I had the idea of a retired Rachel being in the same boat as her own mother, that the relationship she has with Emma broke down as the girl grew older and more stubborn. New Tricks is set in the same reality as Scott & Bailey.
Scott & Bailey.
Fa-arsed bit.
Rachel in UCOS.
DSI Lucy Harding came out of her office and looked at her two, aged, colleagues. No, that was too harsh, these two women were both experienced former police officers, and since Lucy loved her work at Manchester UCOS and had worked with these two women for the last five years, she could say she was nervous about meeting another ex copper. This one had left under one helluva cloud, but she was highly respected, and these two officers highly regarded her.
"She's a first class detective," Gill had said.
"She's a good worker," Julie had added. Lucy didn't doubt their statements, she'd heard of this woman's reputation as she'd risen through the ranks, so she was still nervous.
"When is she here?" she asked for what seemed like the twelfth time. Ever since Paul Simmons had left a week ago, Harding had been hard pressed to find a replacement for him. Then Gill and Julie had gotten a brainwave about a colleague who'd retired a year before, but the problem was whether she would want to work in UCOS. Fortunately their former colleague was interested after hearing years of good things about digging up the past on cases deemed unsolvable. Former Detective Chief Inspector Gill Murray shared a long suffering look with her best friend, Julie Dodson, ex Detective Superintendent Julie Dodson. "She'll be here soon," she replied, running a hand through her trademark short hair, doing her best to ignore the wrinkles on her hand, "she's usually reliable."
Julie smothered a snort, Gill ignored it though Lucy did glance at the large former officer, "Anyway she's been through hell the last couple of years, give her a chance to get here."
As soon as she said that, as though on cue, a tall dark haired woman walked in carrying a rucksack on her back.
"Good afternoon," Rachel Bailey, formerly DCI Rachel Bailey, said dryly. Gill and Julie stood up to greet Rachel, Gill especially who got up, and hugged Rachel. Lucy looked on as Rachel's wrinkled face cracked into a smile, she studied that face. She'd risen through the ranks of the police, and had heard about officers like Rachel Bailey, but the person in front of her was different from the picture pinned to the personnel file. That Rachel Bailey had been a younger woman, this one was an older woman, and there was something in her still intelligent eyes. She looked alert, yeah, but there was something in her posture.
Tiredness.
Sadness.
The cold case handed was a fairly simple one, and it gave Harding plenty of time to learn more about the newcomer. Rachel was exactly as her reputation described her as, she was meticulous since she looked at the facts, and though she was certainly a maverick she wasn't one of those cut corner types you often got; no, Rachel wasn't exactly by the book, but she certainly looked at things differently. She fitted so well with Julie and Gill, no surprises there since the trio had worked together on cases as big as the Bevan case. Another thing was the rucksack Rachel had brought in. She'd opened it, and put a few pictures on the desk she'd been given. Gill and Julie had taken a look at the pictures, and they put their hands on the younger woman's shoulders, making Rachel look up at them with a sad smile. When there was a lull at work, and Lucy was able to get a proper look at the pictures on Rachel's desk. Two of them had the picture of a baby, one showed Rachel in a hospital gown, looking tired but happy at the same time as she proudly held her child for the first time. Lucy studied the pictures of the baby, who grew into a beautiful little toddler. A girl aged between 9 and 10, wearing a white shirt and shorts, winning a race and hugging her proud and happy mother triumphantly. The last pictures were different, the once smiling girl was a teenager and though she was smiling there was a hint of rebelliousness in her body language, and the Rachel in the picture was looking at the girl with a hint of exasperation. The final picture showed the girl wearing a police uniform, an arm wrapped around a blond woman and a younger Gill Murray.
"The girl's name is Emma."
Lucy looked up in shock, and saw Julie standing in the doorway. The younger DSI wanted to run away, say she was only curious, but Julie shrugged. "It's okay," she said softly, "at least Rachel didn't catch you searching her desk. Man, that girl's got a mean punch."
Lucy watched the former police woman walked into the room and moving to stand next to her. "Look, Julie. I was just-" she tried to say.
