Chapter 9 – Still Friends?

Sam and Amber walked back to school after lunch alone. Ran and Jason left early to make out a little before their next class. Amber wished Ran would see how much Jason liked her and date him, but her best friend was the queen of the loners. She hated being dependant on a person. If it was not for herself, Amber doubted Ran would have any close friends. It took a long time for Amber to make it into the Asian girl's circle of one. Amber also chatted aimlessly about the homecoming and the style dress she wanted to get and how much fun a shopping was going to be. Sam just rolled her eyes and only half listened. She was glad to make Amber happy, but her thoughts were on Carly.

Sam was going to go see Carly at her house this afternoon while Amber was meeting with her photo club. The thought excited her and scared her. She briefly wondered why Carly was not on the gym floor with the other cheerleaders this morning during assembly when Amber interrupted her thoughts as they got back to school.

"Samantha…pick me up around…oh six. I'll meet you in front. I love you." Amber gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and turned to walk away when she was pulled back gently by her arm.

"Amber, you be careful…I know what happened yesterday afternoon and I wish you would have told me. I am going to take care of it, but be careful. I know you have gym with Tiffany and Maria."

Amber's eyes grew wide, "Please, Samantha, I'm sorry I did not tell you. No big deal really. Don't do anything, ok! Promise me! I don't want to see you get suspended or expelled! Or worse…I don't want to see you get hurt! Promise me…please…and Ran will be in gym with me."

Sam sighed in disgust at herself. Before meeting Amber, she would have beat up any person that hurt someone she cared about, but Amber always clamed her down. "Ok…but Amber I am telling you, if they do one more thing so much as step on your toes I am going to beat the hell out of all three of them. And do not worry about me, I can handle myself." Amber bit her lower lip and nodded. She knew Sam could take the three easily, the girl did not have a reputation for being tough just by talk, she proved it many times. What scared her most was just the thought of fights. Amber hated fights and she also did not want Sam to get into trouble. Amber picked up on the fact that Sam said those three and not those four. The blonde excluded Carly. Well, Carly may hate me and I hate her, but she really never took part in the physical torment…but still…Amber thought it better not to finish the thought. She did not want to ruin a great afternoon.

"Ok…I promise I will avoid them. I will not even have evil thoughts about them." Amber smiled and kissed Sam quickly on the lips and went to class.

Sam watched Amber walk to class and had lustful thoughts as she watched her girlfriend walk away. That dress really shows her ass, the blonde thought and then headed to her own class. In the class Sam once again thought of Carly. She was a little scared Carly and her would not be able to be friends again. She gave up on the romantic part a while ago, even if she did think about it often. She just really wanted her friend back, but there were a lot of factors involved now. The first was of course Sam was gay. That was a large hurdle…but Carly did make the first attempt at reconciliation and Spencer said that she had been crying a lot over not talking to me. Maybe she is cool with it now…but still she owes me an explanation on why the change of heart and why she was not cool when I first told her. Then there is Amber. It was no secret around the school Carly and Amber did not get along and it goes way back before I started dating her or Carly knew I was gay. I never really had a chance to ask Carly why and if I even brought up Carly's name to Amber she would get quite in her passive aggressive way and so I just dropped it, but I am going to find out. Amber is a part of my life…at least for now, and the two need to get along if Carly and I become friends again. Sam thought. God, when did dating and friends get so complicated! Then my feelings for Carly. I need to control them or get over them. I do love her, I always have loved her even before I knew I was gay. And one thing Carly Shay is not and that is gay! She means so much to me, even if I am pissed at her, and I will take her friendship if I cannot have more, but again what about Amber? I do love Amber and she is so nice and caring and sweet…and the sex is incredible, but if she asks me chose between Carly and her…what do I do then? I hate to hurt her and well…she needs me. I see how much she needs me and…whoa…hold up girl! You do not even know what is going to happen tonight. One step at a time, Sam took a deep breath and tried to control her rambling thoughts.

