Bullet With Butterfly Wings
Disclaimer: Do not own Harry Potter. At all.
Rating: M. Rating may go up later for torture, violence, language, and rape.
Summary: Post-OOTP. After being returned from Voldemort's clutches, beaten and raped, Harry's life takes a turn for the worst.
A/N: Eh, sorry for the LONG wait; I've had a TON of homework to do, don't get out until the afternoon (late.. 3 pm..) and been worked like a dog. Plus, this weekend we had to go out and get my bro's school supplies, and I had no time to work on the fic. I'm sorry! However, I've been writing it in my notebook at school, and just write it out on here (and change things, of course, if I don't like how I wrote it). So here's this chap! BTW, anyone hear the song "What Have You Done?" by Within Temptation? I swear, this fic is, like, BASED off that song! Well, from Harry's P.O.V, that is. Might make a trailer-vid from this fic and post it on Youtube. :D Ah, well. Enjoy the chap!
Barbara - I tend to agree; Dumbledore was a misguided man, manipulative and decision-making. I do still like Dumbledore, and respect him, but Snape has gained my respect far more than Dumbledore has, and even though his past was pretty bad, and we saw a more unexpected side of him, what he was planning for Harry was even more worse, and disturbing, then ruling muggle-borns. Even if Harry hadn't died, what if the spell had killed Harry instead of the Horcrux? What if Harry HADN'T had all three Hallows or really was the Master of the Elder Wand? He would have died then, and Dumbledore would have known.. ah..
Deathly Phoenix - I agree, it's quite sad - but it's only going to get worse.. because poor Harry's going to have to come face-to-face with Voldemort on more than one occassion throughout the story.. LOL
Mystiksnake - Thank you very much, glad you like it!
Doralinda - Severus is DEFINATELY going to help Harry. But will Harry let him in? And also, is someone else trying to help Harry that we can't see? hint, hint.
txgirl123 - Hehe, I never liked Snape until after Deathly Hallows, so I'm new to liking him. Knew he was innocent and on Dumbledore's side, of course, and in love with Lily, but I really didn't like him.. love him now. XD He's even better in fics.. LOL.
Chibirei1227 - LOL, thanks! I was crying at first when I wrote the rape, but then, for some damn reason, I started laughing my ass off - maybe from the mental image I get from writing it, I dunno, or maybe I just can't see Voldemort doing such a thing.. XD Poor, poor Harry. I love him.. I just wanna hug him and never let him go.. LOL.
Chapter Nine"Going Under"
Severus hit the ground with a soft thud, Harry's body cradled on top of him. He groaned from the impact, and as gently as he could, lifted the unconcious boy into his arms, and with some difficulty from the fall, stood. Once back on his feet, he swung him effortlessly over his shoulder; The boy was so light he might as well be carrying a five-year-old child that was thirty pounds.
He walked quickly to the castle doors, and wrenched them open. Students that had been emerging from the Great Hall, from dinner no doubt, stood, and stared at him in shock, and he continued on past them, ignoring the frantic screams the students gave no doubt caused from Harry's appearance. Feeling utterly bad for the boy, Severus did as best he could to quicken his pace, and did not again slow down or stop until he reached the gargoyle just outside of Dumbledore's office.
He muttered the password, and the gargoyle slid across revealing the door that opened for him, and Severus sped up the circular steps, and without knocking or giving so much as an advanced warning, he burst into the room. "Albus."
The older man looked up from his desk, from which he appeared to be working. "Severus. To what do I owe this late..?"
He stopped in mid-sentence, his face whitening with pale, as Severus untacted Harry from his shoulder and drapped him under his shoulder. "Happy now?"
Albus gulped, and his blue eyes lost their twinkle as he stared at the boy. "Is he..?"
"Oh, he's alive, no thanks to you," Snape snarled. "Now are you going to accompany me to the Hospital Wing with him or are you going to sit here and pretend nothing happened?"
Albus immedately stood, and Severus was out the door within seconds; He did not wait for Albus - if he cared, he would catch up.