"Don't worry 'bout it," Julie said. "Rachel doesn't mind people looking at the pictures of her daughter. How do you think I started being friends with Emma and Rachel?"
Lucy smiled shakily, "Where is she?"
The smile on Julie's face vanished. "Emma moved to London, about six years ago to make her mark there like Rachel made her own mark here in Manchester."
Lucy frowned, "What's wrong?"
Julie sighed; it was things like this that made her wish she'd never accepted her job at UCOS, but this was as personal as her own daughter who'd resented her honoury cousin for leaving the way she had. "Emma hasn't gotten in touch with Rachel in the last three years, and she hasn't really kept in touch with us, and we're her aunties and uncles."
From what Lucy had heard about the girl so far, she seemed to have a rather large family, and the earlier pictures of the girl showed someone who was incredibly loving to the people she cared about. What had changed?
Rachel had been dreading this moment. Ever since she'd gotten the call from UCOS about a position, sponsored by her old boss. Rachel wasn't stupid, she knew since the troubles she'd gone through the months going up to her resignation and retirement she would be asked questions by Gill even though Rachel had told her, Julie, Janet and Alison everything that had happened. Her friends and sister weren't stupid either; they knew what Rachel needed the most was Emma. In the past whenever one of them was having a rough time they would always, always, find comfort in the arms of the other. But Emma had been in London for the past six years, and Rachel hadn't had any contact with her daughter though she knew the ungrateful little cow was still alive. She didn't mean that in a bad way, but she just wanted her daughter back; her police contacts had told her she was alive and well but nothing else. Rachel knew Emma was a DC now, working in the Murder Squad, and she couldn't help but feel pleased with her daughter's achievement. Rachel had risen through the ranks more or less the same way, the only difference was she hadn't gone for the DS exams until Emma was six years old, around the time Gill, Janet and the girls with Julie had come to her flat to spend a few days. Her daughter had striven her to succeed, and she had.
"So how's it been going Rachel, retirement?" Gill asked, snapping Rachel out of the reverie. Rachel tried not to wince at the word. Retirement. She'd been retired for a year, and she'd fought desperately for something meaningful and inspirational to do with her time. She'd tried doing art classes, but she'd dropped out when one of the girls reminded her too much of Emma. Far too much. Years of working in the police, her mind going over the cases she'd been handed as a DC, then a DS, then a DI and lastly a DCI, and then nothing but boredom. Worse, her own sister had tried roping her into pointless things. Bingo was a recent obsession of Alison's, and Rachel hated it deeply. Retirement. Rachel had dreaded the idea of it since she'd made DC, to her retirement was a dirty word where everything you had seen and done, and contributed to the police, all the scum you put away...It would all be forgotten the moment you were out of the door. Rachel had watched as her friends - Julie, Janet, and Gill had left the police along with others she'd known and worked with over the years.
"I'm eternally grateful you got me into UCOS, Gill. I was going crazy just sitting around and doing fuck all," Rachel said honestly as the pair of them were standing in the ladies. This bathroom brought back memories of a time when the three of them - Rachel, Gill and Janet - would talk in the white walled bathroom, but this bathroom only served to remind Gill and Rachel those good old days were long gone. Gill smiled, "I know. Let me tell you something, when I retired I didn't have anything to do, I started going to garden parties."
Rachel grimaced. She knew Gill hated garden parties, she wasn't too keen on them herself. "You've been here for 5 years already, must've been good times."
Gill shrugged, "Sometimes. I have to admit its great I can sit back and let someone else take the reins of an investigation."
"Yeah, yeah, that's a good thing too," Rachel said, " I can't tell ya how many times I almost became more of an alcoholic from all the stress of the cases I was handed."
"What stopped you?" Gill asked evenly, she had a good idea but she wanted to be sure.
Rachel shrugged, bowing her head and said one word, a name, "Emma."
The subject of her honoury granddaughter made Gill quieten down. "Still haven't heard from her?"
Rachel sent her a look. "You know I haven't heard from her for the last three years. Three years! Emma never even sent me a letter saying she'd become a DC, never mind calling me about my retirement."
