Chapter 9: Chaos, Yo'!
A/N: Hello, peeps! I hope you have all been well, what with the gaping, bleeding wound of my absence in your lives. My excuse for not writing is as follows:
I was abducted by aliens, who took me to their planet in order to make me their undisputed ruler. I lived a thousand years on that planet, before I accidently destroyed it while trying to obtain a 'Fullmetal Alchemist' DVD using alchemy. The end.
I hope that helps.
(THIS IS A SCENE-CHANGING DEVICE!)
Everyone (except Duke, Pharaoh, Marik, Weevil, and Tea) was back at the motel, but something was awry...
"Um...Yami Marik, what are you wearing?"
VERY awry.
Yami Marik stood happily in front of the remaining YGO cast, clad in a STRAWBERRY-FROSTING PINK DRESS. Completing the ensemble were pink shoes, a pink purse, a pink hat, pink bows, pink nail-polish, and...make-up. (Come to think of it, he was probably wearing pink undies too...just like Tea.)
"Well, what does it LOOK like, Silly-Billy?" he sang, "It's a dress! Isn't it pretty!"
"Uh-huh!" Said Pegasus, who was promptly slapped by Dartz.
"Eh...Yami Marik?"
"Yes?" He replied sweetly.
Yugi flushed crimson, any sort of comment about the fact that Yami Marik was a man and should start acting like it dying in his throat. "Um...nice shoes."
"Thank you!" Yami Marik beamed.
'THOCK!'
All eyes turned to the front door, where two very wet, very sudsy people stood.
"Oh-ohhhh..." Everyone but Yami Marik and the two new occupants of the room chorused.
Marik blinked through the soup covering his eyes, wondering what the 'Oh-oh' was about.
Then he saw his yami.
The famous 'Psycho' music began to play. Everyone but Yami Marik took a BIG step backwards.
"Hi! Hi! HI!" Yami Marik skipped daintily over to his trembling, fuming hikari, "Do you LOVE it!"
Marik...
EXPLODED!
Literally!
No, really! He did!
Oh, come oooonnnnnn...
(Sighs) Okay, he didn't explode.
But he ALMOST did!
Instead, he stood in shocked silence, his usually tan face growing violet.
"Don't you love it, Hikari?" Yami Marik's lower lip trembled, big tears filling his eyes, "It's PINK...(sniffle)...my favorite color..."
In a flash, Marik pushed Dartz into the wall.
"Leggowa' me, Foo'!" Dartz cried in a gangsta' rappa' accent for no good reason whatsoever.
But Marik didn't let go; in fact, he stuck his hand into Dartz's robe-pocket, grabbing a small, bright green stone. "NO MORE!", he bellowed, slapping the stone to his yami's forehead.
'Ka-pow-sa-la-mi!'
Yami Marik shook his head gruffly. "What? Huh? Where am I? ...Why is everyone laughing!"
Then he looked down at himself.
(THIS IS A SCENE-CHANGING DEVICE!)
"WHY IS EVERYTHING SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTING?" Gornak screamed, but he came from a race of aliens that didn't have any ears, so no one knew that he had actually said anything.
Wait... HUH?
Argh! What am I writing about?
(THIS IS A SCENE-CHANGING DEVICE!)
"WHY AM I DRESSED LIKE THIS?" Yami Marik hollered.
"You're gay now, remember?" Pegasus replied ditzily. Oh-ho, that Pegasus! Will he ever learn? Ah-ha-ha!
"NO, I DON'T REMEM...ber..." his eyes grew wide.
Dartz fidgeted.
(THIS IS A SCENE-CHANGING DEVICE!)
Room 41
"Hey, Seto! I think they're killing someone in the lobby!"
"Shhh, Mokuba! I'm trying to find out the name of the imbecile who would DARE to mess with my company!"
Mokuba just nodded, not wanting to hear another Seto-Rant again.
His brother's eyes widened as the computer made a 'Beep!' sound. "It can't be..."
"Who?"
Seto got into "battle-pose", staring up at the ceiling, "FAAAAAIIIIITTTTTTHHHHH!"
(THIS IS A SCENE-CHANGING DEVICE!)
"Unhaaannnnd meeeeeeeee!"
Yugi drank his Moxie obliviously, Marik read a 'Tomb Guarding Today' magazine, Weevil...thought about bugs; and Pegasus watched chick-flicks on his (black and sexy!) portable DVD player.
"OW! Ow! Ow! OW! AUUUUUGGGGHHHH!"
Marik leaned over to Pegasus, "Whatcha' watchin'?"
