They actually cancelled Tae Kwon Do, so I didn't have a class. I walked into the dojo with my full uniform and sparring gear, and we weren't having class! XD. I wasn't the only one who did it though (Thank God, that would have been embarrassing). Anyways, our director is leaving—my friend has a theory, which I thought was far-fetched at first but actually ties a lot of pieces together. Huh. So I went today instead. Well, I was planning to anyways, but still…
I just finished listening to Eden by To Destination, which is the theme song to Yami no Matsuei. Uh… maybe I shouldn't have listened to that… it puts me in the mood for fluff, and I really want Black Haru in this chapter. Actually, I'm coming back and writing this part after restarting my computer. He's there, all my readers who claim that they have been smut deprived. Don't worry. :D
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"You're still blue," Haru commented, kneeling down next to me a little while later, clad in a pair of my soft, silky, white pajamas. "You match your clothes. It's sort of funny."
I cracked my eyes open, and then sat up in shock—I'd fallen asleep? Glancing at my clock, I realized that to my shock, it was seven o'clock PM. Normally I could never fall asleep that early—and I hadn't even registered being tired!
Haru sat down on my bed, the mattress springs creaking softly under our combined weight. "So, do you feel any warmer at least? I'm going to pound Kyo in the morning for using up all of the hot water."
"He's not worth it. Stupid cat," I replied, sitting up slowly. "So you're staying over, I take it?"
"Yup," Haru replied. "Uh… is it okay if I sleep in here?"
I gave him a 'Do you really need to ask that?' type of look. "I'm not exactly going to exile you to the couch," I informed him, sliding over as a blatant hint that he could sleep in my bed tonight.
Haru slid under the covers, sliding an arm around my shoulder and pulling me close to him. I let out a slight, embarrassingly squeaky noise of protest, but his almost unnaturally warm body felt good against my chilled flesh, and when I relaxed into his hold, the contact felt really nice. I leaned my head on his chest and wriggled my arm under him so that I could hold onto him. "I'm not normally tired this early," I muttered sleepily, turning my head so that I could smell Haru's scent more clearly. It was gentle and reassuring—just like Haru himself was right now.
Haru began to stroke my hair, and I could hear a slight smile in his voice. "I'm not surprised if your body shuts down in the cold. That's really not abnormal," he told me, placing a gentle kiss on top of my head. "Go ahead and sleep," he murmured, his breath blowing my hair, grazing my scalp.
I was all too happy to oblige. Lulled by the feel of Haru's arms, I began to fall asleep easily, finally slipping off into a world of dreams.
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A rough shaking awoke me. "Uhn…" I mumbled, half-awakened, drowsily letting my arms flop around as someone shook my shoulders. "Wha?"
"Wake up, Yuki." My eyes flew open at the edge in Haru's voice—I instantly became wide-awake as I recognized that something was wrong with his voice. "Come on, I know you aren't still asleep." My eyes met his, and I saw his darkened irises—darkened as though he was black, but also fevered, sick looking. "Come on, Yuki-uke, wake up already!" My head slammed painfully into the wall as he gave my shoulders an incredibly rough shake with his cold, clammy hands.
"Ow!" I yelped, jerking free and rubbing my head. "What did you just call me?" I demanded furiously, glaring at him. There was no reason for him to have gone off like this…
A closer look revealed that his eyes were unfocused, and that the sick, fevered look that they held was complimented by his clammy, sweat covered skin and sluggish, if overly-forceful movements. Oh God, he'd gotten sick walking home in the rain and having to wait longer than I had to warm up. I felt like an idiot. Of course Haru would have treated me courteously and insist that I get the first shower and everything—now he'd gotten sick. "Haru, get off. You're sick. We need to get Hatori," I told him, trying to push my cousin off of me.
Haru's grip tightened on my shoulders. It didn't seem like he'd heard a single word that I'd said. "Good, you're awake. I knew you were." He grabbed my chin, his darkened, fever-glazed eyes boring into mine as he dragged my face up towards his and crushed my lips against his. I put my hands on his shoulders and tried to push him away, but couldn't seem to muster the will to fight back with my full strength. He was sick, after all—it seemed like he was half-delirious. It wouldn't be fair to act as though he was normal right now.
Wait a second. A rational part of my brain broke through my half-terrified, half resigned haze of emotions. Where was the worry for my own well-being? Besides, if Haru was so ill that he had lost his mind, the best thing to do would be to call—
Haru's hands slipped down my pajama pants and one of them began to stroke me while the other pulled the clothes away from my body. Despite my attempts to ignore him and push him away, I lost track of the thought that I'd been entertaining and any will to escape that I had retained before. "Ung!" I gasped, breaking away from the kiss, aware that at some point during the kiss Haru had pushed me down to the bed, his knees pinning me down. "H-Haru," I gasped as he let go for a minute, teasing me. I bucked my hips in protest, and with a drowsy, delirious grin, he resumed petting my erection, leaving me wondering why I had been trying to push him away. Something about… my thoughts were racing, so blurred that I gave up trying to make sense of them, gave up thinking at all.
