This was a little harder to write, as I had to go into my darker side... But don't worry. It will be lighter and fluffier too. This just kinda sets up the rest of the story by showing Beca's growth and her relationship with both Chloe and Aubrey, didn't want to jump the gun and be like "I love you" already because thats unrealistic, so there is a slight slow burn... But it's happening!Please review, they make me happy xo
Chloe awoke the next morning with Beca curled into her chest, her head was tucked into the crook of the redheads neck while her fingers tucked neatly under the hem of her shirt. She kissed the top if Beca's head and stared at her for a few moments. She really needed to pee but the thought of disturbing the beautiful brunette in front of her was too much to bear so she decided to simply wait until she awoke.
"Are you watching me sleep?" The brunette grumbled, not opening her eyes.
"You look so cute, I woke up half an hour ago but I just got too attached at watching you sleep" she chuckled brushing her hand threw Beca's hair.
Beca opened her eyes slowly and realised that she had intertwined her body with Chloe's, she jumped backwards and moved her position out of Chloe's embrace, "um...sorry" she said turning her back towards the redhead.
"Don't be sorry, I liked it." Chloe moved herself so that her stomach was pushed up against Beca's back, she hooked her arms around her waist and kissed her neck. "I like you"
Beca momentarily tensed at the physical contact but slowly started to ease into the hold, while she was drunk she was able to show her emotions yet sober she found it very difficult to integrate her feelings into real life. Chloe seemed to notice her slight hesitation, "don't worry Bec's. We can move as slow, or as fast as you need. I just like being close to you"
"No I like it. I... Ugh just aren't used to it... Sorry... Chloe?"
"Yes sweetie?" She kissed her neck once more.
"Um... What is this?" Beca swallowed.
"Whatever you want it to be. All I know is that I like you, and you like me? So what do you want us to be?" She smiled into Beca's neck.
"I.. Erm... Aren't used to this.."
"Okay. So I will help you. Please don't be embarrassed that you haven't done this. You can ask me anything you want. But this time, I'll ask; Beca Mitchell. Will you do me the honour of being my girlfriend? I know thats kinda a soon question but I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you that I wanted you to be mine.
"Yes"
"What?" She slapped Beca on the arm and jumped on top of her so that she could look the brunette in the eyes. She straddled her hips and pinned her hands above her head.
"Yes" beca laughed.
"Yes. Yes. Yes" she kissed between each word "this is so exciting"
"And new... Listen Chloe I..." Beca looked away from Chloe.
"I know. You've never been with a woman. And thats fine, I'm here for you. And like I said, we will go as slow as you wish" she kissed Beca once more and then climbed off the bed walking towards her wardrobe.
"Thank you" she whispered.
...
"All the girls have gone" Aubrey said as Chloe entered the kitchen "We still have to talk to Beca, Where is she?" She handed the redhead a cup who poured herself some coffee.
"She's just getting dressed, I'll tell her" the redhead had a smile plastered across her face.
"Whats with the smil- oh wait- no way... You and Beca totally-" the blondes jaw hit the ground.
"-shhh she'll here. We didn't do anything... But... She is my girlfriend" Chloe squeaked with joy.
Aubrey pushed her on the shoulder "oh my god no way! I'm so happy for you, this is so exciting"
"I know, I'm so happy Bree. I know it'll be very hard to start with, she has a long way to go but I'm here for her" she smiled softly.
"We both are Chlo, now go get her"
Chloe walked towards her bedroom and knocked on the door before letting herself in, Beca was say on the end of her bed staring at the floor.
"Baby?"
"You want to have that talk now don't you?" Chloe nodded, "Yea, thats what I was afraid of."
"It'll be okay I promise." She held out her had allowing Beca to take it in hers and then led her to the living room, she took a seat on the sofa and Chloe sat on the one facing her, Aubrey walked over and handed Beca a cup of coffee before taking a seat next to the redhead.
"Thanks" she smiled at Aubrey and turned her gaze towards her cup, she used her thumb to brush around the rim of the cup.
"Listen Beca, we're just worried about you okay. We're just going to ask you a few different things so we understand, and then we can help you. Deal?" Beca nodded with a sigh.
"When did it start?" Chloe said, leaning forward to be closer to the brunette.
Beca stayed silent for a few minutes before speaking "Just a few years ago"
"You've done this for a few years? Beca, why has no one ever helped you?" Aubrey enquired.
