CHAPTER NINE – DISCUSSING 'TACTICS': Conversations with Yahiko

Dinner was a quiet affair, with only the sounds of clattering dishes and Kaoru's desperate attempt at conversation, to which only Ayame and Suzume would respond. Megumi ate primly while only giving short, vague answers to any small-talk questions Kaoru might ask, Yahiko just stared blankly into space, and Kenshin . . . Kenshin brooded so palpably that even Kaoru knew not to ask him anything.

With supper finished and the dishes done, the collective group went to bed, Ayame and Suzume with Kaoru in one room, Megumi one adjoining, Yahiko and Kenshin in another. Though, neither of the boys could sleep easily that night. Yahiko was downright afraid to descend into slumber, where his subconscious would most definitely attempt to embarrass him further and force him to do yet another batch of laundry. Kenshin simply lay with his eyes closed, his mind far away. Sanosuke was suspiciously absent throughout the night.


Damn, I'm hungry.

Sanosuke crossed his arms and leaned against the side of Hana Gensai's house, the moon peering out from between thin clouds. In the warm night the wind blew a slightly chilling gust that rippled through the trees and brushed against his hair and jacket. He shivered, but was not really cold.

He sighed heavily. Why the hell did I just walk away? I mean, it's not like Kenshin hates me or anything because I . . . I killed people before. It's not like they'dallthink of me differently now. I just . . . just . . . dammit, this is bullshit. I'm acting like the moron they all think I am, especially that . . . aw, hell. My head hurts. Sano brought a hand to his head, latching onto a fistful of sepia hair.

Tilting his head back and gazing at the obscured moon, Sanosuke took another deep breath. I shouldn't get this worked up about it. It's not like I'm the worst offender here anyway . . . Kenshin's pretty much famous because he assassinated so many . . . he's definitely got it worse than I do. He killed people who couldn't even fight him back . . . not a soldier like I was. But . . . Sano's face contorted slightly, but . . . does it really matter if they can defend themselves or not? I mean, whether or not they have a sword in their hands, don't they all just seem the same when . . . when they bleed . . .


"Surprise attack! Everyone up!"

Shouts and calls echo in the clearing of the woods as soldiers scramble to their weapons. Red-jacketed soldiers grasp katana and muskets as life-lines, prepared to defend their camp and their cause. Tokugawa soldiers descend into the enemy lines, and swords and bullets fly.

Sanosuke holds his sword tightly, only barely registering the sound of Katsu's musket firing a little ways behind him. He guards Captain Sagara's back, making sure his beloved leader is safe to preserve his ideals on his own during the battle. A large enemy soldier comes upon him, raising his sword above his head. Sano holds his katana as Captain Sagara taught him, sliding his palm down the flat of the blade and finding a calm centre within him. The Tokugawa's sword begins to fall fast, but Sanosuke's eyes snap open into the real world and his own sword rushes upward. With his uncanny strength for a boy the age of nine, he deflects the other's blade with the sharp sound of metal clashing against metal. The larger soldier now wide open, Sanosuke whips his sword back and slashes across the exposed abdomen.

He hears the hiss of warm insides coming in contact with the cold air, sees the shocked look upon the face of the Tokugawa soldier, smells the blood dripping down his blade and falling to the grassy ground. Everything seems red as the viscera trickles out through the uniform tinted dark in the night. Sounds around him continue to process in his ears as muffled and distant, yet undeniably identifiable: Katsu's musket going off in regular staccato patterns, Captain Sagara's katana warding off the attacks of another soldier, the shouts of other members of the Sekihoutai during the skirmish. The enemy before him begins to stagger forward, but Sanosuke finishes his work with a sharp backhanded slit of the throat, the manoeuvre unbidden, but swift by his small hands. With a lurch and a strangled cry the large soldier tumbles down, draped dead upon him, innards falling at Sano's feet, blood splashing upon the boy's face and chest. Everything freezes for a moment.

He barely even notices that everyone else had already finished fighting by now.

Sano backs away, letting the corpse fall in a pool of dark fluid upon the ground. His hands shake as he still grips his katana, his breath still fast and coming out in steamy puffs in the crisp night. It is only now that he realizes that his normally white uniform is stained in scarlet, that his hands feel slippery and sticky against his sword from the fluid there, that his face is wet from both tears and blood running down his cheeks.

"C-Captain!" his voice chokes out as he collapses to his knees, and he hears Katsu and Captain Sagara rushing to his side as quickly as they can.

But they are too late to comfort him.


