Chapter 9: Two for the Price of One
Feris' Apartment
"Kurisu, have you heard from Mayuri yet? Usually by now my phone is bombarded with detailed status reports." Okabe called out from the main room as Kurisu finished her shower in the other room.
"You mean texts about cosplay? No I haven't but I'm sure she's been busy at work with Feris," The redhead called out as she began to brush her teeth rather audibly earning an unseen grind of the teeth from Okabe who turned up the volume on the TV. There had been a lot going on in Tokyo the past few weeks it seemed. His mysterious shooting had made TV, if not only for a few seconds the other week, and without his name or face. Apparently there were odder things then bullet wounds without bullets and that didn't include the local myth of there being a headless motorcycle rider in town. People around the city had made claims that they were remembering memories that never happened.
"Right here in Akihabara we have examples of those with odd memories. Is this seriously news material?" The woman asked of someone off camera. The middle aged female reporter was popular in Tokyo. She'd been in the news business for years and had been famous for reporting on serious issues like gang violence, hidden drug rings and political scandal. It was more than strange to see her surrounded by a group of entertainment industry fanatics. The woman looked annoyed to be surrounded by so much apparel, items from shows and manga she'd didn't understand. No doubt she felt that being sent to Akihabra was the end of her career and wanted to weasel her way out if she could. At the very least she was making it obvious to the world she hated her post. "Is this headline real? Here's a few people who claim Akihabra didn't exist."
"You're not gonna believe this man!"
"Shocker," the reporter mumbled as a man her age wearing a Madoka Magica hoody took the mic.
"Every day I go to work I have these messed up dreams about working in accounting and doing the same calculation over and over on Excel docs, man! Not only that but my favorite doujin provider's bookstore was replaced by a Starbucks! Starbucks, my life for a Starbucks!"
"Ok…we also have heard reports of…"
"Talk about the UFO!" A blonde teenager with squinted eyes ordered from behind.
"Yeah, and the heroine character type girl that popped out of it! Don't forget her Walker," a girl in dark Chinese clothing reminded the boy.
"I was getting there!" The reporter yelled before reminding herself they were live and returning to her professional demeanor. "Many have reported having the same memory. This memory regards an object resembling a satellite…"
"UFO!"
"Satellite…"
"Time Machine!"
"SATELLITE having crashed into the side of a building. Some of these memories refer to news reports that never happened and some even state they saw it with their own eyes. A small group of people even go as far as to say that the government salvaged the object and…erased the memories of the surrounding populace, what the hell is this crap?"
"People are still going on about Suzu's time machine huh?" asked Kurisu who was now standing just behind the couch Okabe was sitting on, in a robe, with a towel drying her hair, and a tooth brush in her mouth.
"Yes, it seems that the déjà vu effect of constantly leaping through world lines is effecting everyone. How long till everyone goes mad like me? So many memories can drive a person to insanity."
"I don't think it's possible to be that insane. Unless your name is Yukarin." Kurisu began brushing her teeth rigorously again, moving the brush at ridiculous speed with her mouth open to talk, making her once again very load. Okabe looked away to hide his growing temper. "Yuh know, mo people wone rememba efery hing abow dee utter worl rines."
"What?" Okabe's tolerance for this the past few days had been growing thin. She's attempted to carry on entire conversations like this every morning in the hospital.
"I sair, mo people wone…"
He'd had enough.
"Can you stop brushing your teeth when you talk for one sentence woman, and seriously? Who brushes they're teeth that loud and hard?! You trying to hide the bits of human flesh?!"
Her face grew defensive in a matter of micro seconds while she spit the tooth paste in her mouth into a disposable cup she brought along. "For your information I was brushing my teeth so hard because you mocked my morning breath the second you came back to life on us!"
"As I should have, it's unbecoming of you, but why in the world do you have to brush your teeth around me all the time!"
"Excuse me for wanting to be sociable!" Kurisu Threw her tooth brush into the cup, put it on the kitchen counter, part of the living room, in anger and stood pouting for a moment while Okabe switched through the channels. "I don't see what's so wrong with me brushing my teeth around you. You Japanese brush your teeth in public all the time. It's hard to go to a restaurant restroom without people brushing their teeth."
"Us Japanese, are you not one of us anymore?"