Pegasus sniffled, dabbing his eyes, " 'The Notebook' "
Marik watched for a little while, then made a gagging sound as two characters kissed with flaming passion. (Personally, I agree! SOAPS and CHICK-FLICKS must DIE!)
"That's not very nice!" Pegasus exclaimed. Marik rolled his eyes.
"Please, Yami Marik! It was only a joke! I'LL SICK THE LEVIATHAN ON YOOOOUUU!"
Tea walked in. "What's going on?"
"Yami Marik's gone ape on Dartz." Marik explained.
"Oh."
"What's wrong with you?"
She hung her head. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Where's Duke and the Pharaoh?"
Tea burst into tears, running to her room like a girly nincompoop.
"Hm?" Marik grunted like...himself...grunting.
'BANG!'
The front door opened again! This time it revealed Pharaoh and a very depressed Duke. Actually, I wonder how they got here after Tea...since she walked and they DROVE. Hm... Oh, well.
"PHARAOH!" Yugi cried happily, going over to his friend.
"Yugi..." Pharaoh smiled. Suddenly, his face went pale, "Tea isn't here, is she!"
"Huh? Um, yeah. She's in her room."
"Yeah!" Marik piped up like the nosey little moose we all know he secretly is. "Is something wrong? She was crying!"
"She hit on Pharaoh and he threw up on her." Duke explained. "Now she can't be near him for twenty-four hours or he may get sick again."
Marik raised an eyebrow at the Pharaoh, who turned red, then frowned. "How's that gonna' work? You know, with you guys in the same van and all?"
Hmmm...looks like the time for...
SOME POINTLESS SELF-INSERTION! You know! Like in every road-trip fic ever MADE? Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
A second later, Faith stood in the cast's midst, a stupid grin on her face. "HI!" she chirped, "I happen to have a solution to your problem!"
"WHAT?" Everyone asked. That's right, everyone who ever lived– even you. Because I say so.
"I'M gonna' come!" Faith answered, "Because what would a road-trip fic be without the authoress to tag along in an annoying and highly egotistic manner?"
(Insert Cricket Chirp Here)
"So, YAY!" She said, "I'm changing a few things!"
"ARGH!" They groaned.
"First of all, TEA!"
Suddenly, said Tea appeared, still blubbering, "Huh? What?"
Faith waved a hand, "Tea Gardiner (In Mewtwo's Dub-Voice), YOUR USEFULNESS TO ME HAS ENDED."
Tea...
DISAPPEARED!
"Tea!" The YGO cast exclaimed foolishly.
"Faith, you SNAKE!" Someone called.
"Yes, I was born in 1989!" Faith replied. Don't ask. It's a "Fruits Basket" thing.
Seto stormed up to everybody's favorite (GAG!) S.I., Mokuba at his heels. "You stole my company! GIVE IT BACK!" he yelled, waving a fist at her as if he'd like to sock her one– which he probably would!
"Yeah, okay." She said, handing him the contract, "It was just to freak you out anyway."
Seto stood, shocked, fist still raised. "Uh..."
"Okay, Mokuba– off you go!" Faith waved her hand again, and this time, Mokuba disappeared!
"MOKUBA!" Seto shrieked like the loving person we all know he is DEEP DOWN IN HIS LIVER. I mean...heart.
"It's okay!" Faith reassured him, "He's at your home; back where he was before I took all of you away."
"WHY?" Seto seethed.
"Because he wasn't funny!" She chortled. "Now, instead of having TWO vans, we're just gonna' have one HUGE van. That way, I get to spend time with ALL of you! Yay!"
'NO!' Everyone thought.
"And I'll be rearranging the room's occupants too."
"AAARGH!"
Room 50: Dartz, Pegasus, Marik, FAITH! (Gag...)
Room 53: Duke, Yugi, Weevil
Room 41: Yami Marik, Pharaoh
Room 42: Seto
"YAH-MON!" She hollered like one of those hip Caribbean guys, "Let's all go to SLEEP!"
So, they did!
(THIS IS A SCENE-CHANGING DEVICE!)
Marik sighed, "Now...where are YOU gonna' sleep?" he asked Faith.
"She can share MY bed!" Pegasus suggested a bit TOO hospitably. Faith turned bright red because, while she may be an annoying, evil S.I. who is obsessed with bishies like Pegasus, she'd never actually share a bed with one. Because she isn't a HOOKER people! ARGH!
"Um..." She smiled a big, fake, happy smile, "I think I'll just write another bed in here. In fact..."