Sanosuke's hands shook as he stared at them in the moonlit area behind Doctor Gensai's sister's house. He closed his eyes and willed his breath a pulse to slow, dispersing the memories at the same time. That's all done now . . . I don't have to worry about it. I shouldn't worry about it . . . I killed for the cause. I killed for the group. I killed for my Captain. It's justified. It's all justified . . .

How can you justify killing?

I was only a child . . . only a soldier . . .

You took life. There is no excuse for killing.

They would've killed me if I hadn't! They would've killed Katsu and the Captain too! I had to!

There is still blood on your hands. Their lives fell at your feet . . .

He shook his head violently. No, just don't think about it. You're forgiven, Sano. I mean, if Kenshin can be forgiven, you can too, right? Captain, you forgive me, don't you?Sanosuke looked up at the sky again, watching the stars flicker down upon him and almost . . . smile?

Don't you, Captain?

Suddenly the wind stopped, all going quiet within the clearing around the small house. Even the stars seemed to cease their twinkling and the moon hid once again behind a veil of clouds. Sanosuke swallowed nervously.

A small shooting star lit the sky for a brief moment. Sanosuke could almost smell the mix of grass and sweat and gunpowder he had associated with the Sekihoutai as the wind started up again, this time warm. The star flew on, disappearing into the night as the wind embraced him.

Sano smiled. "Thanks, Captain."

"Thanks for what, Sanosuke?"

The lanky fighter started and turned his head to see a short, spiky-haired figure stepping toward him. Yahiko Myojin stepped out of the shadow of the porch and shuffled over to Sano's hiding-place.

"Uh, nothing," Sanosuke covered fumblingly. "Nothing important anyway."

"Oh," Yahiko's normally inquisitive nature was subdued tonight. "Um, hey, Sano . . ."

"Let me guess," the taller man gave him an arched brow beneath his headband. "You want to talk to me about something."

"Uh, yeah." The boy began to blush. "Well, like I was telling you earlier, Tsubame kind of . . . kind of . . ."

"She kissed you," Sanosuke filled in the blank Yahiko's stuttering was leaving. "I got that part already. You said that wasn't it, though."

"It wasn't and it is," the junior samurai put his hand behind his head, rubbing his wild hair in thought. "Aw, dammit, this is so confusing. I mean, I don't even know why I wanted to ask in the first place 'cause it's not like anyone else has these sorts of problems or if they do they don't talk about it especially not to me and I just-"

"Whoa, slow down," Sanosuke put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Kid, if you want to talk, talk. Just don't ramble."

"But you probably won't even be able to help me and-"

"Try me," the ex-gangster crossed his arms and gave Yahiko a look. "Believe me, I've been around. I think I can help you out at least a little."

Yahiko took a deep breath. "Okay. Well, like I said, it all started when Tsubame k-kissed me."

Sanosuke nodded, indicating that he was paying close attention. "Yeah, and?"

"T-that night . . . when I went to bed, I . . . I was kind of . . . because she . . . Sano, is it normal for you to . . . kind of, I don't know, leak?"

"What?" Sanosuke blinked.

"It's just that, when I go to sleep, I-I start to think about her and I dream and she . . . she," Yahiko's face was visibly red, even in the faint light of the stars.

Realization dawned on Sanosuke's face. "And she's not so shy anymore in your dreams, right?"

Yahiko swallowed. "Yeah. Sanosuke, what do I do?"

"Do?" Sanosuke looked confused again. "What do you mean, what do you do? It just happens. It's part of becoming a man," the fighter puffed himself up with pride for the young boy.

"So you get all sticky too?"

Sano sweatdropped. "Uh, well, when I was your age, yeah. You just have to learn to control it, I suppose."

"Control it?" Yahiko looked up at the larger fighter with expectant eyes. "How?"

Sanosuke put his hand behind his head, rubbing his shaggy hair in thought. "You've got to release it before you go to bed, that way you won't . . . ah . . ."

"Be all up and hard?" the boy supplemented.

"Uh, right."

"What do you mean, 'release'?" Yahiko questioned.

"You know, release it. Jack off."

"You mean I . . ." the first student of the Kamiya Kasshin style let the words taper suggestively.

"Right," Sanosuke said, seeing understanding in the boy's eyes.

"That's gross."

"Yeah well, there's nothing you can do, unless you want to keep going off in your bed."

"Okay, okay, I get it. But how," black brows furrowed over cinnamon eyes, "how do I do it?"

Sano nearly face-vaulted. "Damn, kid! Do I have to explain everything to you?"

