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Chapter 9

When I woke up I smelled something being cooked. I smiled to myself because Hinata was cooking breakfast for me. She was still wearing the shirt I lent her. She had pants on too though. She wore the same pants from last night. She didn't want to go to bed without them, but that made a lot of sense.

"Good morning, Hinata," I said with a smile.

"Good morning, Naruto," she said softly. She smiled back to and was finishing up cooking breakfast. She made pancakes or whatever she called them. I had never had them before so I was happy that I was trying something else besides ramen. Ramen would still always be my number one choice of food though.

She sat a plate in front of me. I started eating the pancakes. They were really good. I didn't think I would ever have anything, but ramen for breakfast, but pancakes would be something I would get used too.

After breakfast I cleaned up the dishes. Hinata looked like she had something on her mind all morning. I was thinking it was because of last night. "Naruto, are you okay? I am truly sorry for last night. I honestly do trust you."

"I'm fine, Hinata, and its fine. I know you were scared. It's hard telling someone you love that you are getting abused. If I was getting abused by one of my parents I don't think I would be able to tell you either."

"Naruto, I made you feel like I didn't trust you. That is not the case. I trust you a lot," she said with a smile. I could tell that she was being honest.

"I know you trust me," I told her. She looked down at the ground again, but I pulled her into a hug to reassure her that it was fine. She did smile a little more after the hug. She kissed me on the cheek. She asked me if she could use the shower. I told her yes and went to her house to get her spare clothes. I was glad that no one knew I was around in the house. That would have been awkward. I was washing the clothes that she wore on the date as well. I was just happy everything was okay between us.

xxx

While she was in the shower dark thoughts entered my head. I was thinking about what it would be like if I didn't have anyone that loved me in my life. I was thinking about how I would become a loner if she didn't love me like she did. I would probably have died without anyone truly getting to know me. I was scared of that.

I couldn't shake what had happened to me on my birthday either. It was hard thinking about how I had a knife thrown at me. If she had known about me from the beginning would she have turned away from me too? Would she have thrown the knife at me? I hope that would never happen. Then again when that knife did hit my shoulder I didn't do anything about it. I would have gotten an infection and died if I could have. I really just wished I never left my house that day. I should have stayed inside like I wanted too.

When I was little I never wanted to leave my house on my birthday. It got worse as the years went on so I shouldn't have left. I wouldn't have even seen the looks of hatred coming from all those people. They wouldn't have been able to hurt me with the kunai knife. They wouldn't have been able to glare daggers at me and say hateful comments. All of the words got to me although I tried to pretend it didn't. How can anyone really go on without showing their feelings?

I wished that the fourth Hokage hadn't put the nine tails in me. It would have made my life easier. I don't want to be treated as if I was the beast. I don't even act like it. Why would I start now? I started thinking about all the things that could happen to Hinata because of me. I didn't want her to get hurt because of me either.

After that my thoughts led to my parents. Was I anything like them? If they knew I had the nine tails would they be afraid of me too? Would they have hated me? I questioned if I would have been loved unconditionally even though the nine tails was sealed inside of me. I started to think about my features. Did I look more like my mother or father? I still wonder what it would be like to have them.

I heard the shower stop running and that broke my thoughts. She came out with a shirt that was too big on her since I hadn't given her the clothes I got from her house. I handed her a bag with all of her items in it. She looked at me with a shocked expression. I told her that I didn't see her father or anyone. She went to get dressed in my room. When she came back out she came up and sat in my lap. She kissed me one the lips, but I was still depressed. I didn't want her worry, but I don't think she was able to sense my mood. I had a smile on my face after the kiss. I still wasn't really in a good mood and I knew that cutting was going to help.

"Hinata, I'll be right back," I told her.

"Okay," she said looked at me with a smile. I hoped that the smile wasn't going to be wiped off her face.

I went into my bedroom and pulled my backpack out from under my bed. I locked the door to my room. I didn't want Hinata to walk in on me cutting. I don't want her to worry or be upset. I don't like seeing her upset. I love her.

I took the kunai knife and ran it up my arm. I made the long cut run up my arm. I didn't make the cut deep. Then I put tiny ones around it. I made it look like a pattern. After five minutes Hinata started to pick the lock. I knew I was taking too long for her. "Hinata, please, give me a few more minutes."

