Chapter 7: Bothering Snape and Halloween

It was Halloween, a day for tricks and treats and causing mayhem. Mayhem is of course what the DA does best.

It was nearing the end of the Halloween Feast when Dumbledore stood up and announced,

"Before we adjourn for our toasty beds, we have a couple of skits from Harry Potter and Dumbledore's Army!"

With a flick of his wand, Dumbledore rearranged the hall, moving the Staff Table to the back of the hall, in front of the door. Which left the raised dais, where the staff table usually sat, empty.

Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Neville, Luna, and Sapphire walked up to the dais.

"Well, we're Dumbledore's Army. Other members would include the Creevey Brothers but as they are currently occupied, it's just us tonight."

"Nice army, Potter!" Draco Malfoy laughed.

"We'll see who's laughing at the end of the night, Malfoy." Harry's voice was ominous.

"Now the first skit we'll be doing is called 'Bothering Snape'. Since we've already cleared this with the Headmaster, Professor Snape can't give us detention."

Harry and Ron remained as they are but Neville and Sapphire changed their looks. Neville changed his hair to white, grew it out, grew a beard to match and changed his robes to an obnoxious purple. Sapphire shortened her hair, made her nose swell to the size of a bird beak, made her eyebrows bush out so much that they formed a unibrow, and transfigured her robes to look bat-like.

The lights went out, and a spot light shined on Harry and Ron, revealing that they were the only ones on the stage.

Harry: I'm Harry Potter.

Ron: And I am Ron

Harry: Let's go bother Snape.

Ron: Right-o

Sapphire: I am Snape, the Potion's Master.

Harry: Ready, let's go bother him!

Harry and Ron: [randomly hit Sapphire] Bother, Bother, Bother,

Sapphire: Argh!

Harry and Ron: Bother, Bother, Bother,

Ron: Woo-hoo that was fun!

Harry: I like the part where he stops moving.

Awkward pause

Ron: Let's go do it again!

Sapphire: Oh no

Harry and Ron: Bother, Bother, Bother,

Sapphire: Stop!

Stop it!

Harry and Ron: Bother, Bother, Bother,

Sapphire: Avada Kedavra!

Sapphire: oh dear.

Neville: Hello, Severus.

Sapphire: Um, I can explain Sir.

Neville: What's this?

It seems young Harry and Ron are taking an afternoon nap. [Sapphire sneaks off]

Let's see what they have in their pockets.

Neville: Alas! Nine sickles and a dungbomb. This must be my lucky day. Now, where did Snape go? More importantly, where the hell am I?

[Neville looks around, and transfigures his robe into pale peach robes (i.e. Dumbledore's skin tone)]

Neville: NAKED TIME!

[Awkward dance]

Harry, Ron, Sapphire, and Neville (still in his peach robes) bowed to the hall, which was thundering with applause and laughter.

Luna walked up and announced, "Our next skit is called 'Trouble at Hogwarts'." Luna glided off the stage and the lights went out.

Harry: Hogwarts is great! It's the best place in the world!

Ron: Yes, Hogwarts is so much fun!

Hermione: I love to learn.

Harry: I love magic!

Ron: I love you, Harry.

Harry: Um…

[Neville enter wearing his purple robes]

Neville: I've got bad news, kids.

Harry, Ron and Hermione: Oh no, what is it?

Neville: The Dark Lord Voldemort is attacking the school!

Harry, Ron and Hermione: What will we do?

Neville: I don't know.

[Scene Change]

Luna: Hahahaha! Now Hogwarts is mine!

Sapphire: I am Snape, the Potions Master, I must stop you.

Avada Kedavra! [AK fail]

Luna: Hahaha! Avada Kedavra! [Hits Snape, looks like a Crucio]

[Scene Change]

Ron: Follow the butterflies, follow the butterflies, whee, lalalala

Hermione: Ronicus Explodicus!

[Ron's head is blown off and lands on the Gryffindor table]

[Scene Change]

Hermione: Here he comes!

Ron: Screams [runs off stage]

Luna: It's time to die, for you!

Harry: You can't do this!

Luna: Oh yes, I can!