"I've spent more than half my life in America so it's hard not to judge. You people are all weird. You don't hold doors for anyone, you look at people weird for eating in public but brushing teeth is ok and somehow you've turned life into a constant bowing contest. Last time I was in Japan I waited in line for two whole minutes at a corner shop while Daru and the register lady kept bowing. It went on nonstop until Daru finally gave up and accepted that he was the higher party over a stupid coupon. All that weird stuff and every time I actually try and fall in line I get judged."
"First off, brushing your teeth is ok in public but we don't do it with our mouth open where our spit is flying everywhere and we definitely try not to talk doing it. Second, you're one to complain about bowing contests. When I went to America I don't know how many times I saw people get stuck holding the door, one after another, and when I tried doing it I got stuck at the door for the next twenty people passing through!"
"It's a matter of western courtesy," she argued.
"Then have the courtesy to take your jackhammer tooth brushing to the restroom."
"Well I will!"
With that the robed redhead stormed her way to the restroom as someone knocked at the door. Okabe's cane was across the room now, surely the vixen had moved in her raging retreat. "Christina!"
"Get the door yourself!"
"The least you could do is give my cane back!"
"I'm getting dressed. If they got past the reception desk then they can only be one of our friends. I'll be damned if I let Daru see me in a bath robe!"
Okabe understood the woman's point but it didn't make him any happier as he limped across the room for his cane and then struggled his way to the door.
"You gonna open it or what?" Kurisu called out as the person continued to knock.
"You know if you want it open so badly why don't you get you scrawny, American, door opening butt over here!" all that followed was silence, a shame since Okabe was in a mood to argue some more. The next knock came louder and more urgently.
"Daru what's wrong? You need to take a piss that b…" Okabe stopped himself when he opened the door to see three very unfamiliar people.
"Hallo Hakase! So gut to meet you!" Greeted a young suited foreigner. He was just under Okabe's height with curly black hair and big blue eyes gleaming with joy. More noticeably his German accent reminded Okabe how fluent Kurisu was. "I never thought they'd ever let me meet you Okabe Hakase. Bitte, wo ist Makise Hakase?"
The man looked over Okabe's shoulders like a child looking for Santa Claus, trying to make his way in, only stopped by Okabe's attempt to stop him. "Wait a second who are you, who wouldn't let you see…me?
Okabe looked up to see two western, muscular men in black suits. One was tall, much taller than Okabe, with military cut brown hair. The other was Bald but both wore sun glasses indoors and both grabbed his arms to release his grip on the German.
"Oh ho ho ho, sorry about that. Please excuse Jerry and Willy. They get a little protective." The man continued, walking into the apartment.
"Hey you can't just walk in there!" Okabe had been scared that the men were sent to kill him but they both released their grips on him and helped him get back on his cane and followed it all with polite bows. Surprisingly the two brutes didn't seem harmful at all. On the contrary it was the lanky German that worried Okabe. "Hello are you listening to me? Who are you?"
"Oh, so sorry Okabe Hakase. It's so unlike me to introduce myself."
"Wait, real quick, why are you calling me Hakase."
"Ist das not what you call a Doctor in Japan? Like ein Ph. D?"
"Yeah but no one says it. Just say Okabe-san, and why do you think I'm a doctor, I don't even have a degree yet."
"There must be some sort of mistake. Es war nicht you who invented a way to surpass the memory bounds of Chrononology?"
"Eh, what?"
"You made a time machine that makes you not forget things after you use it," the man simplified wondering if his Japanese was wrong.
"Well no, it just sort of works that way when I use it, I mean! What are you talking about?! I didn't make anything." No wonder the man was so intrigued. Was he a scientist? How did he know about the time machine? "Just tell me who in the world you are."
"Ich bitte Sie. It would seem I misunderstood." The man sighed, now disappointed with Okabe but still offering his hand for a hand shake. Okabe looked down in confusion, not wanting to trust the man but taking his hand knowing there was no other way to get answers. Despite the man's loss of enthusiasm his hand shake was firm and extremely quick, almost pulling Okabe from his cane. "Mein name ist Cassady Lehrer. Nice to meet you. I'm a quantum physics Professor from the Ludwig Maximilian University of Munich. Those two men standing sternly at the door are Jerry and Willy, zwei very nice men from das FBI aus America."
"The FBI!"