Gill bit her lip, she knew the subject of Rachel's retirement after speaking about Emma was likely to piss her off, but she had to say - "Did you at least send Emma a letter, or a phone call saying why you retired after-?" she couldn't say it, the knowledge of the thing that cut Rachel's career so short was cruel. Rachel was one of the most exceptional detectives Gill had ever met, it was just cruel. Rachel closed her eyes. "Yeah. I sent her a dozen emails, phone calls, and letters. I didn't get anything back. I know she moved from her last address two years ago, but she hasn't told me anything. I know she reads my emails, but she doesn't reply. I didn't tell her the reasons for my retirement, just that I have. I haven't told her I'd joined UCOS."
Gill kept silent as her younger friend shifted from one foot to the other. "I want her back Gill, I want her in my arms. I know she's an adult, but she'll always be my baby and I want my baby back."
Gill hugged her tightly, not exactly a hug from Rachel but it was a comforting hug anyway, and it was probably what Rachel needed right about now. It was, the other woman wrapped her in a tight hug, and her tough facade broke away like a cliff washed away by the sea as she sobbed her eyes out as all the stress from her retirement, her lack of contact with her daughter, and the general stresses of life took its toll. Gill held on tight to her as she cried.
When the case was over Lucy looked at her team with a smile. "Well, done everyone. Now, pub time."
Gill stayed sat in her seat as the others got up. "Er Lucy, there's something I need to double check, but I'll be there in half an hour or so."
Lucy frowned at her, but then nodded, "Okay," she said in agreement, pulling her coat on and striding out of the room. Rachel and Julie followed, though Gill caught Rachel's eyes. The younger woman's eyes were piercing, as if she knew what Gill was about to do. It didn't matter because she left, Gill was delighted Rachel let her do this even if she didn't know. It took Gill only five minutes to find what she wanted, thanks to years of practice of searching for information, and she found it quickly. She also knew better than to look through the hundreds of police files, not when she had something so small in front of her already. She'd first looked up Rachel's updated file, which had a notation about Emma. Afterwards getting her honoury granddaughter's details was effortless. Heart beating hard in her chest, Gill dialed the number. She listened to the dial tone for a few moments before a voice answered it, a familiar voice.
"DC Emma Bailey," the young woman on the other end said.
The moment of truth. "Hi Emma," Gill said.
"Auntie Gill?" Emma whispered. "How did you-?"
"How did I get your details?" Gill gave a humorless smile though she knew Emma wouldn't see it. "Its easy when one of your colleagues in UCOS happens to be your mother."
"Mums working for UCOS?" The surprise in Emma's voice was unhidden. "Since when?"
Interest. Gill smiled at that, but it disappeared quickly, "Since two days ago. I've a bone to pick with you-"
"What do you mean?" Gill held back the smile at the slight trembling in Emma's voice. Good, that meant she was worried.
"Why are you doing this?" Gill asked. "Why haven't you called your mother in the last three years? You know she loves you-"
Emma's voice was bitter, "Then why won't she let me do what I wanna do? Did you know she argued with me when I told her I'd been accepted into London police? It was a good career move. She wouldn't let me make my own decisions. She still treated me as if I was a little girl."
Though she was angry with Emma for that little comment, Gill couldn't help but empathise with her. "I know how that feels, believe me. My mother wasn't happy with my career choice, but she learnt to live with it though she still wanted me to do something less dangerous. But she didn't do that out of malice, she did it because she loved me, and she did until the end. Your mother's the same, all mothers are. Do you think Julie was okay when her daughter joined the police? Do you think Janet was happy when Taisie decided to join as well?"
"Weren't you happy when Sammy said he wanted to join?" Emma asked stubbornly, her tone reminding Gill very much of another argumentative DC she'd had the joy and sometimes irritation to work with.
"Not really. Not at first," Gill replied honestly. "My job was like a seesaw with Sammy; it was my job that took me away from him for so long over the years. I struggled to cope with my workload even though I left the NPIA to take care of him, and he had no reason to like the police because of it. He surprised me Emma, when he joined I was worried. Who wouldn't be? Police work is dangerous but you know that, you also know there's a chance of being shot or stabbed. Your mum was stabbed when you were a kid, and Janet told you how she'd been stabbed around the time your mum was pregnant with you. You know how dangerous work in the police is, and Sammy had to go through the hell before he joined of waiting to see if I was okay when I was kidnapped. I'm proud of the path my son has gone, but it took me some time to admit it to myself. You know that."
