Today was our first match. We were up against Australias' Big Waves. It was a hard match, their tactics are pretty amazing. We were all getting worried, because we couldn't break through their defense. It's mostly thanks to Kidou that we did. And coach, for locking us in our rooms.

We won with 2-1, so everyone was happy and celebrating. But I wasn't. I don't know what happened to me, but I was scared. While the others were celebrating, I went tothe showers. I didn't even bother to turn the lights on, I just stood there. And then I saw a mirror.

When I looked at the mirror, I didn't see myself. Well, it was me in the mirror, but it wasn't. It was weird. I saw the girl I was years ago. When Fudou was fighting these boys and I was fighting myself. I felt frustrated and scared. Before I knew it, I smashed ny fist into the mirror.

As I watched my hand turn red from the blood, I realized it felt good. That scared me even more. Somehow I managed to get into a shower and turned it on. Slowly I let my back slide down, against the wall. I don't know how long I sat there. I didn't notice my clothes getting soaked due to the water.

Suddenly I heard someone calling out for me. I didn't react. Then I saw Fudous' silhouette in the doorway. He said nothing. He walked up to me and sat down next to me underneath the running water. I stared at him with blank, emotionless eyes. He knew I was frighted.

His hand reached out for mine, when he saw the blood. I think it scared him. He pulled my hand under the water and I watched the blood run down my arm, drops landing on our clothes. I didn't feel the pain.

Fudou slowely turned my head so I was facing him. We weren't talking, but I was crying. I hadn't cry for years. "You were screaming." I gave him a look of suprise. As far as I know, I didn't scream. But then again, my memory of today is a bit blurry.

Fudou knew I wasn't going to answer. He pulled me over, so I was sitting between his legs with mt head resting on his shoulder. Tears were still running down my cheeks and there was nothing he could have done to stop them.

Slowly I calmed down. Not being able to do or say anything, I turned my head to look at him. Suddenly I wanted to break free from his hold. I started to move my body away from him, but he held on. He pulled his arms tighter around me, as if he was scared to let me go.

My legs were shaking when I finally managed to get up. If he wasn't holding me, I would have fallen down. But I wanted to fall. I wanted to fall and never hit the ground. Fudou wasn't letting go, which made me feel trapped by him. I tried to loose his grip on me, but he was stronger.

We stood there, under thr cold shower, fighting. I wanted him to let go, he wanted to hold on. With tears in my eyes I fell back down, dragging him along with me. This wasn't working. I could feel my body shaking. It felt like the last strenght I had, was taken away from me.

Fudou turned his head to see why I stopped fighting. I stared back into his eyes, silently asking for help. Instead of saying anything, Fudou leaned in and gave me the sweetest kiss ever. I could have drowned in that kiss. I would have drowned, if he didn't pull back.

I rested my head back on his chest and he softly wiped away my tears. They kept coming. I was getting desperate. Why was I crying in the first place. Why had he, he of all people, come to find me. Why couldn't he just let me be alone?

After what seemed to be hours, he helped me up. "You're gonna catch a cold. And you should get your hand checked." His voice was soft, his concern was clear. He did care about me. What was I so afraid of?

I didn't even bother to change. Fudou grabbed my hand and me walked back to the main building. Everyone was looking for us, but when we stepped in, noone said a word. They were shocked to see us like that.

I walked up to Haruna and Aki. " please take a look at my hand?" I know my voice was nothing more than a whisper, but they understood. A few minutes later they had taped my hand and I went to my room. I didn't feel hungry anyway.

As I was laying on my bed, I heard Kidou call me for diner. I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes it was dark. I was still wearing my soccer uniform. I decided to take a shower and change. When I tried to get out of the bed I saw Fudou laying beside me. He was asleep.

I got in and out of the shower in 10 minutes. I layed down back on the bed and immediately felt Fudous' arms around me. He was awake now, but we still didn't say a word. I crawled deeper into his arms, trying to find that safe feeling he used to give me. But it was gone.

Next time I woke up, I didn't move. I heard voices in the room. Kidou and Fudou. "She's been like this all day, Kidou. I don't know what to do." "You did fine. You comforted her when you found her, right. You didn't leave her, even when she fought you. You have bruises on your arms because you didn't let go. You are the only one who cqn help her."

"Kidou, she scares me. I don't think she remembers any of it. Her eyes.. She looked.. Death." God, did I scare him? I held onto his shirt, tighter. I felt both their eyes on me. Fudou slowely moved away. "Don't leave me." "I'll be back."

Fudou got up and dragged Kidou to the hallway, making sure to door behind him. But I could still hear everything they said. "I think you should stay with her tonight. She is already scared, who knows what she could do to herself." "Kidou, I can't save her.. All I do is drag her down into my own problems. She deserves better."

"You're a completely clueless moron, Fudou. Didn't you say you love her? Didn't you say you will protect her? You are her best friend. She needs you." "But, what should I say to her?" ".. Nothing. Lookw like you two don't need words."

"I saw you guys at the showers. I was worried so I tried to find you. You try care about her, and she needs you. Just be with her." Fudou came back to bed, watched me sleep and sighed. "You're my angel." I felt his soft lips on my forehead and a smile appeared on my face. "Sweetdreams, babe."