With a 'POOF!', four deluxe, luxury beds appeared, along with a bigger room, ritzy surroundings, a plasma screen tv, etc.
"Faith..." Marik gasped.
"Oh-ho! No need to thank me!" She chuckled, failing to realize that the REAL reason he had gasped was because most of the furniture had landed on HIM.
...And Dartz and Pegasus.
Still chuckling foolishly and ignoring their plight, Faith waltzed out the door. "I'm gonna' go to Burger King now– see ya'!"
"But–"
SLAM!
(THIS IS A SCENE-CHANGING DEVICE!)
Room 42
"Come on!"
"No."
"Please?"
"Never. It's eleven o' clock at night."
"But–"
"No!"
"YOU'RE COMING!"
Seto glowered at Faith. "I hate you."
(THIS IS A SCENE-CHANGING DEVICE!)
Burger King
"Let's sing the Burger King Song!" A crazy Burger King employee screamed.
"YAY!" The customers yelled beck.
Music began to play.
"Oh, yeah, yeah, YEAH!
Oh, Burger King we love you!
We eat here every day!
Oh Burger King, we love your food!
We slavishly obey–
We slavishly obey–
Whatever you have to say–
Whatever you have to saaaaaaayyyyy...
BURGER KING, WE LOVE YOOOOOUUUUUU!"
"I LOVE YOU, BURGER KING!" Some random man screeched, leaping over the counter, "I OBEY!"
"Excellent..." The crazy employee said just like Mr. Burns from the Simpsons, "Take him to the others, Jerry."
The cook came over, dragging the insane man away. "I obey...I obey...I obey...I OBEEEYYYY..."
"I know you do, Jerry. I know." Crazy Employee soothed. "NOW!" he turned to Seto and Faith, "How may I help joo?"
"I want a Whopper Jr. With EXTRA mayonnaise, and I want THREE PACKETS of mayonnaise to go with that!" Faith cried.
Seto and Crazy Employee gave her a bug-eyed look.
"What?" she retorted, "I like mayo!"
Seto shook his head. "I guess I'll have a Whopper Jr. Too." he said, "Hold the mayo."
"Okee-dokee! We'll be right wit' joo!"
And they were! Not like in real life when you have to wait a thousand years for one stinkin' little order of fries and a milkshake. But– (In Jack Skellington's Voice) OH WELL.
So, Faith and Seto got their food and grabbed a table. Figuratively. If they really grabbed it...that would be...odd. Why do people say 'grabbed a table', anyway? Who actually GRABS a table? I MEAN REALL–.
"A-HEM." All the customers said.
Sorry.
"Why did you want me to come with you, anyway?" Seto growled, "Why not one of those other dweebs?"
"'Cause you're my favorite character and I LOVE YOU! I'm so sorry I took your company away!" Faith cried.
Well, Seto didn't know whether to be unforgiving or to just ignore her. He soon found out that he could do neither, however, as he watched her squirt THREE PACKETS of mayo on her already mayonnaise loaded Whopper Jr. "How are you still so thin?" he asked suspiciously.
"I'm really not sure. Doctors aren't sure, either. They ask me if I'm anorexic sometimes. Then they just conclude that I have high metabolism when they see me wolf down one of these puppies and NOT barf afterwards." she shrugged.
Seto didn't say anything, but he felt like barfing just looking at all that mayo. Instead, he averted his eyes and thanked goodness that HIS Whopper Jr. was SANE.
And then they ate and went back to the hotel, because NO ONE needs a creative plot! Ha-ha!
(END OF CHAPTER!)
A/N: Well, Seto seems to have...disappeared. So, I offer you...
ISHTAR THE HAPPY BUNNY Written by YAMI BAKURA
Once there was a bunny named Ishtar. He lived happily with his family and friends in their underground colony, feasting on the spoils they gathered from various ignorant people's gardens and enjoying the bright sunshine and cool breezes. Life was wonderful. Until one day when the bigger bunnies came and SLAUGHTERED HIS ENTIRE VILLAGE! KILLED THEM ALL IN FRONT OF HIS EYES! THEN THEY TOOK THEIR SOULS TO MAKE SOME STUPID ITEMS! GAH!
But he swore he would get revenge...yes...he would kill that idiotic Pharaoh Bunny and his entire kingdom for what they did to his town! YES! HE WOULD MAKE THEM SUFFER AS HE SUFFERED! HE WOULD TAKE THE ITEMS FOR HIMSELF AND SEND ALL THOSE FOOLS TO THE SHADOW RELM! BWA-HA-HA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (choke, cough, wheeze)!
The End.
