Chapter 9 – Brennan: Part 3

She pulled her body back up in the chair and folded her arms on the table. "Okay, no interruption," she started, "Got it?"

Across from her Brennan nodded. 'Okay now where to start Andy?'

"Well, two years ago, I showed up for my first day of work and well basically… I arrested him. See, he was undercover… he likes being undercover. Anyway, that's how we met. I chased him out a window, tackled him in an alley and totally blew his cover… well debatably. Needless to say that was not a very good first impression and that day I spent the better part of two hours getting yelled at, mostly by Sam. It all worked out in the end though… we found the kid, I didn't get shot and nobody decided to fire me."

Andy watched as Brennan raised an eyebrow at her mention of getting shot, but Andy ploughed on… these were the highlights, not her memoirs.

"So the next time I see Sam, he's back in uniform. And I'm still not his favourite person. Which… you know…makes sense. But the powers that be decide it'll be hilarious if we ride together. So now he's my T.O. and we're stuck in a car. So that day, there's a lot less yelling, but a lot more lecturing. And I spent most of my time running around like an idiot and sticking my neck out a little too far. But in the end… I didn't get shot and I understood Sam a whole lot better. I got a chance to see what kind of cop he is… what kind of man… Anyway, that night I should have done something differently, because I already knew. But I didn't, instead I put my career first. And he pretended to understand.

So for the next few months we ride together. He's still lecturing and I'm still learning. I screwed up a few more times and he's yelled some more too… only because he cared. But I didn't get shot and in between all the excitement we're getting to know each other better. I talk constantly, and he mostly listens unless I make him say something. Which always annoys him and gets me into more trouble then its worth. But now we're partners and Sam only occasionally reminds me about my first day.

Meanwhile, I've started a relationship with someone else. Mr. Nice-Guy. A few dates here and there. It's going okay… besides a few freak outs on my part… I've never done well with commitment… mother issues… you know? Then I kind of really put my foot in it. But in the end, Nice-Guy forgives me… and I think I know why… but I keep my mouth shut even though I little voice in the very, very… very back of my head is starting to have doubts.

Well…then I shot somebody. And, as a cop… that has an effect. Honestly, I was shaken to my core, but I was still trying to keep it together. And he was there, he knew… me. Sam knew me. And well, Luke was more taken with the serial abductor, then me that night. And the lights were out, it was a different world and I felt broken and alone. Except I knew he'd be there. I knew. So I went and afterward I convinced myself it was a mistake… but it wasn't. The mistake was leaving when the lights came on. But I felt guilty… I felt really, really guilty."

Until know Andy had been trying to keep the story brief and as glib as possible. However, after recounting the night of the blackout Andy felt her self slip a little bit deeper into the story. It felt strangely good to hear it all together. Everything she'd done and said and ignored out in the open. One word after another even if it was a murderer who was quietly listening to her on the other side of the table. For a moment did she considered speeding along to recent events, but somehow that would be cheating.

After a brief pause, she continued, "So, that night kind of broke Sam's heart. Though he would never admit that… not in a million years. And he was angry with me. Which I deserved. So it took a while for me to convince him that we could still be friends. Though that a complete farce… and I knew it. Well…a part of me knew it. But Sam's my partner and I didn't want to loose him. I trusted him. And it's amazing what being stuck in a car for eight hours a day will do for any relationship. So we both pretended it never happened while we both wished it had. And we continued on like that. And it was okay. We did our job.

Meanwhile, Luke was oblivious. A few months went by and he ended up asking me to move in with him. New house, really nice. And I figured sure…take the leap of faith. Even I, Andy McNally, could be part of a responsible adult relationship. Of course those things don't actually exist, but oh well.

I did almost change my mind though…Sam almost got shot. Actually, I almost got shot that night, too. You would never guess, but we were undercover. And it almost blew up in our faces. I thought for some really horrible minutes that he was dead. So when I saw him, I really wanted to…but I didn't."

For the first time Jaime interrupted her. "How long was that?" he asked.

Andy wasn't annoyed. She just answered, "About a year."

"Were you scared?" he asked.

Andy didn't answer him. Instead she picked up speed with her story. "So I moved in with Luke and it was good. I felt good. I settled in and committed. I was happy. And at work, Sam and I were good. Partners.

