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Chapter 9: Trouble (makers)
Somewhere in the middle of nowhere, between the line of the fantastic and the mundane, along the Great Hakurei Border, there stood a Japanese-styled mansion. Within the compound, there was a building. In the building, a bedroom. In the bedroom, a portal. From the portal, emerged Yukari. Irritated.
"Ah, ah, ahhh! What the hell was that? !" Yukari grumbled as she carelessly undid her clothes, tore of her cap and untied her hair, tossing dress, hat and hair ribbon to the side. "Why is that stupid Puppeteer from Makai so full of herself? ! How dare she interfere like that!"
"Yukari-sama?"
Yukari whipped around irately, her long blonde hair swishing along, only to see her also blonde kitsune shikigami, Yakumo Ran standing in attendance, a neatly folded robe in her hands. Her attire was similar to the one Yukari had just stripped, except that her tabard was blue and her hat conformed to the shape of her pointy fox ears.
"What is it, Ran?" Yukari stretched listlessly.
"You might want to put these on," Ran stepped up to her master and began draping the robe over Yukari's shoulders, but Yukari pushed it away.
"No need… I'm frustrated! I'm going to sleep like this!" Yukari threw a fit and, summoning a futon out of nowhere, flopped her body onto it.
"Sigh… Yukari-sama, I'm afraid I must insist," Ran tried to approach her master again with the robe.
Yukari turned away, still throwing said fit.
"… Yukari-sama."
"What…?" Yukari grumbled, flopping back to face her shikigami, now squatting before her with robe raised like a fishing net, "What is it…? !"
"You're completely nude, that's what's it," Ran said, composed save for a slight impatient twitch in her nine tails.
Yukari sat up cross-legged and cross-armed, crotch unashamedly bared and her rather full breasts spilling out of her arms, "I'm in my own house!"
Ran sweat-dropped, "Do you not have any dignity in your own home?"
"I still have a nice body, I've got nothing to be ashamed of!"
"You'll set a bad example for Chen," Ran referred to her own bakeneko shikigami, the baby of the family (by relative ages).
"You should be like this more often around her, it's quite liberating-"
"Yukari-sama! !" Ran cried out, "Sigh… Alright… Obviously Yukari-sama has been quite… bothered by something today, so please put on these robes and I'll… gladly listen to whatever happened, okay?"
Yukari looked at Ran like a child undecided, then grudgingly but obediently took the robe from her shikigami's hands.
"W-Will she be alright?" Koishi, giving a glance towards a motionless and depressed Shanghai on the shelf, asked Hourai concernedly. The three of them were back in Alice's living room, with the owner of the house herself conspicuously absent from her own home.
"I don't know…" whispered Hourai back, equally concerned, "She-"
"ALICE-SAMAAA! !"
"… She's alright, she's just being stupid, that is all-"
"ALICE-SAMAAAAA! ! ! !"
"Oh you little cry baby!" Hourai flew over to the suddenly wailing Shanghai and held her by her shoulders, "Hold yourself together!"
Shanghai looked at Hourai with hugely teary eyes, "I… I never expected Alice-sama to ship Marisa-sama with Reimu-san herself! ! Why did she do th-th-Waaah! !"
Hourai bit down on her lower lip. Although she had hoped against a relationship between Alice-sama and Marisa-san developing, she could not feel happy about the result at all, not with the way Shanghai was crying, "Look… Shanghai…" she began hesitantly but caringly, "I-I'm sorry about your M-Marisa x Alice not working out the way you wanted but what's done is done-"
"Huh…?" Shanghai wiped away her tears and looked up at Hourai, "I-I don't care about that anymore!"
"W-What? !"
"Did you not see how pained Alice-sama looked, Hourai-nee-chan? !" Shanghai's lips started trembling again, "Because of her love for Marisa-sama, she… sob… she decided to sacrifice herself for Marisa-sama's happiness! ! I-It's too sad! Waah! Waaah! !"
Hourai startled with a gasp. That's true… The way Alice-sama herself was deeply hurt… "Shanghai…"
"H-Hourai-nee-chan?"
Hourai stroked the shoulder of her dear sister kindly, "You've won Shanghai… Alice-sama fell for Marisa-san fair and square."
