Batman didn't fully regain consciousness for some time, but he heard snippets of conversation as he drifted in and out. Usually the Joker talking at someone.

"Don't give me that look! I said I wanted all of them blown up and I do!"

"Is that really necessary though, Joker? There are so many of them…"

"So you better stop dilly-dallying and get to it! And remember to blow up all of them! If I find out you left even one out, I'll make you eat your goddamn hat, get me?!"

"I told you we should have been fashionably late, Jonathan – if one arrives early, one is always forced to do unpleasant tasks," sighed the voice Batman recognized as Jervis Tetch.

"If Harley were here, she'd do it for me, but I'm a little behind schedule because she's not," retorted Joker. "This is a hard thing to set up all on your own, you know! I'd like to see you nerds try it!"

"We would never set up something so ghastly," retorted a voice Batman recognized as Jonathan Crane.

"I wouldn't point fingers, Professor Scarecrow," retorted Joker. "Everything you do is the definition of ghastly!"

"But Joker, it's grotesque," replied Crane.

"You know, Harley does a lot less complaining than you two," snapped Joker. "She's also hotter."

"Yes, perhaps you shouldn't have heartlessly dumped her for a couple of reasons then," retorted Crane.

"Pammie!" exclaimed Joker, as Batman heard the door open. "You're just in time to lend a hand!"

"You do your own dirty work, Joker," snapped Ivy. "I'm only here in the hopes that something will go horribly wrong."

"This whole thing is already horribly wrong," commented Two-Face.

"Shut up and help out!" snapped Joker.

"Coin says no," replied Two-Face. "You're on your own. This whole awful thing is your insane idea, after all."

Batman's eyes fluttered open, but his vision was swimming, and he could only make out blurry shapes and colors. Suddenly, Joker noticed his eyes were open.

"Nope, sorry buddy, you can't be awake yet!" he exclaimed, grabbing one of the boxes and slamming it over Batman's head. Batman briefly wondered what the hell in those was so heavy before he blacked out again.

When he awoke again, his head throbbing from the dart and from the blow, the room was in total darkness. Batman slowly staggered to his feet, clutching his skull and trying to see in the dark. "Joker?" he called. "Is anyone here?"

"Now?" whispered a voice.

"No, not now!" hissed another voice. "We have to have the countdown!"

"So do it!" snapped another voice.

"All right – 3…2…1…surprise!" shouted Joker's voice, and Batman was suddenly blinded as several extremely powerful lights flared on, and several explosions went off. He blinked, and as his eyes adjusted to the room around him, he saw that the explosions had come from party poppers which had sent streamers all over the room. The room itself had been decorated for what looked like some sort of tacky party. Hundreds of balloons floated around the room, among giant, inflatable clowns. Banners hung from the walls and ceilings reading Welcome to the Right Side! Happy Friendship Day, Batman! Congratulations on Your Epiphany!

Batman stared from the decorations to the giant, three-tiered cake in the shape of a building, which had tiny figures of Joker and Batman on top, smiling and surrounded by candles and tiny dead civilians. Standing around the room were Ivy, Two-Face, Crane, Tetch, and Joker, standing next to the cake, brandishing a knife and wearing a party hat.

"You should see the look on your face!" Joker giggled. "I knew it would be worth it! And you all said this surprise party was a stupid idea! Now I know you're shocked, Batsy, but we've gotta do the honors and cut the cake!"

"Joker…what is…going on?" stammered Batman.

"Well, this is your party!" exclaimed Joker, gesturing around. "I always knew one day you'd realize you weren't so different from the rest of us, and come over to our side! So I made some boxes full of party supplies for that day and, so I wouldn't use them for one of my many other parties, gave them to the other freaks to look after for me, under duress, of course. The code for me to collect them was, 'You know, it's a good day to stop flossing' because that was something I'd never say in casual conversation, given the importance of good teeth to my look. Most of these idiots thought I'd never get to use it, but I proved them wrong!"

"The gift boxes that we collected…had party supplies in them?" asked Batman, slowly.

"Yep – gave the party poppers to the nerds, who objected to the explosives, of course," said Joker. "I think Harvey had the balloons and clowns, and Selina had the dishes and the cake stand, but the cake and the catering had to be done fresh, of course. Fortunately I know a guy who knows a guy who owns a catering company, and in return for not baking him alive in his own oven, he got this thrown together for me in a hurry. Oh, and someone also had the champagne, of course."

"That was us – between the party poppers stuffed with gunpowder and the champagne, it was an accident waiting to happen," spoke up Tetch. "I really wasn't comfortable with such a potential explosive around my animals, and myself, of course."

"You were talking about…blowing stuff up…just now," said Batman.

"Oh, you were awake for that, huh?" chuckled Joker. "I meant they had to blow up the balloons – there are a lot of them, as you can see, and Harley was meant to help, but…y'know."

"So…your big plan for today…was just to throw a surprise party for me?" asked Batman, slowly.

