Note & Warning: Thanks to everyone for the reviews! I'm still trying to reply back to everyone and thank them, but I'm sure you guys would rather get an update first. Please, if you guys have any suggestions for the sound track, then leave them in a review or send me a message! I changed it up a little bit with the lyrics for this chapter. So, the lyrics are from Saving Able's "Addicted". Drinking. Werewolves. Language. Sex. IT WILL BE THERE. Also, playlist is updated and you can follow the link playlist(DOT)com/playlist/18784013067 to listen to the songs in the remove the (DOT) with an actual dot.
"Oh girl lets take it slow
So as for you
Well you know where to go
I want to take my love
And hate you till the end."
Jacob
Click. Click. Click. Clickclickclick.
A growl escaped my chest without my knowledge. I wanted to sleep more. I hadn't slept that well in a while. I had refused to sleep that well before last night. There was a huge difference between then and now, though. Bella was here. She'd come back to me with a hopeful heart, but I wouldn't give her what she wanted right away. We both knew that if I did, then we'd never make it. Making it work simply wasn't enough. It had to be able to work out on its own. Instead of trying so hard to do everything right, I wasn't going to try. I was going to be who I had become. If Bells could accept me like this, then everything would be okay.
If only, that was the truth.
Clickclickclick. Click. Clickclick.
I nudged myself closer to where Bella was, but was a surprised to find my arm wrapping around her shins. I opened one eye. Her body was tightly wrapped in a white towel. Her hair, damp from the shower she'd obviously taken, glistened in the sunlight. On her knees sat a white laptop. Her face was lost in another world.
Click. Click. Click. Her fingers worked the keys intently. She stopped. I quickly shut my eye. Clickclickclick. Click. Click. Groggily, my eyes opened to a pure white towel. My head rested just inches from her hip. I nuzzled my cheek against her.
Even when she woke me up with her typing, I couldn't help but feel the slightest bit of happiness rise through the midnight heart I'd developed over the years. She was such a sweet girl. Everything about her drove me crazy – even now. Yes, I could not deny that she had left me alone and broken. And because of that, I'd turned into my own worst enemy. That was the past. This was the now.
. Click.
Her fingers seemed to almost have control over her mind as they flew across the keys. What was she doing anyway? I pressed my lips to her towel covered hip.
"What are you doing?" I mumbled against the terrycloth material.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I wake you," she tore her eyes from the screen of her lap top and down to me. A soft smile formed on the corners of her lips.
"Yeah," I smiled back.
"Sorry. Do you want me to go…" Bella's question came as a surprise.
"No," I cut her off. "No. Stay right there. Don't move."
I was comfortable. I was happy. I was not going to let her move any time soon. I tightened my hold on her legs.
"Ugh. Jake, you're going to have to ease up a bit. Those do need blood to function," she let out a small laugh. Her legs wiggled in my grip.
"No," I whined squeezing just a little harder. I wouldn't hurt her. I didn't have it in me to hurt her. "They don't function correctly anyway."
"Jake," her voice echoed the whine in mine. "I'm trying to work."
"Work?"
"Yeah. I'm a…well, I write," she seemed proud. I was definitely proud of her.
Maybe, she really should have left Forks… La Push… me. I suppose it was the best decision she could make at the time, but I still didn't understand why she had to end it all. Of course, I couldn't up and leave La Push, but I could leave for small amounts of time. I could leave for, well, days at a time without suddenly becoming a human again. I, guess, I could have made the decision to become a human.
"What are you writing," I questioned kissing her hip through the towel again.
"A story," she cheeked and raised her eyebrows at me.
"About what," my eyebrows matched hers.
"I'll let you read it someday, "she smiled and turned back to the computer.
Someday, huh? At least, she thought we had a future together. I wasn't sure. I wanted a future with her, but maybe she shouldn't come to a conclusion without knowing the person. My hand wrapped around her ankle. Bella didn't know me anymore. Maybe she thought she did, but it was obvious she didn't. But, maybe I was letting my dumb decisions define who I was.
My hand ran up her calf – only having to release its grip just a little below her knee. I loved how petite she was. It was odd that her tiny body matched my rather large physic so perfectly. We had to be made for each other. In most cases, the differences in size would make for a huge obstacle, but not with Bells and me. We fit perfectly against each other. My thumb absent mindedly began to trace circles on her knee.
