It hurts
It's been about 2 weeks since I went to Port Angeles with Paul. When I talked to Emily about everything that happened between Paul and I she didn't say anything but just smiled. On the other hand when I talked to Kim she got this huge smile on her face and started talking about how cute of a couple Paul and I would be. After that I shut up on the subject.
I mean I don't think I'm ready for anything romantic. Would it be wrong for an imprint to date her non imprintee not only that but his pack brother too? Although it's not like Jacob is doing anything about it.
Speaking of Jacob we haven't really had a conversation since the day I went to Port Angeles. He's been around the house but we haven't really even said hello to one another just a nod. This might be a good thing, considering we don't have really anything to say. I still feel like I'm being a selfish cow for not being there for him, but I just need time, before I do that.
Today is now a Saturday I have 1 more week till summer break is over. After mentioning to Paul about not wanting to go back to I've convinced myself that's what I need to do, not go.
So now here I am standing in the middle of the living room with Sam and Emily on the couch looking at me anxiously.
Get on with it. You're probably freaking them out, the look like there waiting for the verdict of a death sentence. I kinda let a smile grace my lips.
"So what is it you wanted to talk about?" Sam's leg is starting to bounce so I know he's anxious to know what I have to say.
"Okay right… so ummm... you know school is coming up and I.. I think it would be best if I didn't go back-"
"No absolutely not. You are getting an education." Sam leans back letting his arms stretch behind his head. Emily looks at me for a moment and then looks to Sam, then looks back.
"Why don't you want to go back?" Emily's voice holds curiosity and concern. Thank the Heavens for Emily's rational mind.
"Well I want to get an education I just don't want to go back to high school. I've been thinking about it. Now La Push doesn't really offer online classes but Forks has a program where I can sign up to get my GED."
"Why? You're telling us what you've researched but not why you want to do this?"
"I just.. I don't want to go back there alone. The boys don't have to go and I don't want to face school and those people by myself. Please Sam."
"Kim's there don't you want to be there with her. I mean I know -"
"Sam, she has a valid point and who are we to pressure her into something she doesn't want to do? This makes her happy. Plus she said she'll sign up for classes to get her GED. So she will continue her education. I think this is a good idea." Emily is giving Sam a stare-down, not a mean one a gentle one.
"Fine. Find out everything we need to know, forms and all that." Sam still sounds a little hesitant about this but I'm getting what I want, of course that's thanks to Emily. Imprint magic
"Super!"
Sam gives me a smile before he gives Emily a kiss on her scarred cheek; this is his special good bye for her. Once I hear the back door close I look at Emily who rose from the couch.
"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I rush over to her and give her a hug, I'm slightly jumping up and down I'm so excited.
"It's no problem, I knew in the back of my mind this would come up."
"I'm so excited. I can get my degree and move on to college…Oh poor Kim she'll be by herself"
She lets out a little chuckle "Kim's gonna be all over getting her GED now, even though it's her senior year"
"Okay I'm going up stairs to figure out more information." With that I turn around and skip up the stairs, going to my room and booting up my laptop.
I spend a few hours on the computer gathering information. I also look at my options for college. I think I'll start off with a Community College and then go from there. One thing I know is I'm going to study education so I can be a photographer.
I hear the door slam open down stairs with Jared, Quil and Embry's loud laughs. I don't really think anything of it till I hear Jared say.
"Well the wolf's out of the bag!" He's laughing hysterically as he says this. Curious I go downstairs to see what he means. I reach the bottom of the stairs and slowly make my way to the kitchen.
"Hey guys, What's going –"
I stop mid-sentence because standing in the corner of the kitchen is a tall, gangly, brunette, doe eyed beauty. Bella.
"Oh."
Bella looks at me for a second before looking at Emily. She feels awkward, it's written all over her body stance. Emily gives her a smile before turning back to the oven, but she sends me a side glance saying "get over here"
I walk over to Emily and lean my back against the counter. She hands me a bowl of muffins to take to the table. I set the bowl in the middle of the table and immediately, three hands snatch muffins out. I slap their hands.
"Leave some for your brothers. Pigs."
I stay at the table leaning with on hand on a chair and another on my hip.
"These are trade secrets! She runs with the vampires." Jared's laughing while he says this but you can tell he's pissed.
"You can't really run with vampires." Everyone turns to look at her.
"You know 'cause they're fast"
I tense up at this. Is she stupid don't compliment the leeches in front of a pack of wolves. Although this will get interesting now and I can't say I hate it.
"Yea? Well were faster. Freaked out yet?" She pushed Jared's buttons, but he won't do anything too nasty. I hear snorts coming from Embry and Quil, I look over at them and roll my eyes.