"Ja das ist what I said. Now now, where ist Makise Haka…eh san right? We all have a lot to talk about." Once again the man was excited, now making his way to the bedrooms.
"Hey, don't just go back there," Okabe ordered trying to catch up the foreigner who practically skipped through Kurisu's door.
"Ahh! Who the hell are you?" The girl screamed, Okabe stopping since there was nothing he could do for the man now.
"Hallo Frau Makise, mein name is Cassady Le…OUCH, why are you hitting me?!"
"Don't you see I am getting dressed?!"
"Aber, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. The human anatomy is nothing shocking AHHH stop hitting me!"
"Get out!"
US Embassy, Tokyo
"Ms. Amane was it? Can you identify this item?" a Japanese detective asked of the young woman locked alone with him in one of the embassy's interrogation rooms. Suzu sat in her chair with her arms crossed pouting as she stared at the bolt action rifle in front of her.
"It's a collectors item, what of it?"
"It's an old rifle yes but you are aware that it's illegal two own an unregistered and unlocked fire arm in Japan right?"
"Say what now?" She replied, not realizing that that was actually a law. Did her father never tell her that growing up in the middle of nowhere or did he just not have the heart to tell her? How did he get a hold of the rifles she bought anyway? No wonder he never wanted to go to the shooting range.
"It's especially illegal to have ammunition of any kind in your possession unless supervised or loaned out by a government approved retailer."
"Then I should be fine then, I don't have any ammo for that gun."
"Correct," the man then opened a locked case in the room. "How about for these?"
One by one he pulled out her M416, three pistols and an mp7 all with no ammo, their magazines missing and empty spaces where the triggers should have been. "Uh?"
The detective flipped over the rifle and pointed at a serial code that included the date of manufacture. "Let me guess, also collectors items?"
Suz shrugged, acknowledging she was in a bad position. Only a few minutes after realizing that Izaya was informing the FBI, Suzuha and Junpei found themselves being arrested and taken in by the local detective force. Unlike all the Japanese police officers, the detectives are all permitted to carry arms and had their weapons drawn at the scene.
"You know the name Suzuha Amane doesn't match with any records we have on a Japanese citizen who looks like you?" In front of her he threw down her fake ID and a bundle of paper work labeling her as a fake. "Gonna try and explain that?"
Suzu grinned her teeth in defeat.
"Another thing we noticed is your friend's apparent wealth. Lottery winnings it seems. We tracked down his lottery spending and it seems that he purchased one lottery ticket the whole year. In fact, he chose what numbers to have on the ticket when he bought it. Very lucky of him."
Suzu stared at the copy of Junpei's credit card transactions in anger. She told him to buy more than one ticket to make things look less shady and surely enough his anticipation of riches blinded him. Though, Suzu's excitement had also caused her not to check this either at the time.
"I'm going to be blunt with you Ms. Amane, we know what you're up to. Orihara made it rather clear that you're here to protect Okabe-san, Makise-san, and their friends. Sadly we cannot allow unguided assistance on this matter.
"Oh you guys are doing great by the way," Suzu jested. "Where was public safety when the shooter almost killed Okabe and Makise? You guys so pressed for help you had to call America?"
"Surely you know that this is a matter of homeland security. A large amount of Europeans with questionable backgrounds have been arriving in Tokyo. Since Japan lacks experience with matters on terrorism and espionage it's natural that the U.S. would arrive as advisers."
"More like they wrote our constitution that way when they won WWII." She pointed out.
The man chuckled a bit impressed. "Nice to see a girl so young who understands our constitution so well. Surprising that she doesn't know our gun laws though."
"What can I say? Guess I wasn't meant for this decade," she joked.
"Indeed, about that. We have some one here that wants to speak with you."
"Oh someone wants to talk to me huh. You bring Obama here too?"
"No but I'm sure you'll be just as, if not more, shocked to see them." The man opened the door to the hallway and gestured someone in. "Ms. Amane. She's ready for you."
Suzu's heart felt like it dropped to the floor as the woman who walked in met her gaze.
A few rooms over
There was a dead silence in the meeting room as everyone sat around a long metal table. Makise and Okabe sat by each other at the head of the table while everyone, including Mayuri, Feris, Daru, and Moeka sat along the sides. Though the room was not an integration room, it was just as gloomy. The blinds, mechanical in nature, were closed and the lights were dim. The only sense of happiness in the room was a plate covered in donuts in the center of the table.