My body scooted closer to her sitting frame on its own. Her feet stopped just a little past my hips. Pressing harder against her, I kissed her rounded hip again. Bella's fingers ran across the back of my head. Her fingers softly caressed the hair at the back of my neck. I swallowed the lump in my throat.
Glancing up at her, I noticed her attention still rested on the screen. She must have been reading what she wrote. Her eyes squinted just slightly. My hand retraced its steps down the front of her leg. I trailed my fingers over the outside of her tiny foot, around her toes, and along the arch. I kissed her hip again. This time a soft mumble came from above me. I looked up to her. She was nibbling the corner of her lip and trying her damnedest to read the screen.
I let my hand wander to the inside of her right leg. My fingers traced the outline of her inner foot and softly began its journey up her ankle. Once I reached her calf, my entire hand capsulated her leg. I massaged her calf gently, and began to trickle my fingers over her porcelain skin. I kissed her hip once more. I nipped at the towel with my teeth. Her face turned down to mine and she left a breathless moan on her lips. My lips pressed against the towel again as my hand slowly caressed her inner calf. I let my fingers draw a trail of circles up to the inside of her knee. Her eyes fluttered shut. I nipped at the towel again, and pressed the palm of my hand to her inner thigh.
Bella's lips seemed to become the slightest bit pinker, and her eyes slowly filled with a lingering question. I'm sure she wanted to know what I was doing, but I didn't need to answer her. She knew quite well what I was doing. I smiled sweetly at her and perched myself on my elbow. Bella smiled back - a flicker of hope flashed in her eyes. My heart filled to the brim with a burning that I hadn't felt in such a long time.
I wanted to kiss her, to take her, right then, but I held back the urge. Instead, I slowly swept my fingertips across her inner thigh just above her knee. She whimpered as softly as she could. It still drove me just as crazy to see her respond to my touch. I kissed the crease of her arm that was now resting around my shoulders – her fingers still lightly touching the hair on the back of my neck. I closed my eyes, swallowed back what little resistance that was left, and kissed her. I swept the hair back from her face with one hand and with the other caressed her inner thigh as I pushed passed the edge of the towel. Her breath caught in her chest. A new scent lingered in the air, and she knew I could smell it. She knew what it would do to me.
Instinctively, I growled into her lips as hers left dozens of small inconspicuous kisses. Bella retracted her arm using it to sit the lap top in the window seal. She turned her attention back to me. Her eyes watched my lips. Her teeth dug into the edge of her bottom lip. Bella's fingers grasped the tucked edge of the towel and pulled. The towel clung to her body refusing to expose her naked damp skin. The top of it dipped between her breasts. My eyes traveled down the edge of the towel. Her pale skin peeked through the edge just below her belly button. It would have gapped further had it not been for her sitting position.
All the while, my hand continued its journey – caressing the top of her thigh, her knee, her calf, and then back to her inner thigh. I rubbed the inside of her thigh lightly and let my fingers dive under the edge of the towel again.
"Jake," Bella closed her eyes with a moan.
My fingers dove further under the towel. The crease of her hip edged my finger tips to go further – to touch the most inner parts of her. But I didn't. I grazed my fingers over her shaved mound and to the other thigh. I gripped her thigh in my hand and squeezed. She moaned loudly – almost begging me to touch her harder.
"Mmm," she moaned.
The sounds she made caused my body to stiffen. My muscles twitched and ached to be touched, but it was her time now. Her scent was becoming stronger with the second. I was sure her wetness was spilling out onto her thighs. My fingers traced a direct line back to the small wet mound that ached for attention. Her breathing became sparse. Her legs opened welcoming my touch as I slid a finger gently down her slit. Her wetness seeped onto my finger.
"God, you're so wet," I hummed. My finger dove deep inside of her and with a gasp Bella's mouth was on mine. She devoured my lips. Her teeth dug into my lip – biting at it hard and aggressively. I was holding my composure, but I'd had about all I could take. My cock throbbed for attention. I wanted to feel her grasp at me as I brought her to orgasm over and over again.
Bella ran her fingers down my jaw, around the side of my neck, down to my collarbone, and to my shoulder. She squeezed at my arm and gasped when my finger slowly began to work her tender and swollen clit. Her mouth moved words but they weren't being spoken. She tightened her eyes shut. I kissed her mouth, then trailed my tongue along her jaw and to her ear. I nipped her lobe and breathed deeply.
"Can I taste you," I almost begged licking my lips and then flitting my tongue on her ear. She sighed and heaved a deep breath willing her self to speak.
