(A/N) You may have noticed that I updated a bit sooner this time. Why is that, you ask? Because I got so many fabulous reviews on the last chapter, that's why! You guys rock, seriously! :D If I keep getting a crazy number of reviews like this and rewarding everyone for it, then the story will be over in no time. O__O You guys might not mind that though. ;)
To Have Loved and Lost
Chapter IX
An overwhelming mix of emotions ranging from incredible sadness, to unadulterated hate for the prince washes through me in an instant, and I don't stay much longer to listen to my father's explanation of the marriage proposal. I can't stand to be here, so I turn suddenly on my heel, running out of the room as fast as I possibly can. I stumble up the stairs, scraping my elbow against the stone wall, my vision blurry with hot, angry tears that are spilling over the rims of my eyes.
When I'm safe inside my room I slam the door behind me, and the sound reverberates off of the walls as I make sure to lock it securely. I go to my bed, falling onto the mattress and burying my face in the pillows, letting the sobs shake my body. It's really happening; the thing that I feared would tear me apart from the man I love. I knew it would come eventually, because the two of us were never really meant to be together in the eyes of this world, but I never imagined how badly it would hurt. Our time to be together has come to an end, and we never even had enough.
My thoughts spiral downwards, every little bit of hope I try to cling to slipping through my fingers; dying even before it had a chance to live. I know too well that the fact that Rufus asked my father permission for my hand in marriage has no effect on what the outcome will be. We will be married no matter what I think about it, or how vehemently I object; that's the way it works for royalty. We marry for convenience and political reasons, never love.
I'm not sure how long I lay there in my bed, sobbing from the hopelessness of this whole thing. The tears never do stop rolling down my cheeks and soaking into my pillow, though, before finally I exhaust myself enough to fall asleep.
xXxXx
The next time my eyes open, it's already become dark outside my window. The sun is probably just disappearing on the other side of the castle, and it's casting the shadow of early evening into my room. I sit up slowly, caught in a daze, the details of what happened this morning seeming fuzzy within my mind. One thing is still clear though; I'm going to be married to the prince, probably in a short amount of time, and I'll lose Cloud in the process.
Sighing and trying to shove the awful thoughts out of my mind, at least for the moment, I push myself out of bed. I realize that I'm still fully dressed from this morning, so I head downstairs, intent on trying to catch my father alone so I can talk to him about this. Not that I think there's anything I can do to prevent it, because I'm sure it's already set in stone by now, but I'd like to at least know the day that my life, or at least everything that is good in it, is set to come to an end.
I go down to the main hall first, and when I find it empty I head towards my father's room. The muffled sound of voices behind the doors reaches down the hall as I approach, and I step forward slowly, trying to identify them. I am able to distinguish my father's voice, but I have to get closer to make out the words. When I'm close enough though, another voice speaks up instead. My heart jumps when I realize that it belongs to Cloud, and although his voice is muted behind the door, I can tell that he's furious.
"You're really going to allow this to happen?" he demands, the sound of pain creeping into his tone not completely masked by the anger.
By his words, I know that he must have heard about the marriage arrangement by now. I didn't want him to find out before I could tell him myself, but I suppose it would hurt just the same no matter who he heard the news from.
I hear my father sigh deeply, and I can imagine him rubbing his temples in frustration.
"It has to happen," he says flatly. "Wutai is threatening another advance on our kingdom; we need this alliance with a larger country like Midgar to have any hope of stopping them."
"She's your daughter," Cloud points out quietly.
My father exhales again. "I know, and I love her dearly. I wish there was some other way around this, but there isn't. It's not in my power to refuse his offer anyway," he says, sounding defeated.
I can hear Cloud shifting on his feet during the brief moment of silence, obviously anxious. My father sits down with a huff, presumably in one of the wooden chairs in his quarters. I creep closer, trying to hear more, and the light filtering out from where the door is cracked open is almost touching my toes now.
"What does Rufus ShinRa want with Tifa in the first place?" Cloud asks, sneering at his name.
"Prince Rufus lost his first wife, Scarlet, to disease last year," my father explains slowly. "His father just passed away as well, and now that Rufus is set to take the throne, I'd assume that he's looking for a young woman to make his queen."
I gasp quietly at the news, moving my hand up to cover my mouth in hopes of stifling the sound. I hadn't known Rufus was married before, and the knowledge makes this whole ordeal seem much worse somehow. Cloud takes the information about the same way I do, with surprise and anger, his voice is full of fury when he speaks next.
"He's been married before?" he shouts, not bothering to hide his contempt.
"Yes," my father mumbles, sounding about as hopeless as I feel.
He would save me from this terrible fate if he could, I know. But when a man from a country that is much larger and more powerful than yours asks to marry your daughter, refusing could mean war, and devastation for your lands. Marriage is seen as a duty to your country, and I've always wanted to help my people, but this is just too much to ask.
The sound of Cloud sitting down in another one of the wooden chairs breaks the loaded silence, and in my mind I picture him sitting leaned over with his head in his hands, because his voice suddenly sounds muffled.
"I love her," he admits, his voice a broken whisper.
A pleasant feeling of warmth spreads throughout my chest when I hear him say it, but I am unable to bring myself to smile because of all the pain there in his voice.
My father sighs again, though it's much heavier this time. "I know you do, I've seen it in your eyes for a long time," he says, a hint of joy buried there somewhere in his tone.
Cloud doesn't reply, so my father continues.