"That's right!" exclaimed Joker, beaming. "Lex and I were supposed to be planning this animal sanctuary joke today, but when you showed up saying you had finally seen the light, I decided your party was the number one priority! And frankly, Lex probably isn't gonna wanna work with me after this, so I guess that scheme is canceled anyway. Hey, you can tell Selina that was all your doing, and maybe she'll forgive you for the whole Wonder Woman debacle!" he added, beaming. "Now let's cut this cake, huh, buddy?" he asked, holding out the knife to him.

Batman stared at him, slowly processing the situation. He had spent today undercover, pretending to be friends with the Joker, all in the hopes of him leading him to Luthor and this big scheme of theirs, which turned out to have been canceled in favor of Joker throwing a party for Batman. Which meant this whole day, and the agony of pretending to be Joker's friend, had all been a colossal waste of time and effort. Batman could feel himself growing furious, his hands tightened into fists, preparing to smash themselves into Joker's face…

But then suddenly the floor gave way, and Batman found both him and Joker falling into a pit. The cake splattered alongside them as they hit the metal at the bottom.

"Hey, what gives?" asked Joker. "Guys, this pit wasn't part of the party plan!" he called up at the other Rogues.

"No, it wasn't," growled a familiar voice, as Lex Luthor appeared at the edge of the pit, glaring down at them. "But it is payback for shooting me with a dart gun. If you think I would hide myself away in a secure location with you and without some kind of backup, then you don't know me at all, Joker. This whole underground bunker has a series of traps which I can use against any enemies, which at the moment includes both of you."

"What about us?" asked Crane. "We actually didn't want to be part of this party insanity in the first place, but Joker threatened us."

"The coin told me to," agreed Two-Face.

"I was just here to watch something go horribly wrong for Joker, and it did," said Ivy. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but thanks, Lex."

"You can all go – my quarrel is with Batman and Joker," said Luthor.

Joker laughed. "Yeah, right, they're not gonna leave me here, are you, guys?" he asked, looking up at the Rogues.

They all shared a look, and then headed for the door without another word. "Guys?" repeated Joker. "Guys! You bunch of ungrateful losers! See if I invite you to anymore parties in the future! Well, at least we still have each other, eh, Bats?" he asked, smiling at Batman.

"Batman, don't you think it's time to tell him the truth?" asked Luthor, with a smile.

"Yes," growled Batman, glaring at Joker. "After the day I've had, I would like nothing better than to wipe that annoying smile off your stupid face, Joker! Having to spend all day in your company without punching you repeatedly has been the hardest thing I have ever done! And then it turns out it's all for this stupid party?! What kinda dumb scheme was that?! I wasted my time hanging out with you in the hopes that you'd lead me to Luthor, so that I could save lives, but in a final act of indignation, you've canceled that plan for a stupid party! You are the most irritating, rambling, ridiculous man it has ever been my misfortune to spend time with! You're a horrible, selfish, evil brute who treats everyone around him like crap, particularly your girlfriend, who you don't deserve in the slightest! You talk about killing people and causing destruction with that stupid smile on your face, as if hurting people is some kinda joke, as if death and pain and misery is some kinda joke! But it wouldn't be if it was your turn, would it?! You act all superior to everyone, but the truth is, you're just as vain, self-centered, and pathetic as the most common criminal! Just because you put a smile on a monster doesn't make him any less of a monster, and you are the lowest of the low, the worst specimen of humanity I have ever met! And you think we're somehow kindred spirits, somehow friends?! I could never, ever, in a hundred million years, ever join you, and I would never, ever, ever be your buddy! The fact that you were so easily taken in by the act, the fact that you actually believed it, proves how much of an idiot you actually are! You think I would just sacrifice everything I am, everything I believe in, for you?! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

Joker's smile had gradually fallen as Batman spoke, and when he stopped, there was silence. "Wow," murmured Joker at last. "You know, you've beat me up a lotta times, Bats…but you've never really hurt me until now."

"That's what I like to see – Joker without his smile," said Luthor. "And it's going to be the last I ever see of him, or you, Batman," he added, pressing a button suddenly. "I'm giving Joker his final wish, and letting you both die together," he continued, as a metal slab descended from the ceiling to cover the pit. "Suffocation is a pretty horrible way to go, so I hear, but at least you'll have each other, right?"

Batman reached for his utility belt, only to realize that it wasn't there. He looked at Joker, who shrugged. "I didn't want you to worry about your waistline with the cake, so I took it off."

Batman felt his hands balling into fists again. "Luthor, the Justice League sent me, and they'll know that I'm missing!" he shouted.

"True, but they'll never find this place," said Luthor, nodding. "Lead lined, so Superman can't see it. I guess Flash could race around the world looking for you, but by the time he finds this place, I think even he will be too late. Enjoy the cake," he added with a smile, as the metal lid sealed firmly into place.