"Oh, god, yes. Please," she bucked her hips against my hand.
I found myself tugging at her rigidly and pulling her body down to the bed. "Lay back," I demanded. Forcefully, I jerked the towel from under her. I memorized her body – the nape of her neck, the curve of her breast, the rise and fall of her chest as she fought desperately to keep herself in check. My hands slowly slid over every inch of her body as my mind remembered the way she used to feel. I kissed her stomach tenderly, and then dragged my lips lazily over her lower abdomen. I grasped her hips in my hands relishing the fact she'd filled out a little more.
"Please, Jake," she begged as I nipped at her hip bones before obliging her plea.
She tasted just as I remembered. The things her scent and taste did to me were incredible. My body never reacted to someone with such a lust and a love. It was almost addictive. I couldn't get enough of her taste – her smell. I dove my tongue deeper inside of her. I had a thirst for her that I couldn't quench. Even after the first orgasm exploded her juices onto my face, I didn't stop. I needed one more fix. She begged and pleaded for a few minutes to recuperate. But, I couldn't. I wanted to taste just a little more. I wanted to smell that sweet delicious scent that escaped her.
"Oh, god, Jacob!" She screamed loudly sitting up. Her body twitched with another orgasm. My tongue graciously lapped up the sweet wetness escaping her. I gently ran my tongue from the bottom up and rested it against her swollen throbbing clit. I lightly ran my tongue against it again.
"Please, Jake. I can't…I can't," she ran her fingers through her sweaty hair.
"Yes, you can," I mumbled with a slight chuckle and then aggressively attacked her bud again. She was on the brink of orgasm within just a few minutes, but I wouldn't let her reach her peak yet. I pulled my mouth away, and kissed at her softly - her body arched with the feather like touch my lips left lingering.
Bella looked down at me watching me as I kissed her mound over and over again. Her face was puzzled and it begging to be brought to her breaking point. I smiled and with a slow drawn out lick she came to a crashing halt.
Bella's hand reached my face in a fury and pulled me to her lips. She graciously kissed them and nipped at the tongue that had given her so much pleasure. I was engulfed with her. I pressed myself between her legs. I needed to be inside of her. I needed to feel her wrapped around me tightly. My hands found her hips and began to lift them up. But, Bella, let out a soft moan and pulled back.
"You're not getting off that easy," she hummed with a devilish look in her eye. I'd never seen this side of her. With a heave she rolled me off of her. She settled next to my side – kissing and licking her way around my neck.
"Bella," a hum erupted from my chest. "Please," I begged. I needed to feel her.
She slide halfway on top of me. Her knee rested just between my legs. My cock pulsated against her hip bone. Bella's lips left a firery trail on my already hot skin. Her fingers trailed behind cooling the sensation.
My body stiffened as her tongue danced around the top of my hips. She brought her tongue dangerously close to my groin and then would retract in slowly drawn out dance. Where had she learned this? I didn't care, because this new teasing side to Bella was a benefit. She pushed my underwear down my hips. I kicked them from my feet as she returned to where she was before. I swallowed thickly when her hot breathe hit the tip of my dick. I hummed deeply and lifted my head to see what she was doing. Her hand gently cupped me.
"Oh God," I moaned dropping my head back. I couldn't take much more of this. Bella's tongue pressed hard against the length of me as she licked up and down. She twirled circles around the head of my dick and hungrily wrapped her pink lips around it.
A haze of lust and love filtered through me. My body tinged and ached with pleasure. She would bring me dangerously close, and then back off. She'd sweetly kiss down the length of me, then she would return and gingerly suck and knead at me. Her fingers stopped kneading at me and slid up to her lips causing a new sensation – a sensation even I had never felt. She backed her head up to the head of my dick circling it with her tongue. I felt her tiny hand take a hold of me. I looked down. Her eyes opened and lustfully looked at me through her lashes. She plopped me from her mouth and smiled wickedly.
"What do you want," she whispered and then took me completely into her mouth. My hand grabbed the back of her head and pushed her further down. She moaned and hummed at me causing vibrations to radiate. I rolled my eyes and felt the rest of me stiffen. I wouldn't come back from this one. There's no way to she could pull me from this ledge. Just as I thought she would stop, she hungrily grabbed ahold of my shaft and began to stroke me up and down as her mouth sucked and licked.
