Title: Tainted Star
Chapter 9
Author: Phoenix
Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.
A/N: Thank you to my awesome beta kitaleigh!
The mall was the last place where Rachel wanted to be the day after she got out of the hospital. She knew she needed new clothes and she knew she had to be there to try on the clothes they pick out for her, heaven forbid she let Santana pick out her clothes. Still she was afraid, she knew what she looked like even though she had her hoodie pulled over her head, hiding the bandaged gash on her head. She had been lucky enough to escape the beating with little damage to her face, only receiving a black eye and a few scratches down her cheeks. While the rest of her body that was easily covered looked like a war zone, her father was always careful about leaving marks where people could see them. But she had choke marks around her neck. They weren't extremely noticeable, and if you squinted you could make out the distinct lines shaped as handprints and she knew people could tell by the way they stared as she walked by with Santana and Quinn on either side of her with Kara Abrams walking slightly behind them. She just wanted to blend in and disappear, she was even more afraid that they might run into her father who still hasn't been caught. She could handle him hurting her, but if he ever hurt her friends, she would never be able to live with herself.
As she was dragged from store to store, she silently thanked God that they decided not to invite Brittany on this little shopping trip. She loved the blonde dancer, but knowing the overly excitable girl's personality, she would have made this overwhelming experience even more painful for Rachel then it already was. She watched as Santana and Quinn began pulling short-sleeved shirts and tank tops from the rack with a furrowed brow.
"Um San, Quinn, I don't think that's such a good idea," she said, eyeing the number of fashionable short sleeved shirts in their arms warily.
"Why?" Quinn asked confused.
"I... um well... my arms might be a bit too grotesque for most people's comfort zone," she said softly, both girls eyed her questionably not fully understanding what she meant until Santana finally caught on.
"Rae-Rae the bruises are going to fade eventually and when they do and it gets warm outside, you're going to need some light shirts," Santana explained as Quinn closed her eyes finally catching on, wanting to kick herself for not thinking about that. "You can't wear your sweaters in the spring time" she said, shaking her head. "No matter how cute you look in them" she added with a whisper, making Rachel's cheeks turn red. She didn't know what it was about the Raven-haired girl, but she made her feel things she knew she shouldn't.
"Are you sure that it will be acceptable?" Rachel asked unsurely, after taking several deep breaths to calm herself.
"We really need to work on getting you to stop speaking like you're at a formal event," the darker girl teased before becoming serious again. "But yes Rach, I'm sure these will be more than acceptable for when the weather becomes warm enough," she answered doing a semi imitation of the shorter girl, making her giggle slightly before nodding.
Within three hours they were able to find Rachel a stylish wardrobe that Santana thought fit the little diva perfectly. It was bright and bubbly just like her personality, but toned down enough that she wouldn't attract any unwanted attention. Kara and Santana separated from Quinn and Rachel claiming that they needed to take care of some things before they went home. Rachel eyed Santana suspiciously, but followed Quinn to the food court anyway. Not liking the feeling of parting with the Latina.
Quinn and Rachel waited patiently in the food court for them. Kara had insisted at the beginning of the day that she buy the girls lunch, even after all three girls protested. Kara wouldn't take no for an answer and insisted that Rachel was a part of the family and since Santana and Quinn were her friends, they were welcome as well, so Rachel and Quinn grabbed a table and waited for them to return so they could all get their food together.
"How are you doing?" Quinn asked after a few moments of silence.
"I'm doing quite well, Quinn, thank you," she answered politely making Quinn frown at the answer.
"Okay, now you want to try that again. This time with the truth," Rachel stared down at her fingers. She wasn't use to people seeing through her lies, now she had many people catching them and she wasn't really sure how to handle it. Lying had become a necessary part of her life if she wanted to keep her secret, she couldn't help the way the words just rolled off of her tongue.
"I'm honestly unsure of the answer to that question," Rachel sighed, looking back up to meet hazel eyes. "I want to say that I'm ecstatic that I'm finally away from him and everything is great now. But I can't because for five years that is all I have known, I'm not sure how else to live. He's still my dad, Quinn, no matter what ," she confessed sadly.
"It will eventually get better Rach. It's never going to be completely okay, but one day you will at least be able to move on and live a better life," Quinn told her truthfully, thinking about how it used to be when her father still lived with them. She hadn't gone through anything near as traumatic as Rachel had, but she knew the emotional abuse well enough. She just hoped Rachel could find the strength to move on. If anyone could, it would be Rachel. Out of everyone Quinn Fabray had ever known, Rachel Berry had been the strongest. She was the brightest star of them all and Quinn hoped to God she could shine her way through this.
The singer only nodded before changing the subject, asking about what she had been missing at school for the past week and in glee. Soon the girls were engrossed in a conversation about whether or not Mr. Shue could ever really be cured of his addiction to sweater vests and if Finn would ever get it through his skull that he is not God's gift to women. They had been so into their conversation that they did not notice the group approaching them or that Rachel's hoodie had slipped back slightly, making her injuries more noticeable to the public's eye.
