CHAPTER 196
WE OPEN WITH HOLY SHIT EARL WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR FACE? MY GOD, THOSE EYES, THAT— AUGH! HE IS LOOKING DIRECTLY AT ME NO MATTER WHERE I GO! WE ARE JUST GOING TO FOCUS ON ALLEN'S NOT-YET-LEGAL ABS FOR NOW. UNTIL THE PAIN GOES AWAY. (IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY).
EARL: COME WITH ME AND I'LL STOP KILLING EVERYONE!
ALLEN: *COUGH*BULLSHIT
EARL: NO, FOR SERIOUS. I CAN STOP ALL OF THIS AT ANY TIME, I AM YOUR GOD.
TOKUSA…THING(WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN): *BREAKS THING**MOSTLY ALLEN'S*
ALLEN: ARGH THE PAIN!
SHERYL: THIS LOOKS A LOT LIKE THAT ONE TENTACLE RAPE DOUJINSHI I KEEP UNDER MY PILLOW…
ALLEN: ARGH
EARL: ANYWAY I CAN SAVE EVERYONE, DESTROY THEIR DARK MATTER AND STUFF. YOU SHOULD TOTALLY COME WITH ME!
EVERYONE: OUR SHOCKED FACES, LET US SHOW YOU THEM!
KANDA: MY SHOCKED FACE TRUMPS ALL OF YOUR LESSER SHOCKED FACES COMBINED!
ALMA: I HAVE NO SHOCKED FACE, FOR I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT. I ONLY WANT US TO MAKE SWEET, PASSIONATE BATTLE TOGETHER.
KANDA: … YOU'RE MAKING ME A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.
ALMA: DIEDIEDIE *ATTACKS*
KANDA: GAH!
ALLEN: KANDA!
KANDA: YOU SHUT THE HELL UP.
ALLEN: BUT I-
KANDA: I CAN'T DEAL WITH YUMA AND YULLEN SHIPPERS AT ONCE, YOU DON'T TALK TO ME THIS CHAPTER.
ALMA: PHALLIC SYMBOL ATTACK!
KANDA: GAAAAH THE INDIGNITY IS WORSE THAN THE PAIN!
WOMAN: I'LL WAIT FOR YOU WITH MY FLOOOOOOWERS.
KANDA: ARE YOU PEOPLE TRYING TO START A PAIRING WAR?
WOMAN: MAYBE.
KANDA: YOU FIEND.
ROAD: I VOTE YUMA!
WISELY: NO, YULLEN!
TYKI: TYLLEN!
ROAD: YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR YOURSELF.
SHERYL: I SHIP EVERYONE.
BAK: WELL AS USUAL IT'S UP TO ME TO SAVE THE DAY. ALMA, QUIT BEING A DOUCHE!
TOKUSA-ALMA-HYBRID-THING: EDGAAAAAR.
BAK: NO THAT WAS MY- AHHHH PAIN.
EVERYONE: *PROJECTILE BLOOD VOMIT*
BAK: TOKUSA, DON'T GIVE IN TO THE HATRED!
WE'LL-JUST-CALL-HIM-"THING": TOO LATE.
BAK: WELL I TRIED.
THING: *BREAKS ALLEN IN HALF*
ROAD: THAT'S WHAT I DO TO MY ALLEN DOLL TOO! AMONG OTHER THINGS.
SHERYL: TMI.
EARL: COME WITH UUUUUS~
ALLEN: HKJASDFKH.
EARL: PLEASE? I HAVE CANDY.
JOHNNY: TIME TO PROVE MY WORTH AS THE TRUE MAIN CHARACTER. EARL, WHY DO YOU WANT TO KIDNAP ALLEN? DIDN'T THE 14TH KIND OF TRY TO KILL YOU?
ALLEN: STOP STEALING MY SCREENTIME YOU LITTLE BITCH.
JOHNNY: IT'S ALL MINE NOW.
EARL: *CREEPY FACE OF CREEPY* I WANT TO BE BY THE 14TH'S SIDE [ACTUAL LINE]
EVERYONE: …
SHERYL: … NOT EVEN THE EARL IS IMMUNE TO ALLEN-SHIPPING?
ME: STUPID SEXY ALLEN.
TYKI: HEY STEP OFF HE'S MINE.
ROAD: MINE.
WISELY: KAND—
TYKI: I WILL STAB YOU IN THE THROAT.
ALLEN: WILL SOMEONE PLEASE JUST KILL ME? STEP UP AND FINISH THE JOB FOR ONCE.
BAK: AND WHILE EVERYONE ELSE IS DICKING AROUND, BAK TO THE RESCUE! APPARENTLY THAT THING ON MY HAT WAS A POKEBALL THIS WHOLE TIME. FO, I CHOOSE YOU!
FO: FOUUUUU!
THING: *GETS HURT, I THINK**I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS UGLY MOFO EVEN WORKS, IT'S HARD TO TELL IF IT'S INJURED OR IF IT JUST HURTS TO BE IT*
FO: FO! FOFO FOO FO! (QUICK, DESTROY ALMA!)