Emma was silent for a long time and Gill was worried she wasn't getting through to the girl. "That doesn't excuse the fact my mother wouldn't let me grow up. You wanna know why I never got in touch with her? Fine, I'll tell ya. Everytime we spoke together, on the phone, she would beg me to come back to Manchester. Finally I got so sick of it I stopped talking with her and she changed her tune. I've been thinking of getting back in touch with her, but if I do that she'll probably get started on trying to get me to come back-"
"Don't you think she's got reason too?" Gill asked curiously. "Don't tell me you don't miss her Emma, I think I know you better than that."
"Fine. I won't tell you."
That little comeback pissed Gill off, but she had another weapon in her arsenal. "A long time ago," Gill began reminiscently, "there was this little girl. She was so incredibly sweet, she was charming, beautiful, smart and blunt, but she was so kind. I remember once accidentally cutting my finger on a chopping board whilst arguing with Captain Shagbandit on the phone, and the little girl was by my side before I could blink. Before I knew it the phone was out of my hands and the girl told my useless ex-husband off for hurting her 'auntie Gill', it was quite a picture. An adorable four year old girl telling off a grown man before hanging him up mid-sentence, but she didn't stop there. She led me, meek as a lamb, to the sink, and she got a plaster out, and she kissed my finger better. She said -"
"Mummy always says Tender Loving Care is one of the best healers, but a kiss goes a long way," Emma interrupted in a whisper, finishing the story. On her end, she closed her eyes as she tried to recall that memory, but it was so deeply buried in her mind it was hard. "What's that got to do with anything?" Emma asked stubbornly.
"Your mother misses you. I miss you. Janet misses you. Alison misses you. Taisie and Elise miss you. Everyone does; your cousins, your aunties and uncles. We all miss you but we all agree you shouldn't treat your mother like dirt. Rachel made a lot of sacrifices for you kid, she put her own career plans on hold for a few years until you were old enough for her to take her sergeants exams. She sometimes missed a few crucial days of her cases to watch you at school whenever there was a play, or a sports day unless she could get away with it. Don't tell me you've forgotten them. Other parents would've focused on their careers, not Rachel. Can you even acknowledge those times where you thought she wouldn't turn up but she did? I thought the faith you had for her was staggering."
Gill sighed, and decided to knock the truth into Emma but first she wanted to clear something up, "Emma, did your mother tell you about her retirement, any other details?"
Emma immediately knew something was wrong. "No, she didn't. What are you trying to say to me Auntie Gill?"
Gill didn't answer immediately though she blew out a sigh that didn't help Emma, the young woman didn't dare lose her patience with Gill since years of long experience of knowing the kind hearted, but sometimes stern woman told her Gill was trying to control her own emotions. Forcing her to speak might make her lose her temper. As a child, Emma had always thought Gill's temper was funny. Not so as a teenager, and even less so than an adult. Age had not dampened her aunt's temper, not one little bit.
Emma's breathing was coming as fearful.
Finally Gill get on with it, "Emma, your mother, she didn't want to retire."
Emma blinked, "Then why-?" That made little sense to her; her mother had worked hard for her career to succeed. It had come from her rocky upbringing, the need to survive and succeed above all else had been the core definitions for her mother's personality. Rachel had tried hard to keep Emma's childhood as realistic as she could, but she hadn't hidden the cruelties of life from her, not even as a child. Emma was grateful for that. As an adult, and a police officer, she had a more than realistic outlook on life. But what would make her mother retire when she did and she didn't want to in the first place?
Gill closed her eyes on her end, tears pouring as she remembered the breakdowns Rachel had suffered. "There were...outside influences, and they got your mother down."
