Chapter Nine
Two and a half months had passed by almost faster than Clara even realized. So much had happened since the last time she saw the Doctor. The look upon his face as she left him in his ship for the last time burned itself into her memory. She tried not to think about him, about the anger she felt towards his actions. It was as if there was an enormous void in her life after she left. And Danny, though she still had him, for now, he hadn't taken the news well.
"There's something I need to tell you."
"I love you too," he smiled.
"Oh, um, yes that!" she tried to sound sincere as the words she needed to say were stuck trying to escape. She stared down at the table and absent-mindedly fiddled with the untouched food on her plate.
"Is there something else?" he asked, observing her distracted gaze.
"Ummm..."
Later, she watched as a now enraged Danny angrily paced back and forth. His eyes refused to make contact with hers. He screamed out in frustration as she continued to sit, too ashamed and terrified to move.
"It's his, isn't it?!" he screamed towards her.
"Yes," she whispered as tears fell down her face.
"How could you do this to me?! I love you!" His rage burst out in all directions.
"Danny, please! It wasn't like that!" She begged him to listen.
"Tell me then, Clara. What was it like?" He glared at her.
"You wouldn't understand," she replied, shocked at herself as the Doctor's words rung in her ears.
"Oh, I understand perfectly. You love him, don't you?"
"No. Not in that way." She was so quick to answer she didn't even know if she was being genuine or not. She didn't know what to feel about him anymore.
"Tell me the truth," he demanded. His suspicions of her true feelings for the Doctor had taken precedence in his thoughts ever since the moment he discovered with whom she had been spending all of her free time.
"It wasn't consensual."
"You're telling me he raped you?!" His temper exploded.
"No! He would never do that! That's not what happened!" she exclaimed.
"So he had his way with you," he continued, ignoring her words and making his own assumptions, "then dumped you off here to raise his kid alone while he ran away like a coward?" His words brought her to tears as she shielded her face in her hands. He continued to pace in silence, his hands grabbed the sides of his head as he tried to control his fury. "I can't do this anymore, Clara. This, this is just too much for me." He snatched his coat up then headed for the door, slamming it shut behind him.
She had spent the next few weeks after their fight barely able to bring herself out of her bed, her pillow constantly wet with tears. They had to bring in a substitute for her at her school, informing them that she was recovering from a serious flu, but in reality, she couldn't bear even the thought of passing him the halls. Then one day she heard a knock at her door. She rushed to it, her heart racing, hoping to see her best friend as she threw open the door. But it wasn't who she had expected.
"I'm sorry," Danny admitted, his hand wrapped around a fresh bouquet of flowers. She stared at him, not knowing what to say. "Look, this isn't easy for me. It's not every day your girlfriend tells you she's pregnant with an alien." A small smile escaped her at his words. "I want to make this work. If he doesn't want to be there for his own kid, then that's on him." He stared sadly into her eyes. "Clara, I love-" he tried to finish his thought as Clara rushed to him, threw her arms around him and kissed him passionately. He embraced her, kissing her in return, then walked them back into her flat kicking the door closed behind them.
She found herself sitting alone on a park bench taking a break from the constant guilt she carried for pulling Danny into the insanity that was her life. After she felt ready enough to return to the school, she began to regret it almost immediately. All the questions she was receiving and not knowing how to answer them became increasingly unbearable as more and more people began to notice the obvious secret extending from her middle. The gossip going around the school was enough to fill a magazine.
She sometimes caught herself thinking about the Doctor and what he was doing right then. Did he even miss her? Was he still thinking about her while he was off somewhere billions of miles away? She tried to push the feelings away, it wasn't fair to Danny. She had already caused him enough pain, and yet he was still there picking up the pieces of her messy life.
She glanced down at her small belly just barely big enough to rest on its own in her lap. She placed her hand on her growing child hoping to feel any sign of life inside of her. She wondered what she would look like. Would she have her mother's stubbornness? Her father's frown? Possibly both. She hadn't felt the warmth since she was back on the TARDIS, the warmth she knew was her baby trying to communicate the only way she could. Clara had no way of knowing how she was developing as she refused to be seen by a physician against Danny's wishes. She was too afraid that by the time they would have determined that her child had two hearts she'd be whisked off by U.N.I.T. and confined to a room where they forced her to explain how she was carrying an alien offspring. She feared they would interrogate her, threaten her, and when the time came for her to give birth, the child would be taken from her to have experiments performed. There was no one she could trust, except for Danny. Although she was sure he'd make a fairly terrible wet nurse.
She felt slightly disappointed by the lack of movement inside her, yet believed it was far too early to detect anything just yet. As much as she tried to keep from thinking about the Doctor, it was nearly impossible as the evidence that he would always be a part of her life, whether he was there or not, was living and growing inside her. A constant reminder of him.
