This Chapter:
Triggers -
Violence – lots of it. Non-con and rape situations – (Don't get too worried – it's not what you think).
Struggling with this chapter trying to ensure that they stay in character. I always thought this one would be hardest to write - and so far, it is. But, I honestly believe that this is how Sara and Khan would react to the situation I've thrown at them. I know, I know. I am a mean, mean woman.
I don't own Star Trek, more's the pity. Only my original characters and plot line.
Loss
Ch 9 - Imagining
Khan felt his fury boiling within him. After everything they'd been through, the thought of Sara leaving him stung with betrayal. He hadn't felt this hurt since one of his own kind had sided against him in the wars of the 90s. Betrayal from regular people he expected and accepted easily, but he had begun to trust Sara. Khan's emotions since awakening had been limited, bleak, and numb. Now, hurt flooded through him raw and painful with the idea that Sara had abandoned him.
Before this, Khan simply told himself that he was using Sara for his own ends. Even his attempt to seduce her the night before sprang from the reawakening of his own biological needs. With this much hatred flowing through his veins, Khan finally had to admit to himself that Sara meant something to him. Now, if she really had left him, he would hunt her down and destroy her in a way that he saved only for his most reviled enemies.
He took his rage out on the small table beside the couch. As his fists bore down breaking it into thousands of little pieces, Khan noticed a piece of paper floating in the air. He caught it easily in his hand. It read: "Gone for a walk – 6 am. Will be back in one hour - Sara."
Khan looked at the clock. It was now 8am.
Quickly donning his clothes, he grabbed the car keys and headed out the door. A multitude of scenarios played in his mind of why Sara was not back yet. None of them good.
The night before:
How the hell was she supposed to get back to sleep after having Khan's manhood mere inches from her face? It was as if all the hormones in her body were set off at once and were fighting against her will.
It would have been so easy to simply have given in to him.
Instead, she fought an interior battle the rest of the night. Her body stayed still but her mind ran circles. Khan had just admitted that he wanted her sexually. But the question was: why? Was it just because she was convenient or did he have other motives? Imagining what would have happened had she given in kept her awake as well. It was pure torture.
Although she finally slept for a few hours, Sara still felt restless and on edge when she awoke. Turning herself around in bed, the woman watched the superior man asleep on the couch. It would have been so easy to walk over to him and give him a very nice wake-up call. But her determined mind stopped her. She had to protect herself emotionally above all things. Being with Khan was dangerous to her life, and Sara still fully expected him to be the cause of her death. But, she'd be damned if she'd parade in front of him as some emotionally desperate inferior fool.
There was only one answer for it now, she needed to go for a walk.
Once in the Subie, Khan took an educated guess as to which direction Sara headed. He turned out of the parking lot to the right and drove east – into the daylight. Sara would never had walked into the darkness.
As he drove, Khan's mind raced as to why he was acting so concerned and out of character. He cataloged recent events. Sara had carried him from the warehouse without even knowing who he was. Sara had stood by him even after realizing he was Khan. She had been honest. She had killed for him. When he had tried to rile her anger towards him, Sara would not simply back down in fear. Sara had even shown sympathy when he spoke of his lost family. He could not imagine anyone else acting as she did. To the rest of the world, he was a villain. But Sara saw him for what he was, and she accepted him.
No one had ever done that before. With all the lands that he had conquered and people he had met, everyone had a secret motive. But not Sara. Yes, she wanted her own revenge, but again, that was part of her charm. Sara was intelligent, cunning, and kind – a strange mixture that Khan was unsure would ever be seen again. A strange knot formed in his chest. He had to see Sara again. He had to find her. And when he did, she had better be unharmed. He finally admitted to himself that the dark eyed, dark haired woman had made an impact in his heart.
Almost a mile down the road, Khan saw fresh skid marks swerve off to the right. He pulled over and stepped out. Patterns on the graveled ground indicated someone being dragged into a vehicle. The worst part about it was that there was no sign of a struggle. If he had learned nothing else about Sara, it was this: she was a fighter. She would have to be knocked out or impaired in some way to keep from struggling.
Someone had captured Sara. Khan's blood started to burn and a ferocious look flew to his face turning his steel blue eyes into testaments of his rage.
If the captors had returned to the highway, the chances of finding them diminished greatly. However, instead of turning back to the road, the tire tracks continued into the field disappearing in the wooded area behind it. He looked at the terrain he'd have to follow and thanked Sara for her choice in vehicles. A regular SUV would have had problems. But this is what the Subie was made for.
As Sara walked out of the hotel parking lot, she failed to notice three men sitting in a truck across the road.
"There she is! That must be the bitch that beat up my Amy." Snarled Tommy – a muscular country boy whose loves in life were his truck, his gun, and his girlfriend – in that particular order. He moved to start the engine.