But Shanghai just shook her head sadly and sobbed, "Oh... but what's the use now? She's sidelined herself!"
"Nnngh…! Our poor, innocent Alice-sama… Oh! What a tragic girl she really is!" Hourai stood up and gritted her teeth, "For the sake of her loved one, she decides to relegate herself to a support role, despite the pins that puncture her heart, or the path of broken glass she must tread upon…!" The doll was worshipping Alice again… "This almost makes me want to approve the pairing of Marisa-san and Alice-sama! Hmmm…?"
Hourai gave a moment of thought.
"Almost," she repeated with a small cough.
"E-Er… Th-Thanks, Hourai-nee-chan..." in place of tears, sweat now trickled down the side of Shanghai's head.
Hourai's eyes suddenly shot sideways to glare at Koishi, "You!" she zoomed right up to the satori's nose. Koishi remained patiently smiling, "You! Although I accidentally slipped into one of my Alice-sama worshipping monologues back there, make no mistake that I'm quite serious about this!"
"Yes, Hourai-chan?" Koishi asked serenely.
"Don't address me so familiarly like that! Not after what you've done!" Hourai jabbed a finger in Koishi's direction, "You're partly to blame for Alice-sama's wrecked maiden heart! She became so depressed because she saw Marisa-san and Reimu-san in a relationship, one which you set up!"
Koishi smiled for a little while longer, before suddenly becoming solemn and saying to herself, "Yes, that is true…"
"Of course it is- Huh?"
Koishi took in a deep breath, before bowing low before the two doll sisters, "Hourai-chan, Shanghai-chan. I'm really sorry for what happened to your master, Alice-onee-san."
"H-Huh? !" "K-Koishi-san…?"
"I… I thought it'd be fun to spread a little love around," Koishi smiled guiltily, "I do adore watching the antics of innocent lovers… But…" She clenched the left side of her chest, just right next to the blue sphere upon it, "I had never felt such intense pain before…" she said sadly, "It was completely opposite to what I had expected…"
Hourai and Shanghai looked at Koishi with confusion, uncertain of what to say.
"Oh… Allow me to explain," Koishi, seeing the two's looks of confusion, offered, "I'm a satori youkai. In other words, I can read minds. Or… at least I could, before I closed of my mind reading eye," she indicated the blue sphere. "But now I can read the subconscious! I can read people's true feelings instead of their thoughts. And your master… she… she was really, really sad…" Koishi bowed her head apologetically again.
"… O-Of course she was!-" Hourai began yelling, but was stopped by Shanghai, who shook her head and pleaded gently, "Let's forgive Koishi-chan, okay, Hourai-nee-chan? She looks really sorry."
Hourai opened her mouth to say something, but then silently closed it and backed down reluctantly.
"Ah…~ But isn't it more fun like this? Tragedy makes good story!"
All three startled. The voice had come from directly behind Koishi, but only a blank wall greeted them.
"A-Another satori like Koishi-san? !" Hourai exclaimed.
"No! I'm the only satori with powers like these…!" Koishi said nervously.
"Wh-Who's there? !" Shanghai called out.
But no one presented themselves. Instead, a light hearted chuckle merely sang itself through the air.
"Love, tragedy, drama, and beautifully innocent maidens… This is why I love watching people so much! !" crooned the mysterious voice with relish.
"'None of your matchmaking was blessed with true love' she says! That stupid little doll maker! I'd send you packing back to Makai, just you watch!" Yukari was still fuming at full speed as she remained seated on her futon, her fists waving about the air, her carelessly tied together robe threatening to come undone – again.
Ran sighed. Oh well, it was all part of the job of looking after Yukari-sama… Despite all the frustration that came with it, Ran remained an unquestioningly loyal, and exceedingly patient, shikigami.
"I'm sorry Yukari-sama," she sweat-dropped, "But if you don't begin your story coherently from the start, I'm afraid I won't understand what you're saying," she implored as she remained formally seated parallel to the futon and perpendicular to her master's hissy fit.
"Doesn't she know just exactly how many Hakurei shrine maidens I've made happy? !" Yukari muttered to herself angrily, "Oh sure, some of them didn't exactly enter the marriage with love, but they all found love and peace after that, didn't they?"