"I'm sorry, why can't we eat the donuts? Feris and I had a long day at work and we could use a snack." Mayuri insisted, stomach growling.
"We were brought here against our will," Okabe said with gusto. "We cannot allow our captures to believe we are welcoming this prison."
"Kyouma, how are we to plan our mistake on an empty stomach?"
"Feris it isn't like you to question me. Surely you can survive a few more hours if Daru isn't eating."
"Actually man I was thinking. Maybe the donuts are here to asses our guilt. If we're guilty we'll be afraid to eat them. If not then we will right?"
"Daru I thought you were watching your weight for Yukari," Kurisu pointed out.
"I was but it's pretty obvious she's obsessed with Nut head McGee here."
"Nu uh," Mayuri contested. "Sure she fawns over Okarin but now that him and Kur-chan are all lovey dovey you have a chance."
"Define lovey dovey? The only love I feel is the tooth paste splattered all over the apartment."
"Oh, that's all that stuff was." Feris looked relieved all of a sudden.
"What else did you think all that dried up stuff was?"
"Oh, nothing!"
Daru chuckled a bit. "I think she thought it was…"
"What about the donuts guys, they look really good right?" Makise stopped Daru before he could voice his perverted thoughts, grabbing a donut and being followed by most the team.
"Hey what did I tell you people? Moeka you too?"
"I have nothing to do with making a time machine. I have nothing to be guilty about." She said bluntly.
"See man, Moeka's got it figured out."
"Yeah but she didn't hack into a research groups account," Okabe pointed out.
"No proof man. Sern can complain all they want about if they remember. In this world I haven't done shit. Feris, hand me one of the jelly ones."
Okabe sighed before giving in to his own hunger. He couldn't help but do so since he had yet to eat that day. All thanks could go to his new German friend. Seriously what was with that guy? Just then the devil himself came back through the door with an American, a middle aged man with blonde hair going white.
"Hallo everyone!" Cassidy announced. "How are the sweets? I bought them myself, only the best for my friends."
"Frurens?" Makise said with a donut stuffed in her mouth.
"Thanks for the food but no amount of sweets can win me over!" Daru shouted.
"Tell that to Yukari," Makise mumbled.
"Oh sorry about the wenig abduction thing. To be completely fair I did ask politely."
"Politely my butt mister. You know I have a business to run. Sunday is one of my busiest days and I don't take kindly to people separating me from my customers!"
"Oh yes, that cat girl," the man said as if he forgot he brought her in too. "I'm sorry we brought you in. It's just that since we were inviting Frau Shiina we thought we'd ask you too. I wanted to thank you for taking care of everyone the past few weeks. Obwohl, I don't think it was needed. Meine freunde were doing just well."
"Friends?" Okabe insisted.
"Die Americans of course!" Cassidy announced before the man next to him said something in English to him. "Ah ja, I'll get to the point. We'd like it if you let us protect you personally from now on."
"Now wait one minute," Okabe demanded. "No one's told us why we were brought in let alone why America is involved."
"Not to mention, what's up with you man. You're like a younger version of that guy from Inglorious bastards." Daru's comparison hit everyone like a brick to glass. It was pretty obvious that they were similar minus the appearance.
"Haha Christophe Waltz you mean. Ich wünschte Ich war eine gutter Actor, or at least ein gut comedian. Sadly I have to settle for being a scientist. Oh, just like all of you!"
Kurisu let out a long breath trying to keep her temper with the man. She'd run into more than a few like him growing up. The others in her fellow young genius community made her look more than normal in comparison. "Cassidy, you said you're a professor. I take it that and all of this, American stuff, is why we're here. Please, try and clear this all up. We're more than a little confused."
"Makes sense. Ja, Mister Walter, Ich bin very sorry. Can I have a moment with them to explain?" He said to the American in English, no doubt as mixed with German as his Japanese was. The man sighed and then looked at all of them as if he was sorry for them. No doubt he knew the German enough to know he was a pain. He took his stuff and left the room to his adviser. "Nun, where ist was I?"
"Why are we here?" Okabe demanded with a stern look.
"Ja, well, you made a time machine with a microwave. Das ist amazing! No doubt you've heard that others have made machines the size of cities to do the same thing. Though from what I understand, you understand that you got lucky."