"You guys aren't the first monsters I've met."
Monsters, they aren't monsters your leech boyfriend is.
"I wouldn't call them monsters. There are for sure worse creatures out there." I couldn't help my tongue.
"Jacobs right you are good with weird." I jump in fright I didn't even hear him come in. He touches my shoulder before he moves over to Emily showering her with kisses, making her sequel in delight.
I let out a high pitched yelp as I feel an arm wrap around my waist and pull me into the chair I was leaning on. I hear a deep chuckle and the body behind me vibrates with it.
"Chill babe I got ya." Babe?
He reaches for a muffin and takes a giant bite out of it before he looks at Bella standing in the corner. With a big grin on his face he opens his mouth still full of food.
"Oh, Sorry"
I can tell it's sarcastic so I lightly slap his arm around my waist. He only squeezes me tighter. He starts to nuzzle, I can feel his grin on my shoulder. I know what he's doing so I can't help but let out a giggle.
"Bella."
I jump again, God for giants they are quiet as a mouse. I turn to see Jacob in the door way. His body is tense, his hands clenched at his sides, someone's pissed. I see Jacob glance at me and he stares at me in Paul's lap.
"Jeez babe your jumpy today" Again with the babe. What is he up – oh.
"Bella. Let's go." Jacob's voice is harsh but Bella walks over to him seeking refuge from his built body. The body that belongs to me. My eyes get wide at that. Whoa. Girl easy.
"Bye everyone." Bella's voice is quiet and everyone just gives a wave. She and Jacob leave the house with the slam of the front screen door.
"JACOB! YOU BREAK THAT DOOR YOU BUILD A NEW ONE!" Sam's alpha voice comes out
"SORRY!"
"No he's not."
With that comment Embry and Quil crack up laughing. I laugh along with them as they continue to joke back and forth.
I feel Paul nudge me from behind so I turn to glance at him. He nods his head towards the upstairs, indicating lets go. I stand up from his lap and start walking towards the stairs heading for my room. I can hear his loud footsteps following behind me. He shuts the door behind him making sure it clicks.
"So I'm babe now?" I lift one eye brow up.
"Yea. Why don't like it?" I know why he's really doing it so I just decide to change the subject
"So you gonna tell me what happen or are we just gonna pretend nothing did?"
"What makes you think that I was involved?"
"Oh I don't know Paul maybe the fact that it's the "leech lover" that found out. How you showed up after Sam and before Jacob, not with Jared. I mean we know your temper you can't keep it controlled."
I make sure to put air quotes around leech lover. My voice has a bit more edge to it than I meant. I can tell he wasn't expecting it because his face slowly drops.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to be mean. It's just- Why was she here?" Paul smiles at me again.
"Well your right I did have something to do with it. But she brought it on herself."
"What happened?"
I move to sit on my desk chair, while Paul settles himself on my bed.
"Well Jared, Quil, Embry, Sam and I went to go get Jacob to see if he wanted to go cliff diving. Bella comes stomping out of his house making her way towards us. She starts yelling at us asking what we did to Jacob. I just couldn't stand her accusing us so I snapped at her asking what Jacob told her. Sam's trying to calm me down, and then the bitch slapped me. I lost it I just saw red. As I was phasing, Jacob comes running out of the house and transforms midair jumping in front of Bella. He and I go at each other, and that's what happened. Oh and Jake and I broke Billy's boat."
"Well I don't blame you, I know you it's not your fault, she attacked first, it was instinct. Not like you were going to kill her-" I hear Paul scoff at that and he lets a smile come to his face.
"Paul!" I grab a pen and throw it at him while laughing.
Paul beckons me to move over to the bed. I move over and lay down cuddling into his side. We both sit in silence for a bit, his fingers are grazing up and down my arm, causing goose bumps to rise on my arm.
"He's jealous you know." Paul's voice is quiet
"What do you mean?"
"Jacob, he's-"
"What does he have to be jealous of? He's out there with perfect Barbie right now."
"Okay, 1) she's no Barbie. 2) He's jealous that you and I are getting closer."
"Oh. So that's explains the babe."
"The minute he phased his thought was on protecting Bella, but when we went at each other, the only thing he kept thinking about were the images of you and I leaving for Port Angeles. Among other things, that was just his imagination."
I don't really know what to make of what he's saying
"Does he have a reason to be jealous?"
I start making circles on his chest. I reach one spot and he lets out a soft laugh and tries to wiggle away. I let out a few laughs of my own, just as soft.
"Is someone ticklish?"