The day passed slowly for Sam and finally three o'clock and the bell rang. She quickly went to her locker and packed her back pack and ran to the car. She told Carly she would be at her place at three thirty, plenty of time. I wonder why she did not go to cheerleading practice, Sam thought as she drove to the familiar apartment building. Her stomach was doing flips and she looked at her cell phone to see the time. Damn, I am early…I did not want to be early. She then noticed she had a text. She flipped her phone open and read the message from Amber – S don't 4get 6 pm luv u A and I owe u 2nite 4 the hcoming dance…be ready 4 some hot sex I have special plan 2nite u will luv

Sam grinned at the message and wondered what the girl had in mind. Amber could be a freak when it came to sex, but Sam loved it because she could as well. The Goth was always willing to at least try new things. Sam glanced at the time once more and decided it was ok to go upstairs. She waited at the very familiar door for ten minutes before knocking. God, I have been here thousands of times. Why am I so nervous? Sam thought as she took deep breath and knocked three times. She briefly thought of running back to the car when the sound of the door unlocking made her jump. The door was thrown wide open and for a second Sam thought she had the wrong apartment because standing in front of her was a man she did not recognize at first until he screamed in a goofy voice.

"Sam! Oh, man, I am soooo glad to see you! You look great…hot actually if you do not mind me saying so. You grew up some. If I was not engaged I would so be asking you out!" Spencer yelled excitedly and scooped Sam up in his arms and hugged her tight. Sam hugged him back and felt her chest tighten and her eyes water. Don't, Puckett…don't you dare cry! She scolded herself. Spencer put her down and pushed her back gently. "God, I am so happy to see you! I…we…missed you, Sam. Guess what, I am making dinner for you and Carly…spaghetti tacos! Then I have a date with my fiancée. God…it's good to see you, girl! Damn…I cannot get over how pretty you got…well I mean you were always cute…but you are so gorgeous …sorry Sam…I did not mean any pervy thing by it."

Sam stood there and let Spencer make his fuss, she enjoyed it, and it gave her time to calm herself.

"It's ok Spence. It was not pervy…just remember to keep your hands to yourself…you know I like woman not men." Sam giggled nervously and tried to gage Spencer reaction. The man just let out an honest laugh and Sam relaxed. "And it is great to see you to Spencer…really great. I missed you and your tacos." Sam hugged Spencer again and silently cursed herself for the emotion she was showing.

Spencer pushed Sam away again and Sam looked the man over. He mentioned how she had changed, but she noticed he has as well. His hair, which used to be uncombed all the time, was neat and stylish and he was dressed in a pair of well pressed pants and dress shirt. Sam thought he looked nice and even attractive. She grinned at him, "So…umm do I get to come in?" Spencer laughed and pulled Sam into the apartment.

"You know you don't have to ask. Carly is upstairs and will be down in a moment…don't tell her I told you, but she is so nervous…she acts like this a first date or something." Spencer laughed and made his way to the kitchen. He looked over his shoulder and saw Sam still standing by the door. "God, Sam, sit down…this is as much your place as ours…you know that."

Sam smiled at the comment and as she made her way to the couch she heard the voice of her one time best friend. "Spencer! Speeeencer! Tell me when Sam gets here! Are you listening to me! I…" Carly stopped her shouting when she looked down from the top of the stairs and saw Sam looking back at her. Both girls froze and Sam felt her chest tighten again as she quickly looked the girl over. Carly was dressed in a short jean skirt and red shirt. Her long black hair fell over her shoulders and her stunning black eyes suddenly filled with liquid. She is so beautiful, Sam thought.

"Hey, Carly…ummm…" Was all Sam could get out of her mouth before the tall brunette ran down the stairs, jumping over the last two steps, and leaped into Sam hugging her tight. Sam took a second before she hugged the girl back and she then noticed Carly's body was shaking and the other girl was crying. Sam finally lost it and hugged the other girl back harder and felt her own tears sliding down her cheeks. She placed her head on Carl's shoulder and smelled the brunette's hair, which smelled of jasmine, and inhaled. God I love this girl, she thought as the two girls cried. Their tears were a mixture of sadness of being apart for so long and happiness they were together again. Sam finally broke apart and glanced at Spencer, who rubbed his eyes and quickly turned around, and then back into Carly's wonderful eyes. Both girls then busted out laughing and hugged one more time quickly. Sam heard her friend mutter "I love you, Sam," and they broke apart again and stared at one another again. Sam's heart jumped a little with those words, but she knew it was meant to be, "I love you as my friend," so she quickly calmed down.

