Author's note: A new chapter for you loyal readers. I know I say it each time but thank you so much for your kind encouragement. Although there haven't been many reviews on the last chapter, the story followers and sneaky reading continues and gives me the push to keep going. This chapter features more story progression and a little Starfire screen time. In case you didn't realise…I love the Starfire-Raven friendship, you'll notice it features a lot in most of my stories. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Things will get more interesting as we keep going down the rabbit hole :) Please do take a moment to drop me a review if you can - a few lines means a lot, as does your continued support.
Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans or Batman. I do own the character of the doctor, so please do not steal her.
Chapter nine – Sickness and Sadness
One call to Bruce Wayne did the trick. There was a top specialist in brain and neurological injury there within hours. Her name was Dr Fernandes, a top neurosurgeon and a consummate professional. Dressed in a white coat, with dark rimmed glasses and hair piled on her head in a rather messy bun, she looked quite casual for her high status. She arrived in the tower without even batting an eye at the strange figures with which she came face to face.
"Where's the patient then?" she asked caringly, as they welcomed her into their home. She smiled kindly at the four Titans who looked at her nervously as she entered the medical bay. Dr Fernandes' eyes landed on Raven and she furrowed her brow, approaching the bed slowly. She started to examine her, and the other Titans stood back out of the way.
"Well," said the doctor, after some time had passed. She straightened up and snapped her bag shut briskly. "Mr. Cyborg, based on the paperwork you sent me, your predictions were correct. Your friend is in a coma from a brain injury. A normal human would have probably died on impact, but your friend here is strong. Due to her strange metahuman physiology, I'm unsure of the exact ins and outs, but suffice to say that her demon-side probably saved her life."
She turned to look at the team, who were eying her cautiously waiting for the full prognosis. "It's not a bad outlook," continued the neurosurgeon, a bright smile on her face. "But it's impossible for me to know when she will wake up. It could be days, weeks or months."
The team looked visibly deflated, their faces full of sadness at the news. Dr Fernandes walked towards them and placed a hand on Robin's shoulder cheerily. "Hey, the good news is that she is healing herself somehow. That makes the prognosis much more likely to be positive. Head injury comas have the highest rates of people waking up. She's not lost any oxygen at all, so that is really a very good start. Her body is part of what we call the 'autonomic nervous system', which is not affected by coma like states. That means, when she wakes up her body shouldn't have been affected by the coma itself, but she could be confused or even dazed. Her brain could be changed in many ways at first. We won't know until that happens. You're very lucky that your friend Cyborg has all these machines that will assist with things like muscle wastage and keep her in top form. Past that, it's just a case of two things; you all looking after her whilst she's in this state and your friend Raven's drive to fight. It's impossible to say what will wake her up, but if she's got some fight in her she'll get there, I'm sure."
"Rae's got more fight in her than anyone we know," stated Beast Boy defiantly, his eyes shining slightly. The other Titans turned to look at him, slightly surprised. "She's been fighting since the day she was born, I don't see why she would stop now."
Starfire nodded, vehemently. "Friend Beast Boy is right. Raven has been in the wars since she was very small. She is a true warrior. We would all be honoured to be her k'norfkas."
"Guardians or I guess carers in this case," translated Robin, seeing Dr Fernandes' bemused expression. "We would be. These two are right, Raven is a true fighter. If anyone is going to come out of this, it's her."
Dr Fernandes nodded and turned to Cyborg slowly, handing him some paperwork. "Are you sure you're okay to provide the care and treatment as per my instructions?"
"Yeah," said Cy, looking over the notes quickly. "All seems within my remit. 'Sides, I can call you if I need to, right?"
"Absolutely," said the doctor, handing him a business card. He placed it safely by the computer screens in the medbay. "Anytime. I'm an old friend of Bruce's and I'd be more than happy to help in any way I can."
She turned back to the other Titans, slowly. Seeing Beast Boy's strained expression, she walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder, supportively. "It's going to take time. You all need to look after her, and yourselves." She gave him a genuine smile, over her glasses and walked towards the door. "Call me if you need to. Whenever. I can see myself out."
The four Titans stood around Raven's bed, taking in the news that the doctor had given them. Robin was the first to speak, his voice calm and controlled. "Well, the news isn't as bad as it could have been. But it looks like Raven is out of commission, and it could be for some time. Thinking practically, we might need some help in the short term so that we can look after her and look after the city too."
"I'll give Bee a call," stated Cyborg, slowly. "I'm sure Titan's East can spare her for a week or so until we get ourselves sorted out."
