wrapped wrists in her lap, shoulders slumped, her feet propped up and crossed on the branch across from her. The early morning light on her face showed just how pale, drained, and wracked with grief she was, the golden highlights in her hair looking duller than they usually did as her hair fell wildly around her shoulders, caressed by the early morning wind, mirroring the movements of the hanging limbs of the willow.
But what truly stopped Kili was the look on her face.
She was truly awake now, her eyes bright and focused, showing green with flecks of gold in the early morning light, but her eyes held a soul deep sadness and grief, a profound pain that Kili did not know the origin of, but guessed it was caused by whatever she saw in her nightmare. Sam was still crying, though now the tears simply dripped down her cheeks as she blinked, her mouth set in a grim line, her brow furrowed, deep in thought, her mind a million miles away.
Sam was deeply shaken, grieved, and disturbed by what she now realized that her nightmares were, visions of things yet to come to pass, and that vision had shaken her to the core, actually watching their fates play out, watching them die, it broke her heart, and she knew if she were to actually live through that, it would break her, utterly.
Her nightmares were truly the visions that Lord Elrond had thought they were, and they were visions of the very thing she had been trying to avoid confronting from the very beginning.
The deaths of Fili, Kili, and Thorin at the Battle of the Five Armies.
Her nightmares had been warning her of the ever drawing nearer fate of the line of Durin, of the impending deaths of her dear royals, and that last nightmare had been the true warning of what their fates would be, of how they would die if nothing changed.
Sam hadn't wanted to face the fact that Thorin, Fili, and Kili were going to their deaths by going on this quest, didn't want to face that these three wonderful, precious people were going to die, because she didn't know what to do, didn't know if she should change anything, didn't know what the consequences would be if she did, didn't have any idea how she even could change anything, but her nightmares were forcing her to face what would happen if she did nothing, to see it, to watch it, to know it, and all of the horrible details, right down to how much it hurt, how much her heart ached, to know they were dying, to watch them die, and know there was nothing she could do to change it in that moment, if she allowed everything to go as it should, as it was supposed to be, and they were forcing her to make a decision.
But she already knew what her decision would be.
She HAD to do something, she had to at least try to change their fate, she had to at least try to save their lives, even at the cost of her own, because she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she did nothing, she wouldn't be able to live knowing she had let them go to their deaths without trying to prevent it, to protect them, it would be tantamount to murdering them herself, and she couldn't do that, she couldn't let them die, she couldn't hurt them, she couldn't betray them like that, couldn't betray her family like that, she loved them too much, they all meant too much to her, and she couldn't watch them die again, she couldn't watch them suffer like that again, she couldn't, she just couldn't.
She couldn't watch Fili and Kili fade from the world, the light dying in their eyes just as they died, as their uncle broke again, cradling their broken bodies, she couldn't let that happen to them again, she couldn't take watching the Company fall apart again, watch them all grieve and cry, couldn't take all the grief and the loss and the sorrow and pain, she couldn't watch her world go dark that way again, she couldn't live with what she knew would happen to herself and the Company if she let them die, knowing none of them would ever be the same again, knowing nothing would ever be the same again, knowing nothing could ever hope to be the same again, if they died.
She couldn't let them die knowing pieces of the very souls of the people who loved them, of the Company, would die with Fili, Kili, and Thorin, and the rest of their lives would be marred by that grief, that it would be the reason that Balin would eventually go back to Moria, because the wrong king would be sitting on the throne and the halls of Erebor would never know the laughter of two goofy, lovable, and laughing princes, they would all live knowing that their dear king and princes hadn't deserved that fate, that they hadn't deserved to die, and they would all have to live without them for the rest of their lives, and be forever haunted by their loss and the knowledge of what might have been, but never could be.
Sam would save them, no matter the cost to herself, she would save Fili, Kili, and Thorin if it was the last thing she did, because she didn't want to live in a world where they weren't there, where Thorin wasn't being impossibly grumpy and serious and the good dwarf that he was, where Fili and Kili weren't causing mischief and laughing and smiling and making the world a better place for it, because, without them, Middle Earth would be a much darker place, and the Company would never be the same, her family would never be the same.