"So…umm…I guess we should…umm…talk. We really do need to talk about…well…things." Carly said nervously and shifted her feet on the floor.

Sam's smile faded and she wiped her eyes, Damn right we need to talk! Just because we had a moment does not mean I forgive you, she thought but instead said, "Umm…yeah I think so."

"Let's go to my room while Spencer starts dinner…you are staying right?"

"Yeah…I guess…depends on what time. I have to pick Amber up at six at school…so if we eat early."

Carly frowned at the mention of Amber's name, "Yeah…that should be ok. Come on." She grabbed Sam's hand and pulled her upstairs to her room.

Sam allowed the girl to pull her with her and when they got upstairs they passed the door that lead to their one time studio were they would do ICarly. The door was closed and Sam felt sad when she passed the room. Carly read her look and sadly told her it was now a game room and led the blonde to her bedroom. The room looked almost the same as it did last year, with the exception of a new poster of the latest boy toy from Hollywood in that new vampire movie, and she sat on the old bing bag chair she had sat in thousands of times in the past. It seemed so normal and seemed like it was just yesterday when she last sat in that chair. Carly sat on her bed and crossed her legs. Sam could not help but admire her long legs or have a dirty thought when the brunette innocently flashed her red panties before she adjusted herself. Carly cleared her throat.

"Ummm…so…ummm…I don't know where to start…funny huh? I am always the talker…ummm…well thanks for coming over first…and…Damn I missed you, Sam!"

Sam smiled, "Yeah, I missed you to, Carls, But…we do need to talk. I'll go first." She paused until Carly nodded her head for her to continue, "Ok…let's agree all the cards on the table. We may say some stuff that will hurt…but we need to say them and no interrupting each other. We both have things to say and they need to be said, deal? Good…ok…well…I want to know how come you suddenly got over your homophobia and want to be friends again. You freaked out when I told you. You of all people Carly! You were my best friend…more than my best friend! You were…well everything to me! You hurt me, Carly Shay! You hurt me bad!" Sam's voice got louder and cracked with emotion.

Carly looked at her friend with tears in her eyes, "I…I…I know, Sam…I…well first of all I am not a homophobe…."

"Could have fooled me!"

"Anyway…no I am not. It was just a shock first of all…I mean it was a big change for me…for both of us. I had visions of us double dating, finding boys together, discussing things like kissing or losing or virginity…which you also never told me…and going to prom together…stuff like that. And…I…I was shocked. I…damn it, Sam…I don't know how to explain it!"

"Well you need to!" Sam snapped.

Carly started to cry again and Sam felt sad for her and wanted to get up and hug her, but it was not going to be that easy. Carly owed her…owed her an explanation and owed her for the pain she caused her. Carly looked up after a long pause, "Yeah…I know I need to. I am trying to find the right words, I promise." The right words are I want you to kiss me, Sam! I want you to kiss me all over, but I am so scared of these feelings! I am not as brave as you! But of course she did not say her thoughts out loud, instead "Ok…maybe if I take it from the beginning…You remember when we became juniors and agreed we would stop ICarly? We agreed we needed to grow up and get involved in other things. Well I wanted to be popular…and so did you, don't deny it. So we ended it and I tried out for cheerleading and got it and both of us started hanging around the cool kids. Sam…I liked it! I mean I really did. The parties, people looking at us in a different way, and being included in things…it was something I wanted…we both did."

"What does that have to do with me being gay and the way you reacted?"

"I am getting there…remember your rule, no interrupting. Anyway...things were going great until that day when Amber dumped her spaghetti on Maria for those jokes about her friend. You pulled Maria off Amber, told her you were going to kick her ass if she did not stop, and took her to the nurse…remember? Well things changed then. Tiffany and Maria talked about not including you in things anymore and…"

"Well what the fuck was I supposed to do? Let that Cuban bitch kill her. You saw it, Carly, Maria was banging her head on the floor. No one else was going to stop it and Maria was not going to stop! Amber could have been seriously hurt! What else was I to do?"