Robin nodded his head, slowly. "Good idea, Cy. Thanks. I guess the rest of us can do shifts, take it in turns to look after her. It's late and I can see you're all exhausted, so I'll go first keeping an eye on her. One of you can take over first thing tomorrow. We'll just have to figure this out as we go along."
"We shall do as you say," replied Starfire, her eyes red and sore. She touched Robin on the arm gently. "I shall go to my bed and await to see when I am next needed. Thank you for being the k'norfka, Robin."
She left the room, walking with her feet dragging slightly and her head bowed. Cyborg typed rapidly into the medbay computer and then turned to the other two, his head beading with sweat. He wiped it away with his arm and yawned. He looked exhausted and traumatised all at once but his voice came out calmly. "Computer systems are all okay to be automated overnight. There shouldn't be any issues, but if there are then come and get me, Rob. I'm gonna go plug in for a while, this has drained my systems like you wouldn't believe. Night, y'all."
As the metal man made his way out of the room, equally sluggishly, Beast Boy turned to Robin. "Are you sure about taking the first shift? I'm happy to help…"
Robin looked over at the green young man, and he could see the pain on his face. He sighed and placed his hand on his shoulder, just as the doctor had earlier. "Beast Boy, we all know how much this has affected you. Finding her like that must have been awful. You need to take some rest, you've done as much as you can. It's part of my role to look after you all, and right now I'm ordering you to go and try to sleep. I'll keep close watch, I promise. You have my word."
The changeling reluctantly gave a small nod and sloped off just as the other three had towards his bedroom, leaving Robin alone with the comatose young woman. Robin slowly sat down on a chair that had been pulled up alongside Raven's bed. He held her hand gently, as the others had done earlier and sat there in silence, keeping watch over her as he had promised he would.
Beast Boy's bedroom door slid open and he walked in, almost in a zombie like state. He kicked his shoes off and sat down on his bed. The bunkbeds were long since gone, instead replaced with a large double bed with a green cover. He had a desk in the corner which had all of his computers and gadgets on, and a TV with a smaller version of the Gamestation. His guitar rested up against a chair in the corner. He looked around his room glumly, knowing that he needed to get some sleep if he could. Slowly, he lay back into the bed and turned off the light. Staring at the ceiling, he felt himself drifting in and out of sleep from sheer exhaustion. The face of Raven as he stepped away from her earlier that day haunted his dreams. Her wide-eyed expression looked at him over and over as he tossed and turned. Eventually, morning light began to pierce his window and he looked out groggily at the sunshine. Sighing, he swung his feet out of the bed and decided he had been there long enough. He needed to see her, to make sure she was still okay.
Leaving his room, the shapeshifter padded down the corridor to the kitchen to get a glass of water. His throat was dry and sore, and he felt dehydrated. As he drank the cool liquid down, he felt a little bit better. Leaning back against the kitchen side, he looked out over the ops room and noticed one of Raven's books on the side. He felt his stomach sink and turned his head away from it as tears pricked his eyes. The door swished open and in walked Starfire, looking similarly unsteady. Her red hair stuck up around her face, showing she had been tossing and turning all night too. Her eyes were still their usual jade colour but had a dull tint to them instead of their usual lightness.
"Good morning, friend," she said sadly, not sounding as though she meant it. "How did you sleep?"
Beast Boy looked at her sorrowfully. "About the same as you, Star."
Starfire's eyes welled up with tears and she leant against the kitchen side next to the young man. She sniffed, and Beast Boy reached out, putting his arm around her supportively. She rested her head on his shoulder and began to cry. Hearing her tears provoked his own, and they both stood there sobbing for some time together.
"Beast Boy," said Starfire, eventually. "What are we going to do?"
"Anything and everything we can, Star. Anything to get her back." replied the changeling, mimicking what had been said the other night. He didn't know what else to suggest. He was feeling as lost as she was. "You know, this is all my fault."
The final phrase was out of his mouth before the young man had realised what he had said. Starfire turned to look at him, as his arm dropped down by his side and he drooped. Her green eyes were full of concern. "Friend, it is not your fault. How could this possibly be your fault? It is the fault of Cinderblock for smashing our friend through several buildings and causing her the injury. It was an accident."
Beast Boy's shoulders were drooping further, and he began to bite his lip with his fang. Starfire reached over to the young man's face and tilted his chin so that he was looking at her.
"This is not your fault," she repeated, firmly. She could see the shapeshifter's eyes welling up again and he turned his head back away from her, wrenching out of her grasp.