So she couldn't let any of that happen, because she couldn't live in that world, her family couldn't live in that world, couldn't live without three of it's members, so failure was not an option.
/Now I See Fire, Inside the Mountain!/
The Company sat outside all morning, watching Sam, having agreed with Kili that it would be best not to disturb her, not with the way she had looked when they had walked out.
Everyone was glad to see she was free of whatever horrible vision had assailed her, but it was obvious to them all it had left a mark on her mind, otherwise she would not still be crying, lost in her own thoughts, coming to terms with or dealing with whatever the nightmare had dredged up.
So they all sat outside, within sight and hearing distance of Sam, doing various different things to keep them busy, to keep them from worrying too much, and all of them had a nice long smoke before they started twiddling, making sure the actual smoke did not drift in Sam's direction, needing to calm their nerves after the drama of the morning and the stress of the last couple days.
Bofur and Bifur started to carve some pieces of wood they had found, trying to figure out how to teach Sam how to carve horses and toy soldiers left handed, Bombur was writing recipes into his little cookbook to keep him busy, as he had many to write down, that Sam had given him, still worried by the fact that Sam had not eaten since lunch the previous day, but he decided he would make sure she ate when she eventually came to talk to them.
Nori and Dwalin were sharpening their weapons, and Sam's (they had dug them out of the gear she had left on the floor before she had gone to bed the night before, and her pack, when they had been looking for things to do outside, needing more to sharpen than their own weapons to keep them busy, which was why they also ended up grabbing everybody else's weapons to sharpen as well), Dwalin taking care of her swords while Nori took care of her daggers, both sitting there working their whet stones along the edges of the blades, watching Sam as the rest of the Company was comforted by the familiar sound.
Fili stole all of Sam's throwing knives from Nori, who had been intending to take care of them himself, and started sharpening them along with all of his own, wanting to do something for their lass, make sure she knew that he and Kili cared about her and appreciated what she had done for them and the Company, trying to quell his own lingering unease and hurt from Sam's reaction to their voices earlier. Kili was trying to do the same thing by taking care of her bow, and making more arrows for them both, as their quivers were nearly empty after shooting the wargs on the cliffs, with both of their supplies of fletching feathers and arrowheads (because he knew she wouldn't approve of him using all of his supplies on her gear, and would likely fuss at the others for doing her job for her, despite the fact that she probably couldn't do it with her wrists the way they were, and Nori would have ended up dealing with Sam's weapons for her anyway), making shafts from wood Bifur and Bofur had found that was ill suited for carving, but good for arrows. The brothers were both watching Sam out of the corners of their eyes, noting how she really hadn't moved since Kili had found her there, and the fact that she was still crying, but her face was slowly taking on that determined look they had become so familiar with, which eased their worries slightly, as it meant that Sam was ok if she was getting annoyed enough about something to take on that expression.
Ori sat next to Dori as he sketched Sam sitting in the tree, because, with the wind and the sun and the expression on her face at the moment, it really was an amazing picture, heartbreaking and sorrowful, but amazing all the same, and he thought she might like this particular picture, as poignant as it was, but he wasn't exactly sure of how Sam would take all of his other sketches of her doing various things, such as cooking, training, telling stories, and goofing around, knowing she really didn't care for being watched too closely. Dori was watching his littlest brother sketch out of the corner of one eye as he kept an eye on Sam out of the corner of the other as he focused on fixing the rips and tears in the clothes of the Company, currently working on a rather large tear in one of Nori's shirts, as he had already finished fixing the tiny rip in Sam's cloak and a split seam in one pair of Bofur's trousers.