Emma read between the lines, "Someone forced her to retire?" she whispered shocked. Who would do such a thing? When she'd learnt her mother had retired Emma had been convinced her mother was simply trying to make up for something with her, but now she was starting to regret her earlier mindset. Guilt was starting to seep into her soul, and Emma did not like it.
"Not in the way you think, but-" Gill couldn't say it. "A police officer who joined her syndicate turned out to be -well, more ambitious, and she accused your mother of negligence when an arrest went wrong-"
A voice on the other end of the line asked, "Emma, what's going on?"
Emma's muted voice came over, Gill's hearing was sharp enough to pick out her reply as "not now."
Gill frowned though Emma couldn't see it, "What was that all about?"
"Oh, we're in the middle of an investigation, I've got to question someone in a moment. That can wait. What happened to my mother?"
"She dragged your mother through inquiries, but she was cleared. But," Gill shook her head sadly though inwardly pleased the girl had the decency to put her career on hold whilst she heard about the state Rachel was in, "it took all the fight out of her. It was later learnt, in another investigation after your mother got off, that she'd been selling confidential information to the press. She blamed your mother for making her do it."
"What made her do it?"
Gill sighed, "I don't know," she replied honestly since the question was so broad. There were so many answers to the whole situation. Emma didn't argue, though on the other end, as she sat by her desk looking lost and uncertain, she couldn't picture her mother losing so much fight after all the years she'd come close to the abyss more than once she'd lost it because of another police woman.
"Who was this woman?" Emma asked. Gill licked her lips. The officer responsible was fairly well known for all the things she'd done, but was she known in London? She was tempted not to tell Emma in case she made things worse, but she had no right to keep it from her. She'd already told Emma things her own mother should tell her, but Emma deserved it if she was being brutally honest with herself. She deserved the shocks after what she'd put Rachel through. It was cruel, but Gill didn't care.
"Former Detective Constable Linda Pearson."
Emma was silent for a bit, "In prison?"
"Yes," Gill replied. "Look in her file, and then you'll find out. But be careful," she added, "you might not like what you find. I'd better not keep you, and if your SIO gives you any trouble, give him my number and I'll tell him I was giving her a personal call. I'll take it on my own head, but I won't risk your career."
"Thanks," Emma whispered. "Bye Auntie Gill."
"Bye Emma. Try and get in touch with your mum, she misses you."
Emma hung up on her.
Gill put her own phone down after a moment, and sat back in her seat with a weary sigh. That had taken so much from her, now it was all down to Emma.
It was hours before Emma got back to her flat in London, driving home she'd used nearly all her concentration just to avoid having an accident, all she wanted was to get home, have a bath, and turn her brain off whilst she mulled over what she'd just learnt. All enthusiasm of the day had leaked out of her like a hole in a balloon. One of the problems with driving home in London was how busy the streets were, and now she knew the truth of her mothers retirement, Emma found herself yearning for Manchester. It was a fairly nice but utilitarian place, similar to how the flat she'd grown up in as a child had been. Emma had no need to have a massive house, she saw no sense in having paintings when she could paint her own pictures when she had the time to herself.
After having a bath from a long days work, but to also try to wash off the guilt like it was a sheen of encrusted sweat on her body, Emma wrapped herself in a fluffy towel and bathrobe then turned the heating of her flat on to try to keep her warm, and she had a rough and ready dinner before turning the TV on. Her eyes watched the screen automatically but she barely took anything she was watching seriously, her hands and mouth were both well trained enough for her to eat her late-night meal without much thought. Her mind was busy going through everything her Auntie Gill had told her.
She was in shock. Three years of feeling guilty for not talking to her mother, but feeling justified for doing it and finally learning her mother had left because of the corruption of another copper...It made Emma feel ill, and it also worried her because she had her own career plans to think about. Like her mother, Emma wanted to work in an MIT syndicate, and she knew working in the Murder squad would help more than the Sex crimes unit ever would. But her mother had wanted her to stay in Manchester. There was nothing wrong with her old home, but then a part of Emma had long since known even though she'd already lived in London for six years had never seen this city as home. London was much larger than Manchester, in some ways it was nicer, but Manchester would always be her home. She was born there, her mother was born there, she had roots there. And she - she'd simply walked away from it because she wanted to get away from what she thought was her mother's mollycoddling attitude. Part of her which had tried to see and accept London as home, just didn't anymore. She wanted to go home.