"Fuck," I growled and thrusted my hips toward her mouth. She smirked and dove further down. My body twitched. My muscles stiffed. The familiar burn of my orgasm reached dangerous new heights. I thrusted one more time. A deep growl escaped my chest as I spilled into her mouth.
With a small smile, Bella slid up my side and nestled between my arm and my body. "Good morning," she whispered.
"Good morning indeed," I kissed her head with a smile.
* * *
I sat on the couch with the TV on, but I wasn't watching it. My thoughts were too much to handle. My reality was too much to handle. Soon, Bella would leave me again. Not in the sense she had before, but she'd still have to leave. She'd go stay at Charlie's for a while. Sooner or later, she'd have to find a place of her own. What then? Where would we go from here? Was there even a we?
I wasn't sure if I wanted there to be a "we" just yet. It was by far too soon. She'd just gotten here last night. Within the 24 hours she'd been here, so much had happened. I'd gone from being a cold hearted prick, to being a wounded soldier, to being Jake again. Hell, I wasn't even sure who I was anymore. A part of me ached to be her Jacob again, but a part of me liked the newer more ballsy Jacob. I hated having to walk on glass around her.
I was always afraid of saying the wrong thing and making her run back to that leech. I never really got to say much of anything. I only listened. I only dreamed of what it would be like to actually talk to her – have a conversation where I didn't have to hold back. But, I never really knew how that felt – except when she told me she was leaving. I couldn't hold it back then. And now? I don't think I could hold it back now.
But, she seemed like a different Bella. I mean, hell, she'd obviously graduated college. She was a writer. Being away from Forks, away from La Push, away from all the unnatural things her eyes had seen, and mostly being away from me had done her well. I suppose, there was a small part of me that broke when I realized that she had done well with herself. I mean, look at me. I did nothing but party, and have sex. Occasionally, I would kill the random vampire that would show up, and for money, I'd fix cars or motorcycles. But other than that I was pretty useless. It was nothing like being a writer.
I flipped the channel almost robotically.
One thing was for sure in the metaphorical basket, I loved Bella more than anything. Could she be my imprint? Possibly. I've never experienced it, but Sam says it doesn't always happen the first time you see someone. Sometimes, there are outside factors that stand in the way of the real person inside of them. I wished that Bella was my imprint. It would make things so much easier. And if she wasn't, what would happen if my imprint was somewhere in this lifetime? All of the what if's were giving me a headache. The thinking and the feeling were taking their toll on me.
Just relax. I told myself. Maybe I should just let it all fall into place – just let things happen naturally. The way they were supposed to happen before she met that bloodsucker. Maybe everything would be okay. Maybe this was fates way of trumping love. Did I believe in fate? I guess…fate is just another name for imprinting.
God. I rubbed the back of my head.
So, if Bella and I weren't together, then what were we? What was this morning?
Friends? Of course.
Lovers? Obviously.
In a relationship? Definitely not.
There was no label that fit perfectly for us. We both knew we wanted to spend eternity together – as a couple. Right now, just wasn't the time to be a couple. I had so much to deal with. I had so many things to handle before I would even be ready to really be with her again. Was that fair? Asking her to wait? I probably shouldn't do that.
"Hey," she shuffled into her place under my arm. She rested her head on my chest and watched intently at the television. "What are you watching?"
"So, when a woman is actually going through menopause," Oprah asked.
"Uhm," I laughed flipping the channel again. "I don't know. I wasn't really watching it."
"No," she asked. Her face tilted up toward mine. Bella's body stiffened at my expression, and she moved from my side. I couldn't read her face, and she wouldn't look at me long enough for me to see it in her eyes. I cringed. So, we were going to have to talk. Great.
"No. I was just thinking," I tossed the remote on the coffee table and hung my arms on my knees.
"Oh," she sounded defeated. "What about?"
"Everything," I huffed.
Bella's face scrunched. Her eyes tilted toward the floor. Her breathing became labored.
"Is this about…well," she tried to say. Instead she bit her fingernail and glanced at the door.
"About what?" I challenged.
"That…girl…that was here last night. I … I kinda over heard your phone conversation. I shouldn't have listened. I'm sorry," she spit the words out quickly before she could stop herself. "I should probably just leave." With that Bella stood up and walked toward the door.
"No," I grabbed her wrist pulling her back to the couch. "What is it with you and wanting to leave? You just got here."