"Star, something happened before the fight and we—"
"It does not matter," interrupted Starfire, in a resolute manner. Beast Boy's head shot up to look at her again, upon hearing her definitive tone. "This is not your fault. I know you would never want to hurt Raven, she is your friend. She means as much to you as she does to me. I can see the way in which you were looking at her yesterday in the medical area. As though your heart was broken."
Beast Boy flinched at Starfire's words, and felt his chest burning as colour rose to his cheeks. He swallowed and glanced at the floor as the redhead continued her spiel.
"My heart is broken too," she continued, clutching at her chest in a dramatic manner. "Raven was…is…my best friend. Over the past few years she and I have become so very close. We have shared our thoughts, feelings and even swapped our bodies once a long time ago. I cannot believe she may be gone. I cannot accept it."
The changeling snuffled and shuffled his feet beneath him. "She's not gone, Star. But we've got to get her back. We're going to try everything we can to get our family back together. I know you say it's not my fault but…I feel like I need to do something to get her to wake up."
Starfire nodded, understandingly. She felt the pain of her team mate and friend. "I understand. Shall we go and see how Robin is bearing under the strain? Perhaps we can be of use or offer our assistance there, at least."
Beast Boy nodded, swallowing back his emotions as he placed the empty glass in the sink. "Sure, let's go."
As the two friends walked into the medbay they noticed that, as promised, Robin had not left his post. He was half asleep in the chair next to the bed, his hand resting over Raven's as it had been the night before. Beast Boy felt his heart breaking again at the sadness of the scene that was in front of him. Their leader looked as though he had been hit by a bus, just as the other two did. The gap that the empath had left amongst them was immeasurable. Beast Boy walked over and placed a hand on the boy wonder's shoulder, gently giving it a shake. "Hey, Rob."
Starfire walked over too, placing her hand on his other shoulder. "Friend, we are here to assist you. How is she?"
"No change," he stated softly, letting the Azarathian's hand go and placing his head in his hands. He sighed deeply. "No movement, not even a twitch all night."
Beast Boy gave Robin's shoulder a squeeze. "Hey dude, you need to get some rest. One of us can take over."
Robin gave a slow nod and massaged his temple, standing up from the chair and stretching slowly. He had a crick in his neck from the odd position he'd been in for most of the night. Beast Boy took a step back and looked at Starfire.
"Hey Star, why don't you get Robin some breakfast and make sure he gets some rest. I'll take over for a while," he stated, surprising even himself with his authoritative tone. Robin seemed too tired to argue.
"Are you sure, friend?" asked Starfire, concerned from their earlier conversation. The shapeshifter met her eyes and an understanding passed between them. This was something he needed to do. He nodded, and she nodded back.
"Come Robin," said the Tamaranean soothingly, wrapping her arm around the boy wonder's shoulders and guiding him away from the room. She looked back at Beast Boy as they left, seeing him sit down on the chair next to Raven. She sighed deeply and then focused on the person beside her who she loved with all her heart. She imagined how horrible it would feel if he was in that medical ward. She shuddered at the thought and pushed it out of her mind.
Beast Boy looked over at the sleeping figure of Raven, who looked exactly as she had done the previous evening. Her bandages were still in place around her head. He took up Robin's mantle by taking her hand gently. "Hey, Rae. I'm back to see you."
He felt the emotion swelling in his chest again and swallowed it back. He reminded himself that he wanted to be brave and positive for her, just as he had told Starfire in the kitchen. He looked over at the tubes and wires that covered her body, warily. He could hear the machines whizzing and whirring away, with the rhythmical beeping of her heart monitor in the background. He sighed deeply and blinked his eyes at her. She looked so peaceful despite all of this. Each beep was going through him like a razor, but she was unfazed.
"I'm so sorry, Raven," he started, deciding that he needed to tell her how he was feeling. Maybe she could hear him? "I'm so sorry for everything. This is all my fault."
He paused, looking over at her hopefully. He squeezed her hand a little. No movement, no change. He sighed again and closed his eyes tightly.
"Please wake up. Please just wake up and yell at me again. Tell me what an idiot I am, anything. I deserve it," he stated, a few tears leaking out from his eyes. "I'd give anything just to hear you shouting at me again."
No movement, no change. The beeps from the machine were consistent throughout. The changeling opened his eyes and looked at her again. He ran his spare hand through his hair and leant back into the chair. "We're all falling apart here, Rae. We need you. I need you, Rae. Wake up. I need to talk to you, to find out what happened. Why did you look at me like that yesterday? What is going on with you? I need to know. It was like…you were going to kiss me or something!"
He paused, giving a little laugh at how ridiculous that concept sounded to him, before persisting.