Yahiko looked angry and a little hurt. "It's not my fault! It just . . . it just happens, and I don't know what to do! No one was ever there to really teach me this kind of stuff . . . sure, I was with the gangsters for a bit, but they never talked about this really, they were too old! And my parents weren't there . . . and Kaoru wouldn't know anything, and I don't want to ask Kenshin . . . and . . . and I-"

"All right, all right," Sanosuke felt guilty. "I'll teach you. Fuck, what did I do to deserve this?"

"Hey, come on," Yahiko frowned at him. "Consider it one productive thing you do with your life."

"'Productive' is an interesting word choice for this subject, Yahiko."

"Dammit, Sanosuke! Stop thinking dirty and help me jack off!"

"That's another interesting-"

"Just shut up and teach me . . ." Yahiko whined.

"Fine," Sanosuke gave in and decided to become serious. "All right, it's really very simple. Just think of what you think of before you go to bed . . . you know, those thoughts that made you do it in the first place . . ."

"T-the ones with Tsubame . . .?" the blush on his tanned cheeks returned with a vengeance.

Sanosuke nodded. "Yeah. If you hold it when you're thinking about her and you act like she's the one-"

"I h-hold it while thinking . . . thinking that?"

"Yes," Sano was getting a little exasperated at his naïveté. For all the times he insisted that he was not a little kid and could even act like it (on a good day), Yahiko really could be very childish; he was just childish with adult language interspersed between his sentences. "Just think about her when you do it. Actually it could be any girl, really, but since Tsubame seems to have such a hold on you, she'd probably be easiest."

"W-what kind of things should I think about w-with her?"

"Uh, well, what you thought about in your dreams," Sanosuke answered lamely. "They did set you off in the first place, so that's probably where you should start."

"But . . . but I don't know if I'm doing this right," the look in Yahiko's eyes was something akin to a trapped rodent. "W-what do you think about?"

This time, Sanosuke did face-vault. "Yahiko, that's private stuff!"

"Well, you're gonna know mine, so it's only fair! Plus, I need help!"

The tall fighter slapped his hand over his eyes and began rubbing his temples. "Okay, fine. Um . . ." the blush magically transferred from Yahiko's face to Sano's. "Well, start with her in front of you."

"Okay," Yahiko closed his eyes, imagining.

"And she comes closer to you, kissing you . . . um, again, and she backs away a little, but she's still close enough for you to see that gleam in her eyes. Yeah. And her hand trails from your face down to your shirt . . . she starts to take it off."

"Got that," the boy was now squeezing his eyes shut.

"You feel a little nervous and your heart starts to pound as your shirt falls to the ground. She leans her head on your chest, and you can feel her own pulse against yours. Your hands start to shake as she pulls her hands down lower on you."

"Uh huh," Yahiko said.

"As her hands go down, she lifts her head up, and you want to taste her lips again . . . you put your hand behind her head, stroking her long dark hair as you kiss her back and-"

"Uh, Sano?"

"What?" he asked, a little irritated at the interruption. He really just wanted to get this over with.

"Tsubame has short, brown hair."

"Oh. Right. Stroking her short brown hair then."

"Yeah."

"Okay. So you kiss her back, and you taste her as her hands continue, her fingertips brushing against . . ."

"Oh, yeah. Yeah," Sanosuke heard Yahiko beside him.

He jumped back a little. "Whoa, kid! You're not gonna do that right here in front of me, are you?"

Yahiko's eyes opened. "W-well I've got to, since you just kind of started over here and I needed help . . ."

The look of pure 'grossed-outness' on Sano's face would have been enough to make Yahiko laugh, had it been any other time but now. "Kid, go somewhere else to do that! I told you, it's private stuff. Keep it that way!"

"But, I need you to-"

"I think you've got enough to go off of," Sano started pushing him away. "Go somewhere and finish. Just make sure you clean up after yourself."

"Um, okay," Yahiko started moving, covering the front of his pants, a little embarrassed now.

"Shit," Sanosuke scratched his head with a peeved expression after the boy had departed. "How come I get stuck doing all the dirty work in this little group?" He started walking off to his own bed, a long string of curses tailing him.

Through the wall where Sano had just left, a wide-eyed Kaoru lay in a room where the sleeping Ayame and Suzume did not hear anything that had transpired outside.

Unfortunately for Kaoru, the wall was thin and she was the closest to it. Her eye twitched a little as she lay in her futon, the only coherent thought in her head being:

"Eew . . ."