"Are you by any chance talking about the Hakurei lineage which you've helped prune and maintain?" Ran asked knowingly, and was swiftly swallowed up by Yukari's sudden embrace.
"Yes, my dear beloved shikigami! Oh, Ran! Only you can fully appreciate the hard work I've put in!" Yukari head-locked Ran as she snuggled against Ran's soft fox ears.
"Of course… Yukari-sama has always prioritised the peace and security of Gensokyo over all else," came Ran's patient but muffled words from within Yukari's bosom, "And Yukari-sama has always clearly understood that the cornerstone of this great treasure, this fantasy land we call home, is the Hakurei lineage."
"Yes, yes, my dear Ran! I'm so very proud to call you my shikigami!" Yukari permitted Ran to catch her breath as she held a grudgingly blushing Ran at arm's length, gazing at her with affection. Which swiftly turned to anger. "That stupid Alice Margatroid! What does she understand? ! Does she think me a cold, evil youkai that cares not one bit for my dear little shrine maidens! Nothing can be further from the truth!" Yukari declared, "I… I fully understand the sacrifice the poor girls who bear the Hakurei name have had to make in order to protect this land…" she wiped a tear form her eye, "And so of course their happiness would mean the world to me! They… may not like the man I pair them with at first but trust me when I say I pick only the best, most promising candidates to be wedded to them!"
"And indeed, each and every single one of them has had a peaceful and, if unremarkable, loving marriage," Ran added loyally. Maybe if I keep pushing her buttons, she'll stop sooner rather than later…
"That's right!" Yukari continued, crossing her arms huffily, "Interfering and insulting me like that… 'Do not see why such innocent love cannot be allowed' she says… Pfft…! What does that stupid puppeteer know? !"
… Or not. Guess I better head this tantrum off now, thought Ran.
"Well, well… I see that you've had quite the hard day, Yukari-sama… Won't you have some dinner and then take a bath to comfort and sooth your body, if not your mind?" suggested Ran.
"Ah… Thank you, Ran," Yukari smiled gently at her shikigami. As she got up however, she seemed lost in thought. Ran, getting up behind her master, looked on curiously, then with alarm, as Yukari's expression transitioned quite suddenly from reminiscent, to silly, to borderline perversion.
"Um… Y-Yukari-sama?" Ran approached cautiously, "May I ask what are you thinking about?"
"O-Oh! Ran! You were here!" Yukari snapped out of it and wiped some drool from her mouth, "Hey, Ran, do you remember Mikoto-chan?"
What's this about now…? Wondered Ran, a little annoyed. Mentally sighing, she decided it best to continue humouring her Yukari-sama.
"Mikoto-chan…? Erm… That was the shrine maiden about… five generations before Reimu-chan, wasn't it?" Ran recalled.
"Yes, yes! Oh! She was the classic example, wasn't she?" Yukari remembered dreamily.
"…? 'Classic example'…?"
"Her marriage, her marriage! Oh! When she and her husband were first introduced to each other, it was pure, pure love at first sight!"
"R-Right..."
"Oh, oh! And do you remember Rika-chan?"
"… That was the shrine maiden two generations after Mikoto-chan, wasn't it?"
"Yes, yes! That little devil! I never knew she had that side to her! Oh, how steamy things got between her and her husband!"
"Ahaha… Yes, she always seemed like a proper little girl during her duties, didn't she- Hang on, you were spying on the couple in bed? !"
"And you of course remember Nana-chan, don't you?"
"(I can see where this is going…) N-No… I don't really recall her, sorry…"
"No, of course you wouldn't, I don't blame you, Ran. She was the one that came after Mikoto-chan but before Rika-chan."
"W-Was she…? (No choice but to play along…)"
"Yes, she was. Unlike her predecessor and successor, her marriage wasn't particularly spectacular, but she still had some rather notable intimate moments-"
"Hang on, hang on!" there were very few times when Ran's patience with her master was actually, genuinely tested. It was in danger of being so now. "D-Do you mean to tell me… That you remember all the previous Hakurei shrine maidens by the characteristics of their marriages?"
"… Isn't a good old fashioned 'girl meets boy' romance just lovely?" Yukari asked of Ran.
"I thought you were most concerned with the purity and powers of the Hakurei lineage…" Ran asked of Yukari, temple twitching.