And he did.
Neither spoke for a long time, not until they reached the Hospital Wing doors. Severus pulled them open, Harry still unconcious in his arms, and yelled, "Poppy!"
She came bustling out of her office, looking alarmed. "Dear, Severus, you gave me a fright, and - oh.."
Her eyes went wide as she glimpsed Harry. "What happened to him?"
"Voldemort." said Severus simply, the adaption of using Voldemort's name coming easily and without effort.
She shrieked, but this seemed due more to Harry's appearance than by use of the name; She lunged forward and seized Harry from Snape's arms, and gently placed him on the bed beside her. She looked up at Severus incrediously, "Are you telling me that the Dark Lord did this?"
"Unfortunately, yes, but I don't have time to explain right now. He's severly injured, and probably ill. However, I can tell you that two days of imprisonment would surely have a rough impact -"
"Three," said Albus suddenly.
Snape turned to him, "Three?"
Albus sighed. "Ms. Granger and Mr. Weasley approached me the day before the Order learned news that Voldemort had captured Harry. They said Harry had been missing for hours, and they were worried. He disappeared from here not even two weeks into term, and that alone, the fact that he loves this school, disproves any theory some people had about him possibly running away.."
"So that's why the boy was already there when I got there," said Severus, eyes narrowed with comprehension, "Voldemort said that he had required the boy only just recently, so I assumed he had just attained him that day."
"Of course, Severus. He knew you were in the Order, therefore honour-bound to report any inclination of Harry's whereabouts to me. He called you a day later, making sure you could not contact me before he planned to kill Harry. But of course, that bit didn't work out, because he believed your true loyalties were to him, and you wouldn't be reporting to me until the week after, and by then the boy would be dead; He had no idea we were having secret contact."
"Yes," said Severus, "He didn't figure it out until he realized I was trying to teach the boy Occlumency, therefore, he was unaware that I had told you the day he revealed to me he had Harry about the capture."
"So, You-Know-Who has had Harry all of this time, and no one went to rescue him until just now?" Asked Poppy, who had been lost during the brief time Albus and Severus had conversed, and now looked utterly perplexed. "Albus, if you knew this for the last two days, why did you not go and get to the boy before it had become this bad?"
Severus watched Albus; He, in fact, wanted this question answered, too.
A crease appeared between Albus's eyes. "The Order and myself had arrangements for a proper rescue-attempt, but we had to plan the attack, Poppy. We could not just barge into Voldemort's quarters and demand he hand over Harry. He would be expecting it, because he knew the son of his most loyal servant came to school here, and thus knew I would interrogate him when the news of Harry's abduction came to the media."
"You interrogated Draco?" Asked Severus, turning to him. "That's how you found out Harry was taken? And he told you?"
"It took some persauding, but young Mr. Malfoy told us everything he knew, everything he had heard from his father." Albus said quietly. "I daresay we are lucky to have such good informers here at Hogwarts, Severus."
Severus gave a stiff nod. "Yes. However, if we did not, we'd have a bit of a problem. You'd have gotten there much later, but I had been planning to sneak him away without Voldemort knowing. Unfortunately, he got rid of me so then he'd have an open field at the boy. I think he had prepared an attack when he discovered I was teaching Harry Occlumency, and must have been listening at the door everytime I went to see the boy."
"Harry was becoming more and more resisting with you there, Severus," said Albus. "With you gone, Harry was fish-bait to him, and he attempted, it seems, to discourage him and make him more cooperative by punishing him. The effects are what you see right here. The only thing we know for sure is that Lord Voldemort's plan backfired; He did not intrude Harry's mind and see it, and Harry did not tell him. He did not give in."
He gave Severus a knowing smile, which the younger man did not return; He had a feeling that Dumbledore was far off the mark with this one, had a sudden fear that Harry had given in after all, but then he remembered finding Harry, hearing his cries and coming through the window just in time to see him fall unconcious, so he had only just been beaten when Severus got there; He hadn't told Voldemort the secret, he wasn't dead - it was still safe, Harry was back, and now Lord Voldemort had nothing to fall back on. They had won.