"But that can't be right, can it? Most of the time you act like I'm the most annoying person on the planet. But…the way you looked at me yesterday was like…dude, it surprised me. So much that I reacted like an idiot. I stepped away because I was afraid – it was a physical reaction in me that, like, wasn't even a choice, Rae. I'd moved before I even realised what I'd done. I wish I knew what you'd been thinking, what you'd been feeling, what you wanted from me in that moment. I'd have given it to you, gladly. Because I care. I really do care about you, Raven."
He paused, lifting her hand up and resting it against his forehead gently. Taking a deep breath, he let their hands fall back on to the bed. Nothing. His eyes raised and looked over to her, as if seeing her for the first time. The way the morning light was landing on her made her face look beautiful somehow despite the tubes. Her lilac hair framed her delicate features, and the shapeshifter let out a little gasp despite himself, feeling his heart pick up pace. He swallowed hard and then continued. "I'm going to do everything I can to get you back. Don't even think about letting go or giving up on us, okay? You've got through so much, you can get through this."
He looked at her hopefully, having poured his heart out to her. No movement, no change. Just the now familiar beep of the heart monitor and the whirring of the machines. Realising that she was not going to respond, he did the only thing he could think to do. Lighten the mood.
"Alright, be stubborn," he said, teasingly. "If you're going to just lie there and pretend to be in this coma then I'm going to make it worthwhile. I've been saving up loads of jokes just for you, Rae. For the rest of my time here with you, I'll tell you them all. If you want me to stop at any time you can just wake up and tell me, okay?"
No movement, no change. He felt slightly downtrodden, but he wasn't going to be beaten. If nothing else, the shapeshifter was reputably persistent – especially when it came to the empath. He took a deep breath and looked over at her, still clutching her pale hand in his.
"Okay, so this horse walks into a bar…"
Several hours passed, and Starfire had managed to coax Robin to eat half a bowl of cereal before going with him to his room and ensuring he lay down on his bed. He hardly seemed to notice Starfire's presence, in a world of his own. The Tameranean wasn't angry. She felt much the same, as if her whole body was on autopilot. She stood by his bedside, watching the young man's breathing start to change and become more rhythmic. He had finally drifted off into a troubled sleep. Starfire gently leaned over and brushed the long, dark hair away from his face. The mask was still firmly in place and she didn't dare touch it. Sighing, she retracted her hand. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but this wasn't the right time. There was only one thing on the young woman's mind and that was seeing her friend. She gave the boy wonder a small, sad smile and wandered back towards the door. She paused, glancing back at him briefly before sliding the door gently shut behind her with a whizz.
Taking a deep breath, Starfire meandered her way back down the corridors on foot. Her emotions were too fraught for her to think of attempting to fly right now. She knew that her bright, shiny personality was as dull as her listless eyes today. But she didn't care. She just wanted to know that her best friend was going to be okay, and right now she couldn't be sure of that. Feeling the tears prick her eyes again at this realisation, Star sighed loudly and rounded the corner to the medbay.
The door opened, and she saw the shapeshifter, sitting in the place that Robin had been several hours before. He was holding the Azarathian's hand and mumbling to her in a low voice. Starfire couldn't quite make out what he was saying but she cleared her throat politely to let him know she was there. Beast Boy's ear twitched slightly.
"Hey, Star," he said, without even turning around. He must have been tired, normally those ears would have picked up her footsteps before she had entered the room. The princess slowly wandered over to where her friend was and looked over the bed at Raven's sleeping form.
"How is our friend faring?" she asked, quietly. She already was quite certain of what the answer would be. The changeling shook his head.
"Like Robin said, nothing," he replied, weakly. He turned to look at Starfire before giving her a dopey smile. "I tried all my best jokes and everything."
Starfire gave a small, appreciative laugh. She was fully aware of what the young man was trying to with his humour – protect himself. But she was grateful that he was trying to lighten the mood at this dark time in their lives. She touched his shoulder, softly.
"It is time," she stated, with some firmness in her voice. She could tell that Beast Boy didn't want to leave Raven's side. "You must go and rest, I shall take my shift as k'norfka for today."
Beast Boy gave a sigh and reluctantly let go of Raven's hand. He stood up from the chair and morphed into a cat before stretching in several different ways. He shifted back to his human form and looked at Star sadly. "I tried my best."
"I know you did, my friend," she replied, smiling at him as best she could. "I am sure that in some way Raven knows that you were here for her. Now rest. Please."