Carly sighed, "Yeah…it was terrible and I am not saying you did wrong. It was the right thing to do…I know that. Anyway…they did not want you in the group and then when you told me you were gay I…I knew if…if…" Carly started to cry again.

"Oh I see…being popular and friends with those bitches, that meant more than me, is that it! All those years…all those things we did…damn it Carly! I was your best friend! We…I…I loved you Carly…and you fucking hurt me! Hurt me bad! And you were popular! You did not need the cheerleading uniform or those other people! Hell, people at school loved you! You were…are…the most popular and beautiful girl in school!" Sam was screaming and Carly was crying.

"I…I know Sam…it was not because you were gay…and no because I was afraid I would not be popular. Of course you meant…do mean more to me than anyone else! You are more than my friend! You are part of my family! I just got confused because you told me and then I went to Mexico…and you did not even come with us! I tried to call you…every minute I picked up my phone to call…and I couldn't do it! Then I thought you would call me and you did not…I thought…Damn you Sam! You could have called me just as fast! It had nothing to do with those bitches! I hated them…hell I hate them now! They are so mean and cruel…but when you left me I had no one! Freddie is now a hotshot and doing Tiffany and you…you…you started dating that Amber bitch! I saw the day she asked you out! I hated she talked to you! I hated you went out with her! And then you got serious with her and…and moved in with her! I knew that meant you and her were…were having sex! Oh…I heard all about her and the weird things she does! I know she is a freak! Why didn't you call me! Why did I have to be the one to make the attempt to apologize! Oh I would have…I was prepared to beg you, Sam Puckett! I was going to beg you on my hands and knees for forgiveness. I hurt to, I cried every night for weeks! But I knew…I knew when you started dating Amber it was over for me! She hates me and I know she would not allow us to be friends!" Sam was standing up and staring at Carly with shock and fear on her face. She had never seen Carly like this. The girl was beyond emotional. She was like a crazy person rambling on about things that made no sense and pouring all her built up frustration at once. The brunette was standing next to her bed screaming and crying and spitting. Sam took a deep breath and grabbed her friends flailing arms and hugged her. Carly broke down and wrapped her arms around her friend and sobbed.

Sam just held Carly for twenty minutes while the brunette cried her pain out. Sam knew they were not done yet, but she needed the girl to calm down. During her ranting, Sam did piece a few things together but it was still unfinished. Carly was the one who told me she could not be friends and then there is the Amber thing. I knew she disliked her, but I did not realize how much until now, Sam thought and Carly finally pulled away wiping her face and nose on her sleeve of her shirt.

"*sniff*…Sorry…I…I got a little emotional and umm…crazy huh?…I…so umm…what now." Carly said as she sat on the bed. Sam sat next to her and grabbed her hand. She felt Carly stiffen and she quickly removed her hand.

"You see…that is why…damn Carly…that is what I mean. All I did was touch you and you jumped. You acted like I was trying to get into your pants or something. That is going to always be between us." Sam said calmly and thought just how much she would love to get into Carly's pants when she heard Carly laugh.

"You idiot, I pulled my hand away because I hurt it yesterday and when you grabbed it, it hurt. God…all the hugging I have been giving you and you think a little hand holding is going to make me run in fear that the lesbo wants my body? It is going to take more than that, Sam Puckett" Please want me, want my body…please, Carly thought

Sam laughed as well and some of the tension in the room evaporated. "So…we still have to talk, Carls. I mean we still have some things that need to be discussed. Like why you said you could not be my friend and your deal with Amber. I am dating her and she is a part of my life." But if you tell me you love me and want to be my girlfriend, I will dump her for you! She thought but knew that was not going to happen.

Carly sighed, "Well…about what I said…it was a poor choice of words. I did not mean it, Sam, I really did not. After I said it and you left…I…I ran after you but you were gone. I went looking for you in your normal hang outs but could not find you. I…I really did not mean it, Sam…I promise you! Please forgive me for that. If you cannot be my friend or forgive me for the other terrible things I did…please forgive me for that one thing…please." Sam looked into those black eyes that were pleading with her and saw the honesty and sincerity in them and she forgave Carly for those words.