"It's a wonder how he survived all that time.." said Poppy, gazing at the small form on the bed with a somewhat affectionate look. "Poor child's always been so malnourished and unutrioned, now look at the size of him - looks like he did when he first arrived here, and even then he looked too underweight for his own good.."
"That's always been Petunia's doing." said Albus. "He's always been a strong boy, and endured so much more than any child of his age; I daresay more than most adults. He's had a rough life."
"And just getting rougher," said Severus in an undertone.
The woman sighed deeply and looked at the two men. "I better start assessing his damage. We have no idea how bad it is."
"Yes," Severus agreed, and stood. "I'll leave you and him in private, then. The Headmaster and I will be just outside the door."
Albus followed him out of the Hospital Wing doors, and when they were closed, Severus fell back against the wall, eyes closed.
Somehow, he couldn't help but feel guilty that he didn't do more for the boy, get to him sooner; He felt responsible, and at fault, for what happened to the boy, for not getting to him sooner, quicker. He could have spared the boy pain, could have saved Lily's son from some more agony.
I really hope he didn't get inside Harry's mind, Severus thought, I hope he didn't break into his thoughts when Harry realized I was no longer there to help him. God, can the poor boy depend on anybody
There had been Black, yes, but he was now dead. Everyone the boy was close to seemed to be ripped determindly away from him, by Voldemort's hands, leaving him with no one and nothing. He knew that, even if he was there for Harry now, he would not always be, and the boy had been exposed to more pain and death than anyone he knew, and couldn't bear to cause him that; But he also knew that Harry needed someone now, someone to help him and love him, and Severus couldn't pretend to let those barriers they had built between them resurface, not when Harry had now seemed to become a part of him, somehow. Not when he realized just who the boy was inside. Not his father - his mother.
Suddenly, Severus's eyes burned, and he quickly bit back tears and swallowed the lump in his throat that seemed to be emerging from his own heart. He could not help himself when he whispered brokenly, "It's all my fault."
Albus shook his head. "It is not, Severus. It is mine, and mine alone, and I will be willing to bear Harry's hate when he finds out what I did."
Severus said nothing, but pretended to be interested in a random part of the floor, painted red circles. This did not help, as he thought immediately of Voldemort and instead began to fidget with his sleeve, coming to an understanding of why Harry did it.
At that moment, the hospital wing doors opened, and Poppy stepped out, looking grim. "Apart from a broken nose, busted lip, severe concussion and many bruisings, of which that I've managed to heal easily, though the bruises will have to fade on their own, he appears to be all right."
"Thank God." Sighed Severus in relief.
"He's awake, now, if you want to see him. He would not let me examine him below the waistline, and keeps insisting something about a shower." Poppy continued, looking contemplative back at the room she had just vacated behind her. "Weird boy, he sometimes is.."
Albus made a convulsive movement, and Severus reacted instinctively by looking at him, and was mometarily taken aback; Albus's blue eyes had suddenly lost their twinkle, and they bore such hate Severus had never seen emanate from the older man, and then within seconds it was gone, like a flame that had flickered and died.
When he spoke, though, his voice was firm. "Thank you, Poppy. I have matters to attend to, but I will see to Harry later. Severus, if in an hour's time you could join me in my office, we have some matters to discuss."
Severus nodded, and Albus was gone. Turning his gaze back to Poppy, he said, "I want to see him."
"All right, Severus. I must warn you, though - he looks bad."
Nodding again through the lump in his throat, Severus turned and walked into the room. He could not contain his gasp when he spotted Harry.
He was sitting on the bed he had been laid upon, knees brought up to his chest, and his head down. His clothes were ragged and dirty, like his hair, and the soles of his shoes had begun to disapear; Bruises outlined against the parts of his body not covered by torn clothing, and through the soles, Severus could see the stains on his arms that looked a lot like blue and purple inkblots. His right cheek was blistered red, and appeared to have been cut with some kind of torture spell, and above his right eye, shining visibly as always, was his lightening-bolted scar.
