Disclaimer: ♪ Oh, come all ye faithful ♪ ... and celebrate another letter from the most northern of addresses. No, I didn't pinch it from the mail carrier anymore than I own Phil of the Future. Gee, I reuse a postage stamp once and I'm branded for life. Good thing St. Nicholas is the patron saint of thieves. ;-D
A Christmas Miracle For Caryl the Crier
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December 2nd
St. Nicholas,
I need your special help. Never mind the toys and sparkles. I need one of your old-fashioned, get-it-done miracles. Yes, I know that there's more to you than a bag full of toys, eight tiny reindeer and a red suit. I know that you are both old, wise, and understanding; that you look after a lot of people that need your help. I think that I'm most of them. I miss Mikey.
He's my boyfriend. No, more than that, he's my one, true love and he's in prison and I need you to break him out. Now, his cell is not one of cement and steel like you occupied, but of mental blocks, torn flesh and shattered bones. You are the Patron Saint of prisoners, correct? It was a couple of years ago, and we were just children, but completely in love. You are still the Patron Saint of schoolchildren, unmarried girls, and boys, right? There was this terrible, terrible accident at school where he was stolen from me; he can't even remember us! Our love, our grand plans for the future were stolen from us in an instance. My research reveals that you are also the Patron Saint of robberies and apothecaries; good, we need all the help that you can muster for a cure. I don't care if he can't even carry his own lunch tray yet. I'll take care of him. I just need him to remember us. He needs that, too.
If you can''t bring my love back to me, you won't be off the hook. Just so there's no misunderstanding, as the Patron Saint for spinsters and old maids, I'll be in your face for years. You see, I can never love ever again, unless you help. You Have Got To HELP!
If you need my help, you can find me at home or at H. G. Wells Jr./Sr. High School. Either place, any day, I'll be the one crying my heart out all day long.
This is all that I want for Christmas now and ever more, Santa.
Love,
Caryl, as in Christmas Carol
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"What are you going to do?"
"These thing never work out the way they imagine them to. The passage of time allows them to romanticize their relationships into something that they never were. Maybe I could forward her cell phone number to ..."
"Pop-pa ..."
°Knock-Knock°
"Come in. Oh my, so many! This looks like a delegation."
"Mrs. Claus. Santa. Word has circulated through the mail room about what happened to Blitzen. Santa. Mrs. Claus. We all feel colder than a penguin's --"
"Yes, thank you, we thank all of you." (This is the last thing that Santa needed – I had just pulled him out of his funk, and now this.)
Not at all, Mrs. C. We'll leave you alone. Back to work. There is still a job to be done. Again, all of our condolences."
An oversized fir door is pulled shut as the elves leave their friends to their own thoughts once more.
"I'm sorry about that, Dear. I – I don't want you to – What are you doing with those three dusty balls?"
"I can't do anything about dear Blitzen, but I can help bring a merry Christmas to a young girl named Caryl. Pack these in my bag, Helga, and pass me another letter."
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Author's Notes: Caryl is the classmate from "Stuck In the Meddle With You" episode whom Keely tried to help pair up with her true love two years earlier. Caryl makes appearances throughout the episode whenever Keely assures others that she is really good at match making as she tries to match up Grady Spagget with Grace.
Oh, and those three dusty balls are in reference to something that you won't find in the soda company's rendition of the saint in the red suit. It's a common symbol for St. Nicky, related to a story in which he anonymously gave three bags of gold for each daughter of a poor man so they could wed. It's also used as the pawn broker's symbol. Seems that St. Nick is the patron saint of just about everybody – and you thought that he got around a lot just on Christmas Eve.
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Here's a bit of trivia: Old Nick really did spend over five years in prison. Breaking and entering? That's what I thought, too, but it was for refusing to worship himself as a god. Sure, the emperor threw a lot of folks in dirty little cells for not worshiping Nick as a deity, but to throw the guy that he declared to be a god in jail took chutzpah. Then, a total lack of reflection as to how his new god couldn't get himself out of a cell in five years. Definitely not game show material, this ruler.