"Ok, Carls…I do forgive you…as long as you don't cry again," both girls laughed, "I really mean it. I guess it was a shock for you and I did just blurt it out and all. I never wanted to lose your friendship, Carls…it means too much to me. You mean too much to me"

Carly smiled wickedly, "So…does that mean you are going to dump Amber?"

Sam laughed, "Slow down girl…Carly, Amber is my girlfriend and I care about her a lot. I never could figure out why you and her hate each other. She just tells me the two of you don't click and that's all. But there is something else. So what is it?"

Carly sighed and looked at her feet, "Ok…first tell me…do you…do you love her, Sam? I can see you care about her, but do you really love her?"

"Yeah…I do…well…sometimes…I mean she gets on my nerves sometimes with her little quirks, but yeah I do…most of the time I do. She was there for me Carly when I needed her. She helped me through a tough time when you and I…well when you and I ended our friendship. Yeah…I care about her. She is…she is difficult to explain. I…love her for the most part."

Carly smiled, "Sam, if you cannot say you love her all the time, then you are not truly in love…keep that in mind. Well…it seems so childish now, but hell we were children. We were freshman and fourteen and her and I had a run in over something stupid one day. I remember she said something about ICarly being stupid when we were in class one day. You remember how they used to make us sit in alphabetical order? She was behind me, you were sick that day…I remember that. Anyway she asked where you were…yeah now I remember, she wanted to know where you were and I told her it was none of her business and to leave me alone. I did not want other people seeing me talking to a freak…remember how she was more into the Goth thing back then before she toned it down? So, I called her a freak and she said something about me being a web show dork and then I made a comment about her freaky clothes and telling her I could not believe her mother would let her go out dressed like that. I remember her telling me her mom and dad were dead and for some reason I said something like "well any mother would drop dead if her daughter dressed like a freaky whore." I know, I know…very mean and so unlike me…but she just made me mad. I cannot explain it, Sam, something about her just pissed me off. So then she just stood up and ran from the class. Remember how some of the other kids teased her that year…Tiffany and Maria and Keisha the most…and I guess I said some stuff too…not as bad as them. I did not mean the things I said. I always thought she was real pretty and would look better without all that crap on her face, and the next years she did. Remember she toned down the makeup and I thought she was beautiful…I still do…but I guess over the years we just grew to dislike one another. Freddie and I even featured an ICarly episode our sophomore year…you were away that week with your mom…about freaks at school and I did single her out…her and her friends." Carly chuckled, "God she was pissed…not about her own self, she could have cared less, but about her friends being splashed over the web and called freaks. She even confronted me the next day at school. She was so mad and I thought she was going to hit me, but Tiffany, Maria, and Keisha were there and made her back down. That's really it, Sam, it was just a mutual dislike that grew into hate I guess. Oh, don't give me that look. She was not all that innocent either. Remember when she wrote that short story the beginning of our junior year and it was published in the school paper because it got some special award for the city school system? It was a story of a dorky girl and her web cam show and how the host modeled me perfectly and the tech guy was Freddie. Funny she left you out huh? Guess she liked you even then…anyway I was teased terrible for that one, remember? She is not innocent in this and there were other things to."

Sam nodded and agreed it all started childish and escaladed to something more. She did remember the story and both her and Freddie thought it was hilarious, Carly did too until other kids teased her about it. She looked at Carly and took her hand again, this time without the other girl flitching away, 'Carls…she is my girlfriend and a part of my life. I am not asking you to like her and I am not going to ask her to like you, but accept her while we are together. She is a good person…hell to good for me. She is kind and caring and has a good sense of humor. It is like if you were dating a guy I did not like, I would try to accept him for you."

Carly smiled, "Damn, Puckett…when did you get so all knowing and wise? But Sam…she is not a good person. She is…she is a whore! I heard the stories about all the boys she had sex with and the girls. She even tried to get Wynn to pay her for sex. She is not good for you. You deserve better."

"Carls…don't call her a whore, ok. She is not a whore and those rumors are not true. Look who spread them."