As she gently felt around her abdomen, she was surprised when she finally did feel something. Not a movement, a feeling. Her hand stopped over where she last felt it. A warmth. Her mouth opened and let out a gasp as the sensation began to intensify. So very light at first, and then brighter and brighter until she could feel the warmth over nearly her entire body. She felt the happiness returning to her mind once more as tears formed in her eyes. It had been so long since she had last experienced it she had almost forgotten what it felt like. And then she understood why.
Her smile faded as quickly as it had appeared, her happiness suddenly melted away. She felt her face frown and her eyes roll with irritability as she sensed someone drawing near her from behind. She refused to turn around or even acknowledge their presence. The man took a seat next to her on the small bench. Neither one of them spoke as they looked out to the empty green field in front of them.
The Doctor crossed his arms and pretended not to look at her. He had caught a glimpse of her as he sat down, his eyes observing the start of her more rounded middle. He could sense the warmth of his child from miles away as if she were welcoming him, happy to be feeling his presence again. He knew she wanted him to find her, for the three of them to be together again. They sat in silence for what seemed like ages.
Clara wanted to scream at him, for him to understand how much she wanted to hate him right then. She told him not to come looking for them. He had no business bursting back into her life trying to become a part of it after he had so easily let her walk out that door. She concentrated on fighting back her tears so he didn't see her as weak. After what felt like an eternity, he finally spoke.
"Over one-hundred and eighty years from now, this entire area will be nothing but ocean. This bench and all of London will be resting miles under the surface of millions of tons of seawater as the northern ice caps melt from the expanding sun. By the twenty-fourth century, all of London will cease to exist."
"Doctor," she finally replied, still unable to look in his direction. "Why are you here-"
"Shhhh!" he interrupted her, placing a finger to his lips. "I'm not speaking to you." After a moment, he leaned his head down towards her middle, speaking softly and pointing off in the distance. "Nearly seven-hundred years from now all of this you see will be converted into Central City. And right over there is where they will build the capitol building at the start of the twenty-eighth century. One day, when you're older, I can take you to see it being built if you'd like."
Clara wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to hold back the small smile that yearned to form. She was still so unbelievably cross with him. As often as she tried to, she had never truly understood why he was the way he is. She knew there would be no apology from him, he was much too proud for that. But a part of her did forgive him for his actions. Though he had risked her life an uncountable number of times, he would never have intentionally hurt her. His reaction to her condition proved that he was just as shocked by the existence of his child as she was. As much as she tried to deny it these past few months, he was still her best friend and her child's father. Being around him changed her. No matter how hard she tried to stay mad at him, she really did love him.
After a few moments, she found herself leaning in to rest her head against his shoulder as he placed a loving arm around her to hold her close to him. As the silence grew between them, they instead enjoyed each other's company as the sun began to set in the sky.
"She's doing remarkably well," the Doctor confirmed, returning his sonic-screwdriver to his breast pocket. "And you haven't been to see anyone, no doctors?"
"No. No one," she admitted.
"Good girl. If U.N.I.T. were to get their hands on you they'd be spending months cleaning up the damage I caused to get you out." He felt complete again with her back on the ship as if she had never really gone. He had spent their time apart attempting to devise a plan to relieve himself of Missy's deal. One that he hadn't quite plotted out entirely as he was frustrated and distracted, unable to focus on his work without the presence of Clara stirring about the ship. He couldn't concentrate on what he should be doing, his mind constantly wandering and worrying about whether she and the child were safe without him there to protect them.
As for Clara, she wasn't exactly sure why she agreed to follow him back to the TARDIS after they left the park. She'd like to have believed that he had convinced her to come with him based solely on his concerns for the health of their child, to make sure she was being taken care of. But Clara knew he didn't need the ship to do that. She pretended she didn't see him quickly glance over at her several times while he pretended to push important buttons on the console. Their current relationship was both awkward and oddly comfortable all at the same time as if nothing had actually happened between them.
"I see P.E. has been taking good care of you," he tried to sound like he wasn't prying.
"It's Danny. And yes, he has. We're officially a couple now, again." She suddenly realized the guilt she felt for even being with the Doctor right then after everything that had happened between them. After all that Danny had done for her, if he were to find out where she had been all evening...
"Are you!" he inquired, faking surprise.
"Yeah, uh, he's been really supportive and accepting. All things considered of course."
"Of course." He attempted to keep his jealousy to a minimum. "So, do you two...?" He raised his brow.
"Doctor."
"Right right, none of my business!" He remained casual, yet was unable to relieve himself of the thoughts of her promiscuous acts with another man while his child still thrived within her.
Clara smiled over the thought of being home again, even if she didn't actually live there. Something about being back on the ship made her feel secure again. As would a son or daughter, long since having left their parents' house to pursue their dreams on an uncharted path, made their way back home for the holidays after being away for what felt like ages. The smell of their mother's cooking, the laughter between friends and family as they spoke of the good old days, the feeling of being back in their old room to find it looked just the way they remembered it.
She found herself running her hand along the familiar touch of the console, letting her fingers graze slowly over the buttons she had watched him press a thousand times. Her hand travelled along the edge of the console until she was standing beside him again as if she had always belonged there. "You know," she started, their hands nearly making contact with each other, "I think she missed you."
