Yeah ! Finally ! I finally did it ! ^^ You didn't think I was actually going to end this fic someday, heh ? Me neither... bwahahah.. ^^ I'm sorry for taking such a long time to finish it... And I'm sorry for finishing it so soon. I think I could have continued for some chapters, but I wouldn't find any time to write them, so I decided it was better to stop poor Kouji- san's suffering. ^_^ I want to say thanks again to everyone who bothered to review this fic... arigatou gozaimashita, minna-san ! You have no idea of how important your support was for me ! ^^

Hope you enjoy this last chapter... and if you really like it, please let me know ! ^^ I'll be glad to answer any e-mail I receive.. Ja Ne !!! ^__^

~Mana-Chan~



CHAPTER NINE

I wish everything was different. And at the same time, I wish everything hadn't changed. It's so difficult for me to get used to changes. And whenever I gazed at those golden eyes, they made me see my own unhappiness, because I was just as mizerable as when he left. However, he had changed... at least, it seemed to me that he had. He had learned and seen things that I hadn't. Before, we would had lived those kind of experiences together. But now, everything that he experienced came to my knowledge as coments made by others. Others who didn't even know him like I used to...

...

Tasuki peeped cautiosly into Kouji's tent, feeling relieved after finding out that no one was actually in there. He entered it, walking while he explored the place with his eyes. Finally, he founded what he wanted : a box with some of Kouji's stuff, which he rarely allowed anyone to get even close to. Tasuki knew it would be there, a box with Kouji's most precious treasures. Treasures that didn't worth any money, and could never be replaced.

He searched through all the stuff that was inside the box, nervous. What if he was wrong ? What if Kouji got rid of it ? Then this would be the proof that all that didn't matter anymore. It would be better for him to leave then, for all he once feared would be right.

Old papers, a rusty dagger, some coins... where the hell could it be ? Tasuki cursed, sitting beside the box in order to look better. Once in a while, he casted a glance towards the door, cheked if no one was coming, and then he countinued on his search, each time more impatient. Suddenly, he smiled to himself, pulling something out of the box :

- So, ya've been hiding there all the time, heh ?

It was nothing but an old necklace, pretty much like the ones Tasuki usually wears. He held this one in his hands with so much care as it would suddenly break. He laughed now, as he still kept his eyes over the necklace, amazed :

- Damn you Kouji, yer so predictable.. that's what I most like...

Tasuki put the necklace on his own neck, and left the tent, looking at the box one last time :

-... what I most like about you.

...

- So, did you find it ?

- Oh, yeah. It was where I knew it would be. How did you...

Aiko laughed at Tasuki's confused face :

- Ne, Tasuki-san. Wouldn't you do the same thing if you were him ?

Tasuki glanced at his own necklace once more, sighing. Aiko continued :

- I find it very funny at how people become attached to objects like this. It doesn't make any sense at all, you know.

Tasuki smirked, nodding. Aiko asked, finally :

- Tasuki-san, if this necklace belonged to you, what was it doing in the middle of Kouji's stuff ?

- I gave it to him.

- You... what ? - Aiko blinked. - When was that ?

- When I left for the capital. I left it with him, but he said he was never going to use it. He said it was too ugly. - Tasuki laughed. - I said it was only a loan. He would have to give it back to me when I returned.

- What are you going to do now ? - Aiko asked, curious.

Tasuki sighed, a peaceful expression on his face.

- I'm gonna say to him I took it back, what else ?! - Tasuki said, before turning his back to Aiko and start running towards the forest.

Aiko blinked, suddenly realizing what that meant :

- Are you saying that you're gonna stay, then ?!

- What do you think ? - Tasuki screamed back, before disappearing behind the trees.

Aiko smiled.

...

Tasuki ran as fast as he could, a new excitment flooding his soul. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry, he didn't actually know what was he feeling. He felt happy like a careless child, yet anxious like a confused teenager. It was so much unlike him. Unlike Tasuki. This kind of feeling, however, was familiar, belonged to old times... belonged to Genrou.

He arrived at the river, finally. His eyes searched anxiously for that familiar sight, but couldn't find it anywhere. Where was he ? He should be there. Toshi had told him that Kouji headed off to the river in the beginning of the morning. Since he hadn't come back since then, that was the only place where he could be...

Tasuki became suddenly worried, and walked towards the river gazing cautiously at the whole place. It was desert. Kouji really wasn't there.

- Kouji...

Tasuki was ready to continue his search, when he suddenly stepped on something and heard a cracking sound. His heart suddenly froze. There it was, Kouji's favorite dagger, covered with blood. Tasuki suddenly couldn't breath anymore. What was the meaning of that ? He got the dagger, studying it. His hands were shaking when his eyes suddenly caught sight of stains of blood all over the grass, making a trail of blood.

- Oh my god... oh, fuck...

He lost control finally, and began running furiously towards that old place, while tears streamed down his face...

...

- Aiko-san !

Aiko turned around, to find a pale, worried Toshi looking at him.

- W-what happened ?

Toshi gasped, and Aiko realized scared that Toshi was trembling with fear.

- Kouji... Kouji is...

