I contemplated if I should even update today - my mind is so occupied with what happened in Paris. As a matter of fact, I was in Paris just until Wednesday... it's scary, and outrageous and heartbreaking... my heart goes out to everyone affected by these terrible acts of terror. I hope all of you reading, especially those in France, are safe and stay safe.
Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to Belco, CrazyCountryGirl12 and guests "Katrina" and "Scarlett" (it's fine, darling, I'm glad you enjoy my story ;)) for reviewing.
The Brother that Care Forgot
"No."
My mother's voice was piercing, her eyes communicating that ultimate warning - that this was a matter where she would not budge, a matter best never spoken of again. It was a look that she did not wear often, in fact, it had been centuries since I had last seen it. Back then, Father had wanted to send my brothers to war and our mother had been sure it was too early.
When she wore that look, she always got her will.
I slumped immediately, the defiance draining out of me before it even properly raised its head. My eyes found Loki, who leant, arms crossed, against a particularly dowdy cupboard.
Perhaps it had not been a good idea to bring this matter to our mother. Perhaps, my merging idea, my little grab for power, was not to be told to her. As much as I wanted to do it, I did not quite dare to make it happen on my own; if anything went wrong, not only my safety was at stake, but also Loki's. No matter our disagreements, I did not want to cause him any harm.
Mind you, Loki had not looked as if the idea bothered him - in fact, he had had that look in his face that he always got when he desperately wanted something. Yet, at our mother's refusal, his expression had evened out.
"Why not?" he asked lightly. "We did get stuck with the illusions."
Our mother, who was usually so gentle, narrowed her eyes at him. "Because it's dangerous," she said. "To create such a bond between two people..."
Loki looked to me again, his lips twitching slightly. "I think it could get worse," he said. Even now, his tone was detached and cold, as if this did not matter to him at all.
"I said no," Mother reiterated. "You're tampering with things that should not be tampered with."
I huffed, but Loki nodded without further complaint. Mother looked from him to me and back. When neither of us protested again, she breathed a deep sigh of relief.
She sank down into one of the ornate, dark-wooden chairs and waved us away. Her mood for teaching us had obviously passed. I bowed my head before Loki's hand on my back guided me across the plush carpets out of the room.
He pushed me outside so roughly that I basically stumbled out the door.
"What in the-?"
"Have you lost your mind?" he said loudly before I could finish.
I raised an eyebrow at him. "I don't think I have," I shot back.
"Why do you go to Mother with that kind of thing?" he demanded. "Why do you not come to me? You can't have thought that she would agree!"
I obviously knew that he was right. What he did not know, though, was that there was a part of me that had not been sure if the whole merge was a good idea - and the only one to ask, the only one whose opinion on the matter was worth something, was our mother. I was not satisfied with her refusal, of course. In fact, it did not bring the closure I had hoped it would.
"I do not come to you, brother, because I do not wish to see which skank you have in your bed tonight!"
Loki blinked at me in surprise - I was surprised, myself. The urge to backpaddle, to apologize, was immediate, but I did not get to voice it.
His hand shot up to cut me off before I even started. "Perhaps Mother is right," he said coldly. "We should not be bonded like that."
He strut away and I called after him, but he did not so much as twitch. I cursed under my breath and pushed my hair backwards over my head.
I was not sure if I was more angry at him or at myself. I should not have said that and more importantly, I should have gone to him first.
Nothing of what had happened these past few weeks made any sense to me - what had happened to us? Loki and I had been so close. Not only siblings, but best friends. And now?
If only I had known why.
Loki stayed away from me for the next week. In fact, he stayed away from public gatherings altogether. He had dinner delivered to his quarters, he did not show up for breakfast, he even excused himself when Mother invited him for tea.
The excuse, of course, was poor at best. Apparently, he was attending to his correspondence. I did not know that anyone corresponded with my brother. Mother had but shaken her head when the maid announced that Loki would not join us.
Even though things had not been good, I missed him and because it got worse with every day, I decided to go to the one place where I knew he could not escape. At least, he could not escape without making himself look weird in front of our brother and his friends.
It was a beautiful day and the training grounds were widely populated.
My brothers were already there, sparring with each other. It was hard to tell who had the upper hand, as it always was. Neither of them would have liked to admit it, but Thor and Loki were evenly matched.
Now, too, every hit was promptly returned, every evasive step followed at once. It was undoubtedly Thor's weapon that was more dangerous. The great Mjolnir - when Father had given it to him, he had proclaimed that it was a weapon fit for a hero, fit for a king and it really did hold great power.
But where Thor had a mighty weapon, Loki was cunning. Watching him fight always left me with the impression that he had planned every single step beforehand, that he could read his opponent's mind.
Of course, Loki also had his magic. I waited for him to use it and almost started cheering when he finally did. I did not, though - in the middle of this fight, I did not want him to notice me. He used the illusions. It was obvious he had trained, for the switching looked effortless.
Thor swung the hammer at him, but it passed right through Loki's form, which flickered and evaporated. Thor stood in confusion, staring at the patch of thin air in front of him, when Loki stepped up behind him and pressed the tip of his dagger against Thor's back.
"Surrender, brother," he demanded playfully.
Thor had never been a good loser. Loki would always complain about it during our childhood years - how eventually, he had given up on teaching Thor chess because he could not handle our brother's bad mood as he kept losing.
It was plain on Thor's face now that this character flaw had not improved since then. Rage settled over his features - I sat, frozen, dreading what might happen next.
Thor seemed to tense and then his weapon rose above his head and he slammed it down onto the ground. The whole training ground shook, even the stands where I was sitting, as if an earthquake had taken the earth.