Oin and Gloin were looking around the lush garden for more medicinal, and cooking, herbs, talking to each other with Iglishmek, as they hadn't quite figured out how to fix Oin's ear trumpet, and he couldn't hold it while gathering herbs anyway. They talked about all the things that had happened in the past few days, how things were changing, and what they thought had been wrong with Sam that morning. Oin thought she had actually been in shock that morning, but Gloin wasn't so sure, as he had never heard of a nightmare causing someone to go into shock, so they discussed all of these things as they worked, adding to the Company's supplies of different kinds of herbs, both still watching their lass as she sat in the tree, deciding she was alright, for now, but Oin was going to be giving her another once over later.
/I See Fire, Burning the Trees!/
Gandalf, Beorn, Thorin, Balin, and Bilbo were standing a short distance away from the rest of the Company, discussing their plans.
"So you wish to get to the Lonely Mountain by the last day of Autumn? You are running out of time."
Beorn's statement was met by nods from the two dwarves and wizard, Bilbo just listening. Thorin and Balin were shifting their gazes between each other and Beorn, talking in low Khuzdul, trying to determine just how much time they had and what they might need to actually get to the mountain in time for Durin's Day, and what they thought Beorn would be willing to provide.
"We know, my friend, and that is why we were hoping you would be willing to lend us some of your horses to get us to Mirkwood, and possibly some more food."
Gandalf's statement was met by a frown from Beorn," Mirkwood is afflicted by a darkness that makes it more dangerous than it once was, and the elves that dwell there are not as wise as their kin, and they are far more dangerous." The great bear of a man sighed at them all, noting how Thorin had stiffened at the mention of the elves of Mirkwood, no doubt still angry at Thranduil for abandoning his people, the hobbit looked confused by the king's behavior while Balin and Gandalf looked uneasy," You are right to ask for horses, without them you would likely die at the hands of the orcs that haunt these lands, for their numbers are increasing, the orcs of Moria are amassing at Dol Guldur. I will provide you with horses and ponies, and additional supplies, but once you get to the border of Mirkwood you must set my steeds loose, I will not allow any animal of mine to go into that awful place."
The dwarves, hobbit, and wizard all seemed content with the aide he had offered, surprised though they were that he had given it so easily, Balin and Thorin looking pleased that they would be able to increase their speed, if only for a little while, and replenish their supplies.
But Beorn was curious, and had questions he wanted answered," So, who is the wee woman? She is not a dwarf, and yet she travels with you. I have never known dwarves to welcome people of other races, and yet there are two in this party, why?"
Bilbo and Gandalf were more than willing to answer, Balin slightly suspicious, but willing to give the skinchanger the benefit of a doubt due to his generosity, while Thorin was not," Why either of them is here and who she is is none of your concern."
The other three rolled their eyes at the king's characteristic rudeness, hoping his mouth wouldn't cause them any trouble.
Beorn's eyes narrowed," I would say it is my concern, because the only reason I decided to give aide was because of the way you all reacted to the wee woman's distress this morning, such care is uncharacteristic of dwarves to show towards ones who are not of their race or their kin, and that aide I offered can be just as easily taken away as it was given, if you prove unworthy of it. I will not allow you to drag innocent souls to the danger that awaits you on this quest if you are simply using them."
Thorin looked a combination of chagrined, annoyed, and angry, because, while he could understand why Beorn might think ill of them, as it was true that most dwarves wouldn't help anyone by their kin and fellow dwarves, and be surprised by their reaction to Sam's nightmare, but he did not, as a rule, like being threatened for any reason, nor did he appreciate the insinuation that they would just use Sam and Bilbo, then toss them aside, or abandon them to face any danger alone.