"I love you like a son, and you make my daughter happy; if there was anyway for the two of you to be together you know I would want that," he says genuinely.
I knew my father had always cared for Cloud, but his words still take me by surprise. This doesn't console me much though, and the tears start spilling from my eyes freely, because I'm suddenly feeling overwhelmed by everything. I don't wait to hear Cloud's reaction, and instead I turn quicky to retreat back down the hall. I can't bear to listen anymore; this whole situation is too hopeless. I thankfully am able to make it back to my room without being seen or heard by anyone, and I fall back on to my bed like before, my heart aching in so many new ways now.
xXxXx
I lie still for what feels like a long time, trying to force my mind to shut off, but sleep continues to elude me. A knock against my door sends my pulse racing though, and I sit up quickly. I stare towards the door handle with wide eyes; silently praying that I remembered to lock it behind me when I returned here. Surely Rufus is staying here in the castle now, because it would be ridiculous for him to travel all the way back to Midgar, and while I think it's unlikely, I'm suddenly terrified that it is him standing outside of my room now.
Forcing myself to get out of bed and go over to the door, I take a deep breath before pulling it open. Just like before when he's startled me, an enormous sense of relief washes over me when I realize that it's Cloud standing there. Something about seeing him, excluding the times that I get frightened, always gives me a feeling of ease. It's like I've been holding my breath for a long time without realizing it, and seeing him is a big gulp of fresh air.
Cloud takes in my appearance, and I although I'm smiling at him, I can tell that he's concerned with the signs that I've been crying. He steps towards me slowly; just enough so he can close the door behind himself, and I fall into his arms, not able to hold back the tears while he's here no matter how hard I try. His arms wrap around me as he holds me against him, kissing the top of my head. He abruptly pulls me back after a moment though, holding me by my shoulders and looking into my eyes meaningfully.
"I have a plan," he says simply, sounding much less bleak than he did only minutes ago while talking with my father.
I sniff back my tears, trying to figure out what he means. "What are you talking about?" I ask him.
He doesn't answer right away, but instead he leads me over to my bed where he sits down and pulls on my hand to urge me to sit beside him. I follow his lead, watching him closely for some sign to help explain the strange emotion burning behind his eyes.
"I know how to get us out of this," he clarifies, his voice hushed. "So we can be together."
I stare at him wordlessly, bewildered by the very idea, but he continues anyway.
"You have to marry Rufus," he begins, and when I start to protest he puts a finger to my lips. "Let me finish," he asks politely.
My head bobs with a little nod of consent, though I already don't like the sound of this scheme of his. I can't imagine why he would want to include my marriage to another man in his idea, but he looks so sure of himself that I decide not to question it for now.
"We don't have enough time to do this any other way, so you have to marry him," he explains, his words flowing out in a rush.
I briefly wonder exactly how much time we have before my horrendous wedding is set to take place, because Cloud seems to be already informed of it, but I resign myself not to interrupt him again.
Cloud glances away now, looking uncomfortable. "You just, you have to keep him from…from touching you, okay? I couldn't stand it if…"
He trails off, a look mixed between anger and nausea making his face pale, even in what little light is flickering in my room from the candle on my desk. I give him a weak smile, letting him know that I understand, and he resumes with his explanation.
"I'll tell your father that I'm going to leave Nibelheim after the wedding. I'll go find someplace safe for us to stay, and then a few days after you're married I'll come back to take you with me," his lips are trembling slightly when he finishes, and I know then that I'm not the only one who's scared about this.
"How do I get away from Rufus?" I ask, not questioning the rest of the plan; it sounds solid enough to me, and it's the only thing we have right now. "I can't just disappear; they'll come looking for me," I add, though I'm sure he already knows this.
Apparently, Cloud has thought through this part as well, because he doesn't hesitate with his answer.
"You write your father a note, telling him that you've run away from Rufus," he says, sounding almost excited that he's figured this all out. "Your father will probably know that you're with me, but to everyone else who thinks I'm long gone, it won't look like we've planned this together."
There is a definite sound of hope in his voice now, and I'm starting to feel it too. It's a tiny feeling, way down in the pit of my stomach, but with every one of his words it's slowly growing inside of me.
I look up at him, nodding slowly. "I think it might work," I whisper, though my whole body is shaking with fear at this point.
Cloud doesn't explain any more about the plan, but instead he takes me into his arms; holding me for a long time and stroking my back comfortingly while I let out the last of my frustrated tears. He pulls me under the covers of my bed with him eventually, because both of us are exhausted from all of the stress. I fall asleep with my cheek against his chest and his arms around me, letting the sound of his heart beating softly drown out my thoughts of the coming horrors.
It may only be a small thread of hope, but I'm holding on to it with all I've got.
To be continued…
(A/N) You guys remember Scarlet from the original Final Fantasy VII game, right? The blonde woman in the red dress? I thought she made an okay candidate for Rufus's first wife. Plus, I never liked her, so she gets to be dead in this story. XD I'm awful, I know. ;P
This chapter is a little on the angst-ish side, huh? I wasn't really going for that with this story, but I suppose it can't be helped, considering the situation. Tragedy is sort of like angst though, I think… Bah, I'm rambling. DX Anyway, I feel like I may have Tifa a bit out of character because she's so prone to tears, but I think because of the AU aspect of this story, it makes sense that she should be a bit more innocent and less brave. Perhaps? O.o
-punkiemonkie