"Not just yet, Tommy. We need to wait till she's walked a while. We'll catch her outside the city limit and take her to the back of my dad's place. It'll be quiet and we'll have all the time we need." Amy's younger brother, Jason, palmed himself through his tight jeans.
"How we gonna git rid of 'er when we're done?" Tommy asked, never taking his eyes off of Sara walking away from them.
"Don't worry about that," Amy's older brother, Ed, spoke up. "We've got plenty of axes up at the camp. We'll have our fun with the skank and then hack her up. From what Amy said, the man she's with doesn't give a shit about her. You got your tranquiler darts, bro?
"Sure thing, Ed."
An evil grin grew across Ed's face, "Boys, this will be easier than cow tippin'."
As Sara was enjoying her walk, she let her mind clear. By the time she planned to be back at the hotel, she would be refreshed and refocused. No matter how attractive or tempting Khan tried to be, Sara would stay strong.
She heard the roar of the truck engine before feeling the sting of the dart in her left thigh. Falling to the ground, her last regretful thought was, 'Khan will think I've runaway.'
While fear is a thing born of the mind, Sara had to admit that it had found a welcome home in the pit of her stomach. As she woke, Sara discovered that she was outside strapped down to a table - her wrists bound together above her head just as her ankles were bound apart. Sara couldn't tell how much time had passed. She kept her eyes closed and listened to the voices of three different men.
"Tell me again, why we ain't cuttin' her now?" Tommy asked. Since he'd finished cleaning and readying his rifle, he was getting antsy.
"We want her to suffer, Tommy. Just like she's made Amy suffer. Besides, fuckin', cuttin', and guttin' her while she's asleep ain't no fun at all." Ed added as if from prior personal experience.
"We'll how long's it gonna take for that tranquilizer to wear off, Jason? I'm bored."
"Shouldn't be longer than another hour – tops." Jason said getting annoyed at Tommy. "Relax. This bitch ain't goin' nowhere. Grab a beer and sit down."
Somehow Sara found the composure to keep her eyes shut and stall for time. She didn't know why she really bothered though. She knew Khan would never come for her.
Finally, all three men got bored; and Ed threw a bucket of cold creek water in Sara's face. She gasped from the sting of it. Still clothed, Sara doubted she would remain that way for long from the looks given to her by the three men hovering above her.
Sara closed her eyes – willing her breath to calm. She accepted ruefully that she would die here. But, she regretted that Khan would think badly of her; she regretted that she hadn't been brave enough to find out what Khan really thought of her; she regretted that she'd never properly told him how she felt.
Then she became annoyed with herself. After all her dealings with the sociopath and acceptance for a death by his hand, the fact that three red-neck pricks were going to torture her and end her life angered her greatly.
"Open your eyes, skank." Tommy ordered.
Sara refused – determined not to give any response.
"Open your eyes, or I'll cut 'em out." Ed demanded letting Sara feel the tip of his knife trace around her eye.
Sara obeyed.
"That's better. I've been told you like beating up waitresses. So here's what we're going to do. All three of us are going to take your sorry pussy as many times as we want. Then we're going to kill you."
Ed ran his knife down the front of her shirt slicing off one button after another. Soon her shirt was off, her bra sliced in half, and her jeans and knickers cut off. Just as Ed started sliding down his zipper, Sara heard the unmistakable sound of the Subie's flat four engine. A moment later her Subie appeared, and Khan stepped out.
"Can anybody play?" Khan smiled and asked cordially.
"Who are you?" Tommy leveled his rifle at Khan.
"Oh, just the man who's been putting up with this frigid bitch for far too long. You couldn't expect me to let you boys have all the fun."
Jason looked at Khan and smiled. He turned back to his brother. "Ed, I think this guy is ok." He walked up to Khan with his hand extended in mutual perverse friendship. The younger brother's misconception ended quickly as Khan spun him around locking his hands on top of Jason's head in a vice.
Now Khan's entire voice and demeanor changed. The mild facade was gone replaced with the all his warrior's rage. "Let her go, or I crush his skull." The words came from his voice in a growl – dark, dangerous, and feral.
"That's . . . bullshit, man. No one . . . can do that!" Tommy's words attempted to be calm, but his voice belied his panic.
Khan applied pressure to the Jason's cranium. The scream was high and echoed in the small hollow.
"Ok, ok. You sick fuck," Ed addressed Khan then turned to his sister's boyfriend, "Let her go, Tommy."
Tommy cut through her bonds. Sara scrambled away from her captors and trembling made her way back to the Subie. This time she climbed into the passenger side locking the doors immediately upon closing.
Now she watched Khan in all his glory.
"Ok. She's in your car. Now let him go." Ed demanded.
A look of serenity came over Khan's face. Now that Sara was safe, he could enjoy this. The growl was replaced by the velvet tones of his sadism. "Oh, you poor intellect deprived little people. I never said I'd let him go."
With that, Khan's hands went from crushing force to blinding speed – snapping the man's neck as easily as he would snap his fingers. The younger brother sank to the ground lifeless.