No, Emma thought as she absently sipped her juice as her mind went back to her mother and what she'd thought to be a mollycoddling attitude. Rachel had never mollycoddled her, she'd never even tried to hide her from the harshness of life like Auntie Alison did to her cousins.
Emma closed her eyes and sighed wearily. She was tired. Part of her wanted to go to bed, but she didn't want to go to bed and have a nightmare of her mother saying she was disappointed 'cause she'd left. She wanted to work all this out now, right now. Emma had already looked up Linda Pearson - she'd disliked the woman in the picture in the file at once. There was something in her facial expressions, something untrustworthy - and it was a pity because her record said she had been a good copper. There were notations put in there by former DCI Rachel Bailey, and a few personal comments as well before the incident involving her mother's DS, who'd been put in hospital after being attacked during an arrest. Emma shook her head at the illogical stance DC Pearson had taken by accusing her mother of carelessness; how could they have known the suspect would resist arrest that violently? Most suspects who were guilty thought they'd gotten away with it, but as her Auntie Gill had a habit of saying they were not smart when they thought they were, were shocked by the police on their doorsteps they could barely react. Her mother was not omniscient, she was good at what she did but she wasn't all knowing. How could she have known her DS would be attacked? In fact how could Pearson think the suspect would take the idea of being arrested well? None of them did.
Pearson should've known all that, but something in her head, God knew what, had made her drag her mother through every inquiry imaginable. Her mother had gotten off, but instead of kicking the woman out of her syndicate she'd kept Pearson in. Emma let out a low laugh as she thought about it; her mother was a master when it came to making people who got on the wrong side of her regret it, though there were times when it bounced back at her, her Auntie Gill's discovery of her mother's PNCing Nick Savage's car sprang to mind. Then again her biological sperm donor had lied and abandoned her mother.
Emma pushed all thought of the sperm donor out of her mind. Pearson had stayed in Rachel's syndicate for another year, never trusted with anything besides tea making and fetching and carrying.
Emma could hear her mother's voice in the notations after memorising a couple of them.
"It is truly disheartening; I have worked in MIT for a long time, and although I sometimes preferred working alone at first, I learnt quickly to integrate as part of the team. Linda didn't and she'd worked in Murder, CID and Vice - she should have known how to work in a new environment, but I was amazed when she barely participated in MIT work, and her old bosses said she had ambitions. My ambitions were to be the head of a syndicate of my own, and I succeeded but I don't know what kind of ambition sees a police officer who clearly worked hard before suddenly sees her not be part of a team. After the incident with my DS, who has made a full recovery I am pleased to say, I have decided that I am going to keep her in my syndicate after the numerous transfer requests she handed to me were rejected, though what she expected I don't know - I don't want to keep her, but if I get rid of her there's no telling what she will do though it will be made clear she will not be trusted."
That final sentence told it all for Emma, her mother had decided to accept responsibility for Pearson and she did for another year, all to keep her in check. It was a decision her mother had come to regret. Pearson had fed confidential information to the press, and the CPS had taken her out for questioning. Emma had been shocked to read how, in a sort of sick way that reminded people of how Helen Bartlett had kidnapped her Auntie Gill, Linda had taken an innocent woman hostage. She was stopped, but Linda had been armed with a gun, and she'd shot a girl who'd been passing by in the leg at random for no reason. The incident had scarred her mother emotionally, and a year later she'd issued her notice of resignation. Tears trickled down Emma's face as she imagined the pain Rachel had gone through, and her guilt returned. If she'd been there, supporting her mother, she would never have been lonely. Instead she'd selfishly walked away from her.
Emma cleared up when she saw how late it was, and went to bed and when she woke up the next day she'd made her decision.
Her mother needed her, she would go home.
Author's note - I'm stuck trying to find a decent name for Julie's daughter. Any ideas? I'm leaning towards Natalie, but I'm open to suggestions that match up to Julie's name. Do not go for Janet, Gill, or even Rachel.