"A bit yea, it's a weak spot"
Paul shifts to sit up a bit more so he's sitting against the headboard. He pulls me up along with him. I turn to look at him, he's not staring at me but I can see his eyes and I know a serious conversation is about to start. Just wait for him to come to you; you know his ways this won't be easy for him to talk about.
"I think that Jacob does have something to be jealous about on my end at least." He turns to look at me he wants to know what I feel.
"On my end too. I feel something there."
He nods his head before looking forward again. He pulls me closer to him. I can't stand the silence, I want answers.
"So…what now?" Maybe I do want so romance
"This is wrong. This is so very wrong."
"Why? Why is this wrong?" My voice starts to have an angry undertone, mostly because I had those same thoughts earlier and I had hoped it was just me. His head snaps to look at me.
"You know why. I want you; I want to be with you. But let's be realistic, you're an imprint to my pack brother, no wait my pack beta."
"So what? He's in love with some other girl. He isn't acting on it."
"He's admitted that he loves you too your marked territory, he claimed you."
"So now I'm just a piece of territory?"
I pull away from him, breaking away from his hold.
"No, no that's not what I meant! I meant that you're already imprinted on-" I move off the bed and just look at him. He moves to sit at the edge of the bed now.
"I just gave you reasons why it doesn't matter."
"If you would stop interrupting me."
"Sorry I have a nasty habit."
"Yea? Well break it."
"I'll work on it."
"Don't worry I'll help."
He reaches out to grab my hand and pulls me back in front of him. Even with him sitting we're not eye to eye.
"I. Can't. Imprint .on. you." He runs a head through his hair making it a little messy. Sexy.
"I don't care. So what?" Its right now that I realize I want this. I want Paul.
"So what happens if we start a thing and I imprint on someone else. I can't stand watching him break your heart. I'm not a hypocrite I'm not going to do what he's done." Oh.
I look at him just staring in his eyes. Be rational Kass, what he's saying is the truth. You could start and be happy, and then one look for him changes all of that. My eyes start to tear up and I step into his embrace hugging him around the waist nuzzling my head in his neck. I feel his arms wrap tightly around me and his chin rest on my head.
"I get it."
"Kassandra, if things were different. If I wasn't a werewolf…"
"You'd still be Paul. We could have had a fling"
"No you, you would have been the one that lasts."
"I don't believe you. You'd leave your womanizing ways?"
"I'd do it now for you if I could."
"Another life, and a different time."
We stand there for a few minutes then Paul starts to lean back on the bed dragging me with him. We assume the positions we had before.
"I don't want you to end up angry and bitter." I know what he's hinting at. .Leah
"I don't want this to change."
"We won't but we can't get any more attached than we already are."
"I do think I could love you Paul, more than a brother."
"And I you. But as we've seen the imprint always wins."
"Oh Paul who knew you could be so sensible and wise."
"Shut up"
"Do you really think the imprint wins over all?"
Paul's quiet and I'm scared of what he thinks I meant.
"Yes unfortunately."
I just got rejected, yet I'm feeling content. I know there's more to come with this, I can't help but feel this is how it's supposed to be. Something happens in the future.
"Don't you wanna know who kicked whose ass?" I can't help but start to crack up. Men and their egos
"Lemme guess it was you. The big bad Paul"
"Hell yea! Don't let Jake tell you different, he's just upset that he got his pride wounded."
"Okay I won't."
I shoot up from where I'm lying on Paul so I'm sitting by his knees.
"I got Sam to agree to me getting my GED! Well Emily did but still I don't have to go to school!"
"That's awesome! More time together! Booyah!" He also sits up bending one knee, and resting his arm on it while the other held him up.
"I'm excited. I did research today so I found out that I have to go into Forks High School for two weeks, and then they can set me up online."
"WAIT! NO WAY IN HELL ARE YOU GOING THERE ALONE. NO DOES SAM KNOW THIS? I need to tell him." He starts to move to get out of bed but I put a hand on his chest. Laughing a little bit.
"They're gone Paul. Remember they ran away. They are long gone."
"Oh right."
I start to laugh at him and he reaches over pulling me to him, messing up my hair.
"Paul! Come on st-"
I'm cut off by a howl in the woods. Paul and I both freeze and he begins to get up. We hear the back door slam open and many footsteps follow. We can hear murmuring it's a hard to hear with the door closed.
"We should go see-"
"PACK MEETING EVERYONE LIVING ROOM NOW!"
Sam yells in the loudest voice I've ever heard and from the way Paul's tensed up, he used alpha voice. Paul and I untangle ourselves, before we start for the stairs. We come to the bottom and I see everyone gathered around.
"Kim?" I'm surprised to see her here.