Bilbo answered before Thorin got the chance,"They are not using either of us, Master Beorn. We are both willing members of this Company, even knowing the dangers of this quest as we do, and I can personally attest that none of these dwarves would ever intentionally do either of us harm or leave us in harms way, we are all friends, as odd as that must seem to you, I'm sure, sometimes even I cannot quite believe I am friends with thirteen dwarves and human, as crazy and ill mannered as they all are," Thorin and Balin just rolled their eyes at the cheeky grin the hobbit was giving them, Thorin's anger and Balin's apprehension easing slightly at Bilbo's defense of them, at the honesty of his words and his sureness of their friendships, but relieved that he was not alluding to just how attached they all were to each other at this point, because neither dwarf completely trusted Beorn and did not think he had any right to know any intimate details about the Company. Beorn simply observed their reactions to the hobbit's statement, even more bemused by their behavior than he had previously been, because it appeared that what the hobbit was saying was true, he looked at Gandalf for some clarification, but the old wizard simply smiled at him, as if reading his mind, his smile seeming to indicate all that he observed was true," but it is the truth all the same. As for Sam, she is a charming young woman that has managed to earn the respect and friendship of the Company, regardless of the fact that she is human, and their care for her, as you saw this morning, is born of their friendship."
Beorn simply nodded at Bilbo's answer, seeming to be simultaneously pleased and confused by the truth of it, thought Bilbo had left out bits of information, such as Sam not being completely human, because he felt that the big man did not need to know that, and neither did Thorin and Balin if their nods in his direction were any indication.
"Hm, I see. Well, in that case, my offer still stands. Tomorrow you will leave at first light, but, right now, I think you best go and check on your wee woman."
Gandalf, Bilbo, Thorin, and Balin turned around just in time to see Sam slide down out of the willow tree, heading towards the rest of the Company.
/And I See Fire, Hallowing Souls!/
The Company smiled, relived, as Sam approached them, no longer crying, though her eyes were red and puffy, but she was smiling at them, albeit tiredly, and that was a good sign.
Bifur and Bofur put down the toys they had carved, Bombur put away his cookbook, Dori put down his sewing, Ori stopped sketching, Oin and Gloin had already returned from their herb finding mission and were sitting on the porch, while Nori, Dwalin, Fili, and Kili stopped fiddling with the Company's weapons, and those who had been speaking to Beorn walked back over.
Sam plopped down in the grass in front of them all, a large sigh escaping her as she settled herself, waiting for the impending slew of questions she knew was coming.
The Company studied their lass for a moment, taking in how tired and grieved she still looked, how her shoulders were slumped, not just from pain, and how she looked very determined, but also very scared.
Bofur was the first to speak, as most of the others didn't seem to know what to say after the events of that morning, or they were still watching, studying her, trying to discern if anything was still wrong or if she remembered her nightmare this time," Ya gave us a righ' awful scare this mornin', lass."
Bofur was looking at Sam with a worried frown on his face, his eyes searching hers, not liking the way she was looking at the moment, but all his frown did was remind Sam of the way Bofur had looked in her nightmare, taken by the dragon sickness, and she did not like seeing it on his face for any reason, not just because of the nightmare, but also because a frown just did not belong on Bofur's face, as it was expressly made for smiling.
So Sam tried to assuage his worries, all of their worries, and get rid of that awful frown, the worried frowns on all of their faces, if not for the benefit of the Company, then for her piece of mind, the memories of her vision haunting her even as she tried to convince the Company otherwise," I know I did, I scared myself, and I'm sorry for scaring you all and making you worry, and waking you up when we are all in desperate need of some decent sleep, but I'm ok now, really."
All of them were looking at her dubiously at that statement, not believing her for a minute, but Fili, Kili, and Thorin looked a little more put out than the others, and she couldn't help but wonder why.
The three royals were glad to see that Sam did not have any visible reaction to their presence now that she was awake, but they were still a bit afraid that she might recoil from them when they spoke, but were willing to take that chance to make sure she was alright.
Oin sighed," No, Sam, you're not alright. You were beside yourself this morning, Bifur couldn't calm you, none of us could figure out how to calm you, nothing worked, it took Beorn making you a calming drought to get you to stop screaming and crying, and then you were in shock, completely non-responsive for an hour, just staring off into space, that's how you ended up in front of the fire before you slipped out." He gave her an annoyed look, softened by his concern for her mental and physical state, but Sam just shrugged at him, a small, guilty smile on her face, she had needed to get away from them all to think, to deal with everything the nightmare had told her and made her feel," Not to mention your odd reaction to Fili, Kili, and Thorin's voices, when you heard the rest of us talking, you seemed to calm down, but when they spoke, you only started crying harder."