"Diva, just because you haven't been getting all the solo's lately is not an excuse. You can't just skip out on us for a whole..." Mercedes accusing voice trailed off as she took in the tiny girls face. Her mouth dropped as did the other three that were with her.
"What the hell happened?" Kurt's high pitch voice demanded startling both girls, Rachel shrank back at the harsh tone causing Quinn to glare at the boy.
"None of your business Hummel," Quinn growled, ready to slip into her HBIC mode if need be.
"Are you okay Rachel?" Tina asked flying right to her teammates side. Genuine concern was evident in her voice, making Quinn relax only slightly. She wouldn't hesitate to snap on anyone who hurt Rachel or even did so much as make the smaller girl uncomfortable. Quinn knew Rachel was getting better, but she also knew that she was extremely vulnerable and that even the simplest things could scare her.
"I'm fine Tina, everything is healing quite nicely and I should be back in school by next week," Rachel answered cooly her mask forming right back into place without the group noticing. Quinn noticed however, and did not like it one bit. Before anyone could say a word, a voice spoke from behind them.
"What's going on?" Santana asked holding a shopping bag close to her as if to hide it from view. She fixed everyone that shouldn't be there with a warning glare.
"Our teammates were just asking about my well being Santana," Rachel said and Santana noticed the signs of Rachel retreating into old herself immediately, her eyes cast downwards as if she were afraid that even looking at someone would get her into trouble.
"Oh hi guys, its great to see you again," Kara greeted with a smile completely oblivious to the tension between the two groups.
"Mrs. Abrams what are you doing here?" Tina asked, smiling back at her ex-boyfriends mother.
"I'm helping Rachel with her new wardrobe," She stated simply as Kurt's eyes seemed to brighten and he jumped to check the numerous bags around the girls only to be slapped away by Quinn.
"But why?" Mercedes asked.
"Well since I'm Rachel new foster mother, I felt I should be here to help. Plus she's still having a hard time getting around sense she only got out of the hospital yesterday," the group noticeably tensed this time. Santana and Quinn were ready to pounce at any snarky comment as Rachel shrank even further into herself. The other four teenagers stood in stunned silence as they slowly began to process the information just given to them.
A sudden stampede of questions broke the silence. They were so rushed and jumbled together no one could understand what was being said. The angry loud voices scared Rachel. She felt her airway begin to constrict as the panic began to build up. Santana noticed the tiny diva struggling and reacted immediately.
"Everyone shut the hell up," she yelled making everyone stop suddenly. The few people in the food court stealing unsure glances at them. She rushed to Rachel's side, Tina still on the other side of her trying her best to calm the clearly distraught girl.
"Rae-Rae, Sweetheart it's okay, you're safe," she said gently. She didn't even care that she sounded completely out of character and totally not badass. All that mattered was Rachel.
"No one will hurt you. Come on honey, you need to breathe, follow me baby girl. You're okay," Santana soothed, taking Rachel's hand and placing it on her chest so that she would be able to follow her breaths and calm herself down. After about ten minutes Rachel's breathing evened out as the panic within her began to die down.
"Santana that was amazing," Kara stated truly impressed, she never seen a teenager handle a panic attack so well. Santana only shrugged all her attention focused on Rachel who seemed to be trying to make herself disappear.
"I'm sorry," Rachel spoke softly making the other's doubtful that it was actually Rachel Berry speaking. This Rachel was nothing like the loud, stubborn, and demanding diva they were used to seeing.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," she reassured kissing the still slightly trembling girls head.
"I don't mean to push, but what exactly is going on?" Blaine asked carefully, tightening his hand around his boyfriend's hand as he stared at Rachel with concerned and terrified eyes.
"Oh my, I am so sorry Rachel. Artie told me all your friends already knew," Kara apologized quickly, suddenly realizing her mistake.
"All her friends do know," Quinn growled out, starring down Mercedes disbelieving eyes.
"What Rachel we're your friends. You can tell me anything," Kurt said, hurt evident in his voice. Rachel took in a deep breath before looking straight at the young soprano.
"No Kurt we aren't. When you went to Dalton we got close, I was beginning to trust you, learning what it mean to be a friend," she started smiling slightly as she remembered the long conversations they used to share. "But when you came back it went right back to being a competition. You tore me down for every solo when you didn't even know why those solo's are were so important to me. My life literally depended on those solos and you and Mercedes were always the first ones to put me down when I got one," They heard Mercedes scoff she took a step back when everyone glared at her including Kurt. Santana, Quinn and Ms. Abrams looking at her curiously wondering if she had just let them in on a little of what her father has done to her.
"But when you needed me I was still there. You used me for your own convenience and then went right back to insulting me like everyone else. That's not friendship Kurt," she finished.