"Jacob," she whispered. "I just…I did this on a whim. No one knew I was coming. No one. And, I can't…I couldn't…be here without you. Without having you. So, when that girl called last night, and you went out to meet her. Then, you came back in to me covered in rain, and you were my Jake again. Not…this Jacob, but my Jake. And…"
"Bells," my voice was tired. I didn't want to talk, but I knew I had to. "That girl last night. She's nothing to me. She's just some slut that the pack had over here. Alright? She's not my girlfriend."
Her eyes looked up to me with hope. "Oh," she swallowed thickly, "then why did she call you? And leave her bra in your room? And the lotion?"
She was too perceptive for her own good. I heaved a sigh and tried my best to choose my words very carefully.
"First of all, I already told you about the lotion. So, can we drop that?"
"So, that was the truth?" She sounded surprised. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "Oh. Well, then…what about the phone call?"
"Well…" I made myself watch her face. If there was any disappointment, hurt…anything, then I'd see if first before she could even speak it.
"Last night, when you called..."
I explained the party last night –leaving out the fact that the whole reason we had those parties were to get laid. I didn't divulge in the details of the blondie sucking my dick. I didn't explain to her that before last night, I'd done that every weekend for the past year and a half. I didn't explain to her that blondie wanted and begged me to fuck her. I just simply explained that she got the wrong impression - which she did. I didn't lie. I omitted hurtful information – mostly because I wasn't proud of myself.
"Oh," she smiled sheepishly. "So, these, parties….you have them every weekend?"
"Yeah," I nodded my head and leaned back on the couch. I was relieved to have at least a little bit of that off of my chest.
"Are you guys going to have one tonight?" Her eyebrow arched at me.
"Um. I don't know. Probably not. Since you know, you're here," I smiled. "And, I told the pack that not to come back until I called for them."
"Oh. Well, hey, I'm okay with it. Really."
Dumb founded. I was dumb founded. My mouth fell open. I quickly put it back in its place. So maybe, I should have explained these parties to her correctly, because I was sure it would come back to bite me in the ass. I nodded my head trying to make a point that I would take her opinion into consideration.
"What are we Jake," Bella's question was blunt and it caught me by surprise.
Weren't we just talking about parties?
"I…don't know. I mean, you just came back," I rubbed the back of my head. Feelings. Labels. Parties. God, couldn't I just get laid again? Love was pure fucking torture.
"Yeah. I know. I just…I mean, do you want to," she nodded her head at me and then to herself afraid that she might be crossing the line.
"Of course, Bells. Of course, I do," I sighed.
Her chest caved as she breathed out a sigh of relief. "Are you sure?"
"Yes," I confirmed. And I was sure. "I do want to be with you Bella. I do, but there is so much you still don't know. I have changed so much in the past 2 years. Not necessarily for the best – like you have. And there are so many things I'm not proud of. I just…I need to work on myself, ya know?"
The words seeped from my mouth like rain pouring out of the sky. I hadn't meant to say all of that. But, I had. I couldn't take it back now. I focused on the magazines on the coffee table. I didn't want to see her face – her reaction. I wanted her to be proud of me like I was of her. She'd accomplished everything she told me she was going to do. I accomplished jack shit – unless you count sluts and drinking which she probably didn't.
"I know that you're not the same, Jacob. I'm not the same either," she began.
"No, but you're better…I'm not," I cut her off.
"Jacob, you don't know what you're saying. You don't know everything about me either. I've done things I'm not proud of either. But I don't dwell on those things anymore. You don't give yourself enough credit."
If only she knew. If only. "Bells, look, I'm not ready to be your boyfriend again. I'm barely ready to work on things. I just have to get myself together a bit. Alright? I know what I'm asking you to do, and please, don't think I expect you to do…that," I avoided the word. I didn't know exactly how she would respond to my request.
"I'll wait for you, don't worry," she smiled patting my arm. "I lost you once out of sheer stupidity, and I'm not going to lose you again because I can't wait. I'll wait for you for however long it takes you to realize that I'm what you need."
My heart ached and twinged with pain and love. I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into a tight hug. This girl was simply amazing. I was smiling so hard that my face hurt.
"Jake," she huffed. "I have to breathe."
"Oh, yeah,right," I sheepishly let go of her. She leaned her forehead to mine.
"Thank you," I whispered into her lips. Tenderly, I kissed her with all the heart that I had left.
"You're welcome. Just don't…make me regret my decision, okay?" Bella eyed me.
"I won't. I promise."