Several people fell, a few of the other girls watching the training started screaming. Loki had been thrown back with the sudden shake and landed heavily on his back. Seconds later, Thor had placed the hammer on his brother's chest, making Loki struggle like a bug fallen over.
"You surrender, brother," Thor said. "You and your tricks. Shouldn't you know by now that you can't win like this?"
I had barely registered that I was moving forward until I stood right beside him - the outrage that shone in Loki's eyes was the same that burned inside me.
"Is this not a trick?" I asked. "Lift the hammer!"
"Eirlys," Thor growled, his blue eyes flashing angrily. "Stay out of this."
"Lift the hammer-"
I was pulled backwards and turned to see Sif with her hand on my shoulder. "Loki doesn't play fair," she attempted to explain. "You don't understand-"
"Oh, I do," I spat. "Loki's magic is foul play but the magic of Mjolnir is an honourable weapon! Your hypocrisy is despicable."
Sif looked insulted at my words, turning to Thor in her disbelief. In the meantime, Loki had been freed and clambered to his feet. He hissed as he tried to straighten up, doubling over again immediately. Two steps, and I was beside him, reaching out steady him.
"Leave it," he said, but his refusal of my help was not as adamant as it had been that last time. "I'm fine."
But the first step he took was clear indication that he was anything but fine. He was shaking on his feet and he groaned in pain. "I think you've cracked a rib," I said. "Eir needs to have a look at that."
Our eyes met and he nodded sharply. I laid a hand against his chest and pushed my magic forward in an attempt to ease the pain. I shook my head at his noise of protest and watched as he straightened up slightly.
"Careful," I reminded him. "It's still broken."
"Tricks," Thor said. "Your magic is naught but tricks without real use."
Loki caught my arm as I started forward, the discomfort of movement clearly visible on his face. I glared at Thor, who was looking incredibly smug.
As always, he was right. I stood no chance at doing anything about Thor's attitude - the only thing I would accomplish was being ridiculed. So I grabbed Loki's arm and began to lead him away. Maybe my magic was only tricks as of now, but sooner rather than later, it would be so much more than that.
Seeing Loki off to Eir was a matter of minutes and I was out again just as quickly. Several maids had to jump out of my way as I approached my quarters. They had probably never seen me in such a hurry - honestly, I could not remember being in such a hurry before. I attempted to calm myself and my steps - things rushed would never turn out good.
Unfortunately, I could not slow down my mind. Thor wanted to see real magic? He wanted to know power that would withstand his stupid hammer? I would show it to him. It did not matter what Mother had said, it did not matter that she thought it was a bad idea.
Obviously, merging was the best idea I had ever had. Loki had wanted it too, even though he had abandoned the idea after Mother's intervention. Luckily, I did not need his help.
As always, my quarters were in meticulous order. I never caused too much of a chaos, anyway, and the maids had leave to put away everything that was not where it should be.
It had therefore been quite the task to hide away my ingredients and I had had to resort to illusions again. The small casket underneath my bed blended perfectly with its surroundings and only shuddered back to its usual wooden colour when I touched it.
I unpacked everything it contained - the small bowl I wanted to use for mixing, the towel, still drenched in Loki's blood that I washed off my hands and the strand of hair that he had lost in my chambers. Then, of course, there was the big, ancient book that contained the spell.
I spread all the items out on my vanity and they looked so out of place, I almost backed out in the last moment. Until, that was, the anger I still felt at my brother - the idiotic, brawny one, of course - fuelled me into action.
The first thing I realized was that I did not have a knife. Without my blood, it clearly would not work and I looked around my room for anything to cut myself with. My eyes landed on a small mirror already lying dangerously close to the edge of my table. A quick push and the object clattered to the floor, shards of glass spreading over the wooden ground in front of me.
"Too bad," I breathed. "I did like you."
I picked up one of the bigger shards between two fingertips. I turned the palm of my other hand up and pressed the glass into my flesh before I could think too long or too hard about it. The pain was sharp and seemed to focus my entire mind into that part of my body. I hissed as I dragged the shard further and the blood welled out of the cut, flowing over my fingers.
Breathing hard, I held my hand over the bowl and watched it fill slowly. When the red liquid was swimming halfway up the cup, I pulled away and wrapped one of my handkerchiefs around it.
It looked more dangerous now than I had imagined. Mother had warned me against this, Mother had always warned us against blood magic.
The blood was seeping through my handkerchief and I figured it was too late. Mother was not omniscient, anyway. When I was convinced that the bleeding was stopping, I pulled the towel with Loki's blood forward. Good thing that I did have some magic. I pulled the blood from the fabric and it gathered in the air in front of me.
I spoke the first runes in the books when I added it and the liquid started swirling of its own accord. It glowed softly, a dark reflection of the blood's colour.
The mixture sizzled slightly when I added the hairs - for just a moment, golden and black locks swam in stark contrast and then, I lost all sight of them.
I had to be careful with the next runes. They were slightly faded and complicated. My heart was battering in my chest as I spoke the verses; dark, beautiful words that seemed to wrap around my soul.
I finished my chant and watched breathlessly as the liquid glowed again, swirling amongst itself. "Come on," I whispered. "Please."
The swirling got slower and slower until it halted, slowly, lapping at the edges of the bowl. I was not sure what would happen. Surely, I would feel it - the merging should be strong, so strong that both Loki and I should feel it immediately.
My staggered breathing seemed to echo off the high walls of my room while I watched the glow of the now steady liquid, my heartbeat loud to my own ears. I grabbed onto the edges of my vanity, staring hard at the bowl, internally begging for it to work.
The glow disappeared from one moment to another.
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