"Kurt looked down with shame and guilt. Blaine's grip loosened slightly on his hand, extremely disappointed in his boyfriend. He knew he didn't really get along with the diva, but he never realized he was using her the way he was. Rachel turned to the others.
"Tina you're nice and have never done anything underhanded towards me, but you still stood back while others did. Blaine I just don't know you well enough," Tina looked near tears as Blaine nodded in understanding.
"Mercedes, I have always had the most respect for you and your voice is amazing," Mercedes smiled. "But we're diva's in the same club, we fight and we clash over solo's. I just don't understand why that hostility has to remain the same outside of the competition as well," the soulful singer adverted her eyes away, not wanting anyone to see the regret within them.
"Rachel, you don't have to tell them anything. I messed up in saying what I did, I shouldn't have assumed. But you don't need to tell them anything you're uncomfortable with. This is only a decision you can make," Kara explained gently not wanting Rachel to feel bullied into telling anyone. No one should hold that power over her head ever again.
"No Mrs. Abrams-I mean Kara," she blushed. "They may not be my friends, but they are still my teammates, and I don't want to lie to them anymore. In a small town like this rumors are bound to spread, I prefer they hear the truth as opposed to the rumors," Rachel explained and everyone knew she was right.
"But could you please tell them? I don't think I can," Rachel pleaded, Kara nodded in understanding. She explained everything she knew about Rachel's situation for the past five years. By the time she was done everyone was in tears even Mercedes, who was trying to quickly wipe them away.
"We're so sorry Rach, we should have noticed," Tina managed to choke out through tears.
"You couldn't have done anything," Rachel reassured the Goth looking girl.
"We're going to be better Rach. I swear we're going to prove ourselves to you just the way Santana, Quinn and Brittany have," Kurt promised leaning closer to Blaine.
Blaine held him a little tighter, unsure how he would be able to handle it if it were Kurt in Rachel's position. Knowing how Santana felt about her, having overheard a conversation between her and Puck about it a while back, he couldn't even begin to imagine what she must be feeling right now.
"Thank you," was the only thing Rachel managed to say from her place burrowed in Santana's neck.
"I think we should go, I think Rachel has had enough for today," Kara said as everyone nodded in agreement. They walked slowly out of the cafeteria, people staring at them with shock. The whole ordeal could have been avoided and Rachel paled, knowing that everyone there had heard the yelling and crying. In order to cheer everyone up, Kara promised to take the girls out to Breadsticks next week, brightening Santana's mood considerably.
After helping them get all of the bags into the car, Quinn said her goodbyes before heading to her own car. Both Kara and Santana had to physically force Rachel up to her room so that she wouldn't help them bring the bags in. Once everything was brought up and put away, Kara brought out a bag Rachel hadn't seen her carrying.
"Rach, your phone was broken when they found it. So Tim and I decided to get you a new one. Santana helped me program it at the mall so it's all set," Kara said, handing her a brand new iPhone with a huge smile. Rachel's mouth dropped.
"This is too much," Rachel squeaked out staring at the phone in her hand dumbly.
"You need a phone,"
"But an iPhone? It's too much," she protested, understanding that she did in fact need a phone, but not one that was so expensive.
"Hush you, you are keeping it," and with that Kara walked out of the room. Rachel turned and raised her eyebrow at Santana when she heard her laughing.
"You are the only teenager I know who would complain when given a brand new iPhone," she said shaking her head as Rachel laughed along with her. Rachel pulled out a pair of her new sweatpants and a sweater disappearing into the bathroom to change. Santana placed the bag that she was holding close to her since the food court on the bed where she knew Rachel would find it. When Rachel came back she looked curiously at the bag then at Santana who only smiled and motioned for her to open it.
Rachel felt tears began to well up in her eyes as she looked down at what Santana had gotten for her.
"I wanted you're room to be a little more you and I really didn't want you to have to wait till next week to give this room some Rachel Berryness so I got you those," Santana said shyly shrugging her shoulders.
Rachel looked down at the two Broadway posters lying on the bed. One was of The Phantom of the Opera and the other of Wicked and the vocal selection book of Funny Girl. Rachel was absolutely speechless that someone would do this for her.
"Open the book," Santana instructed and Rachel obeyed in a dazed shock finding a note written in Santana's handwriting on the inside cover.
Rachel,
You are the strongest person I know. I truly believe you can beat down any obstacle that comes your way and still come out singing and strong. I would never be able to live without you, you're the most important person in my life.
Love,
Santana
Rachel couldn't stop herself from launching herself at Santana and clinging to her as if she she would disappear if she let her go. Santana hugged back just as furiously slightly more gentle so she wouldn't hurt the still injured brunette.
"You're the most important person in my life to Tana," Santana smiled as she continued to hold the diva, hoping this meant that she had a chance someday.