Harry looked up when he heard Severus's footsteps, and nothing shocked Severus more about Harry's appearance more than the boy's eyes; Once bright Green eyes looking into his, now were Grey and lifeless, so unlike the sometimes raw emotions he displayed of happiness and laughter and peacefullness; That whole side of him seemed to have fallen away.
Still, he forced a smile upon his face. "Hi, sir."
Severus forced one of his own, and it came late as his mouth merely twitched. "Hello, Harry. How are you feeling?"
"Okay."
Severus knew it was a lie, but he felt no annoyance and impatience to bother the boy about lying when he had just been returned from what could have been his death. Now was not the right time for anything, Severus realized. He was lucky the boy would even speak.
"I'm glad you got out, sir. I didn't think I would." Harry said suddenly, picking at his sleeve, that usually signified that he was nervous or anxious, sometimes fearful.
"Well," Severus said carefully, watching Harry's movement, "I wasn't going to just leave you there. I wasn't going to give up on you."
Harry looked up, eyes wide. "You weren't..?"
"No." Said Severus truthfully, his voice soft with reassurance. "Never. Even if I died in the attempt, I wasn't going to let him kill you, Harry. I.. I love you.."
As the words left his mouth, Severus felt just quite as shocked as Harry looked; Never would he have thought he'd say he loved Harry Potter.
Before he could correct himself or contemplate more on what he said, Harry got up from the bed, something like life glinting in his eyes, his face impassive, searching Severus's face for the lie it would not find, Green eyes searching the Black, realizing the truth at last, and he did the first thing he had done in living memory: He hugged Severus Snape.
Severus thought he would faint from shock, and it was awkward, the hug, never feeling some warm and radiant from someone. He returned it, patting Harry's back comfortingly, and was surprised when he heard the other sniffling, but when he pulled away, there was no trace of a tear, and he had that lifeless look in his eyes again.
"Can I take a shower, sir?" He asked, looking to the floor.
Severus nodded, but felt it was a mistake even before he finished; Something in his mind was telling him it was wrong, something was urgently wrong, but he couldn't figure it out, and the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, "Yes, Harry. I think that might be all right."
He felt even weirder as he said it.
Harry quickly walked towards the bathroom down the hall, and stopped, looking back at Snape. "Thanks, sir."
Severus nodded thanks back, and watched as the boy pulled open the door and closed it again. Minutes later, the sound of water running issued from the bathroom, and Poppy appeared at his side, looking disproving.
"After that shower he's going to need a lie-down. I was going to insist it before, but I can see why he wants one - it soothes the aches and pains, and makes you feel somewhat better." She looked at Snape. "I'm going to go complete my work, and will attend to him when he comes out. You may come back later, Severus, if you wish to."
"Yes, I'd like that." Said Severus, "And I'm sure Harry would be okay with it as well."
"Yes, I think that's what he needs, some comfort right now," said Poppy with a sad look in her eye as she headed towards her office door. "After all, he just narrowly escaped death again; Who knows the things You-Know-Who told him.. he appears more nervous than ever..."
Severus felt intrigued as she shut the door behind her, leaving him alone. Had something happened to Harry to make him more frightful than ever before?
He pondered the thought as he crossed the hall, and was about the head down the stairs, when something, a gut feeling pulled him back. He could hear a soft crying sound coming from the bathroom, and immediately fell back, listening intently with his ear upon the door. Even through the sound of running water, he could hear him. How long he stood there, he did not know, but as the loud sobs that had errupted calmed, and the water stopped, he quickly set off again, his mind racing, searching for answers he believed Albus had known, and had every intention of getting them out of him.
Another A/N:
Wow, long chap. Better stop it there. Will write another chapter Thursday, since tomorrow's my mom's b-day, and she's going to get the computer all day. Hope you enjoyed this one.
Take care, all, thanks for reviewing!
Tainted Visions.