"Kass, Kim go to the kitchen with Emily. We'll call you back in a sec."
Jared's reluctant to let Kim out of his arms, but one glare from Sam and he willingly nudges her to the kitchen. I feel Paul's hand land on the small of my back before he also nudges me. Kim and I meet in the doorway of the kitchen; before we enter we grab hands and share a glance. Something's going on, and it's bad.
Emily is standing at the stove but she's not doing anything. She's staring into the woods outside of the kitchen window. I rush over to her and lay my free hand over top of hers, she jumps a little meaning she's scared. All three of us move to the kitchen table and we just sit there in our own worlds.
"Em, Kass, Kim. Can you come in here?"
We look at each other before we get up and go to join the boys in the living room. Right as I see their faces I know this is worse than bad this is this is… wait where's Jacob?
Jacob's not sitting around the living room. Kim goes back to Jared and cuddles in his lap. Emily goes to Sam, they both just stand in the middle. I stay near the door way after getting a head shake from Paul. He's standing on the opposite side of the room, close to the front door, and he's shaking.
"We caught a scent today, when we followed the trail we were led to a female obviously vampire. She slipped through our grasp, jumping the treaty line last minute. She's fast."
Sam pauses for a minute and grabs Emily closer into his embrace. Emily looks up at him, I know she'll ask the question us girls are thinking but won't ask cause of Sam's patience.
"So we are going to be on lock down till you catch her?"
"Yes. You will be around one of us no matter what. Your safety comes first."
"Okay, why would she be here though? The Cullen's left."
"We have no clue. A few weeks ago we found another vampire-"
"Oh yea the one with the dreads. Cool hair too bad-"Quil shuts his mouth once he realizes that everyone's glaring at him. He shrinks into the couch and mutters a small "Sorry"
"We found another vampire, we got him. He was about to attack Bella. We have reason to believe that they could be connected. We have now way of really finding out because our only informants have left.-"
Sam's cut off by the back door slamming open; the pack starts to get in defensive positions. I'm the one closest to the door I try to move away but the intruder is reveled to be Jacob. A very frazzled looking Jacob.
"Where's Kassandra?" Jacob seems to be so frantic that he can't even see me right next to him.
"Right here." I make sure to give a wave for extra effect.
Jacob comes over to me and hugs me. I can't help but hug him back, feeling safe in his arms right now. He brings one hand up to the back of my head and lets his fingers tangle in my hair. I can hear him smelling my hair. I pull back from him and look in his eyes. Something has him spooked.
Jacob pulls away but leaves one arm around me, keeping me close to him. He's protecting me. I can't help but just a little giddy at this thought. Yet you were just with Paul. Just that thought makes me flinch.
"I have information"
"We do too"
"Mines important. I went to drop Bella off when I caught a faded scent, vampire. I told Bella, and she let it slip that it could be this female vampire who is looking for revenge on Edward. He killed her mate. Bella said she's got –"
"Red hair, tall, and extremely fast? Yea we know."
"Yea and- wait what? You saw her?"
"We chased her, she crossed the treaty line."
"Well she's not in Forks I checked the surrounding area and couldn't catch a fresh scent. She's gone. My guess would be just north in Canada."
"Thank you Jacob. This is good news, she's gone for now. We'll double up on patrols. We need to keep the tribe safe, from these monsters. Someone will be posted around the girls at all times. Understood?"
The pack agreed with what Sam said. Jacobs arm pulls me tighter to him I look up at him and he just stares right back. He looks away though and says something that breaks our moment.
"We need to patrol around Bella's house too." I move myself out of his grasp and step to the side. I bring my arms up so I'm hugging myself.
"The hell we do. Her house is out of the way. She's not part of the tribe and most importantly she's not one of our girls." I know Paul pissed he doesn't want anything to do with her. I go to walk over to him but Jacob grabs my wrist keeping me in place.
"Shut up Paul. Put your- "
"Paul, Jacob and I will take the first patrol tonight. The rest of you be on alert. Jared I assume you'll stay here with the girls."
I have to wonder if Sam picked them three to have a private talk with them.
"Yes"
"Alright let's go"
Sam and Emily share a passionate embrace. I watch as Paul makes his way to the back door not looking in my direction. I pull my wrist from Jacobs grasp and follow behind him. I grab his arm stalling him and he turns around.
"Paul. Please, Please be careful. Don't do anything rash, if you see her."
My eyes must show how worried how I am so Paul pulls me into to his arms wrapping me in a warm cage. I see Sam move out the back door, no Jacob yet.
"I'll be careful. I promise. I'll see you later."