Avada—

Harry and Hermione: Wait!

Luna: What is it?

[Harry and Hermione run off]

Hey! Blast!

[Ron runs in]

Ron: Bother!

[Ron runs out]

[Scene Change]

Hermione: What are we going to do?

Harry: There's nothing we can do. We're finished!

Ron: Wait a minute! I have a plan!

[Scene Change]

Luna: Oh children, where are you?

Harry: We're over here.

Luna: Well, here I come.

Ron: Wait! We're a little more to the right.

Luna: Oh? Here?

Harry: Almost.

Hermione: That's right.

Luna: I can't see any body.

Ron: Alright! Shoot him!

[Shoot Luna with Machine Guns]

Ron: Die! Die! Die!

Harry, Ron, and Hermione: Yay!

Sapphire: What's going on in here?

Harry: Snape, you're alive!

Sapphire: So it would seem.

Ron: We love you Snape!

[All: Hug Snape]

Sapphire: Hey! What the?

Oh you kids, I love you too.

Now please get off me.

Ron: No!

[Neville joins the hug in his peach robes]

Neville: Alas a cornucopia of love!

The End!

Snape is laughing so hard he fell off his chair, sputtering, "Dark Lord…Machine guns." Snape regains control of his motor functions and takes his spot.

"50 points to Gryffindor and 50 points to Ravenclaw!" The hall looks at him in shock.

"What? Anyone who is stupid enough to write a comedy on how to kill the Dark Lord deserves the points, considering that they'll be dead when He finds out."

Luna walks up, still dressed like Voldemort. "Our final skit needs no introduction or title. We will, however, need five minutes or so to prepare."

Luna walked back on stage. "We are finished, but you should all know that this was a Halloween that happened fifteen years ago, on a night quite like this. This skit is not funny in the least."

Snape was horrified. It was THAT Halloween. He wanted to leave so that none would see his tears. Lupin, probably coming to the same conclusion, had the same look on his face.

"You will not be permitted to leave this room until we are through." Snape felt a breeze of cold air on his face and realized that the Lovegood girl had casted a glamour on him so that he wouldn't have to leave. He assumed that she had done it to Lupin too, since he now looked more relaxed.

Luna walked off the stage

[Harry, dressed as Voldemort with his hood up, walked on stage and turned onto a corner with Godric's Hollow on the sign]

{The students finally realized which Halloween this was, and were moving anxiously}

[Harry entered a gate and walked up to the cottage, casting an Alohamora on the lock]

[Neville, glamoured as James, ran into the hall, wandless]

Neville: Lily! Take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!

[Harry laughed Voldemort's high, cold, cruel laugh]

{The Hall shivered; it was like Voldemort was in the room with them}

Harry: Avada Kedavra!

[Neville falls to the floor, dead]

[Harry steps over Neville and goes up the stairs]

[Ginny is holding baby Harry, shielding him]

Ginny: Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!

Harry: Stand aside, you silly girl…

Stand aside, now…

Ginny: Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead…

Harry: This is my last warning —

Ginny: Not Harry! Please . . . have mercy . . . have mercy. . . . Not Harry!

Not Harry! Please — I'll do anything —

Harry: Stand aside. Stand aside, girl!

[Ginny didn't move]

"Avada Kedavra!

['Harry' looked at Harry with interest]

Harry: Avada Kedavra!

[Harry drops dead and the lights go out]

{The hall gasped; even after all that begging, he wouldn't spare her child}

Harry walked on stage, face unglamoured, but still dressed like Voldemort.

"And you wonder why I don't like Halloween, my fame or Dementors." Harry spat.

The DA popped away, leaving no trace.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Potter Puppet Pals belongs to Neil Cicierega.

The last skit can be found (sort of) on pages 343-345 in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

A/N: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I know the ending was predictable, but it works well. I think I balanced it out with Potter Puppet Pals though. I don't know when I'll update again as I am rather busy this month. Yes, I do know that I suck at up dating.

Question: Can anyone tell me where I got the "Mushroom Kingdom" bit?

Answer: Super Mario Bros or Youtube Poop would be acceptable.

~A. Rosalie