Beast Boy nodded at Starfire's sage words. He placed a hand on her shoulder and returned her smile. After a moment, he turned slowly and wandered out towards the door as Star sat down next to the empath. She noticed out of the corner of her eye that the shapeshifter stopped in the doorway to look back before he exited the room. But he wasn't looking at her. His eyes were resting on Raven, exactly as she had looked at Robin earlier. Starfire's eyebrows raised slightly but she gave no acknowledgement of his actions. She heard the doors swish closed and knew he had left.
She turned her attention over towards the Azarathian, taking her small pale hand in her larger orange one. "Hello, friend Raven. It is I, Starfire. I have come to look after you, my little bumgorf."
She gave the little hand a firm squeeze and then rested her other elbow on the bed and her chin nestled into her hand. "I have been thinking last night, that you always give me such the best advice. Since my time here on Earth, you have listened to me talk about my…feelings…on so many occasions. Yet, I have never heard you talk to me about anything which may be troubling you. I have never been able to return the advice which you so freely bestow upon me, my friend."
Starfire paused and drew breath, her eyes looking up to the ceiling as she let her thoughts flow out of her and into the room. "You see, friend, I think I am aware what the problem is. You are so kind to all of us. You are an 'empath', as you say. You sense the feelings of us all. Yet, you are so uncertain and dare I say…afraid…of your own feelings that you do not express them or share them with anyone on our team. Not even me."
She looked back down at Raven, giving her a small smile. Her eyes shone slightly. "I am not offended because I know that this is you. This is who you are. I know why you are afraid of your feelings – when I was you, I realised how difficult it must be and how much braveness you show every single day. But friend, since we defeated Trigon things have been much different. Your powers are more controlled, your emotions more steady. But you have not changed. You are still closed away, and I do not think that this is because of your feelings. Or maybe it is more about the feelings than we realise?"
She was still looking at the empath, but her eyes had changed. They were softer, more concerned. "You give me the advice, but when will you take it yourself friend? You do not know how to be outside of the hero role. You are so serious at all times. But this is not really you. I know, because I have been you. You are more…" Starfire paused, trying to find the right word. It came to her. "…complicated than you would care for anyone to know."
She lowered her voice to a whisper, as if they were sharing a great secret. "I know you, Raven. You say that you know me, that you know my mind and I know yours too. Over time I have become…what is the word…'attuned' to your way of being. So, I am aware of some of your feelings. Perhaps even those you believe to be hidden. Of how you are feeling about…him."
Starfire glanced behind herself, concerned she might be overheard. She relaxed when she realised that she and the Azarathian were truly alone, save for the beeps and whirrs of the machines. "I see the way you are looking at him when you think no one is watching you. The way you make glances over your books. The way you are always teasing him. Always seeking to be around him. It is like you are the magnets, opposite but drawn together. I am more attentive than you realise, friend. So, I know that your feelings for him are real and true."
Starfire sighed faintly, loosening her grip on Raven's hand slightly. "I am aware that you will most likely not tell him the feelings you have. I am also aware how angry you would be if you knew that I was saying all of this to you now! But, as I can say it and I feel it then I shall. Friend, I think that if you were to follow your own advice you would realise how wondrous these feelings can be. You will realise that you are too deserving of the happiness, despite the unfortunate things you have been through with…he who shall not be named!"
Her eyes glowed green momentarily thinking about Malchior, but she regained herself and tightened her grip again. "There is more, friend. I also see the way in which he looks at you. He is heartbroken that you are no longer with us. He is stealing the glances at you, just as you were to him. If you could only both be honest about this, then I feel he would too be overjoyed. Then, you would both truly find the happiness you described to me yesterday."
There was nothing, no movement or sound. Just as the boys had told her. She could understand their frustration, wondering if they had also poured their hearts out to the girl in hope of a response. She bit her lip slightly, wondering if Raven really could hear her.
"Friend, if you can hear this then I want you to know one thing. All I have told you is true. I believe what I am saying to be true. I know you don't like 'the mushy' stuff, but the most important thing is this. It doesn't matter to me, whatever you decide. I am your friend, and I will always be here for you. I just want you to be happy. More than that I just want you to come back to us."
No movement. Starfire gave up. She rested her head down on the bed next to Raven's arm defeated, and felt a few tears leak out. Perhaps she would try silence for a while. Her eyes blinked closed as she realised how truly tired she was. For a brief moment she thought she felt Raven's hand flicker in her own. Her eyes opened, and she stared at their hands for a few moments. Nothing. Deciding it must have been a trick of her tired mind she took a deep breath and closed her eyes again.
"I am here if you need me, bumgorf," she whispered quietly, her tones low. The machines beeped a response to her, as the Tameranean drifted into a light sleep still holding the empath's hand tightly.