Haru clumsily pulled his own pajama pants down and lifted my legs roughly, jerkily, settling them clumsily on his shoulders. "Wai—wha—" I screamed as Haru thrust roughly into me, my hands clutching for something to hold, the pain overwhelming. "HARUUU!" My hands found the edge of my mattress and I seized it, panting, tears streaming out of the corners or my eyes.
Haru paused, his glazed eyes confused. "Oh… sorry," he said, his voice still that of his angered—or apparently sick as well— black side, yet a hint of remorse was evident—almost as though he was a combination of both sides. It was very strange, but I barely registered that. All I cared about was that he'd stopped, waiting until I had adjusted. "Okay?" he asked, his tone sluggish, his body movements equally so. Without waiting for me to respond, he pulled almost all the way out and then thrust back in. I gasped at the pleasure, the pain gone. With the agony no longer there, I reached my climax quickly, Haru climaxing right after me.
Haru collapsed, his entire body quivering. Gently I eased him off of me; he struggled a little, but his actions seemingly had sapped him of all of his energy. "I'm not done," he muttered, reaching drowsily for me. "I can't get enough of you, Yuki. You said you loved me, so get back here…"
I shook my head. "Haru, you're sick, and you've gone black. I'm going to call Hatori." I pulled my pants back over my hips and located Haru's pajama pants, shaking slightly at the idea of touching him. I knew that the burst of energy that had come on with his black form was gone, his strength sapped by his fever, but my instincts told me to run as far from him as I could.
Haru gripped my wrist as I slid the pants up his thighs. "Come on, Yuki, he whispered, his grip tightening crushingly on my arm, trying to drag my hand up to where he wanted it.
I thrust my arm downward, twisted my wrist, and yanked free of his hold. "Enough," I ordered, glaring down at him. "I'm serious, Haru!"
"Oh really? You seriously don't want to do anything with me? I thought you liked the sex. I thought you wanted it. Is this just a 'when it's convenient for Yuki' relationship?" Haru's pitch-black, glazed eyes bored into me, but I refused to let the words cut me just as I refused to think about what had just happened. Maybe when I consented the way I had been ready to the first time, just a couple nights ago, I would enjoy it, but not when it was forced this way! I finished dressing him, and he lay there, thankfully still now that he had gotten those sharp, wounding words out.
"A 'when it's convenient for Yuki' relationship." I couldn't even make it down the stairs to the phone without the words slicing at me. I sank to the floor and buried my face in my hands. I knew I shouldn't let it get to me. I knew that Haru was black, sick, delirious, all-and-all not in his right mind. Still, it was hurtful to hear those words played back at me like a broken record. I tried to remind myself that I was doing what I should be doing, that I was in love with White Haru, not Black Haru, reminding myself again and again that Black Haru wasn't the best I could do, that Akito had lied when he'd said no one would love me. I wasn't inferior. I had the right to not want to sleep with my boyfriend when he wasn't in his right mind.
It was one thing to tell myself this, and another thing to believe that I had the right to not unconditionally do what Haru wanted when I felt that he was lowering himself to be with me. I hit my head against the wall, trying to find the energy to stand up and get to the phone. 'It's for Haru,' I reminded myself. Yes… no matter what side of his personality he was showing, I had to go get help. I staggered to my feet and to the phone, dialing the number for Hatori's cell phone.
Damn it. I had gotten his voice mail. "Hatori, it's Yuki. Uh… Haru's… Haru's sick, we had to walk home in the sleet, and I think he's delirious. Um… he has a fever. Could you come over as soon as you get this? Thanks." I hung up the phone and sank to the floor again. I should go see Haru, but I was sick with fear at the idea. I let out a little laugh. Hadn't I tried to get him to go for me just a couple days ago? I was really getting far ahead of myself, if I already wanted him to stop it. I shook my head. No, it was like he'd said before: He was a package deal, and this relationship couldn't be merely a convenience for me. No, I had to do things for him too, to balance it out. I slowly stood up and headed back upstairs to my room.
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Ugh. I don't think that was my best effort… but I'm not concentrating incredibly well now. I'm thinking too much about finishing Chapter 1 on another fan fiction I've been working on for months—it's slow coming because it's historical fan fiction, so I have to be careful. All about the Sohma family during the Salem witch hunts… if I ever get it up, maybe some of you will check it out. Who knows?
I think that someone had commented that they wondered if Yuki would get sick. I entertained that idea at first, but I wasn't quite certain how to get Haru to turn black, and I thought that if he had a fever high enough to effect his brain, it may throw his emotions out of whack. Besides, I torment Yuki so much, poor Haru needs a turn! (Uh... and why is he poor Haru if this is the first time I've physically tortured him? Heheh...)
By the way, I know that some people write 'Grey Haru' fan fictions. This is NOT one of them. I know I wrote that it seemed almost like Haru was a mix between both sides, but he's fully Black Haru in this chapter--I just decided that even Black Haru would behave differently when he was sick.
-Sigh- So anyways, give me feedback, good and bad. I'm too drowsy to see if this is any good right now… If I look at it later and decide it's crap, or if you all don't like it, then I'll re-write it… Well, this note is too long. Review please, so that I can have feedback to update with!