Sam's eyes had gone wide at hearing how she had reacted to their voices, hoping she hadn't said anything, Kili's expression made her think she had.
Kili looked at Sam, a worried and slightly apprehensive expression on his face, daring to ask the question that he had been wanting to ask since Sam had regained herself, all because Gandalf had pointed out all of the reasons that she had to worry about the Company, about Thorin, Fili, and Kili in particular," Sam...," Kili bit his lip, not really sure if he should ask his question, as it was rather personal, and she might not feel comfortable answering it, but now that he had her attention focused on him, her eyes curious and more than a little worried, as if she didn't want them to know what her nightmare had been about, he asked," were you dreaming about us? About something bad happening to us? 'Cause..."
Here Fili picked up where his brother had trailed off," Gandalf had suggested," he nodded at the wizard as Sam looked between the two brothers, more than a little confused and apprehensive," that a reason you might have reacted to our voices the way you did was because you were dreaming about something bad happening to us, so...were you?" The two younger royals were now being glared at by the older members of the Company, Ori just face palmed at his friends lack of tact, for asking such a personal question, and asking Sam to deal with something she might not be ready to deal with yet, so Fili attempted damage control," Not that you have to answer, or tell us anything you don't want to, we were just worried...," the elder dwarves seemed appeased by the back track, though Oin and Dori were still eyeing them.
Now Kili picked up where his brother left off, a somewhat remorseful expression on his face," You know you don't need to worry about us too much, right? I know we all got quite a scare in the goblin tunnels, and on the cliffs with the orcs and wargs and being stuck in a tree, and everything, but everyone is alright, we are all ok, so you don't need to worry about us too much, after all, we are all adults, for the most part," they all chuckled at that, Fili, Kili, and Ori turning slightly red because they were still not quite considered adults, something they couldn't deny or defend, as much as they wanted to, all tired of being treated like children, at times, on this quest, even as Kili admitted it," and we can take care of ourselves. I know you and Bilbo sometimes doubt that," here everyone chuckled, Sam smiling, relieved that they didn't know anything about what she had dreamed, but had a slight idea, which she could work with, as Bilbo just smiled cheekily nodding in agreement of Kili's description of their perception of the dwarves, earning him a shoulder bonk from Thorin that nearly knocked him over, earning the king a glare while he attempted to look innocent, the Company only chuckling more at their antics, Sam could only smile a little wider, her eyes regaining some of their mischievous sparkle," but we can do it, and have been doing it for a long time, so you don't need to worry about us, ok? 'Cause we are all gonna take care of each other and make sure we all survive this, alright?"
All of the dwarves nodded emphatically at the statement, a chorus of 'of course we wills' and a 'damn straight' from Dwalin and other affirmatives were said as Kili smiled at Sam, attempting to be comforting, but his lingering distress at her earlier reaction to their voices made him look more pleading than comforting, though Sam returned the smile all the same.
Sam was relieved, to say the least, that they just thought she was terribly worried about their dear royals, about them all, which was entirely true, but her heart had clenched painfully at the tandem way the two brother's had spoken, so much like the way they had spoken their last words in her vision, she already couldn't forget her fear for them, her sorrow, and her grief, and how she needed to protect them, the reminder of just who they would all lose if she did not succeed only making her resolve stronger, not just to protect Fili, Kili, and Thorin, but the rest of the Company too, because she had no idea how her actions would change things, so she would need to keep an eye on them all, but them knowing she was worried, even if they didn't know the reason, might help to keep them all safe, by making them more cautious.