"Yea, and i guess no one ever knew. I was good at hiding them, I was careful" she took a sip from her coffee and squinted her eyes trying to forbid any tears.
"What happened yesterday then?" Chloe said causing Beca to look up, she hadn't expected that question, "if you were so careful the what was yesterday?"
"I-I... I wasn't trying to be careful" she looked down and pinched the bridge of her nose.
"What do you mean?" Chloe,look hurt as her voice broke at the question.
"I don't know... Yesterday I-I didn't want to be careful... I tried to... Then you found me..." Beca took a deep breath.
"You tried to kill yourself?" Aubrey raised her voice, Beca nodded. "Beca what the hell were you thinking?"
"I don't know Aubrey. I don't know. All I know is that at that moment in time, I hoped that if I closed my eyes I wouldn't wake up"
"Baby, why?" Chloe whispered.
"I'm just so tired Chloe, I'm so god damn tired of feeling this way. I feel like shit all the time. I don't sleep. I barely eat. I need to stop feeling like this and thats the only way I know how" Beca stood from the couch and grabbed her head. "I'm so fucking confused. I don't want to be here anymore" she wiped the tears from her eyes and walked towards the bathroom. She threw her fist towards the brick wall with some force and dropped to the floor breaking down in tears.
"Beca..." Aubrey said as she entered the bathroom, Chloe was no where to be seen. She walked towards the brunette and lowered herself onto the floor next to her. She put her arm around the sobbing brunette and pulled her into her body.
"Just let me talk. What you said out there shocked us, and to be honest we were never expecting that. We love you Beca, and we are here for you every step of the way. We never want you to feel that way against okay, and if you ever even feel slightly like that please talk to us, we can help you." She squeezed the brunette tight as her crying became a lot less manic, "come on, lets finish off talking okay?"
"Yea.. I'm sorry"
"Don't apologise" Aubrey stood up and gave Beca her had, "come on" she smiled.
She walked back into the living room and took another seat on the sofa, "Are you okay?" Chloe whispered, her eyes stung red.
"Yea.. Just keep going okay, I'll be fine" she gave a half smile.
"Do you only cut yourself?" Aubrey said, taking charge with the questions as Chloe tried to find her voice.
She shuck her head.
"I know this will make you uncomfortable but... Can I see your marks Beca? We wont judge you, but I want to check they're okay after yesterday." With all the drama from the showers Aubrey only took notice of the bleeding cuts, she didn't notice the hundreds of bruises and burns that covered her body.
Without saying a word she stood and took her jumper off, she slid her white camo over her head so that she only had on her black bra. She shrugged off her sweatpants and stood in front of both Aubrey and Chloe. "This is hard" she whispered as she realised how vulnerable she felt.
Aubrey took beca's bandages and unravelled them showing that not all of her wounds had healed. "I know you'll hate me for this but... I think you need to see a doctor, some of these cuts haven't healed properly. If you stretch funny you could split them again"
"No" she stepped back from Aubrey's grasp.
"Beca..." Chloe started "please, for me. Bree's right, just let the campus nurse look at some of them. You're over 18 so everything is confidential and we will be there with you, she will just look at them and cover them properly."
Beca looked down at some of the marks on her skin and knew that they were right, but it was just so difficult to see someone that you didn't know about something so private.
"Okay. For you" she said, she slid her clothes back on and looked at the girls, "please can we hold on the questions for at least a few hours now I have to see the nurse?"
"Deal".
...
"Beca Mitchell?"
"Yes?" She looked at Chloe and Aubrey before standing up and following the nurse through to the room.
The Doctor was busy at her desk only turning when she heard the door close, she stood up and placed her hand out towards Beca who took it. The Doctor was attractive, she had long honey blonde hair and tanned skin and looked about thirty five.
"I'm Doctor Green, you must be Beca" She nodded, she had never been so nervous to see a Doctor, Aubrey and Chloe decided to wait outside for her to give her some privacy.
"So what can I do you for Beca?"
Beca opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out, she looked around the room and shook her head.
"I-ugh"
"It's entirely confidential in here Beca, nothing you say leaves these four walls." She smiled sweetly at the brunette.
She sighed and shook her head, "I just... My friends told me I needed to come see you" she fiddled with her hands.
"Okay. Are they here with you?" She nodded "Do you want them to come in? And they can explain if you find it too hard?" Beca nodded again. The Doctor was very understanding to her situation and kept her tone very calm.