ALLEN: ….
FO: … FO FOO FO. (YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO IT, ARE YOU?)
ALLEN: MESSIAH COMPLEX?
FO: FO. (YOU FUCKING MORON.)
TYKI: GIRL YOU HAD BEST STEP AWAY FROM MY ALLEN! *CLAWS*
FO: FOOU FOFO FO FOO. (MOTHERFUCKER.)
TYKI: THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE.
BAK: FO— WHAT IS WITH MY MOUTH? DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A REALLY WEIRD LOOKING MOUTH THIS MONTH?
TYKI: NOW THEN, COME LIVE WITH US ALLEN~ YOU CAN SHARE MY ROOM!
FO: FO! (ALLEN, YOU CAN'T JUST GO AROUND TRYING TO SAVE EVERYONE AT YOUR OWN EXPENSE. WE ALL HAVE THINGS THAT WE WANT TO PROTECT, SAVING SOMEONE ISN'T THAT SIMPLE!)
TYKI: QUIET NOW, MOMMY AND DADDY ARE TALKING. *ENERGY ATTACK THING HE CAN APPARENTLY DO NOW*
ALLEN: TO THE RESCUE! NOT SIMPLE MY ASS, THAT WAS EASY.
FO: FOOOU FO FO. (YOU'RE MISSING MY POINT).
ALLEN: NONSENSE! HERO, AWAY!
ALL: YAY ALLEN! *WAVE POMPOMS*
ALLEN: YE—AUGH MY LEG.
SOMETHING: *NOMS ON LEG*
ALLEN: WTF? A CATFISH?
ME: ALLEN… THAT IS NOT AT ALL WHAT A CATFISH LOOKS LIKE. AT ALL. YOU LOOK MORE LIKE A CATFISH THAN THAT THING DOES.
OLD MAN: I'M HEALING YOU AT THE EXPENSE OF MY OWN LIFE!
ALLEN: DIDN'T YOU DIE IN THE LAST CHAPTER?
OLD MAN: NO!
ALLEN: ARE YOU SU—
OLD MAN: DON'T YOU BACK-SASS ME SONNY!
ALLEN: ALRIGHT WHATEVER.
OLD MAN: NOW THEN, THAT TOOK SUCH A TOLL ON ME I CAN'T DO IT AGAIN *SHRIVELS*
ALLEN: I WOULD CARE, BUT YOU'RE OLD. LATER!
OLD MAN: STAY OFF MY LAWN!
RENEE: REALLY ALLEN?
ALLEN: COME ON, HE'S GOT LIKE TWO WEEKS LEFT ANYWAY.
RENEE: WHATEVER. GO SAVE YU AND ALMA BEFORE HOSHINO COMPLETELY DE-CLOTHES ME.
ALLEN: I SUDDENLY MISS LENALEE.
KANDA: RAAAAAH MY HAIR IS ANGRY!
ALMA: MY PERFECTLY SCULPTED BUTTOCK IS ANGRY! WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IT?
KANDA: *ATTACKS*
ALMA: *BLAAAAAARGH*
KANDA: EFFEMINATE CRY OF PAIN!
ALMA: MAN BEING AN AKUMA IS AWESOME, THOUGH I'M STILL NOT ENTIRELY CLEAR ON HOW THAT ONE HAPPENED.
KANDA: MY HAIR IS DISPLEASED.
ALMA: IS THAT THING ALIVE?
KANDA: I CALL HIM FLUFFY. WE GO ON LONG WALKS TOGETHER. SOMETIMES, HE TELLS ME TO KILL PEOPLE.
ALMA:… ALRIGHT.
KANDA: LIKE NOW. PSYCHOTIME.
ALMA: FUUUUUU—
ALLEN: *CUTS IN* MUST PROTECT MAIN CHARACTER STATUS, MUST ALWAYS BE CENTER OF ATTENTION!
ALMA: WE'RE A LITTLE BUSY HERE.
KANDA: GHUAAAAARGH
ROAD: I SEE AN ALLEN SANDWICH~
SHERYL: KINKY.
END
IT'S TRIVIA TIME! LET'S GUESS HOW MANY ASS SHOTS ALMA HAS HAD SINCE HIS INTRODUCTION IN THE FLASHBACK. THAT'S SEVEN CHAPTERS! YES, I DID GO THROUGH THEM ALL AND COUNT. SO HOW MANY DO YOU THINK THERE ARE?
.
..
…
..
.
23! WOW!
FUN FACT, CHIBI!KANDA HAD ROUGHLY THE SAME AMOUNT! TUNE IN NEXT MONTH FOR MORE FUN TRIVIA.
OH AND HERE'S THAT ILLUSTRATION I PROMISED, THANKS FOR GIVING ME WAY MORE REVIEWS THAN THIS SILLY THING DESERVES (AND PLEASE CONTINUE TO): allegra-the-neko(dot)deviantart(dot)com/gallery/#/d2t6j7a
