Tilly spent the next couple of days in a kind daze. She still so shocked at seeing Jen again after all these years. What really worried her was the feelings that had been stirred to life again. Feelings which Tilly had thought had long gone. Feelings which she should not be having towards someone else when she was getting married in a few weeks time! The thought of the wedding made Tilly feel physically sick. She tried her hardest to forget all about the encounter with Jen. To forget how gorgeous she thought Jen had looked.

Eventually she realised she needed to share what had happened with Jen and so arranged to meet up with Sam. She needed to share what had happened with someone before she exploded, and Sam was the only one who Tilly had let slip about Jen.
Tilly arranged to meet Sam at their usual pub by the hospital and Tilly got there 20 minutes early. She had already finished half of the bottle of wine she had ordered by the time Sam arrived, and as Sam approached Tilly at the table, she could see her friend was in a bit of a state.
"Jeez Tils." Sam joked as she walked over and gave her friend a hug "you couldn't wait for me?"

Tilly looked at the half empty bottle and realised how much she had drunk. "Sorry" Tilly responded..."I'll go to the bar and get another bottle".
"Wow" Sam responded as she sat down and poured herself a glass "this sounds serious! Are you ok?"
"No, not really." Tilly responded as she headed to the bar. As she stood waiting to be served, Tilly knew that getting drunk wasn't the solution to her problem, but she could face telling Sam about Jen sober. She knew she would have to start from the beginning, from their first meeting to how it had ended and then their chamber encounter. Talking about it all would undoubtably make her upset, but she had to tell someone. She needed Sam to help her put things into perspective...to help her see that the feelings she was having were natural, and that they didn't mean anything.

And so for the next hour Tilly sat there and told Sam all about her past. All about Jen. How much she had loved Jen, how she had wanted to leave Hollyoaks and go travelling with her, how she had nearly got into trouble with the police after stealing Jens car, how much she had needed Jen when Maddie had died, how they had for back together again only to split up over Esther and how Jen had been arrested and sent to prison. Sam sat there listening with her mouth wide open in shock as she took in friends past. Sam remembered Tilly mentioning someone called Jen once years ago, but she wouldn't give Sam any details. Sam kinda understood why now!

Tilly then went on to explain what had happened the other day when they had seen each other again. It was at this point that Tilly felt her chest tighten, her throat seemed to get smaller and the words got stuck.
"Sam... I... I just don't know what is going on. I...I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. I close my eyes to try and sleep and there she is. There her face is and all I can think of is how it felt to kiss her lips...to touch her face, her hair." Tilly stopped talking at looked at her friend. "What the fuck am I going to do?" At the point the tears Tilly had been fighting back as she told her story came flooding out.
"Shhhhh Tils" Sam whispered as she leant over the table and took Tilly's hand on her own.
"Shhhh sweet. It'll be ok. It'll all work out ok ... You hear me?" Sam spoke the last few words firmly and Tilly looked down at her friends hand.
"I...I'm supposed to be getting married in a few weeks time and I can't stop thinking about my ex!" Tilly shook her head "it's such a bloody mess Sam... I'm such a bloody mess."

Sam watched her friend and saw just how upset she was. It was finally time for her to talk.
"You still love her. Your still in love with Jen." Sam stated calmly.
Tilly looked her friend in the face and shook her head "Don't say that Sam."
Sam continued "you two never had proper closure, it ended in a way that was taken out of your control. You didn't really change how you felt about her, just other emotions like anger took over. "
Sam watched Tilly as tears began to form in her eyes again. "You have been hiding your feelings all these years, Jen obviously meant the world to you. You can't just ignore that Tils. It's not how it works."
"But... I honestly thought moving to London was a clean break and that I could just forget all about her." Tilly spoke with hope in her voice "and I pretty much did it Sam... I hadn't thought about her in years...honestly"
"BUT..." Sam sAid knowing that Tilly wasn't saying everything, so she finished the sentence for her "but seeing her again has made you realise that you still feel something for her."
Tilly slowly nodded to show that Sam was right.
"What am I going to do?"
"Well you need to see her again. You need to see her and work out how strong these feelings are."
"I...I seriously haven't been able to stop thinking about her for the past two days." Tilly admitted
"I close my eyes to sleep and I see her standing there in front of me looking... Looking ...perfect!"

Tilly let out a long groan. "What a fucking mess! I really should NOT be having these thoughts about someone else so near to my wedding"
Sam looked at Tilly "Kate knows nothing about this right?"
"God no! I... Told her that the photographer fainted, but left out the bit about her being my ex lover"
"Hmmmm" Sam responded "sensible decision. Seriously though Tilly, how do you feel about Kate?"
Tilly paused and pondered the question for a few seconds "well I love her of course" as Tilly said the words out loud, she could hear that something was missing. There wasn't the passion or emotion that should be there when talking about someone she was about to marry.

Sam looked at Tilly "do you really love her? Do you love her enough to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her?"

"Sam ..you just don't like Kate" Tilly responded before Sam interrupted.

"No. No you are right. I've never thought you two were right for

Each other, but I can see that she really loves you Tilly, and so you need to fix this mess ASAP!"

"I KNOW!" Tilly shouted back.

"I know. I just don't know what to do"

Sam grabbed Tilly's hand again and looked her in the eye "you have to arrange to see Jen and establish how true these feelings you have been having since you saw her are. If you see her again and they disappear then great, you can carry on with your planned life with Kate. If you see her and the feelings remain, you HAVE to call the wedding off. Regardless of what happens with Jen, whether she feels the same about you. You cannot marry Kate knowing that someone else out there has the ability to make you feel they way you have been feeling. Only Kate should make you feel that way Tils...you know that right?" Sam paused and waited for an answer.

Tilly slowly nodded. "I know... I know it's totally wrong to be thinking about Jen when I'm sat next to Kate on the sofa, to be imagining touching Jen when I'm touching Kate! It's... It's so fucked up! I know, I know it is, I...I just can't seem to get her out of my head."

"You have to see her tomorrow. Go to the studio and see her again. If you still feel the same then you have your solution. If seeing Jen again tomorrow makes you forget all about Kate, then you go home and you tell Kate the wedding is off."

Tilly wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or Sams words that made her suddenly feel very queasy.

"Oh god" Tilly said standing up and pushing the chair back "I'm going to be sick." And with that Tilly ran through the pub door in need of some fresh air. As soon as she was outside it hit her and she started being sick. She felt awful. Awful because of the alcohol and awful because of what she had to do. Sam was right. She need to see Jen again to see if she felt the same way in her company or whether it was just nostalgia causing her to have these feelings. Either way, she worried about her feelings for Kate and whether they had rushed into the marriage too soon. Tilly did love Kate... But was it the right kind of love? Was it the kind of love that made the hairs on Tillys arms stand up when she thought of Kate. The kind of love that gave her butterflies every time she saw Kate. The kind of love that turned Tilly on just from the smell of her perfume. The kind of love that made her want to all her time with Kate and no one else? Deep down she knew the answer.

Sam was standing by Tilly with a bottle of water gently rubbing Tilly's back. As Tilly finally stopped being sick, she took a swig of water before croaking "I need to fix this tomorrow. I'll go and see Jen tomorrow and then I'll know for sure" Tilly paused slightly "I'll know if I'm still in love with her!".