He whispers into my ear, before he pulls back and with one last look he goes out the back door. I turn around and I see Jacob standing in the door way of the kitchen. His face looks torn, his shoulders are slumped forward, and his eyes cast down.
"Jacob" I whisper his name before I can stop myself.
Jacob's eyes shoot up to meet mine and he starts walking toward me. He stops right in front of me, unsure of how to handle me at the moment.
"Jacob, I need you to be careful. Watch out for yourself and your brothers. I need you all to come back to me, to us."
I step forward and hug Jacob around his waist my head rests on the lower part of his chest. Our height difference is even more than Paul and I.
"I'll be back. And I promise I'll bring them back as well. Safe and sound." His voice is firm.
"Jacob I'm sorry."
"About what?"
"Later okay?"
"Yea later."
"Be safe!"
I pull back out of his embrace and watch as he walks out the back door.
"Kassandra, lock the door." Emily's voice sounds behind me.
After I shut and lock the door I turn around to see her and Kim standing in the kitchen.
"Where's Jared?"
"On the couch, I told him to get some sleep. Although I know he's just gonna rest." Kim's voice is sort of shaky.
"Let's go upstairs."
"Shouldn't we stay down here?" I know Kim's voice is trying to be calm but she's beyond nervous.
One look from Emily though and the three of us go upstairs. Emily breaks off going to her bedroom to change and get Kim something to sleep in, since I'm shorter than them my clothes are too small.
Kim and I head into my room and we sit on the bed, in silence. Emily comes in and hands some clothes to Kim, just as she's about to walk out the door a loud howl sounds, it's a sorrowful one though. Not like the other one, earlier. Kim looks at me before going to the bathroom.
"Kass. Come help me grab something."
"Okay"
Emily opens the closet door and pulls out a box for an air mattress.
"When did we get one of these?"
"Awhile back, thought it would be a good idea."
The two of us lift the box and carry it to my room laying it in the middle and starting to pump it up. When Kim come's back, we all just stand there in silence watching till the air mattress is full. Kim goes and sits down once Emily turns it off, it's a queen size.
"How does this fit in here?" I ask amazed that this fits in my small room.
"No idea but were lucky it does. Sam told me he wants us to sleep in one room."
"Alright."
Emily sits down on the air mattress. The three of us sit there in a silence that is just so tense, it makes me feel closed in.
"Okay. I can't take it, what is going on with you and Paul? I mean the two of you were up here for a long time." Emily's voice is light; she's trying to take away the tension.
"You guys were alone in your room?" Kim's voice gets excited and we all sit down for a story time.
"It's not like that. We confessed that we would love more than anything to be able to start something, but it's the wrong time and place. I didn't like the outcome at first but he reasoned with me."
"Oh" Kim's face falls and Emily's' turn sympathetic.
"Well he brought up that what if we did start something and he imprinted? He doesn't want to hurt me and I hate to say I agree with his reasoning."
"That does make sense. I just thought that you two would be so great together, we could've double dated."
"Hey, what about Sam and I?" Emily doesn't sound offended just joking around.
"You two are always invited to come a long!" Kim recovers her tracks.
"Yea, I would have liked it too Kimmy, I would have loved it. Can we not talk about it right now? I just it's a lot and the rejection."
"Okay hun that's perfectly fine." Emily knows I'm hurting right now, give it a few days and it'll be better.
The three of us stay up to talk a bit more and eventually Kim falls asleep. Emily and I both decide to turn in, after I turn off the light, I go get settled in my bed.
"Emily?" I whisper
"Yea?" I hear her rustle on the air mattress being gentle not to wake Kim.
"Is it wrong to love Paul, and love Jacob? Am I wrong for loving two people at once?"
"Hunny, your heart is a big place. You can love as many people as you desire. It's the one who holds your heart that matters. As for two people no you're not wrong. You remember the whole Sam and Leah situation?"
"Yes…" Where is she going with this, we never talk about this, it's off limits.
"Sam still loves Leah deep down. He feels guilty all the time for that, he hates to talk about it. It's close to the same situation for you hun. You love Paul and you always will but Jacob is your imprint, your soul mate and deep down you know that. Even If you two don't end up together it's always the imprint who owns your heart. I know you're confused by what you feel but Kassandra don't let it consume your mind."
"It hurts, so bad when he's gone."
"I know hon. I know but be patient. Also remember there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone."
After that I don't answer I just will myself to sleep my mind plagued by two men, two wolves out there tracking a vampire. Man this is a weird world.
I fall asleep to the sound of three wolves howling in the woods.
Super long chapter, and Victoria has finally made herself known, I could never leave her out.
I don't own Twilight
Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and read this! I hope you like it
xoxo