"See. I kept my word. I did not crush his head."
Both men yelled in unison watching Jason fall. Then they attacked Khan at the same time - Ed with the knife that had just been held at Sara's throat while Tommy aimed his rifle at Khan's chest. Khan sidestepped Tommy's clumsy shot, disarmed the man of his gun, and fired the second shot straight into his stomach. Tommy fell to his knees. Ed came at him next. The sociopath gripped the knife welding man's wrist. Squeezing so hard, he made Ed drop the knife. Khan caught the blade in his other hand and sliced Ed's throat open in one smooth movement.
Both men were not dead yet, but that's just as Khan wanted them. They had dared to attack Sara and tried to make her suffer. Now they would know what true suffering was. Khan grabbed the rifle and bludgeoned each man's brains into pulp with the butt of it. Taking turns – first hitting one and then the other. Drawing out their pain for as long as he could.
When Khan was finished, he gathered all three bodies together, set them on fire, and washed his hands off in the small creek.
Sara watched it all with wide open eyes.
Only as he stood in front of the Subie's driver's door did Sara unlock it. He slid into the driver's seat.
When he realized that Sara was still naked, he went to the boot pulling out a blanket. Handing it to her without a word, Khan diverted his eyes as Sara covered herself.
Settling back into the car, both he and Sara watched as the men's bodies burned.
Khan rested his hands on the steering wheel, and Sara looked over at him as if in a daze. Tentatively, she reached out for Khan's right hand gathering it into her own. It was so much larger than hers. She ran her hands reverently over every inch of his fingers, nails, and the broad muscular span of flesh that was his palm.
Sara continued to stare at his hand as she held it. This hand that could bring such violence, death, and destruction. This hand had protected and killed for her. She brought his hand up to her mouth and kissed the back of it gently – on top of his knuckles.
Khan looked at her but remained very still as not to startle her. However, his eyes betrayed his shock at her actions.
When she finally met his eyes, she simply said, "Thank you."
She continued to hold his hand caressing it as they watched the three men burn. Eventually, the sun was setting. Khan put out the smoldering flames and covered the ashes to keep any other flames from starting.
When they returned to the hotel room, Khan ushered Sara still wrapped in her blanket through the door. He looked at all the shattered fragments of wood that littered the ground and then at Sara's bare feet.
"Stop. I will place you on the couch." Khan guided his arms underneath Sara's knees and back lifting her without any real effort. She was in and out of his arms quicker than she could register. Once she was safe on the sofa, Khan began to clean the area. She watched him quietly. Beginning at the door, Khan slowly made his way closer to her.
Only when he was on his knees beside the sofa did she speak.
"You came for me."
Khan brought his head up looking into her eyes. "You doubted me." It was a statement – not a question.
"I . . . you had all the information on Knoxville that I had. You had the Subie – you didn't need me anymore. You put yourself at risk and delayed your mission – for me."
Khan stayed silent – not knowing how to respond. Sara looked at the broken bits of wood around her. Her brain slowly processing the scene.
"You were angry – you thought I'd left you."
"Yes."
"Not just angry – you were in a rage."
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because," Khan took a deep breath, "In my eyes, you are a superior woman."
"Please don't make fun of me."
"I never jest about superiority." Khan paused, "I have made the discovery that I am fond of you."
"But you don't normally go on a killing rampage to protect people that you are simply fond of, do you?"
"No. I find I cannot describe what I feel – having never truly felt the same thing before. People say that love is something I am incapable of . . . "
"I've never liked people."
"But what I feel for you can only be called by that name."
Sara was quiet and Khan made to turn away before she latched her arms around his neck – hugging him.
"I feel the same. Please don't think me as weak and inferior, but I feel the same."
Holding her close, Khan felt the first triumphant roar in his chest that he'd had since he'd taken Asia. When they finally pulled away from each other, Khan kissed her forehead.
"You should get cleaned up. You would feel better."
Still avoiding the splinters of wood on the carpet, he carried her to the door of the bathroom. Then he finished cleaning the floor as Sara had a shower. She emerged quickly and climbed into bed. Khan was sitting on the sofa. She pulled back the covers – an invitation for him to join her.
Khan shook his head. "Not tonight. You are tired. You must sleep."
Sara tried her utmost to sleep, but each time she tried, she was met with nightmares reliving the day. At one point she woke up screaming. But Khan was there wiping her bangs out of her eyes.
"I am here. You are safe."
"Please. Hold me, tonight. Nothing more – just hold me."
Khan slid into bed beside Sara wrapping his arms around her. Soon her breathing had stilled as she drifted off. Khan kept his instincts on high alert – determined in his promise of safeguarding her. As Khan laid there with eyes open, he stroked her hair. She nuzzled back into his body.
Khan sighed. He had been honest with Sara. He wasn't completely sure what he was feeling but he believed it to be love.
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