"You mean the fact that the microwave already contained a microscopic black whole," Makise finished.
"Ja, richtig! Dr. Makise-san it's so gut to meet you, by the way. Bitte, forgive me for my carelessness earlier today."
"Uhm, I'm not a doctor, and I'll think about it. Just tell us why the Americans have us here. In fact, why are you working with them?"
"I believe the correct word for it is adviser, I'm an adviser, aber all the men here call me ein squint," the man said quite puzzled.
Makise coughed, knowing the meaning of the word and that it was sort of insulting. Squints are what people call advisers who don't work well with people. They are the types that usually stayed behind doing lab work while others did field work. Their biggest trait was that they didn't understand how to socialize properly with people. Cassidy was a perfect example. In fact, Okabe would be too if he were actually a genius. "So you must be really good at something if they have you as an adviser. Let me guess, physics, neurology, something like that?"
"Ja physics, aber why neurology. What does that have to do with time travel?"
"Makise SHH!" Okabe ordered.
"What?!" she demanded, removing his hand from her mouth.
"I have nothing against my minions bragging about achievements but don't divulge lab secrets! That's rule one of being part of the future gadget lab."
"Mayushi thought rule one was, lab materials in the fridge are for dibs."
"Or, what happens in incognito mode, stays in incognito mode," Daru pointed out, earning Okabe inquisitive stares from the woman in the room.
"Ohh! Gibt es einen club! I want to join. What are the requirements?"
"No, lab membership number eight is reserved for a future lab member!" Okabe shouted.
"Then what about neun?"
"Neu what?"
"Nine," Kurisu explained in a whisper. "Just give it to him, he seems harmless enough. Maybe he'll be so happy he'll actually tell us things."
"Hmm true, thanks Christina. You're input will do well," Okabe said with a grin. "Cassidy you are from now on Future gadget lab member 009! From now on you will follow the orders of I, and only in emergency, Christina."
"Makise's name ist Chistina? I want a code name too."
"What about Ilya, like in Fate? She's German." Mayuri asked.
"Too feminine," Okabe insisted.
"Ausuka Langly like in Evangallion?" Daru suggested.
"Too long and again, too feminine."
"Germany, from Hetalia?" Moeka tried.
"To obvious."
"Hmm? Squinty is ok," Cassidy said.
"No you don't want that name," Kurisu tried her best to stop him.
"Squinty it is!" Okabe announced. Makise looked at the man in concern like an owner of a puppy that just got named fur ball against its will.
"Wait a second!" Daru yelled out like he just remembered something.
"What is it Daru. You don't have to shout like that." Okabe said while Kurisu looked at him, brow wrinkled and mouth parted having just listened to him shout the entire meeting. "Wait noo!"
"Wait you both forgot something?" Feris asked a bit annoyed that she had been forgotten in all of this.
"Yes Nyannyan we have!"
"009 was supposed to be my future wife," Daru explained.
"Wait zero zero eight and zero zero neun are both reserved? That's odd," Cassidy pointed out.
"Trust me, it only gets odder with these guys." Kurisu explained. "Still, what's the problem anyway? She can just be 0010 if we find her."
"No Christina, 0010 sounds tacky. It has a whole other digit in it and 010 is stupider."
"Ich bin lost, are we to wait for these members to join?"
Okabe sighed at the predicament. "Daru, Squinty has a point."
"Please don't call him that," Makise mumbled, not liking the term and fearing being given the title in the future.
"Squinty, you are from here on 009 until Ms. Amane, where ever she is now, becomes Mrs. Hashida!" Okabe declared.
"Oh how exciting! Aber, which Ms. Amane are we talking about? There are two here." The man said rubbing his chin.
"Excuse me what did you say?"
"Oh sorry Mr. Hashida-san, I thought I was clear. There are two Amane girls here today." The man said holding up his index finger and thumb. Just then the door opened and Daru's silence was only matched by everyone else's happiness. Well, everyone's but Kurisu's.
So another chapter should be coming soon, like sometime next week.
As a heads up, yes, Yuki Amane is being introduced next chapter. Her appearance is something of a mix from Steins ep 25 and the Pandora of the Eternal Return novels art. I only no a little about that books representation of her character and I have to do some research so whn the new steins VN and anime come out, she wont seem off character.
Even when the new show and game are released this will still be the steins world line. the VN and new show are the line just before