He felt his hearts skip a beat as he noticed himself glancing down at the proximity of their hands and how close she was to him. "Did she?" he whispered, not entirely sure it was the child in which she was speaking but he wasn't yet ruling out the hormones inside her having taken over. He watched her gaze up at him, her eyes drawing him into hers. She was so close he could feel his hands begin to tremble while trying his hardest to remain calm.
"When you were gone I stopped feeling her happiness." Clara couldn't explain the exhilaration she was experiencing being so close to him. Her heart became rapid, the thought of him wrapping his arms around her betrayed everything she had been feeling since his absence. It was as if a fire were burning in her that could not be contained. She caught herself glancing at his lips, desiring to feel them against her own. "But now that we are standing here together again, I can feel her warmth growing inside of me," she gently took his trembling hand in hers, slowly bringing it to her middle to press it carefully over their child, "right here."
A quiet gasp left him at her touch. His mind raced with a hundred thoughts, his body shuddered with arousal. The man he thought he was would have looked away, caused a distraction, anything to get out of what it meant to feel for her. Yet he couldn't resist her eyes. It was as if they contained the map of an entire galaxy waiting to be explored by him if only he dared to look deep enough.
As much as he wanted to resist, his mind torn between fleeing from where he stood or enduring the exhilarating touch of his hand over the swell of her belly, there was another secret he had been keeping from her. Another reason to have not pursued her after their last heated encounter. The intense love he had for her brought on by the Persuader was still veritably present inside of him. He knew that was how the creatures functioned but had been too afraid to admit it. Once they had a hold of their victim, they released a kind of snare into the brain, like a tiny splinter embedded into the tissue that could never be removed. They could sink an idea into the mind like a virus slowly spreading its way through it. Once they finally released themselves from the body, their prey would be plagued with the desire to fulfil the obligations of their own mind, remaining with them forever. He knew the illness inside of him was part of the driving force keeping him close to her, never too far away. But it meant something much worse. That she was also infected. Her sudden strong affections towards him were even more of a sign that the virus was affecting her body. He could detect her endorphins drawing him in, becoming intoxicated by her pheromones. His possessive paternal desires brought a sense of power over her as if he were prideful that it was his seed growing inside of her, like a dominant animal warding off the other males from his mate. As hard as he tried to remain unattached to the child inside of her, preparing himself for what was to come, his illness was making it increasingly unbearable to imagine having to give her up with each passing moment he endured her warmth.
He could feel her deep breathing, her diaphragm expanding and retracting in the palm of his hand. The familiar warmth began to rise throughout his body like sunlight as he spread his fingers over her swollen abdomen and protectively pressed his hand over their growing child. Without even realizing it, his remaining hand found its way to her waist as if it had a mind of its own. He felt her warm gentle breath on his neck. The sickness inside of him was too powerful to ignore. "It's almost as though," he began to say, nervous of his own actions, "she's been trying to bring us closer together." The hand he claimed on her waist gently pulled her into him, feeling her middle carefully press against his own.
A small gasp escaped her as she lost herself in his embrace. "Wouldn't that be terrible," she teased, feeling her face flush as a heated passion for him began to rise in her like a fever.
"Unimaginably," he whispered. He had no control over his actions any longer, his eyes stared at her lips as if he were starving for them. He slowly lowered his head towards hers, their lips just inches away from one another. Their eyes closed, anticipating the connection of their skin together. Suddenly, an unexpected noise from behind her interrupted the moment between them. The vibrating sound of a phone ringing from Clara's back pocket startled her bringing them both out of the occasion. "That must be P.E., sorry, Danny, wondering where you've run off to." He sighed and held back his irritation, releasing his grasp on her. He watched her bring the phone from her pocket to stare at the screen, suddenly being brought back to her reality.
"I'm sorry," she confessed. "I have to take this."
He motioned for her to do what she felt she had to, then leaned upon the console and forced himself not to tear off a panel in frustration. She stepped away and answered the call.
"Danny! Hi!" she began, trying to sound excited to hear from him. "I was at the park, just making my way back now. No, no. I can walk, it's not that far. I'm almost home. Yes, we're doing just fine." She smiled and placed a hand on her middle. Then she turned back to the Doctor, looking at him in the eyes. "Yep. Just me." She ignored his frowning brow. "Okay. Yep, love you too. See you soon." Ending the call, she placed the phone back in her pocket.
"Big plans tonight?" he inquired.
"Nah, just dinner at my place," she held back her guilt.
"I suppose I couldn't offer you a lift then?" He ran his hand along the edge of the console as if to tempt her.
"I better not," she admitted. He nodded his head in understanding. "Well, guess I should be going then, in case he shows up before me."
"Guess so," he replied disappointedly.
She headed for the door, hesitating just before reaching it, then turned back around to him. "When can I see you again?"
A smile formed on his face at the question, "As soon as you'd like."
"Good." She returned the smile, then exited the ship.