"You are taking longer than you said you were going to take," she said. Before I could do anything she had the door unlocked. She walked into the room with a smile, but then was replaced by a sad look. She did stop dead in her tracks when she saw the cut going up my arm. I know she also saw the tiny ones near it to make a pattern. I could see that she was only focusing on the huge one going up my arm. She looked into my eyes and then at the kunai in my hands. She had a shocked look on her face. Her eyes were wide when she saw the blood on the kunai. She tried to run out of the room, but I tripped her and crawled on top of her. I pinned her hands above her head. She tried her hardest to get me off, but I was too strong for her.

"Hinata, please, don't tell anyone," I asked her. I needed her to keep this secret.

"How long has this been going on, Naruto," she asked ignoring what I said. She was just looking on the cut. It was starting to drip on the floor. I was just happy I had wood floors still.

"About four days," I said. I knew I couldn't lie to her.

"Naruto…why…" was all she could get out before I interrupted her. I told her I wasn't going to talk about it. She sighed. "We need to talk though."

"No, I'm not going to," I responded.

"Fine," I let her get up from the floor. My heart broke when I heard her sobbing in the next room.

xxx

Two hours went by and I had calmed down enough. My heart was breaking in half because I could still hear Hinata's cries coming from the other room. I walked out of my bedroom. "Hinata?"

"What?" She asked. I felt guilty for making her cry. I sat down next to her, but she moved over on the couch. I wanted to hold her, but she wouldn't even let me touch her. I was just about ready to pin her again, but that wouldn't have been a good idea.

"I am sorry, honey."

"You're sorry. If you are then maybe we should talk now." She said harshly. I knew she was really upset that I was hurting myself.

"Okay, we'll talk, honey," I said. She sat in my lap.

"Why were you doing it, Naruto? You don't need too," she said looking at me with her sad eyes. It made my heart hurt when she did that. I think she knew because she continued to look at me like that.

"It helps me with my depression. It's the only thing that's really helped in the past four days," I responded. She looked at me with a hurt expression. It made me wince. She noticed though because she was sitting in my lap.

"You should go to people and talk to them. You don't need to hurt yourself," she said looking sadly at me. She didn't really understand what I was going through. Cutting in my opinion was the only thing that was helping.

"Hinata, please, don't tell anyone. I know it looks bad, but they don't need to know," I told her.

"I'm just trying to help you. I want to tell them. They would be just as worried as I am," she said in a sharp tone. That was not like her.

"I don't think that will help me," I said.

"I'm dating you. That should help," she said.

"Well it doesn't. You can't stop me from what I'm doing. If you don't like it then we should just break up right now," I snapped. I regretted it because I could see the tears entering her eyes. It made me just want to hug her so tightly. I knew that it was going to be hard for her to lose me. She is going through a lot at home. Now that we just started dating she had to keep my secret or I would dump her.

"I want to stay with you…I don't want to lose you…I won't say anything even though I want too. I just don't want to lose you too," she said crying into my chest. It made me sad to make her feel that way. I just didn't want any of them to find out. I needed to keep this secret for as long as I could. I nodded and smiled softly. "I love it when you smile."

"Why is that?"

"It makes you look happy even though there is something else in your eyes. I really can't put my finger on it, but it makes your smile unique," she responded. I couldn't help, but smile, but I knew in my eyes all you could see was anger, loneliness, and depression.

"Hinata, what you see in my eyes are the anger, loneliness, and depression that I have. I'm not lonely now that I have you in my life. Trust me. You make me happy," I said.

"You have me, your friends, and everyone else that cares for you. You should not feel the loneliness, but I can understand the depression and anger. The way people treat you is not right," she said. I guess she saw all the things people have done to me in the past.

"You're right. That is making up for my childhood, but the anger and depression will always be there. No matter how happy I become there will still be some resentment towards the village," I said.

"I hope that it will fade away over time," she responded. I nodded agreeing with her, but who knows what will happen in the future. She promised that she wouldn't tell anyone. I knew she wouldn't because she didn't want to lose me. I didn't want to lose her either. It would kill the both of us.

She gave me a kiss. I cleaned up my floor before she went into my room. We were both exhausted from our fight. I let her sleep in my arms that night. I couldn't fall asleep right away. I was happy that she wasn't going interfere in my cutting. I knew that she didn't like it, but I know that she would be crushed to lose someone she loves. I know she may try to stop me again, but I don't think she would be able to. I would just pin her down again to keep her down.