So Sam had to admit to them, both because she couldn't feasibly deny it considering her reaction in her nonsensical state to their voices, but also because of how it might alter their reckless behavior, that she had in fact dreamed of the royals, but she would omit any other details, so she smiled softly at Thorin, Fili, and Kili, and began," I know you can all take care of yourselves, Kili, really, I do, considering you have all been doing so since before I was even born," Gandalf had reminded them of just how young she was earlier, but that statement just served to remind them and bring back the feelings they had when she first told them her age, making them more inclined to be protective of her, as much as they had initially been, despite the fact that they all knew by now that she was capable of doing it herself," notwithstanding certain instances of stupidity," she looked at Thorin with an annoyed expression, the king looking a little guilty," such as certain dwarves running at a certain very dangerous orcs without backup," Thorin really looked guilty now, the other dwarves very amused by how the reprimand of a young human woman managed to get him to look that way when only his sister, and occasionally Balin, had managed it previously, "but I really do know that you can all take care of yourselves, most of the time." They all just shrugged, more than willing to admit they were all prone to doing stupid things, at times, especially when they were more than a little drunk," But that doesn't mean I don't worry, that I won't continue to worry about you lot, especially considering what all we are gonna need to face before this is all over, so, I'm gonna keep worrying about you lot, if not because of what we still need to face, then because I am entirely to attached to you lot to do otherwise." She gave them all a slightly watery smile, meaning every word of it.
The dwarves were all smiling now, both because of her statement and because they were glad that their lass was ok, if how she was acting was any indication, as blunt and caring as usual, convinced, for now, that she was alright and that her nightmare had not done her any lasting damage, despite her reaction to it.
"But," at that all of their smiles instantly dulled, somewhat afraid of what she might say, her face having taken on a more pensive and world weary expression," I did dream of you three," she looked at the three royals a bit forlornly, Kili and Fili looking more worried and a little guilty at the statement, while Thorin only looked at her with searching eyes, trying to find the best way to assuage her fears so that this would not happen again, because in the coming days they could not afford to be so distracted by Sam's distress, as it might cost them their lives, but also because he worried for what repeated trauma, like what her nightmares seemed to have caused her, would do to Sam, mentally, physically, and emotionally, whether it would affect her ability to protect herself and the others from harm, affect her ability to aide them in their ultimate goal, and affect whether or not she would be able to deal with what they would need to face, not wanting to sacrifice her emotional and physical health any more than was absolutely necessary for the sake of the quest, more than willing to leave her behind, if it came to that, until things were safer if it meant she would remain whole, if it meant she would remain as she was now, so that their lass could remain intact, in all ways, so that she may live out the rest of her days in Erebor, happily," but all I can remember is being afraid for you, a terrifying and all consuming fear, nothing else, not why, not how, not when, not where, just the feeling of overwhelming terror, and that's it."
Everyone could only nod, believing Sam, considering how her nightmares had been like from the beginning, though Nori had a niggling feeling in the back of his mind that she might be hiding something, reading her body language and the look in her eyes, but he really couldn't blame her for wanting to spare them details if she remembered more than that, not when she had reacted so horribly to it herself.
Kili and Fili's shoulders slumped in relief that her reaction to their voices had indeed been fear for them, rather than of them, or worse, smiling more easily now that their own fears were assuaged, but they both still felt the need to make it up to Sam somehow, wanting to make sure she did not suffer so much again on their, and Thorin's, accounts. Thorin simply continued looking at Sam, having much the same feeling Nori had, but dismissing it for the same reason, something telling him it was best to leave it alone.
Sam smiled brightly now, glad that all of the nightmare talk was out of the way," Now lets all stop moping about and do or talk about something more pleasant," it was then she noticed that Fili, Kili, Nori, and Dwalin were surrounded by the Company's weapons, hers included, all of their weapon maintenance supplies around them," or maybe someone can tell me why those four," she pointed a finger at the four weapon surrounded dwarves, a raised eyebrow accompanying the amused and slightly annoyed expression that had come across her face at noticing they were taking care of her weapons for her, her quiver now full of freshly made arrows," are hoarding all of the weapons? And, Dori, why do you have a clothes collection next to you? I know that's my cloak and that's Ori's shirt," she pointed at the items, noting a large tear in one of Nori's shirts was now mended, as well as all of the other garments coming from members of the Company, some mended, while others were not," but what in the world are you doing with Bofur's pants?"