And then I got shot. Here," Andy touched her chest where the bullet had hit her all those months ago. "Yeah, here. In the vest, but it hurt. I wouldn't recommend it. Took my breath away, literally. Actually, it took the whole world away. Except for Sam. I couldn't hear him, but he was there. And I was lucky. The second bullet took a girl's life away."

Andy paused, but after a moment she shook her head and continued. "So yeah, over the next few months we were just partners. We did our jobs. And he was always there when I needed him. Stuff happened. Then I got engaged. Because I'm an idiot. You see, Jaime, I found the ring. I found the ring in the lock box, so Mr. Nice-Guy proposed. I was an idiot… but the worst part was the look on Sam's face when he found out. But I didn't change my mind. A few months later, it all went to hell and I was left having to admit that I should have seen it coming. I felt like a fool."

"We all are…" Jaime added softly.

Andy didn't pay his comment much attention and instead ploughed on, "But Sam was still there. I kind of shut down for awhile, and then I started to snap back to reality. Mostly thanks to Sam. But you see, to get it all together, I decided I needed a plan. And I think as far as Sam could tell, he wasn't included in that plan. So he…well…I honestly, don't think he gave up on me. But he decided to take an opportunity when it came his way. He'd been waiting two years to go back undercover, and he warned me he was going. But then…POOF! He was gone. And I felt like a fool."

With that Andy stopped talking. A silence invaded the room and it was a moment before Brennan realized she had finished.

"So he went undercover at my business, and a few months later you accidentally bumped into him at the Alpine Inn," Brennan said, connecting her story with what he had already known.

"Yep."

When she didn't continue. Brennan spoke again, "And then Candace finally let herself love a man like J.D."

"Yep."

Jaime Brennan let the silence fill the room again. Andy could feel the beginning of hot tears in the corners of her eyes. After telling Sam and her story like that, she wasn't so sure it was a Romance anymore. Perhaps, her story was a Tragedy in its own way. What had she been thinking? So many opportunities lost and so many of her doubts ignored. She could see all the times in the past twos year when she'd had the opportunity to change the direction of her life.

"You know what the worst part of that story is?" Andy asked, but she didn't wait for an answer. "Everyone knew he loved me. Everyone. They watched Sam and me together and they knew. And I knew when they thought 'it's so sad she's doesn't see'. But I did see. I knew. I rode in the same car with him for two years. Of course, I knew. Worst than that, I felt the same, in my own way! I was just scared. I put my career first."

"You said that earlier," Brennan put in, "at the beginning, after you said you would have done it differently. What did you mean exactly?"

"Everything and nothing," Andy responded, little unsure if she should keep this going any longer.

"Andy…" Brennan almost scolded, but when he continued his voice had normalized. "It's my last question."

Andy sighed one last time. "After that first day that we rode together. We had both figured each other out a little. And well… we were in the parking lot… at the bar… after work…and I…he… uhh…we. We could have kissed. But I told him no. I was a rookie. He was my T.O. and told him no. I watched him brush it off like he didn't mind. But after that, we got so good at pretending. I even fooled myself for a while."

"Undercover."

"Exactly," Andy said. "Well anyway, long story short. I should have kissed him. I wish he'd kissed me… if only we had kissed. It would have been different."

"Maybe not better," Brennan put in.

Andy could tell by looking that Brennan's thoughts had turned back to his own tragedy.

"Perhaps," Andy started, "You know, Jaime, you wanted to know where you'd gone wrong this time."

"I did," stated Brennan. He was still lost in his own memories.

"Well, except for the obvious, I don't think you did. I just mean. Well, I found you last night, because you told me about your family. About how you loved them and how you wanted to be better for them," Andy paused, "But that information, also let me and my colleagues find the man that killed your wife and daughter."

The silence hung in the room again. Brennan had his head down now. He was lost in consideration and guilt. The guilt would rack him for as long as it mattered. As Andy watched, she realized they were done. It had been an admittedly strange experience and she was unsure it had done any good.

The chair being pushed back made a huge noise in the small room. Standing now, she pathetically added, "Detective Barber will be with you in a few minutes, Jaime."

She had almost made it out the door when…

"Thank you, Andy McNally," Brennan said weakly, "for them…and I'm sorry… about Sam.

All Andy could manage was a quick nod and an even faster retreat.