The Doctor stepped out of the room for just a second and reappeared with both Aubrey and Chloe in tow. They took a seat beside Beca and gave her a reassuring smile.
"So I'm Doctor Green, I just asked you guys in here because Beca's finding it hard to talk and asked if you could help shed some light on why she's here" she smiled.
"Well, Beca's here because she has some..." Chloe trailed off and looked over at Beca who nodded.
"We need you to look at some cuts on her body to check they're healing okay; we wrapped them but I'm scared that some aren't healing as well as they should be" Aubrey finished before placing her hand on Beca's back.
"Right okay then. So Beca, can you show me where they are so I can have a look" she gestured towards the bed in the centre of the room.
Beca walked over to the bed but stayed silent, "it's okay Becs, she's a doctor. You're safe"Chloe smiled at the brunette.
She sighed before unzipping her hoody, she rolled it down her arms revealing several bandages and cuts. The doctor walked towards her and started unwrapping the bandages, "you wont need any stitches on your arm but they need re-wrapping" she said before walking towards the desk to receive some of her equipment.
Chloe and Aubrey stayed quiet as they watched the Doctor do her work, "how did this happen Beca?" The doctor finally asked.
"I-I fell." She lied.
"I know this isn't from falling, I need to know the truth Beca. It's okay, I'm here to help you"
"I don't know how it happened" she whispered.
"Beca" Chloe said causing both the brunette and the doctor to look towards her.
"Is this it?" Beca shook her head "where else?" Beca stayed silent.
"Her legs." Aubrey chirped in.
"Can i see please Beca? I just want to check they're okay? I know this is very hard for you and you're being so, so brave. But I'm here to help you Beca, I'm not evil or mean. I'm here for you okay?" Beca nodded and jumped off the bed, she undid her trousers and slid them to the ground before jumping back onto the bed. The Doctor examined the marks on her legs carefully before suggesting that she had a few stitches in her upper thigh, which she complied to.
She pulled her chair along side Beca and took a seat, "Right, now is when you tell me what happened. I'll ask you questions and you can just answer yes or no okay?" She nodded.
"Did you do this to yourself?"
"Yes"
The doctor jotted something down in her notepad, "Have you done it before?"
"Yes"
The doctor asked some more generic questions in order to gage what had happened to Beca before changing her topic, "The next questions are more in detail and specific, which is why I will completely understand it if you would like your friends to leave for this point. And I'm sure that they will also agree." She looked over at both the girls who smiled and nodded.
"They can stay... They're my friends, they know almost everything and i want them here."
"Okay, so Beca. Tale your time with theses questions, i just need to gage a few things okay?" She nodded "right, have you ever had suicidal thoughts?"
"Yes."
"When you hurt yourself the other day, did you intend to cut that deep?"
"Yes" she swallowed.
"Did you want expect to make it out of the showers that day?"
"No."
"Did you want to make it out?"
"No" her voice was so fragile that they barely heard her answer.
"Do you still feel this way?"
"Yes" She looked over to Chloe and Aubrey and felt ashamed, she knew that they would believe it to be a failure on their behalf that she still felt that way but it wasn't their fault.
"Okay. So Beca, I think I'm done with the questions. But I believe you're suffering with depression, take this prescription to the counter and they will give you some medication. It wont kick in straight away, but it will make you feel better, none of this is your fault. You didn't choose to feel this way, I want you to see a therapist once a week in order to help you through this hard time. And I think it would be best if you were to stay with your friends okay?"
"She lives with us so thats fine" Aubrey said.
"Okay then great, you take this and head to the counter and if Chloe and Aubrey could stay behind for a minute, I need to show them how to help re-wrap your wounds." She smiled and handed Beca the prescription who walked off.
After Beca had left the room the Doctor turned to the girls, "I know that some of that was hard to hear and its difficult to understand but Beca is going through and extremely tough time. She needs her friends, she needs you. The fact that she let you in here when she told her darkest secrets showed me how much she looks up to you. She's fragile and you cant leave her alone, I know it's hard to watch someone all the time but you have to try, I can't say that she wont try and hurt herself again."
"Okay we understand, we will always be there for her, we love her" Aubrey said, earning a smile from the doctor.
"Is that okay Chloe?" She rested her hand on the redheads shoulder who just nodded.
"Okay, you guys go find her then and hopefully I wont see you too soon" she winked.