Aiko felt suddenly invaded by horror, as he realized what had happened :

- NOOO !!!

...

Genrou ran incited by the terror he felt. His first thought was the house. The remains of their old house. That was the only possible place were Kouji could be hiding himself... that was the only place that trail of blood led to.

And there were the remains of their burned house. The first place Genrou had truly called home. It was were there are now only ashes, but memories are more than enough to bring him back that familiar feeling of safety.

Now Genrou walked slowly, his eyes afraid to find the worst. He heard at first a low sound, and paying more attention to it, he discovered it to be a faint cry. He followed the sound, suddenly feeling himself grow calmer. His eyes suddenly found what he had been looking for all that time. Kouji was sitting beside a burned tree, cuddled up, his arms embracing himself. He sobbed faintly, and didn't seem to notice Genrou's presence. Genrou took some steps towards him, until Kouji realized that he wasn't alone anymore and his eyes met those golden ones.

Genrou looked sadly at those blue eyes, blurred by tears. He crouched himself in front of Kouji, who just stood like that, his gaze over Genrou as if he was afraid to be scolded. Both of Kouji's wrists were covered with blood. Genrou didn't seem to be much surprised at the fact that Kouji had tried to kill himself. At that point, anyway, there wasn't much that could surprise him despite his own self. Kouji opened his mouth to say something, and Genrou kept on gazing at him with a calm expression.

- I.. I just couldn't do it. - Kouji mumbled weakly.

- I knew that. - Genrou answered, calmly. - I couldn't either.

Kouji smiled faintly, gazing at his own wrists.

- I'm happy you couldn't. - Genrou continued, surprising Kouji.

Kouji looked at Genrou, caught by surprise.

- Why ?

- Because I wouldn't be able to tell you that I took this back. - Genrou opened his shirt, showing the necklace hanging on his neck.

Kouji's eyes were amazed by the sight of that old necklace. Genrou was wearing it. Could that mean...

- Why are you doing this ? I don't need your pity. - Kouji replied cold, just as Genrou knew he would.

- Because I want to. I don't give a damn if you think I'm doing this out of pity. Besides, why would you bother about the necklace, anyway, if you think it's so ugly ?

Kouji stopped for a moment, just in time to gasp for breath and burst out from laughing. Genrou was now finally surprised, for he blushed and started laughing as well.

Their laughter soon died out, and their gazes met again. For some reason, Genrou felt his heart racing. Kouji looked at him with some sadness hidden in his eyes.

- You... you didn't answer my question... at that time... - Kouji continued, faintly.

Genrou blinked, surprised.

- Tasuki... why did you come back ?

Genrou sighed. He saw that coming. However, he didn't know if he was ready to answer. But he had to try :

- Tasuki... he isn't actually staying.

Kouji gazed at Genrou surprised. He was beginning to feel desperate again. However, Genrou continued speaking :

- But if you ask Genrou, he's gonna say that he shouldn't ever have left. He belongs here.

Kouji immediatly blushed, his eyes shining with happiness. But Genrou was totally puzzled as he saw Kouji sobbing again, new tears flooding his eyes. Genrou smiled to himself, as he embraced Kouji carefully. Kouji now cried against Genrou's chest, shivering.

Genrou knew it. Those were the tears Kouji didn't allow himself to cry when he first left. Those were ashamed, held tears, denied by the excuse of being brave. Genrou slowly pulled Kouji apart, gazing at him with a concerned look. With his fingertips, he carefully wipped away the tears that kept on streaming down from Kouji's blue eyes. Kouji gazed at him, finally calming down.

Genrou's heart was beating accelerated as his eyes met Kouji's. Timidly, he leaned closer to him and captured Kouji's lips in his own, smoothly. Kouji was taken back by surprise at first, but soon enough he was kissing Genrou back. There was nothing particularly chaste about their kiss, or doubtful about their love. There was sincerity in the actions of those two, just as there was relief in the eyes of a embarassed Toshi, who watched the scene from some distance with an unconscious Aiko in his arms.

- Aishiteru, Kouji. - Genrou kindly broke the kiss, gazing at those blue eyes. And in those eyes, there was no need for an answer. It was all there...

......

Sometimes, even time flows. Or maybe it's just our stupid instincts kicking in again, for we think that time can be a short period or fast enough to make our heads spin. That's what I like the most about being human. Our endless imperfection. Sometimes we think, sometimes we are sure. We are moody and foolish, doesn't matter how many times we deny it. But I quite like that. Or at least, I got used to. And we ourselves change as fast as our thoughts do. But we quite don't know it. Isn't it funny, this thing they call 'living' ? The only thing that lingers, however, are our feelings. They may grow in intensity, or simply fade away and disappear. But when they're humble and sincere, they always remain.

You see, sometimes we are so foolish that we think we can ignore our own feelings. I used to be like that. But I'm willing not to fake something like that again. There's no need now, anyway, for you are by my side.

Once, I thought I knew you pretty well. However, you proved me wrong. But what I discovered was such a delightful surprise that I can't help but waiting for more. If we knew it all, life would be too predictable, don't you think ? I'm glad we don't. It'd be all too boring. You know, like when I used to know you...

The End

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