That had the Company laughing, the way Sam had asked and her expression, a fake slightly confused expression completely ruined by the way her mouth kept pulling up in a grin, all to familiar mischief in her eyes, making the statement sound even odder than it already had, Dori going red as he realized what could be implied, and Sam had meant to imply, though they all knew it meant nothing and that Dori was just being helpful, with his having Bofur's pants, Bofur only roaring with laughter as he fell over flat on Beorn's porch, rolling a little from side to side, at Dori's expense as the oldest Ri brother threw the offending pants at Bofur's face, effectively shutting him up as they got in his mouth, causing him to sputter and everyone else to laugh harder.
Nori, Dwalin, Fili, and Kili, thought their laughter, began to hand the weapons they had amassed to their respective owners, putting Sam's in a pile next to them with all of her other supplies, not willing to allow her to carry them all inside herself with her shoulder and wrists still injured.
Thorin only smiled and shook his head, closing his eyes, knowing all was well with their lass and the Company, turning to go back into the house as Balin could only look on, amused at the antics of the Company, until he got one of his own shirts thrown at his face, Bilbo, standing next to him, getting a wait coat draped over his head, as Dori began to throw all of the clothes he had fixed at their owners, starting a bit of a clothes fight as everyone began throwing the clothes at each other, Sam just hiding, and giggling uncontrollably, under her cloak after it had landed on her head, using it like a tent, avoiding the majority of the hubbub as she dodged through the garment onslaught to get to the porch from where she had been sitting one the grass, moving to stand next to Bombur and Bifur, who were getting up after having wrestled their clothes back from Bofur, who had been planning on using them as ammunition against Fili and Kili, the dynamic duo having managed to hit everyone at least once at this point, without having been hit themselves.
As the clothes war continued, Bofur giving a battle cry as he chased after Fili and Kili, armed with one of Gloin's shirts and Dwalin's pants, Sam stood next to Bombur and Bifur, watching them for a moment, before her stomach growled, prompting Bombur to remember she had not eaten for almost an entire day, as it was almost lunch time, thus he took her by the upper arm, as he did not want to aggravate her already aggravated wrists further, telling her he was going to make sure she ate enough to feed two dwarves, as she still needed to gain back weight and who knew when they would next get the chance to eat fresh milk and honey and bread again, gently tugging her inside, ignoring her protests and blush at being, as she called it, force fed by dwarves when she was perfectly capable of feeding herself, thank you, Bifur only chuckling at their antics, aiding his cousin in getting Sam inside, also fully intending to ensure she got enough to eat, gently nudging her back to keep her moving forward.
Bifur went on tiptoe to talk next to Sam's ear and said, using a few sounds from the secret language they had made before Rivendell,' You scare us badly, lullaby didn't work, but glad ok, need our lass to help us get to Erebor, so let us take care of you, yes? Like you take care of us.' Sam stopped struggling to get away from the two Broadbeams at that, nodding at Bifur's words, said dwarf giving a pleased grunt, hugging her and lightly tapping his forehead to hers, very careful of his axe, when they actually got to Beorn's giant table, Bombur bustling around, getting Sam a heaping plate of food.
So the rest of the day went, Bombur trying to feed Sam until she burst, when Fili, Kili, and Ori rescued her and they went and explored Beorn's property together, all rather fascinated by the larger than normal bees and the oddly intelligent animals.
That night, after Bombur tried to stuff her again at dinner, they all went to sleep, hoping, praying, that Sam wouldn't have another awful nightmare.
/I See Fire, Blood in the Breeze!/
Well there were go, next time, Mirkwood.