"…! O-Of course that's most important! That goes without saying!" Yukari said hastily, "But while we're hard at the matchmaking… Ehehehe… We might as well make it a sweet and memorable one for all parties, right…?" Yukari daydreamed, once again on the edge of decency, "I-I mean we might as well make it happy! Yes… Since the partnerships are… arranged, it is my duty to make it a happy one! I'm only doing it for the good of the Hakurei shrine maiden," Yukari insisted to Ran.
"… You've still got a silly grin on your face, Yukari-sama," Ran pointed out, her fox ears parallel to her eyebrows, which formed an unbroken, straight line over her eyes.
"I-I'm going to have dinner!" Yukari spun around and made for the door. But just as she rounded the corner out of sight, Ran, still deadpanning, could hear her mutter, "Just you watch, my dear Reimu-chan… I won't let just any girl have you… You're happiness shall be found through classic romance with a man...!"
"… Sigh… I'm sorry, Reimu-chan…" Ran apologised to the now empty bedroom, "But it looks like Yukari will remain an annoyance to your family for a little longer…" sighing again, Ran left the room, still an unquestioningly loyal and exceedingly patient shikigami for another day.
"... Why are you here?" Patchouli Knowledge addressed the dimness of her grand library.
"Are~ are~… And what's wrong with me being here?" the dimness answered back in the voice of Remilia Scarlet.
"You've been spending an abnormal amount of time studying, I've observed…" Patchouli answered.
"And what amount of time would amount to being abnormal?" the sounds of flapping wings grew louder, and when Patchouli looked up from the study table, Remilia was already there, perched on top of a shelf as usual.
"Any amount more than a second," Patchouli defined.
"How cruel! I'll have you know that I'm a well read vampire-"
"Manga don't count. And even Flandre is better read."
Remilia shut up. (Flandre: "I'm always kept in the mansion, so I have nothing to do…")
"I have been studying…" Remilia pouted.
Patchouli ignored her.
"I really have been studying…" Remilia pouted even more.
Patchouli looked up and gave her an obliging grin, with Remilia remaining sulky.
"So… How's your progress with Alice?" Remilia asked.
"You expect something to happen in just a few days…?" Patchouli said, "I haven't even seen her since her last visit anyways…"
"That's because you've been avoiding her!" Remilia pointed an accusatory finger down from high up on the shelf.
"Idiot Remi! I can't just bother Alice whenever I want!" Patchouli said shortly, "B-Besides… I don't know how she feels about me… so…"
"Idiot Patchy! You're not being aggressive enough!" Remilia retorted, "How do you expect to start anything if you remain cooped up here in the library? !"
"I-I'll find an opportunity, I promise! Don't you bother about me!" Patchouli turned away, blushing impatiently, "Th-These things take time…"
"You should be in bed with her by now! !" Remilia dodged a fireball.
"I said these things take time! ! And I'm not going to bed with her! !" Patchouli shrieked.
"Well, make it take less time! !" Remilia dodged a firestorm.
Patchouli wheezed, out of breath from having launched so many aggressive spells.
"Look…" Remilia began begging for divine retribution, "I've been scouring your library for the past few days, and I came across a classic novel where there was a 'Kingdom of Women'. And apparently, there is this river that can help women conceive with another woman- Pichuun~!"
Graze failed.
Patchouli had a serene look of satisfaction as a grilled bat came drifting to the ground, leaving delicious wafts of smoke in its trail.
"… I-I just wanted to be a godmother…" the grilled snack croaked as it lay crumpled on the floor.
"… Yes… Somehow I figured you'd still be hanging on to that stupid idea of yours…" Patchouli remarked with disdain to the grilled snack.
Suddenly, a knock from across the great halls of the library sounded. Swiftly, Patchouli's familiar Koakuma answered the door, revealing Izayoi Sakuya on the other side.
"Patchouli-sama, Remilia-ojou-sama," she addressed the two from across the library, "I'm sorry for interrupting, but there is a guest for you," Sakuya stepped aside and ushered in a doll-like, peridot-eyed girl. Patchouli gasped.
"A-Alice?" she greeted with a blush of her cheeks.
"H-Hello…" Alice, biting on her lower lip, greeted back hesitantly.
Chapter End
