Chapter 9

AN: Sup fools. I know last week i said that i would bring new charaters but ya see I TOTALLY DID1 HA bet i fooled you for a while, huh. any way our home boy Dil (AN: thats the cool way of sayin his name) is lookin for a kung fu master that the hobo told him back in the last few chapters so now hes gonna do it. but will it be as easy as it sounds...

Dildo took a big bite out of a apple as the kart he was ridin slowy went past the gaurds. he had met the wood cutter who's kart this was on his way in to town and earned a seat by cuttin the wood, WITH HIS FEET ONLY, and the dude was so happy he let him ride in the kart.

then the kart stopped.

"here we are little boy." Said the dude.

"Thanks son." Said Dildo and jumped out. beacuse it had been a long trip he did a triple back flip to strech his legs before he moved off.

THe city of Bar-biesucks was much bigger then he could think. meanin elf for Phat loot, bar-biesucks was a old town full of busnesses like bars and shit even though it was not near a ocean. he could see that beacuse all the buildins had triple storys and signs stuck to them and you coudnt get that if you farmed only fuckin wheat.

pullin out the paper map the hobo had gave him he looked at where he had marked where to start lookin for the master in this city. it made sense that he would be here with all the people he saw just standin here.

As he went lookin he wondered what he master would be like and what kind of epic bitchin kung fu hed learn. may be he could learn a secret new technicie that even his uncle didn't know.

finally he reached a inn. Kickin it in he cooly walked over to thebar.

"I am lookin for a kung fu master." He said. "I was told he was a dwarf and that he comes here a lot."

Suddenly every one laughed. so even laughed so hard that beer came out of thier noses.

"whats so fuckin funny." Dildo said angerly.

Theres' no kung fu masters here kid." Said the barkeep grinnin. "what do you think we are... hobbits?"

"I don't care what you fuckin think I am lookin for a dwarf who is a kung fu master."

THis made them laugh even harder. Dildo stopped this by grabbin the landlord in his hands as he gulliten kicked the bar into splinters (AN: a gulliten kick is when you rise you foot in the air and bring it straight down hard)

"Show me the dwarf." He said serously.

the Landlord narrowed his eyes and thought about it.

"okay. sure."

A door opened in the back alley behind then inn and the Landlord came out holdin Dildo by the back of his coat. Dildo was so surprised that was why he had'nt kicked the shit out of him all ready.

"If you want to see a dwarf so fuckin much here's you're fuckin dwarf, bitch!" Said the landlord and throwed him on to a huge stack of beer bottles. Dildo had only just jumped back to his feet when the inn door slamed on him. He couldn't belive it. but before he could start thinkin that the hobo had ripped him off the beer bottles shook as some thing under it gave a burp. He watched unbelivingly as a dwarf crawled out holdin a tankard with one hand. The dwarf stood up and downed a mouthful from his tankard. then he scratched his big ass beer belly.

"Wots all the racket." He said all drunkenly. "Cant a dwarf have a wee nip of shut eye wif out a kid jumpin on him."

Dildo didn't say any thing. The Dwarf was so fuckin blitzed that he could smell the booze on him. he was so shocked that he realised that he was o-mouthing in shock.

"Your not the dwarf kungfu master. are you?" He said finaly.

"Kung fu?" Said the dwarf dizzly. "That's like, fighin, but wif out weapons and stuff."
"Yeah."

"Ab so bloody lootly!" yelled the dwarf happyly. All of a sudden he grabbed Dildo and give his a super fuckin strong bear hug, then with a free hand give our hero a wick noogee.

"Master Bang-er. AT YOU"RE SEVICE1 hows aboot a drink me fellow me lad." Said Bang-er.

"fuck off!" Shouted Dildo.

kickin the dwarf off balance, which was easy since he was so wasted, he sent the dwarf flyin with agoalie kick in to a dumpster. normaly he woun'd do this but he was so fuckin pissed at bein tricked that he didn't care.

"What fucker in his right mind would call you a master dick weasal! you are a booze hound, bitch! and I just wasted all that time just lookin to find that out!" Dildo shouted. He walked in to the garbage and pulled the dwarf out ready to kick his ass again, but stopped when Bang-er gave a barf making burp to his face.

"Want a barney eh?" Said Bang-er grinnin all drunk and shit. Then he head butted Dildo in the face and kicked him in the nuts real hard.

"come on then. Give me you're best shot!" Said Bang-er Happyly.

Dildo couldn't see straight thanks to the nut shot, but he still managed a decent round house kick at the drunks head. Bang-er fell over but then got back up with out a problem. Then Bang-er took a bad swing with his tankard but Dildo ducked and donkey kicked in to his gut. Bang-ers eyes bulged and then he threw up green ugly ass barf that could of killed a horse with its smell.

Dildo tried to stand up but the barf was slippery and he fell on his back instead.

"Never under estimite the spew lad. Said the Dwarf rubbin his gut.

Then he stuck his arms out and fell over Dildo.

"BELLY BUSTER!" Shouted Bang-er and he totaly broke on e of Dil's ribs doin it. Then he rolled over and stood back up and staggered back across a wall.

"Still don't think I am a master matey?" Said Bang-er

Dildo coughed up a little blood.

"What the fuck is goin on?" He said weakly. "my kicks should have sent you to the fuckin hospitel. how come I am the one whos fucked up?"

"The booze boy, the booze." Yelled Bang-er happyly.

He punched his gut proudly and took another gulp from his tankard.

"You're kicks certainly packed a punch but my mastery with booze totaly ignored it."

"How?"

Booze relaxes the body, dintya know even that? when the body relaxes it doesn't get hurt to much since it goes with the blow. People who get shit faced can get the bloody life beaten out of them with out even feelin it. I have spent my life learnin to get this pissed so i could use this in a fight.

(AN: this is totaly true. I have heard tons of storys where drunk drivers shrugged off acidents that sober people never could beacuse they didn't brace themselfs so thier bodies were cmpletely relaxed.)

Dildo stood up slowly and wiped some blood off his lip. Bang-er Grinned.

"An other round? Your a game one. But its a waste of time. you can't never beat my drunk kung fu boy."

"Even when Ive found your one weakness?" Said Dildo cooly.

AN: Is our hero tellin us the truth? Did he realy discover the weakness in Bang-ers drunken kung fu? Is there a weakness or he is just lyin... find out in the next chapter.

REVIEW THIS CHAPTER OR I WILL GIVE YOU A BELLY BUSTER!