Carly sighed, "Well there is always some truth behind rumors…sorry, I just don't want you to get hurt. I do care and love you Sam Puckett…regardless of what my actions the past summer may have said. From now on I am here for you for anything. And as far as Amber goes…I will try. But I swear she is going to make you try and choose between you or me. What then?"

Sam smiled, "Then I would have to get another date for prom. Maybe you could go with me?" Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes, Sam thought. She wanted to kiss Carly so bad right now, but she knew she would not. She got her friend back and right now that was the most important thing in her life.

Carly laughed, "Why, Sam Puckett are you flirting with me?" She got off the bed, "Come on dinner might be ready." Kiss me Sam, please kiss me…then what? Would I freak out? No Carly Shay…take it slow. You just got your best friend back so chill out.

"Cool…I'm starving and I have not had Spencer's famous spaghetti tacos in ages. Are you blushing Carly?"

"Come on, Sam…and no I am not." Both girls laughed and left the room all giggles.

The tacos were ready and Spencer left them to go out for dinner with his fiancée. As the girls ate they made small talk and caught up on things. Sam found out Carly quit the cheerleading squad, "I just grew to dislike them. They were mean. I…well…I don't like Amber…ok, ok…I'll think about trying, but what…anyway, I don't like her, but when they tried to beat her up yesterday…I wanted no part of that. I may not like her, but I do not want to see her get hurt." Carly explained to Sam. After they ate they just sat at the table and talked and laughed. To Sam and Carly it was one of the best times they had in years. Then Carly shocked her pretty blonde friend.

"Sam, what is…what is it like to have sex?" She asked blushing.

Sam spit her drink over the table and started coughing, "Damn…sorry…well…Carls…come on, you mean you never did it?"

"No I have not!" Carly answered in a huff. "I am sorry I asked."

Sam laughed, "Chill, girl…I was just asking. I mean I guess I am surprised. I thought for sure you and Mike had. I mean you dated him all summer from what heard."

Carly calmed down and smiled, "No…I let him do things…like feel me up and he tried to get me to give him a blow job, but I was not ready. So…tell me…what is it like? Does it hurt like they say the first time? Does it really feel that good when you…you know…cum?"

It was Sam's turn to blush, "Well…yeah the first time it did…with Nick…he was my first, but with Steve it did not hurt and we did it three or four times…Carly it is different. I mean I cannot explain how good it feels with a boy since I did not like it…much…and did not cum and when I met Lindsey that time…it was…God it was great and I did cum…a bunch of times and it feels better than people say. And then with Amber…don't crinkle your nose…it was even better and the more we did it the better it got. Why so curious, do you have someone in mind?" Please say me, please say me, please say me.

"No…I…have not me the right person yet," Except you, Sam, "and I was just curious. I guess I am a prude or frigid or something." Carly pouted and Sam laughed.

"Carly, I do not think you are a prude or frigid. When the right person comes along you will know. To tell let you in on a secret…I did not want to with Nick or Steve. I did it to prove I was not gay. Man, I was wrong huh?" Both girls laughed and Sam continued, "I…I regretted it Carls…with them I mean. Don't do it just to do it. And from my what I can tell, the more you care about someone the better it feels."

Carly smiled, "I am happy Sam…happier I have been in a long time. I have not just had a conversation with a friend where I felt my every word was being analyzed in a long time. Thank you Sam, thank you for…for forgiving me and for being my best friend." Carly's eyes started to tear up again.

"Hell I just came over here for the food…I did not know we were going to be friends again." Sam laughed and Carly joined in. "But seriously Carls…thank you too." Sam was about to help Carly clean off the table when she felt her phone vibrate in her cargo pocket.

"Oh Shit…what time is it?" She screamed as she dug her phone out.

"Six oh five…why? Oh yeah…Amber."

Sam read the text – Hey babe…where ru?

"Carls, I have to go…I did promise and hell it is her car…call you later, k?"

Carly put down a dirty plate and hugged her friend tight and Sam replied the same way, "You had better call me…Sam…Love you." Sam let go and ran out the door wishing Carly's love was more than friends.